Breaker
by Shire.Conspire
Summary: Who will break whom? "BB, when you deprive something, it starves," she all but whispered. "So then, when you give it a taste, it becomes ravenous."
1. Chapter 1

**Breaker**

Who will break whom?

"_BB, when you deprive something, it starves," she all but whispered. "So then, when you give it a taste, it becomes ravenous." _

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Teen Titans.

.

.

.

Chapter One

.

.

.

"Titans, go!"

Robin's voice called out like it always had and the Teen Titans responded as they always did, in earnest and with fervor. In the years that they had been together only two things had really changed amongst the team: newer battle formations were used and Robin's voice had gotten deeper.

They were fighting Dr. Light, as they often did, and this time his technology was just a little tougher than usual. Cyborg let off a blast, Starfire let off a few starbolts, and Robin threw out a barrage of explosives. Dr. Light survived the initial onslaught with a flash and a laugh.

The battle went on for a few more minutes. Raven threw a dumpster in the way of one of his blasts and the two collided in midair causing an explosion that blinded the girl. Before, the sight of Raven alone had been enough to send Dr. Light running, but he had eventually overcome his fear of her and treated her as just another heroic nuisance.

"Beast Boy!" Cyborg was running towards Dr. Light, cannon already charging up for another blast. Beast Boy came sprinting beside him, no longer dwarfed by his friend but almost matching his height; he had grown so much in four years. "Could I get a lift?" Cyborg called. Beast Boy nodded in determination and was about to transform when Dr. Light deflected two more of Robin's explosives and they went careening towards the pair. Cyborg went flying towards the right and Beast Boy went left. He collided into a hovering Raven, knocking into her stomach. They dropped to the ground like stones, Beast Boy crushing the poor girl beneath him. Dazed but still mobile, Raven pushed on his shoulder, wriggling out from under him, gasping.

"Ouch," he groaned, letting her shove him onto his back. "That sucked." He squeezed his eyes shut briefly, trying to ignore the stabbing pain in his temple, before opening them and turning towards Raven. "Sorry. You okay?"

"Wonderful," she replied sarcastically. She sighed and looked up and Beast Boy saw her eyes go wide for only a second before she calmly muttered "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos," and the two were quickly encased in darkness and consumed by the concrete beneath them just as a car landed where they had just been.

Beast Boy closed his eyes against the familiar queasiness of Raven's teleportation, opening them only when he felt himself safely deposited on solid ground once more. They were in an alley behind where the battle was taking place in the street, safely concealed in the darkness. "Why here?" he asked, turning to his companion only to find her already very close to him. He jumped a little but her eyes were on the side of his face, her brow furrowed.

"Blood," she said simply. Beast Boy reached up and touched his temple. It came away wet. "You seemed to have caught that explosive with your face."

"Ah. Well, yeah, that kind of puts a damper on things. Get it? Damper? Because it's blood?"

"Please, stop talking." Raven raised her hand next to his head and started to heal the wound. It vaguely amused Beast Boy that she had to rise on the balls of her feet so she could properly see the cut. Where Beast Boy had shot up in the last four years Raven had pretty much stayed at the same height. She hadn't really changed much, he noted, save for her hair. She had cut it once a year ago, but it was already growing out past her shoulders now.

As she did her work Beast Boy took the moment to lean into her hand, smirking down at her and chucking her lightly under the chin. "Always so worried about me," he teased good-naturedly. Raven ignored him, a process that didn't take away from her concentration at all. He simply chuckled at her nonchalance. Just like his height and her hair, the relationship between the two had grown as well. Tolerance had evolved into compliance and compliance had evolved into an actual friendship. Somewhere down the line Beast Boy had gotten so comfortable with Raven that he found it increasingly amusing to flirt and tease her with suggestive innuendo and playful touches while she either ignored him, berated him or blew up at him. She would refer to this behavior as annoying. He called it bonding.

"Almost done," she noted in a bland voice. "When I'm finished take a moment before you head back out there. You lost a lot of blood. We can't afford you fainting."

"Will you wait with me?"

"No."

"I'll cry if you don't."

"Congratulations."

"At least kiss it before you leave," he whined, tugging lightly at her belt. If it had been anyone else but him Raven might have maimed them right then and there. But, because it was just Beast Boy, she flicked him in the forehead with her free hand.

"Stop it, we're in the middle of a fight. There, done. Rest and then head out." She absently brushed the hair away from the freshly made scar before stepping away from him and turning towards the raging battle once more. Beast Boy touched his temple, surprised with how sensitive the scar tissue was. It must have been a deep slice if it was still tender after one of Raven's healings.

"You're completely awesome," he said with actual gratitude, grinning widely at her. Raven stopped from redjusting her hood and offered him her own small but genuine smile.

"You're welcome," she replied. Beast Boy reached out and caught her hand up in his own, bending down to try to kiss it.

"I promise to fully make it up to you later," he cooed suggestively, cocking an eyebrow at her. Raven snatched her hand back, her smile instantly dissolving.

"Ew," came her monotone response before she flew off to rejoin the others, leaving Beast Boy to laugh in her wake.

.

.

.

"That took a lot longer than I thought it would," Cyborg sighed, plopping onto the sofa of the main room in Titans Tower. Starfire floated down into the seat next to him, equally exhausted.

"I must agree. This Dr. Light has been getting much, much better at the fighting." She sounded drained, the complete opposite of her usually ecstatic self after a victory. The confrontation had lasted longer than any of them had expected. Dr. Light had gotten new toys, it seemed. "He is changing from being annoying to being the formidable opponent."

"Yeah, but no one can stand up to one of Cyborg and Starfire's special Sonic Starbolt Barrages," Cyborg pointed out, smiling widely. "Did you see his face when the first one ate through his solar converter?" Starfire clapped his hands languidly, nodding in response.

"I am very much pleased that we were finally able to use such a thing," she said. "And I do like the names you have attached to our 'special moves'."

"Well, you know," Cyborg shrugged, smiling in self-satisfaction. "The man can have all the best toys but if you don't know how to use them then be prepared to lose them."

"He definitely doesn't know how to use them, but there's no doubt that the tech he was wielding was incredibly advanced," came Robin's voice. He was already hard at work on one of the smaller computer consuls, updating data he had collected on his communicator. Next to him sat Beast Boy, leaning over his shoulder as he stared at the screen curiously, an icepack held to the scar on his head "From the scans I got during the battle it looks like his stuff has the potential to be as powerful as yours, Cyborg. It's a weak prototype, but it has potential. And if he doesn't know how it works then that means it's stolen. Not a good sign."

"I'll check those scans out tomorrow then," Cyborg replied, his head lolling back as he closed his eye. "Right now I just want to rest. I got pretty beat up tonight."

"Are you sure you don't need me to take a look at anything?" Raven asked. She was standing next to the window, staring out at the city from beneath her hood. The first blood red rays of sunrise were seeping in from the horizon, but the city still looked dark and full of enemies to fight.

"I'm fine, really. It's mostly my hardware that needs some attention."

"Can I take his offer then?" Beast Boy groaned, getting tired of holding is own head up and resting his forehead on Robin's shoulder. "I have a monster headache right now." Robin continued to type away at the computer, ignoring his friend passing out on his shoulder.

"Maybe you should lie down," Starfire offered, floating over and relieving Robin of his burden. She let Beast Boy lean back in his chair, his head against her belly. "You do look very pale."

"Maybe if you had listened to me and stayed in the alley then you wouldn't be feeling so nauseous," Raven scolded moderately, striding over to Beast Boy as well. "You didn't have to fight."

"I was awesome out there. I saved Star."

"Yes, you did," Starfire agreed. She bent down and hugged him tightly from behind, her arms wrapping around his neck. Beast Boy smiled weakly before poking Robin in the shoulder.

"Hey, hey. Robin. She's hugging me." Robin's fingers stopped typing for only a moment before continuing with their work. That minute pause was enough to provoke a quiet laugh from both Beast Boy and Starfire.

Raven came level with the two then and turned Beast Boy chair around so he was facing her. Without a word she raised her hand next to his head again and let her power flow through her fingers once more, relieving him of his throbbing headache. The paleness of his face diminished considerably and his breathing became less labored. Starfire let him go and tilted her head to the side, inspecting his wound.

"He is not seriously harmed?" she asked Raven. The other girl shook her head and Star nodded, reaching to take the melting icepack from Beast Boy's hands. "That is good to hear."

"Thanks Rae," Beast Boy said, breathing deeply. He watched as she sighed at the nickname but said nothing about it. She finished her work and turned away to follow Starfire into the kitchen.

"Tea?" she offered him, moving to fill her kettle in the sink. "It will help."

Beast Boy blinked. That was certainly a rare gesture from her.

"Sure," he said, striding over to the kitchen as well. Him and Starfire shared a silently surprised smile at Raven's generosity before she headed back towards the sofa and turned on the television. Next to her Cyborg fully reawakened, eager to see what was on. "This is special. You've never offered to pour me tea before."

"Just don't expect it to happen often," she replied stoically, although the kindness in her eyes posed contradiction to her voice. She looked up to see him rubbing at his scar. "Don't fiddle with it."

"Sorry," he murmured, his hand dropping. He watched her as she turned towards the stove, igniting the flame and setting the kettle down to boil. Beast Boy hopped up onto the countertop and a simple peace settled over the Tower as the Titans did what they pleased to unwind after the battle. Over near the television Robin had printed out the scans from Dr. Light's technology and was showing them to Cyborg as Starfire stretched out on the couch and settled in to fall asleep in front of the television. Beast Boy turned back to the Titan closest to him, observing her as she patiently waited for the water to boil.

It was amazing to him how much and how little things had changed amongst the team in the years that had passed. Some things would always stay the same, like Robin's limitless work ethic and Starfire's affection for her teammates. Cyborg would always be the most laidback genius any of them could have ever known, and Raven would always be the team's silent watcher, standing as their quiet but protective guardian. But they had changed as well.

All of them.

They had each of them grown and each of them learned and sometimes the lessons stuck and sometimes they slipped off and were forgotten almost instantly. Like when Beast Boy had finally started to clean his room of his own accord, and Starfire had thrown him a congratulatory party. Or when Cyborg had finally caved in and tried tofu eggs and liked them. Or when Robin had opened up to Starfire, and then closed her off again, and then opened up, and then retreated, and then went back, and then got stuck somewhere between being honest and being embarrassed. Beast Boy laughed out loud when he recalled a time when Robin and Cyborg had gotten into a huge argument because Cyborg was mad that Robin was stringing her along and Robin was mad because he thought Cyborg had a thing for Starfire. Raven turned to him when he laughed.

"What?" she asked defensively. He shook his head.

"Sorry, I wasn't laughing at you. I just remembered something."

Raven turned fully and leaned against the opposite countertop. "Remembered what?"

"Remember like, a few months back, when we heard Cyborg and Robin yelling at each other on the practice field?" Raven thought a moment before nodding. "Do you even know what that fight was about?"

"Not really," she admitted, shrugging. "Star and I were meditating, and she wasn't really on good terms with Robin at the time so she didn't care if Cyborg hit him or not. Her words, not mine."

Beast Boy smiled widely. "Makes sense, because the fight was about her."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Robin was being jealous and Cyborg was being protective and the rest is Titans history." A moment passed between the two before they both laughed, Beast Boy with fervor and Raven with some reserve. They had all been present to witness the first they had ever seen Robin trip and fall face down in the dirt and get caught in his cape. After the fight had concluded he had tried to leave, albeit too frazzled to watch where he was going, and hence the history-making fall occurred.

"That was actually very funny," Raven said, offhandedly. "Although no funnier than the time he thought _you_ had a thing for Starfire." She grinned and he huffed, recalling that the memory hadn't exactly been flattering on his part. It had involved a lot of laughing and a lot of pointing.

The kettle began to boil and Raven quickly lifted it from the flames with practiced hands, her dark power reaching behind her to retrieve two mugs from a cupboard. Beast Boy noted how pleasantly domestic she looked.

Yes, everyone had changed in the years they had spent as the Teen Titans, but Raven in herself had almost completely transformed, and even more so recently. For about a month he had noticed that she was much less tense, much less silent, and that she allowed herself to react to things more, most of all him and their endless back and forth. True, she had chilled out considerably after the defeat of Trigon, but even that Raven was a pale comparison to the easygoing Raven that stood before him preparing them both tea. The fact that she had actually asked what he had been thinking and then went ahead to reminisce with him was a wonder. Raven, although they were all friends, didn't do things like that.

And Beast Boy found it intriguing. Intriguing in so many ways. Fun. Playful. Mischievous. And sometimes even enticing. He watched as she let her hood fall back as she dropped the tea leaves into the kettle, swirling them around to release the flavor. Beast Boy hopped down from the counter then, never one to not take advantage of an opening, nor one to leave any repertoire unconcluded.

"Now why would Robin ever think I had a thing for Starfire?" He strode over to her and pretended to stumble forward, pressing Raven into the counter top, his face in her hair. "Oops! Oh, how clumsy of me," he falsely apologized, smirking. Raven stopped pouring her tea and stared straight ahead, unmoving. "So sorry, Rae. Am I in your way or something?"

"I don't know what is more annoying: your terrible segues or you as a whole," she said in a clipped and unpleased tone. Beast Boy cocked an eyebrow, laying his hands over her own. Hers were so delicately sculpted; hands made for crafting rather than fighting, despite her profession. "Get off," she sighed. She didn't sound angry, which Beast Boy took to great measure.

"I was just trying to help you with the kettle-,"

"Move." She slipped her hands from his and picked up her mug. Beast Boy rested his hands on the counter and leaned into his arms, trapping her between him and the furniture. She turned around smoothly to face him, their bodies so close that their noses practically touched. Four years ago this would have been impossible. A few months ago it would have set her off. Three weeks ago she would have already teleported to her room. Now she did nothing but try to wait him out. Beast Boy beamed down at her as she stared up in solemn disapproval. "Beast Boy, move."

"Password please."

"Are you serious? You know, I could give that headache back to you if you wanted it."

"No you wouldn't," he smirked. "You're too _nice._" That got him a good eye roll from her, but that was it. She wasn't backing down. _Very intriguing_.

"Why do you insist on ruining a perfectly calm moment with your less than favorable behavior?"

"I thought that was my job around here." He loomed over her, (a skill he had rejoiced in since the day he discovered he was taller than her and, thus, possessing the qualities required to loom), and reached for his own mug behind her back. "Thanks for the tea."

"Seriously, what are you doing? Are you comfortable?" she asked sarcastically. He nodded.

"Quite." He lowered his face near hers, whispering into her ear as seductively as he could. "We both know you could just teleport to your room if you wanted to," he taunted. He started to pull back but Raven grabbed him by the collar and pulled him close again, practically speaking into his hair.

"I only back down from a _real_ challenge." She released him and he straightened up to look at her, amazed to see a grin on her face. She was playing along. She was actually playing along. And she was smiling, which Beast Boy found he liked to see more and more often. But he wasn't going to let her win. Not this one, at least.

"Challenge accepted then," he said enthusiastically, leaning forward with exuberance, his hand coming up to cradle her head. Panic quickly replaced Raven's confidence and she turned her head abruptly, her hand flying to his chest to stop him, her breathing labored.

Victory.

"Beast Boy…" she said, her tone returning to its usual somberness. She pushed him back a little, a blush staining her pale cheeks. Beast Boy laughed heartily, stepping away completely and taking a satisfied sip from his mug.

"And to the victor go the spoils of feeling superior to the loser," he proclaimed, sticking his tongue out at her. She tried to cast him an indignant glare but he only winked at her and her blush deepened before she encased herself in darkness and disappeared from the room altogether.

"You can be such a jerk sometimes, BB," Cyborg said from the couch, his eyes scanning over the prints in his hands. He glanced back briefly and shot his friend a look, although his own grin betrayed his lack of sincerity. "You know she gets sensitive with things like that. Why do you pick on her so much?"

"Again, I thought that's my job around here. Where have you guys been for the last seven years?"

"Here," Cyborg responded. "Watching her kick your ass after almost every stupid joke you make." He chuckled at Beast Boy's indignant 'hey'! "Either way, just cool it with the flirting, yeah? We don't want her losing control of her powers anymore."

"I'd like to see her lose control once in a while," Beast Boy quipped, unable to help himself. Cyborg just sighed at his papers.

"Gross."

"Don't push her too hard," Robin commented, glancing towards the closed door that led to the hallways. "She doesn't always show it when things get to her, if you can recall."

"Yeah, but this is different," Beast Boy said, waving his advice aside with a nonchalant hand. "This is the way Rae and I are. And if you haven't noticed she's been a hell of a lot calmer in the last few weeks."

"I realize I haven't really talked to her in a while. I wonder if everything is okay with her," the Boy Wonder mused. Cyborg's hand shot in the air.

"Uh, well, I _have_ talked to her in a while and she's just as annoyed with it as she's always been. I guess for some reason she's trying to approach it differently." He glanced back towards the kitchen again, grinning mischievously. "She asked me once if your come-ons were you compensating for something."

Beast Boy's brow furrowed. "Huh?" Cyborg shot him a knowing look before pointing downward. It took a moment for Beast Boy to understand, and when it finally comprehended his jaw dropped in outrage. "What? Dude!" Cyborg guffawed loudly. "Did she really ask you that?"

"No, but I thought I'd give you a taste of your own medicine for once, on behalf of Rae. Score one for the half-breeds."

"I think it is very adorable," Star suddenly piped in, yawning from the couch. "Beast Boy does not mean anything by it and Raven understands that. They are close, and she does not seem to mind it so much. We have talked about the teasing before and she has said that she does not take it very seriously, or to the heart."

As if in a contrary response to Starfire's statement a loud and very distracting bang sounded from the hallway, startling everyone but Robin in the main room. Cyborg twisted in his seat, frowning.

"What in the world was that? Is someone setting off bombs in the Tower?"

"No alarm, no sirens, no security breech, so no villains," Robin said, tapping away at the computer. "My guess is that it came from Raven's room." Cyborg made a face at the back of Robin's head.

"Why do you even bother to say 'my guess'? You're Robin. Just say 'I know' and get it over with."

Robin gave Cyborg a knowing smirk before turning to Beast Boy. "Could you go check on her? It's probably you're fault anyway." Beast Boy rolled his eyes.

"Why do I have to do it?" he whined, but he started to head for the door anyway. Robin just shrugged.

"Because you probably have to apologize to her for something anyway. Might as well get it over and done with." He looked up from his work to give Beast Boy a pointed stare. "And don't provoke her more, please."

"You guys need to chill out. You act like we've never heard weird noises coming from her room before."

"He does have a point," Robin conceded, not one to overlook the truth. Cyborg scoffed.

"Stop complaining and go check on her."

Beast Boy just rolled his eyes at the parting comment before striding down the hall towards Raven's room. If he really thought about it he'd have to admit that it was strange to think about where his and Raven's relationship had ended up. He didn't know why he liked to mess with her so often. Maybe it was because she was actually letting him. Well, she wasn't throwing him across the room, which he took as a good sign. In fact, for a while Raven had relaxed quite considerably. She wasn't as uptight or antisocial as she usually was. She was countering his jokes with her own sarcastic quips. She was laughing with him. She was playing along. She would sometimes even provoke.

Always intriguing.

Beast Boy was just considering the possibilities for Raven's improved persona when he reached her door…but stopped in the middle of the hallway and stared at it, perplexed.

It was slightly ajar.

Weird.

Raven _never_ left her door open.

"Rae?" he called, unmoving. He leaned forward and turned his head, trying to listen. Nothing at first, but as he crept closer he started to pick up on deep, steady breathing…the breathing of someone meditating. Perhaps. "Rae?" he called again, taking a few more steps towards her door and peeking through the doorjamb tentatively. He knocked lightly on the wall, curious but cautious. Inside all he could see was darkness. Go figure. "Raven?" Still nothing. "We heard a loud noise. You okay in there?"

There was a catch in the breathing, a rustle of cloth, feet hitting the floor and then the sound of long, strong strides coming towards the door. Beast Boy jumped back just as the metal flew open, sending out a rush of air. Before him stood Raven, cloak slightly disheveled and hair slightly tousled. "Raven!" he exclaimed, his hand gripping his chest. "Oh my god, you freaking scared me! Why would you open your door like that?" he accused, but then he blinked noticed the alarmingly strange look in her eyes, and frowned. "Rae?"

.

.

.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

.

.

.

She was looking at him but not really seeing him. Her eyes were glassy and distant, and they possessed changing hues as she gazed on. Now, Beast Boy had seen his fair share of the wild and crazy things Raven could do, but he definitely hadn't seen this trick before. Her shoulders slumped a little and her hand gripped the doorframe, bracing herself as she swayed on her feet. He started to move forward to steady her when her free hand shot up, stopping him. He froze, arms outstretched, waiting. She took a shuddering breath and her lips began moving, mouthing out words she was saying too quickly and too softly for him to understand. The natural response would have been to let her do whatever it was she was doing, but the sickly color of her skin and the shiver in her shoulders made Beast Boy uncomfortable. He wanted to grab her and physically still her like he would have done for anyone, but Raven was different. Raven had always been different. When strange things happened to her the Titans had learned to let them play out first; a lesson that had tried each and every one of their patience many times over, only for things to work out in the end.

This, Beast Boy tried to convince himself, would hopefully be one of those times.

Her words began to slow down, her whispers becoming clearer. Without warning she pulled in a deep gasp and said five words with vivid clarity.

"Nunc Lento Sonitu Dicunt…Novo."*

There was a pause, another deep breath. She blinked slowly and then seemed to suddenly see him anew, her expression changing from dazed to comprehensive and then content. A grin, no a smile lifted her lips. No, not even a smile anymore. She was positively beaming at him now, her eyes looking much, much lighter in color; not so much violet as they were fuchsia. Different, yet oddly familiar. She sighed happily and let out a small laugh, standing up straighter in the doorway. All the frailty she had been exuberating moments ago was completely gone, and the color of life had flushed back into her cheeks.

Beast Boy would have probably been less afraid if she had started glowing red and breathing fire.

"Sorry," she said enthusiastically, running both hands through her hair. "You totally caught me halfway through the transfer. That was, seriously, one of the weirdest feelings ever. It was like this thing was on autopilot," she said, plucking at her uniform and shrugging. "What a rush!" She flashed another happy smile at him but then wavered a bit as she took note of Beast Boy's frozen stance, wide-eyed stare, and petrified eyes. She lifted a hand to her mouth and giggled at the sight of him.

Giggled.

"Are you okay?" she asked, raising an inquisitive eyebrow. Beast Boy's eyes flicked from her face, to the floor, to the ceiling and then back to her again. The Tower was still standing, the earth hadn't been torn apart to swallow humanity as a whole, and Raven looked like Raven, but this couldn't possibly be the same girl. Raven didn't tilt her head like that, or talk like that, or touch her hair. Ever. "BB?" And Raven never called him that. "You're cute when you're awkward." And Raven _definitely_ never called him cute.

Beast Boy's arms dropped to his sides, his lower jaw jutting out in confusion, his eyes narrowing. "What's wrong with you?" he demanded. "What happened to you? What the hell was that just now?" He pointed at her face. "And why are you so cheerful?"

"Oh, well excuse me," she said mockingly. "I apologize for feeling fantastic."

"You never feel fantastic," he shot back. "You feel 'fine'. You always say that you're 'fine', never 'fantastic'. I've never heard you use that word in a positive connotation. What happened?" he repeated, his distressed demeanor apparently amusing to Raven. "Was it that noise from earlier? Did you get attacked? Are you possessed?" He slipped past her and bounded into her room, looking around determinedly for any sort of foul play or depiction of a horrendous crime scene, but it was no use in the darkness. "Wow, turn off the lights, it's so bright in here," he grumbled sarcastically. Behind him Raven giggled.

Again.

He flinched at the sound.

"I was just about to fix that." There was a breath of wind and all the candles in the room illuminated, filling the area with flickering, soft light and revealing that the source of the noise had been her dresser drawer: it lay face down on the floor in the center of the room, its edges chipped and splintered. "Oh yeah, and that was an accident. Sorry!" She floated around Beast Boy and lifted her hand towards the dresser. It rose back onto its legs, reassembled itself, and then settled against the wall. "My powers sort of fluctuate when the transfer happens. Usually I'm more concentrated, but it's like, four in the morning, and we had that battle, and the healing kind of pooped me out, and I was just completely not in the zone today." She ran her fingers through her hair again and they got caught in the tangles. "And I'm also appalled at the fact that I probably look totally hag right now." She wrinkled her nose at Beast Boy before turning towards the mirror hanging on the wall and picking up a brush. Behind her Beast Boy stared in shock, lips pursed and eyes wide.

"I'm not really sure what to address first," he finally said slowly as the weirdly animated and now humming Raven began brushing at her hair. "This 'transfer' you keep mentioning, you brushing your hair, you humming, or you saying things like 'totally hag' or 'pooped out'. See? Even imagining you saying those words doesn't make sense, but you actually said them and yet I still can't believe it happened-…."

Raven met his eyes in the mirror and winked. "You're also cute when you're forgetful, BB."

"There! That too! When do you ever call me that? Or say that to me? And what does 'transfer' mean? Transferring what? What do you transfer that's making you act so strange?" He was completely lost. Only moments ago they had been bantering back and forth in the kitchen, him with a prankster's flair and her with a chillingly composed countenance. Now she was talking in a voice that was a few notes too high and grinning like it was the most natural thing in the world. It was such a drastic change, and usually drastic changes in Raven's moods weren't a good thing.

There was a long, thoroughly uncomfortable silence that stretched out between them, one that caused her smile to falter and diminish completely as they stared at each other through the mirror. She turned back around to face him fully, her sunny attitude gone.

"Are you…are you serious? Do you really have no idea what I'm talking about?"

"Oh no, I do."

She grinned. "You do?"

"No! I was joking, of course I don't!"

She frowned again. "So you don't know?"

"No, I do not know."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Really?"

"Okay, we're not getting anywhere," he said, looking around as if hoping to find a third party in the room to help him understand the situation. "What happened to the moody, stoic and _smart_ Raven that I'm used to?"

"Well, she's obviously not here," Raven said, shrugging. Beast Boy's brow furrowed deeper.

"Huh?"

She sighed, a stale half-smile gracing the corner of her mouth. She ran her hands through her hair, again. It was becoming distracting, and not in a good way. "Oh, Rae," she breathed, saying her own name with such weight; an action that did little in the sense of comfort. "Sometimes…ugh. Sometimes I just get on my last nerve, you know? Like, seriously, could I be more of a loner? Raven, you can be so _uptight._"

"Wow, okay. Well, glad you're finally able to admit that, but this arguing with yourself bit is kind of freaky." It was probably the first time in never that Beast Boy had been the one to be irritated with Raven, but she was acting, (there was no other word for it), ditzy. Unfocused. Way too carefree. Uncontrolled. Laughing at his jokes and brushing her hair. Winking and speaking with the vocabulary of someone from the streets of Jump City rather than the monasteries of Azarath. Talking in riddles like some cryptic debutante.

She twirled a strand of her hair around one finger, looking at him through her lightened eyes. "Beast Boy," she said. "Take a good, long look at me. You've seen me before."

"No duh."

"I'm serious!" She floated over to him and hovered before his face, looking him dead in the eyes. "A real look. You know me. I'm not _just_ _Raven_. I'm…I'm me."

His gaze was riddled with skepticism, but he forced himself to try and think. Where had he seen those eyes before? Or heard that godforsaken giggle? It hadn't been the first time he had heard Raven giggle, but it definitely wasn't often. It was rare. Extremely rare. Once in a blue moon.

Or, more specifically, once in an unfortunate encounter within the depths of a mysterious and powerful hand mirror all those years ago…

"Oh my god," he cried, his surprise marred by the monotone of his voice. Realization, it seemed, had robbed him of pitch. "You're not the real Raven! You're one of Raven's emotions." He pointed at her, shocked. "You're…you're Happy Raven!"

Raven beamed. "I knew you wouldn't completely forget about me."

"But how…what…why are you out?" he demanded, scanning the room, searching for the hand mirror. His eyes locked onto the object sitting silently on the bed, as if it had been tossed aside after its use. "Did you escape? What did you do with Raven?"

"I am Raven."

"I meant the real Raven!"

"Are you saying any one of Raven's sides aren't real?"

"You know what I mean!" Beast Boy exclaimed. She made a face at his short temper. "Where is she? Did you trap her inside here?" He rushed to the bed and picked up the mirror, staring into its surface as if he would see the Titan caged inside and banging against the glass to be let out. The tangible Raven just rolled her eyes and flew over to him, gently pulling the mirror from his grasp.

"No, I did not trap her inside her own mind," she said calmly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "She let me out. Willingly."

Beast Boy blinked. "What?"

She sighed and folded her legs under herself, wrapping her cloak around her body. "I'm a little peeved that I—well, I guess, _she_—didn't tell anyone about this before. That's oddly irresponsible of us, you know? What if something bad had happened, or we needed help? I was never really a fan of our tendency for secrecy."

"Happy Raven," Beast Boy said lowly, looking stern. Raven grimaced.

"You make me sound like a gnome," she complained. "Can you just call me Rae? I always kind of liked that."

He waved the comment aside, ignoring the impulse to laugh. "Stop that. Tell me why you're out here and the real Raven isn't. Now."

"Well all right then, Robin," she recited, sticking her tongue out at him. He had the grace to at least look sheepish.

"All right, sorry. _Please _tell me why you're out here and the real Raven isn't. At your discretion. Preferably now."

"Better. Kind of." She rolled her eyes at him but spoke anyways. "You might want to sit down for this. It's a long story."

Beast Boy grumbled a complaint but sat down on the bed anyway. Rae offered him a reassuring grin, but his features remained stone. "By all means, please begin," he said blandly.

"I think it was a month or two ago that Starfire was talking to me—us—about control and focus. We were having a, I guess you could say, _difficult_ time controlling our other sides."

"Don't you always?"

"More so than usual," she said, and the remark held a dark undertone that seemed to not sit well with the happy Raven. "We started meditating with Star more, trying to regain full control, but it wasn't working as well as it used to. Suppressing things was starting to become harder, so Starfire came up with an alternative solution.

"Essentially both Star's powers and ours reside in our emotions, although it's just a difference between black and white. Starfire lets her emotions out to use her powers; righteous fury and the freedom of flight, you know. And we keep our emotion in to use ours. Anyway, Star and I were talking and the real Raven was telling her that it was putting a lot of strain on her mind to keep her emotions in check." She looked suddenly guilty. "After a while, all of us start to act like any other caged being: we get restless and antsy and it gets harder and harder for the real Raven to keep us under her control. So, Starfire suggested that, instead of meditating to keep all of us in, why not try meditating to let some of us out?"

"There's no way she agreed to do that," Beast Boy interrupted. Rae smiled a little, nodding in agreement with him.

"You know her well. The real Raven squashed that idea but quick, so Star let it go. Ironically, we didn't. Raven kept thinking about it, and the more and more she did, the more appealing and more logical the idea seemed. Maybe it was a little of me and a little bit of Bravery that helped make the final decision, but eventually the real Raven felt optimistic enough to actually give it a try."

"Raven decided to let go of her emotions?" Beast Boy asked, flabbergasted. "That's insane."

"Is it?"

"Well, yeah. She's all about control. Where would she get the idea that loosening her grip would help her out?"

"I don't know," Rae said with false wonderment. She stared pointedly at him. "From where or from _whom_ could she have ever gotten that idea?"

Beast Boy threw up his hands in defense. "Hey, I'd try and get her to watch a movie or play a game, not unhinge the hierarchy of her mindset!" He shot her a glare that she ignored.

"We're not completely unhinged. We started off super cautious. Only myself, Timid and Knowledge were let out in the beginning, and only for a few minutes each day. Raven knew that of her sides, we'd be the less troublesome for her, and the most unlikely to take advantage of the situation to venture out and do whatever we so chose. But those few minutes each day did absolute wonders for her mentality. She actually slept for a whole night afterwards; isn't that wild? She rarely gets any sleep at all.

"So we started a set routine. Every time we meditate she lets one of us out for about twenty minutes to, basically, stretch. We get full control of this body to release our pent up energy, so long as we don't take an uncharacteristic advantage. At first she confined us to the solitude of this room, but as the weeks kept on and the stress began to lessen, we found more of us receiving more freedom. Bravery went out once during a training session, and Knowledge came out three times when we played chess with Cyborg. I've come out a few times when Starfire is around and wants to talk. Hm, funny. I was wondering why she'd shoot me confused looks sometimes. I can't believe she didn't catch on."

"Star's optimistic. She was probably just excited that you opened your door," Beast Boy replied offhandedly. He leaned his elbows on his knees and stared at the floor, thinking. Rae turned the hand mirror over and over in her lap, the jewels along its frame glinting in the candlelight. Outside birds started chirping, betraying that the new day was not but an hour away.

"Hard to process?" she asked quietly. Beast Boy scoffed.

"That's an understatement." He looked over at her, his expression a mixture of conflicting emotions. He opened his mouth to ask something, hesitated, and then closed it again. A moment paused before he tried again, although it wasn't the first question he had wanted to pose. "So…where's the real Raven during all of this?" he asked. "Is she still there, listening or something?" he asked, waving his hand around her head. She laughed and swatted his hand to the side.

"No. She's in our mindscape, meditating. When she relinquishes control of her body it leaves her time to truly clear her mind and focus completely on meditation."

"Raven never gives up complete control," Beast Boy stated, speaking with all seriousness.

"I know. But she has. And she did, and I don't blame her for wanting to do so over and over again. It alleviates her stress, and she has such a better hold on emotions that would have otherwise been difficult to restrain." She stretched her arms over her head, the mirror still in her hands. "I imagine it's like breathing fresh air after being cooped up all day. Handling a splintered mind can be troublesome. It must be such a relief for her to not have to worry for a few minutes at a time." She flopped backward onto the bed, her legs swinging in the air before plopping over the edge. "Not to mention how great it feels to really get out once in a while."

Beast Boy twisted around to look down at happy Raven, stretched out along her bed. So that was why she seemed so much more at ease. He could imagine the weight of trying to control oneself to get old fast, and so to just let go would be a much needed blessing. If her emotions could express themselves openly more often, then they wouldn't be so desperate for any opening for release…that meant Raven could laugh without Happiness wanting to explode at the chance, or Raven could talk without Timid or Sadness bursting forward at the smallest opportunity.

"I didn't fly for almost a week once," he started to say randomly. Rae lifted her head to look at him. "And then one day I was on the roof and I took one look over the edge and just jumped off. Everyone freaked out because I kind of just fell freely for a bit. I morphed at the last minute and nearly clipped myself on the rocks along the water." He looked up, shrugging. "I never deprived the flying animals inside of me their sky for long after that. Same with the creatures that needed to swim or climb or run. It wasn't really fair. And I didn't want to spontaneously jump off any more buildings."

Rae's smile was so bright and genuine that he couldn't help but return it. "She remembers that," she said simply. Beast Boy nodded and knew that, although the story had been random, it had perfectly portrayed the fact that he understood.

"So what happens when you're out here and she's in there?" he asked, indicating the mirror. "Like, for instance, does she know I'm here?"

"Nope," she replied, and he sighed in relief. "Like I said, she's gotten comfortable enough to give over everything. It's me and it's all me right now. Anything I do, all the memories that I make, will essentially be hers but she wouldn't be able to recall them easily. They'd stay with my side of her mind and be nothing more than a déjà vu to her. A buried recollection."

"Talk about segregation," he mumbled. "Does that work the other way, then?" he asked curiously. Raven sat up on her elbows, grinning wildly at him.

"No, sir. We know everything Raven knows and are aware of everything the complete Raven experiences. Like what happened in the alley, or the kitchen." She sat up. "I never knew you had such a big crush on us."

"Whoa, whoa, that's, uh…no, that's not really it," he stammered, unready for the sudden shift in conversation. He was still stuck on the idea that the Raven he knew was relaxing in the far reaches of her own mind and letting her happy-go-lucky side of herself run amuck with a hair brush. "That's all just in good fun between us. I just joke. Raven and I, we joke."

"That's a funny way to joke," Rae said coyly, shooting Beast Boy an unconvinced look. "Even between friends. You don't joke with Starfire like that."

"Have you met Robin?"

That just made her laugh.

"Well, whatever the reason for your…teasing…I think it's kind of my obligation to tell you that it's, well, getting out of hand."

"What? You too?" Beast Boy groaned audibly and let himself slip off the bed comically, landing in a heap on the floor. Rae laughed again, heartily and loud. Comedy was always his easiest scapegoat in an awkward situation.

He rose to his knees on the floor, leaning his upper body on the bed and looking at her. She was sitting cross-legged now, grasping her ankles and smiling at him. "Is it really?" he asked, somewhat sincere. "Honestly, I didn't know. I thought we were okay."

"Oh no, don't get the wrong idea," she quickly said, reaching out to touch his hand. He jerked a little, his first initial reaction to pull out of her range, but it seemed rude so he let her. It was weird because it was Raven, but at the same time, it wasn't. "I'm loving it! Like I told you before, I always thought your jokes were funny, BB. Now I, or rather she, can show it more. So it's okay, at least on the surface."

"But," he prompted, knowing that there was a huge one that followed her initial statement. Rae's smile dropped and she pursed her lips, thinking about what she was going to say next.

"The real trouble we're having isn't with any of the normal sides. Stress builds with us, but never to the point where it physically hinders the real Raven."

"So, who's causing the trouble?" Beast Boy prompted. She grimaced.

"Something…well. Hm." She bounced her knee as she tried to find the words to explain what she needed to say. "You know," she started, "even though the teasing and the touching is light and funny…well, we're still human." She tugged absently at her hair. "And we're still a girl." Beast Boy just shrugged, not understanding her meaning. "And we've been…kind of deprived."

"Deprived of what?"

"Affection." She raised her eyebrows, hoping he'd understand. He didn't and just shook his head. Happy Raven suddenly didn't look so happy anymore. "BB, when you deprive something, it starves," she all but whispered. "So then, when you give it a taste, it becomes ravenous."

"Okay." She looked at him with expectancy but he just stared back quietly. She sighed. Beast Boy waited.

"BB, remember the last time you saw me?" she asked sweetly, tilting her head coyly to the side. He narrowed his eyes and gave her a half-smile, half-grimace.

"Yeah, that was an interesting day," he said, remembering how he had been at his awkward stage in life and the Happy Raven had insisted they hold hands all the way to the Tower…much to his embarrassment.+

Raven wrinkled her nose at him. "Don't act like you didn't like it." She shifted her position on the bed to lie on her stomach, right in front of his face. "I like you, BB," she said. Beast Boy cocked an eyebrow at her, grinning.

"Really?" he asked sarcastically. She nodded. "So, what does that mean? Does that mean just you like me, or does all of Raven like me?" He tried not to sound as intrigued as he really was. Out of curiosity, of course. Nothing more.

"That's not really the point I was trying to make," she said dramatically, rolling her eyes and completely avoiding his question. "What I was gearing towards was that…there's two sides to every coin, something you probably know better than anyone. Don't you ever have trouble separating your human side and your animal side?"

He shrugged. "Not so much. Like I said, if I let the creatures exercise what comes naturally to them, then I'm pretty much okay. When I was younger, I guess I did. And, you know, in battle."

"Because it gets your blood pumping and your basic instincts start to kick in, right?" she said lowly, her gaze dropping as she traced her fingertips over the fabric of her bedspread. Beast Boy looked down at her hands.

"Yeah."

"And when you want to attack an enemy, you have to remind your animal side to not take it too far, right? Your human morals have to override natural animalistic instinct."

Beast Boy hesitated before finally saying, "Yes."

She took in a very deep breath then, deeper than normal. Her hands started to shake and he reached out for her wrists, trying to steady her shaking. They looked up at each other, eyes meeting, and the lightness in her stare was swirling like it had moments ago when she had first appeared at the door. Beast Boy quickly withdrew his grasp and pushed off the bed.

"I know it may seem strange," she said in an eerily offbeat tone. "But Raven has an animalistic side too." Her body went unnaturally still and her eyes went blank, staring off into nothing. Beast Boy jumped to his feet, alarmed.

"Rae?"

"Raven…" she rasped, her voice tired and dead and monotonous. She slowly laid her head down on the bed and rolled lazily onto her back, her arms over her head, her eyes unblinking. "Raven…."

"Wh…what are you doing?" he asked, sounding very much like a clueless boy. She just lay supine, the once competent Raven instantaneously diminished to an unseeing shell. She inhaled and started muttering to herself again, just like she had done in the doorway earlier.

"Wow," Beast Boy groaned quietly, running a nervous hand over his face, his head shaking. "Sometimes, Rae, you can be so inconsiderate."

Transfer. It had to be that. After everything Happy Raven had explained to him he would have to be an idiot to not figure it out. He didn't really understand how she had gone into transfer mode so immediately, nor was he too keen to know the details of it, but it would seem rude to just leave in the middle of the process. He figured he would wait it out, maybe say hello to whatever new emotion popped out, and then be on his way.

But on the bed Raven seemed to be having a better time with the transfer than before. She was writhing around on her back in slow, sensual motions, as if she thoroughly enjoyed the softness of her bed. Her hands gripped the bedspread and she let out a low, almost inaudible moan. But Beast Boy heard it. And Beast Boy was watching it all happen. And Beast Boy was getting a little more uncomfortable than he would have thought…and for completely unexpected reasons.

Then Raven's mouth opened and her eyes widened and she gasped. A candle burst into smoke and wax near the dresser and the door slammed shut with a resonating bang. Raven went rigid, screamed, blinked once, and then sat up straight to face the opposite wall. She stopped moving. Seemed to have stopped breathing. Nothing more than a sudden statue.

Silence stretched out in the room.

Beast Boy was frozen to his spot, at a loss at what he should do.

Her shoulders slowly began to move and breath returned to her body. She turned her head to the left slightly. Her arms rested at her sides. She spoke to him, and her voice sounded sinister.

"Finally."

Beast Boy wondered vaguely if there was a manual on how to deal with Raven and her powers. He knew she wasn't completely out of the ordinary for him, (was there such a thing as an ordinary superhero?), but Raven's powers were so much more foreign to him than most others. His DNA was unstable, his best friend was more machine than man, he hung out with an alien and he listened to a guy who wore a cape. But Raven was much more than a girl who could do magic; she was half-demon and had to deal with struggling with her own emotions in order to use her abilities. Which meant that there were times when she would lose those struggles. Beast Boy had been there at those times, and now, after seeing her gasp and writhe on a bed, he figured this could probably be one of those times again.

And ninety percent of those times had ended in almost complete and utter disaster.

"Rae." He walked around the bed slowly to see her face. When he stood before her she looked up at him and her eyes—her eyes that were usually so collected, calming and comforting—were smoldering in their sockets. They were no longer fuchsia, nor were they their normal violet color. They were black, and it was startling. "Are you the real Raven or are you…part Raven?" It sounded ridiculous even as he said it.

"Part?" She reached up and touched her neck, her eyes never leaving his face. "Just a part?" He watched her carefully as she looked down at her fingertips, touched her cheek. Looked at her clothes. "Raven."

"Okay, so I doubt you're the real Raven," Beast Boy confirmed, stepping forward and kneeling in front of her. She watched him. "Because the real Raven doesn't act so oblivious. So then the question is: which one are you?"

"Which one am I." She didn't sound confused, but she did sound off. He couldn't place what was different with the way this side of Raven spoke, but it was definitely odd. Her bangs fell forward and hid her eyes, and he unconsciously reached up to brush them away. Her hand instantly flew up and caught his, holding it against her skin. He panicked, almost jerked free from her grasp, but her hold was tight.

"You're the one," Raven said, eyes narrowing at him. "You're the one who touches her. Who presses her. Who pushes."

Uh-oh.

There were still so many sides of Raven that he'd never seen, let alone met. He hoped that if this was one of them that it was one that wouldn't hurt him. He pulled his hand back and she let him go.

"Um…uh…yeah, sorry about that," he meekly apologized. "Do I have to explain this to all your sides, Rae? I mean, you and I, er…well, it's just a joke between friends, you know? I didn't mean to be…mean…."

This Raven blinked slowly at him and rose to her feet, staring down at him. She suddenly oozed dominance and control, even more profoundly than the real Raven, and it left him more intimidated than he wanted to show. Beast Boy rose to his feet as well so that she was forced to look up at him, but the height change did nothing to hinder her confidence. "You misunderstand," she said. "I was not accusing you. I was merely attempting to confirm who you were. Beast Boy. Changeling. Immature, talkative, the one who teases with touch." She grinned. "Those are what she classifies you as."

"That's…disappointingly simplistic." He tried to lighten the mood with a laugh, but it came out contrite. "I kind of thought I meant more to you than that, Rae."

She smiled then, slowly. It was unnerving. "You do mean more to her than that," she said. Beast Boy frowned.

"Her?" he asked. "Not 'us'?"

"Not 'us'," Raven repeated.

"Why do you talk about her as if she's a completely different person?" he noticed. Happy Raven hadn't done that. It had been difficult for her to separate talking about herself and talking about the real Raven. This one, however, did it with ease. "You _are_ Raven."

Her grin widened as she began circling around him, like a predator to its prey, a motion that had never sat well with Beast Boy. "The relationship between Raven and I is blurred along the lines. Somewhere down the road we became so estranged with each other that we no longer felt as one. I now regard her as a guard, for she cages me deep within." She lingered near his shoulder and he glanced down at her upturned eyes. "To a place she does not like to venture to."

"Who are you?" Beast Boy asked, feigning composure.

"I am many things that have fused into one, clinging to each other because we have nothing else to cling to. I am the things Raven does not like to feel. The ones she is most terrified of." She watched his face, her eyes studying him. "No," she said, as if answering a question he did not ask. "I am not Wrath or Anger or Fury. She accepts Wrath and acknowledges it, although she fears it. Me she neither acknowledges nor accepts."

Beast Boy took two steps back, frowning down at her. If Raven didn't like this side then he definitely felt no obligation to like it either. "And what would Raven not want to accept?" he demanded. She lifted her chin again and it sent a chill down his spine.

"Impulse. Depravity. Cruelty. Desire. Sexuality." She said such things monotonously, reading off her names as if they were emotions that did not bring with them an air of some foreboding…or inviting darkness. Beast Boy tried not to think of this girl as intriguing but he couldn't help it. Depravity? Cruelty? Sexuality? Things he never thought Raven struggled with…and which he now knew she did her best not to. "Does it frighten you or excite you?" she suddenly asked, her tone even. Beast Boy blinked, caught off guard.

"What?"

"Does it frighten or excite you?"

"Um…." He didn't think anyone could have had a good answer for that sort of question.

She started to move towards him again and he backed away even further. He didn't want to look at her. She seemed unnatural in Raven's body, not at all the way Happy Raven had seemed. He didn't want to be in the room anymore; was no longer curious about the transfer and its outcomes. He wanted to leave.

"Don't," she said, once again responding to his unspoken words. "Do not leave."

"Get out of my mind," he demanded. "Raven doesn't invade our privacy unwarranted."

"I thought I already told you that she and I are not the same person."

"All the more reason I should go." He probably should have been staying, trying to figure out a way to send this Raven back into the depths of a neglected subconscious. She obviously was not meant to have control over this body, and if Raven was meditating in la la land then she had no idea that her body was being possessed by a darkness she had long denied.

But her eyes were too black, her expression too cold, and Beast Boy didn't want to be around either.

"But you are the reason I am here," she said calmly. "You are the reason I surfaced."

He didn't want to be the reason.

"Why would you come out for me? I'm not anyone," he told her. She shook her head.

"Wrong." Her eyes bore into him and shivered again. He wasn't particularly liking that this Raven restrained itself to single word responses followed by lengthy pauses. It left an empty space in the air filled with tainted implication. He turned toward the door and slid it open to leave, but her next words drifted over and halted his motions. "You are very much someone. You do things to her that make her feel things. You do things to her that make me feel things. We so rarely share any sort of interest, but we share you. Your touch ignites us."

Beast Boy had never felt so much guilt overcome him…because he was starting to understand what she was talking about.

"I'm…not here to ignite you," he said awkwardly. "Especially not you."

"Not me? Or not her?" He didn't answer. She chuckled, low and with no joy. "No sarcastic quip? No idiotic joke to be made? How disappointing." Beast Boy looked back at her over his shoulder, his face caught in an embarrassed grimace. "She couldn't possibly find you interesting based on your personality."

That hurt.

"I guess that's my cue then," he mumbled, stepping out into the hallway. His intention was to lock her in the room until Raven took control once more and this bully of a shadow was suppressed. There was the off chance that she'd just teleport to wherever she wanted, but he didn't want to think about technicalities at the moment. He just wanted to leave.

He started to slide the door shut but she stepped forward and stopped him, placing her body in the frame. She looked up at him with a vague sense of pity mixed with curiosity; the kind of curiosity a passerby gives to something dead and misshapen on the side of the road. Her eyes passed over his entire being, raking through his hair and heading downward, taking in his body with her gaze. He felt extremely exposed under her scrutiny.

"You smell like night," she said, leaning forward and inhaling his scent. He leaned away, his hand still on the door in his attempts to close it. She pushed on it with her own hand, keeping it open. "And you do hold a significant level of physical appeal." He blushed. Horribly. "So maybe the interest is purely primal." She bit her lip and Beast Boy couldn't help but stare. "Touch me."

"_What?_"

"Touch me. Touch me the way you always touch her. In the alley. In the kitchen. You're not exactly shy." She reached out with her free hand and ran her fingers down his chest and over his stomach. He jumped back at the action, jarred by her brazenness. "I'm giving you permission this time."

"I don't need your permission," he snapped. He shook his head, angry that she was making him flustered. "I mean, I don't want your permission. I'm not going to touch you."

"No? But I want you to." She leaned farther into the hallway, her arms suspending her in the doorframe. She had Raven's face and Raven's body, but all Beast Boy saw was a completely different—and completely disturbed—stranger. "Please?" she suddenly begged.

"No," he spat, the disgust apparent in his voice. "Get back in the room."

"Don't tell me what to do."

"I can't tell if you're acting like a psycho or acting like a child."

"If you come back inside I can show you I'm not a child."

"N-no," he said, angry that he had stammered. "No way am I going back in there."

"I know that that's a lie," she hummed. "I can feel your intrigue."

"Don't mistake intrigue for confusion."

"And don't mistake conversation for approval." Her head lolled to one side as she looked up at him. "I don't want your words. I want you to be the good little pet that you are and touch me."

Anger bubbled in Beast Boy's chest and his hands curled into fists at his sides. "I am not a pet," he hissed. She grinned.

"Yes, you are. They all think so. She thinks so. You're the pet, kept for amusement and scolded when he shits on the carpet."

"Shut up," he said, although his immense anger made his voice shake. She swayed from side to side.

"Touch me and I will."

"No! Now get back…." Beast Boy's words trailed off and he stopped talking, his head turning quickly to look down the hall. Raven straightened up and followed his gaze, watching with narrowed eyes. Silence passed and then they could both see a shadow glide along the wall, the tell-tale flow of a cape apparent even from their distance. It was Robin, passing the mouth of the corridor on his way to the stairs.

"Then again, there's always Robin," she drawled, smiling maliciously as her eyes soaked up the image of his shadow. "And she does have such a deep connection with Robin…." Her hands dropped from the door and she started to head towards the Titan's leader. Fearful and desperate and not wanting to find out what would happen if she ever reached him, Beast Boy lashed out and grabbed Raven by the arm, pulling both of them into the room and slamming the door shut behind them.

"Are you insane? You can't just go after people like that! This is Raven's body! You're supposed to respect that!" He had her arm in a vice-like grip, glaring down at her in outrage. All previous hesitations had dissolved in light of the possibility of this imposter degrading Raven in anyway. The rage he suddenly felt was all consuming, leaving him shaking and tense. He jerked her arm unceremoniously and she let him, her eyes lazily trained on his grasp. "What you do has consequences, and I am not going to let you run rampant with Raven."

"You're touching me," she said quietly, completely ignoring his words. Her gaze flicked upward, half-lidded, sinister. "Touch me some more."

With a sound of repulsion Beast Boy let go, shaking his head. "You may be part of Raven but you're not her in any way. You're time is up. I'm putting you back." He had absolutely no idea what he was talking about, but he couldn't let Raven's body be abused in the hands of this…side. He strode past her and over to the bed, snatching up the meditation mirror. Almost as soon as his fingers wrapped around the hilt it was whisked out of his hands and shot into Raven's, who caught the device easily. He cursed her powers under his breath.

"Strong words. Always strong words," she said. "Never accompanied with strong action." Beast Boy growled deep in his throat, a primal reaction he only ever succumbed to when he was truly angry.

"What is that supposed to mean?" he hissed.

"It means that you're all talk with absolutely no walk," she spat, her composure rapidly leaving her. "A teaser who doesn't have the balls to go all the way."

"What?"

"She said so herself, did she not? '_I only back down from a _real_ challenge'_? You've posed yourself as an empty threat; always a boy but never a man."

Hurt seethed through Beast Boy's veins but he converted it to anger. Sometimes, Raven could be a real bitch. "And you're Raven's judge, is it?" he demanded, stomping over to her. "And yet you'd be nothing without her. A parasite with no home."

"Rather a parasite than an empty shell."

"Rather an actual person than a neglected side of myself."

"I may be neglected but I am still here. You think I'm different from your precious Raven? Like you said, I _am_ Raven. These thoughts were culminated from her own. These perspectives were made by her. The words I speak are the words Raven thinks but hides away to spare you and your childish feelings." She said the words with sharp certainty, her lips curling into a smile at the hurt she was rendering to him. Tension pulsated between the two, escalating them both to the point of battle. Had he ever had such a fight with Raven before? Never. No matter what this manifestation said it wasn't really Raven. It was made by her discarded thoughts, and Beast Boy knew that a person was made by the things they chose to show and not by everything that passed through their minds, said or unsaid alike.

"She'll destroy you," he said, glaring down at her with as much intensity as she was giving him. "I've seen Raven battle herself before and, back then, Rage was a lot more powerful than you are now. She'll disintegrate you."

"She fears me," Raven whispered, her words dripping venom. "I am the monster in her closet that she can't take her eyes off of. Why do you think she's been having such a difficult time controlling herself? I grow with each day, with each tantalizing touch that you offer her. Yes, Garfield Logan, you feed my very existence with every moronic action you display."

"Liar," he spat, but he knew he was wrong.

"Raven is a pathetic shell of a woman," she went on, their faces so close he could feel the resentment she was presenting radiating off her skin. "A stupid little girl with a stupid little crush on a stupid little boy." She said each word with emphasis, throwing them into his face. Her hands reached up and caressed his neck in vivid contradiction and Beast Boy shoved her away brutally. "Such trivial dramas in the life of a half-demon who lives to be a saint and yet she can't come to terms with the turmoil that riles her body. Only a broken little doll would melt at a touch from these green hands, and when she does I am the one who is left behind to feel the tremors." She clamped her hands more securely around his neck this time, her fingernails digging into his skin. He cried out but she ignored him, occupying herself instead with the scent of his hair. "You are simple and mundane but you are the very _reason_ I stand here now. I have been given a taste of miserable existence, and I find I am ravenous."

Beast Boy barely had a moment to blink when Raven's black power sprang up between them and blasted him backward. He flew away from her and landed on the bed hard, the breath knocked out of him. He coughed, outraged that Raven had actually attacked him, (he didn't give a shit that it was the depraved, cruel, crazy psycho bitch side of her), and he sat up to either yell at her or transform, but was abruptly stopped by lips crashing down on his own and hands shoving him back down onto the bed.

She had crawled on top of him and was kissing him in a way that he couldn't even believe, let alone comprehend. Fire exploded within him and his pounding heart threatened to beat free from his chest. He grabbed Raven and pushed her off, staring up at her in complete and utter shock. "What are you doing?" he screamed. She stared down at him with glassy eyes, her face flushed and her own breath coming in ragged.

"Feeding," she whispered before tearing his arms away and colliding with him once more.

Thought did not have time to form in Beast Boy's head. For a few seconds all he could think about was the feel and taste of her mouth, her weight on his body and the sensations these things were doing to him. He grabbed her shoulders again, moving to free himself once more, but she pressed harder against him, held tighter, and it was as if a wave of fire burned over his skin. His breathing began to match hers and he was consumed by a strident need to kiss her back, to hold her closer, to feel her skin. His hands left her shoulders and he wrapped his arms around her, crushing Raven with an instinctual need pulsing in his stomach; a need he found to be too sudden, to singularly unique and far too potent to be completely his.

…but she was ravishing him, arching her body into his, her hands clawing painfully at his neck and hair. He feared the intensity that she was displaying but, of course, was relishing in the simple act of sexual desire, responding in kind to the exchange. Blood pounded as her hips pressed into his and her legs intertwined with his body, her thigh pressing against him as he viciously kissed her back…

And then he remembered that Raven wasn't just a girl, she was his friend and his friend was a particularly special person with the ability to feel another's emotions and _impress her own in turn_.

This hunger he could feel choking his mind wasn't his, it was hers, and she was seeping the feeling into him, making him respond. Making him stay.

Embarrassment, shame, fear and nerves fueled him to break the contact and shove her off. He scrambled off the bed and half stumbled across the room, trying to put as much distance between them as possible. Raven simply sat on the sheets, her breath heaving but her expression showing nothing but satisfaction.

"Mmm," she hummed, her fingers tracing over her lips. "So the boy can feel as a man would. Maybe I was wrong about you." Beast Boy just stared at her, back pressed to the door as he slumped onto it, still too caught up in the moment to say anything. She laughed at him, belittling him. "The look on your face and your taste in my mouth is enough, for now. I will give you what you want, but I will require sustenance again. Soon," she drawled. She closed her eyes and raised her face to the ceiling, exposing her neck. "Nunc Lento Sonitu Dicunt…Novo."

She started to laugh again when the sound choked in her throat and her eyes went wide. Her body seized up for a moment and Beast Boy felt his stomach clench in terror. She sat there like a hung animal for half a breadth before her eyelids closed and she feel back against the bed, limp.

Seconds ticked away into silence as Beast Boy just stared at Raven's body lying motionless on the bed. She wasn't even breathing, but he couldn't bring himself to do anything; the rush of adrenaline in his body had almost completely knocked out all his motor skills. He stood there in dread for nearly a whole minute before Raven pulled in a deep but forced breath and then she started to cough and groan and move her arms and legs and Beast Boy suddenly felt that he did not want to be present when she sat up and regained her composure, whether it be the real Raven or yet another one of her emotions.

Without a word he tore the door open, slipped into the hall and slammed it shut before bolting through the Tower and to a place as far away from Raven as he could possibly get.

.

.

.

**References: **

*Transfer spell: Nunc Lento Sonitu Dicunt…Novo*

-Latin. By John Donne. Originally "nunc lento sonitu dicunt: morieris" which translates to "now this bell tolling softly for another says to me: thou must die". I changed the last word to 'novo', which means 'to change'.

+ refers to _Teen Titans Go!_ comic issue #42


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for all the wonderful reviews. I truly appreciate each and every one.

Disclaimer: Although this story is based in the universe of the animated Teen Titans series, elements from the DC Universe canon will be used, (i.e. villains, the use of civilian clothing, the real names of the Teen Titans, and the history/background of other Titans that aren't part of the Fab Five).

.

.

.

Chapter Three

.

.

.

She had him pinned against the wall of her room and was tearing at his clothes and even though he protested he fought weakly as she ripped the front of his uniform away and her hands were on his chest and over his skin and he fleetingly wished he was more impressive to her but she didn't seem to notice because she buried her face in his neck while her lips branded his throat and she whispered something to him and the next thing he knew he was shoving her to the floor and he was devouring her mouth with his and he grabbed her hip, her arm, her leg, her breast, her face…she laughed in complete ecstasy and she whispered again and he still couldn't understand but he growled out of anger or pleasure, he wasn't sure, as she reached a hand down his body, against his chest and his abdomen and his pelvis and then she gripped the fabric of his clothes and he startled awake with a scream only to find himself alone and panting on a rock on the beach with the afternoon sun beating down on him and Titan's Tower.

He took a moment to gather his bearings. He wasn't in Raven's room, he wasn't taking advantage of her, she was definitely not taking advantage of him, and he was alone. He took another moment to remember that he had run out to the rocky shore outside of the Tower after what had happened with Raven and he had somehow fallen asleep amongst the boulders.

Beast Boy covered his face with his hands.

What had happened with Raven…

He didn't know what he was feeling right now, and to be honest, he didn't care to find out. He didn't even want to think about it. But, of course, the mind plays horrible tricks on its owners and all he found himself thinking of was the time he had spent in Raven's room.

He huffed out a breath and lay back down on the boulder. Who knew?

Who knew Raven had suppressed something like that inside of her? But then, isn't that what they all did? Being a hero didn't mean you got to live a normal life, and when teenagers were normal, most teenagers weren't very…well, prudent. And Raven had been living a lifetime of suppressed emotions. It shouldn't have come as a surprise, then, for pressure to build and for the whole system to collapse. Raven didn't experience even the most basic of things, like hold hands or give hugs. Those would have piled on with the more extreme restraints of physical affection and then boom goes the dynamite.

And he had helped with piling on that pressure. Beast Boy groaned.

He couldn't face her. Couldn't.

When she would come to and return back to normal then the memory of her and Beast Boy would have buried itself with that primal side she so adamantly caged. She would essentially forget it, unless provoked to remember. For him, however, the memory would mostly definitely be foremost in his thoughts, springing up every time he looked at her, was around her.

Talk about uncomfortable.

Because was he supposed to ignore the fact that Raven—Raven!—had stuck her tongue down his throat and pressed her hips against his? Was he expected to just let that all slide right off? He was a guy and he was her friend and he lived with her and he saw her every day and he wasn't exactly the most debonair hero to walk the halls of Titan's Tower, and all of that just made everything else infinitely worse.

_You may not be the best hero, but she kissed you_, he reluctantly thought, and then he internally kicked himself for even thinking such a thing. But…she had. And she had done so with vigor…

"_A stupid little girl with a stupid little crush on a stupid little boy."_

He felt shame as excitement tingled through his arms and legs at the recollection. It wasn't as though that side of Raven could be considered trustworthy. She could have said it just to be cruel; that was her thing, wasn't it?

"_A stupid little girl with a stupid little crush on a stupid little boy."_

He groaned again and rolled onto his side, too full of angst and confusion to do much of anything at all.

.

.

.

Cyborg frowned over the engine of the T-car, his concerned face smudged with grease. Across the garage Raven sat idly on his worktable, her legs folded under her as she cradled a hammer in her lap and dazed off. It was well past midday and Raven had showed up to help him work on the car as she often did after a battle, but usually when she came to work she wore suitable clothing and not the uniform she had fallen asleep in; she also actually did work. Today she had showed up as if by habit and habit alone. There were shadows under her eyes and an invisible weight slumping her shoulders, two signs that said she hadn't gotten much sleep after the battle with Dr. Light.

He had tried to send her back to her room, insist that she needed rest, but she didn't want to. She claimed that the last thing she wanted was to close her eyes, and he had pushed the subject no further.

"Everything all right over there?" he called, tightening a bolt within the intricacies of his vehicle. Raven kept her faraway stare for a moment longer before she blinked languidly and looked at him.

"What?" she asked, somewhat lazily. Cyborg's concern grew.

"You know, I don't really use a hammer on a car engine," he pointed out, nodding to the tool in her hand. She looked down at it as if seeing it for the first time before gently placing it back on the table.

"Sorry. I was just thinking."

"I couldn't tell," Cyborg lightly joked before straightening up from the car and walking around it towards her. "What's got you so distracted? You're never distracted."

"I know," she said, sounding worried. "I'm sorry." He watched her as she tried her best not to sigh, shrouding her uncertainty to save him the trouble of worrying. Another habit for habit's sake.

"Want to talk about it?" he offered. She shook her head automatically.

"I'm all right."

"Sure you are," he agreed, rolling his eye. "But still…want to talk about it?" She looked up at him and he gave her a waiting smile. She looked around the garage and thought a moment before she opened her mouth to speak.

"I just…for some reason I feel strange," she said.

"Strange like a person would feel or strange like a half-demon would feel?" he asked. She shot him a look and he shrugged. "I'm just taking precautions."

"Strange like a person," she said evenly. He nodded.

"Okay, that I can help you with. What do you mean?"

She fiddled with the hem of her cloak. "I feel exposed," she said, simply and directly, just as she had always been when she spoke with him. Cyborg's eye went wide.

"Exposed?"

"Yeah," she mumbled, rubbing gently on her temples. "I realize it sounds odd, but I can't really describe it in any other way."

"Okay." He hung his ratchet back on the wall along with the hammer, frowning through his motions. "I mean, I can go with that. Exposed how?"

"I don't know. Not physically. Mentally. Internally. Psychologically." She heaved a weighted sigh and leaned back against the wall. "I feel drained."

"Well, none of us really got any rest last night," Cyborg tried, but she shook her head.

"No, it's different than being tired. I feel like I've been crying for hours, or yelling for hours, or talking for hours. I don't know." Raven brought her knees up to her chest and hugged them close, looking up at the ceiling. Next to her Cyborg folded his arms thoughtfully.

"That is…strange." He glanced sidelong at her. "Could it be your powers? An overexertion or a fluctuation of them?"

"I want to say 'no'," she said, but her words trailed off into uncertainty. She reached over her shoulder and dragged her hood over her face, covering her eyes and shrouding her features in darkness. "My head feels heavy but completely empty."

"It may feel that way, but it never is." He could feel her glaring at him and he threw up his hands in defense. "I told you Rae, precautions. Remember a few years back when you insisted that you weren't scared of anything and that suppression of fear tapped into your powers? None of us were too fond of that night."*

"This is different," she said. "I'm not suppressing anything, I can assure you that."

"Okay, well…have you meditated?" he suggested. She nodded once.

"I did, actually." She paused. "I've been trying something new, too."

"New?"

She nodded. "Up until today it has been gleaning remarkable results. But now I just feel-,"

"Exposed." Cyborg contemplated her words, tapping his finger thoughtfully. He knew Raven well enough to understand that whenever she opened up about anything to him it was in his wisest decision to take it seriously; and he hadn't seen her this out of it in awhile. Usually they would work on Cyborg's projects with fervor, Raven always very much interested in whatever mechanisms he wanted to explain. But today she was just another body in the garage, nothing more than a silent presence, a sure sign that something was wrong. He wondered fleetingly about her 'new' method of meditating, but he didn't want to seem too invasive. "Well, you know, Beast Boy did kind of frazzle you before you went to your room earlier," he mentioned, shrugging. Raven let out a cynical 'hah' at that.

"Yes, well, there was that too," she conceded.

"I told him to lay off you a little, but you know BB. Sometimes that guy gets too caught up in playing his games."

"Thank you, but it's really not a big deal…" Raven said as an afterthought. Cyborg waved the comment aside.

"I know, I know. I mean, at least he tried to make up for it by checking in on you, but still." Cyborg reached behind him for a power drill.

"What do you mean, check in on me?" she asked absently.

"We heard a noise from your room and he went to check on you. You were okay, right? BB didn't come back and I haven't seen him since, so I figured everything was fine. Otherwise, I would have gone and checked on you myself."

Raven sat up then, her feet slipping off the edge of the table. "Wait, he came to my room?" she asked. The two exchanged looks and Cyborg noted the confusion in her eyes. His mouth hung open in awe.

"Are you serious? That guy didn't go to you at all? Man, what a flake." Cyborg shook his head in disappointment, not noticing that a strong veil of panic had shrouded Raven.

"No, don't worry about it. It's nothing. I was fine. Nothing happened," she said hurriedly, but her thoughts were clearly somewhere else. Cyborg heard the undertone of anxiety in her voice and watched her before reaching over to lay a mechanical hand over her own. She looked down at the gesture before returning her gaze to his face.

"Okay, you're starting to kind of make me worry, Rae," he said with completely sincerity. "Should I kind of be worried?" he asked. Raven offered a fleeting smile, laid her other hand over his and hopped down from the table.

"I think I do need to get more rest," she said. Cyborg wasn't convinced at all; he knew that she was even more troubled now than before, but he wasn't going to press her. Raven's walls had gone back up again and there was no getting passed them without her permission. "Thank you," she said. He smiled down at her, unable to chase the concern from his face.

"Sure," he said helplessly as he watched her leave the garage.

.

.

.

It was already well into dusk and Beast Boy was still lying on his boulder, one arm thrown across his face as he peeked out beneath his elbow at the blossoming stars above. His earlier episode of shame and embarrassment had given way to an episode of self-pity, then an episode of self-loathing, to be concluded with an episode of self-doubt. By the time he had finished mentally beating himself up the day had passed him by, and he still felt no need to get up and go anywhere else.

"Beast Boy?" a voice called out behind him. Panic exploded in Beast Boy's gut and extreme paranoia nearly gave him a heart attack when he registered that it was a girl's voice calling him. He didn't even stop to realize that it was Starfire's voice and not Raven's before he transformed into a cougar and adopted a defensive stance, his claws prepared as if for battle but his eyes wide and fearful. When he saw the familiar alien climb atop a rock overhead and look down on him he let out a breath he hadn't even known he was holding. "Beast Boy?" She frowned at him and jumped down onto his boulder, landing lightly and without a sound. Beast Boy returned to his normal state.

"Star. Hey," he said, glancing behind her shoulder. "Are you…did you come out here alone?"

"I did," she said, casting a wary eye behind her, wondering what Beast Boy was looking for. "Was I not supposed to?"

"No, no. It's okay. I mean, I was just asking."

"You have been absent from the Tower all day and our friends have been wondering to where you could be." She frowned at the defeated way he stood in front of her. "Something is wrong," she said. It wasn't a question. Beast Boy just shrugged and shook his head, vying for tired nonchalance but only succeeding in worrying the girl more.

"It's nothing. It's stupid."

"Nothing is ever stupid. May I ask what is wrong?"

He couldn't tell her, it was too embarrassing. And what if she decided to talk to Raven about it? It wasn't as though Starfire restrained herself from expressing any sort of concern. "Would it be okay if I didn't tell you? I kind of…. It's complicated." She didn't like that. He already knew so before he had said it.

"I would not want you to be burdened by such troublesome things alone," she said evenly. "Especially if it is something that could be dangerous for you."

"It's not dangerous," he assured her, although he didn't really believe what he was saying. "It's just personal. Please?" He looked at her with sincerity, glad that they stood at eye level now. Star still looked too worried to give in.

"We have all said such things before about our own problems, Beast Boy, but that was never the case. And you are not the one to be isolated for such a long period of time over something that is silly." She reached out a hand to touch his shoulder but he caught her softly by the wrist, stopping her.

"Kory," he said, saying her name with a quiet earnest. "Please." That did it. Starfire sighed, twisting in his grasp so that she was holding his hand.

"I will let it go. This time," she said, offering a feeble smile. "But we must go in now. The dinner is ready."

.

.

.

Raven wasn't at dinner, a fact that left Beast Boy with mixed feelings of relief and anxiety. He felt relief because he didn't have to face her, but anxiety because no one knew why she was absent. Cyborg had said that she left the garage a few hours prior, claiming to need more rest. When Beast Boy had asked if she seemed okay the mechanical Titan had rounded on him.

"You didn't go to check on her earlier, did you?" he accused lightly. Beast Boy's brow furrowed.

"What do you mean?"

"She sounded surprised when I told her you had gone to look in on her after we heard the noise. You totally bailed, man."

"No I didn't," Beast Boy automatically defended, but then he dropped his eyes down to his plate, hoping he wasn't blushing. "I mean, I checked in on her but she was meditating, so I didn't say anything.

"Uh-huh," Cyborg grumbled, pursing his lips in dissatisfaction. "Sure."

"Why?" Robin inquired from across the table. "Is Raven not okay?"

"I don't know," Cyborg admitted. "She was really out of it earlier. When have any of us seen her out of it?" he shrugged and the subject died, although not after Robin and Starfire shared a questioning look. Beast Boy tried to avoid conversation for the rest of the meal, keeping his head down and occupying himself with his food. When he had finished he got up without a word, placed his plate in the sink and started to leave. Cyborg asked him if he was feeling all right and when Beast Boy shrugged his friend made a worried sound. "You're acting like Raven did," he commented. The remark made Beast Boy uncomfortable, because he didn't want anyone associating his odd behavior with Raven. He forced out a weak laugh and tried to play off his mood.

"Sorry guys. I knocked out for about twelve hours earlier and my mind is still on shut down. I think I'll just head to bed early. Call me if there's a villain on the loose," he said, mentally noting that that was probably the worst attempt at an ironic joke that he have ever given. Starfire shot him a worried glare from the table but he ignored her, turning on his heel and leaving the main room without another word.

He hurried through the hallways for his room, anxious to lock himself in his haven and preoccupy himself until sleep came once more. So, it was due to pure rotten luck that he turned down the corridor and saw Raven just standing there, staring up at the ceiling.

She had changed out of her uniform and had donned the civilian clothes that she, (and the whole team) so rarely touched: a loose grey hoodie and black leggings. It was more of a costume on her than her hero garb, and it succeeded in making her look even smaller than she already was.

She wasn't doing anything in the hallway, just standing there with her hands in her front pocket and staring at a flickering light in the ceiling. Beast Boy physically jumped when he saw her and took two nervous steps back, his fight or flight reflexes kicking in and telling him to take off. But she noticed him and turned to look and he found himself frozen under her gaze and knew that, even if he wanted to move, he couldn't.

"Beast Boy," she said in her normal, even voice. His muscles seized at the sound of his name on her lips.

"Hey," was all he could say. She started to walk towards him and it took all of his willpower not to run scampering in the opposite direction.

"Cyborg said you came to my room earlier." She was looking up at him with a neutral expression, her countenance no different than usual. Beast Boy tried his best to mimic her normality but he found himself becoming painfully distracted by irrelevant things such as her hair, her mouth, the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed.

"No I-," he stammered. "I mean, yeah, I did. I knocked but you didn't answer so I—I just left and…yeah, I left."

"You didn't come into my room-?"

"No!" He heard himself practically scream his interruption, causing Raven to raise an eyebrow at his outburst. "Sorry, I just meant no, I didn't go into your room."

"Hm. All right." She looked away thoughtfully. Beast Boy's heart was pounding so loudly in his chest that he could swear she heard every thump, and his face felt hot and flushed. Her eyes flicked back up to him and she frowned profusely. "You look terrible," she said bluntly. She raised her chin and, to Beast Boy's horror, reached up a hand and touched her fingertips to the scar on his temple. The chaste contact of her skin with his almost sent him reeling. "Is your wound okay? Is it bothering you?"

"No," he said again, jerking his head from her touch. She looked a bit shocked at his sudden retreat. Well, as shocked as Raven ever looked about anything. "It's fine. I just need to lie down."

"Hm." Her expression relaxed and she offered him a soft smile…a smile that curved her lips in such an unknowingly seductive fashion; the same way the other Raven had smiled at him. It filled his head with unceremonious thoughts and unwarranted memories, and he groaned audibly, wobbling on his feet. "Maybe you do need some rest," she suggested, her smile lingering for only a second longer before it disappeared. "Do you need help to your room?"

Raven in his room? Beast Boy thought he would pass out.

"Uh, no way," he said, and realized it sounded a lot meaner out loud than in his head. Raven took his comment gracefully though, nodding solemnly at him and already walking away, heading for the main room.

"I hope you feel better," she called over her shoulder. Beast Boy didn't say anything in reply; he didn't really trust himself. Against his will he watched her lithe form turn the corner before he went sprinting for his room, horrified and embarrassed.

.

.

.

That night Raven had an uneasy sleep. She dreamt of terribly erotic things, the feelings that accompanied them so profound that she was caught between knowing she was dreaming and being fooled into thinking it was a reality. And what was worse was that she was dreaming of her teammates. First it was Robin, then Cyborg and even Starfire. But most of the time it was Beast Boy, his face too blurred for her to see but the green of his skin undeniable.

Her dreams went on and on and on, changing and morphing in and out of each other. But the ones of Beast Boy were the sharpest and most prominent…the most realistic…the most tangible…

.

.

.

Beast Boy didn't sleep. When the Tower had shut down for the night and the rest of his team had gone to rest in their rooms, Beast Boy was wide awake in his, trying to distract himself but finding his mind was roaming.

He didn't know what it was about nightfall, but with the sun gone and the Tower sleeping Beast Boy felt more inclined and less guilty about revisiting what had happened between him and Raven. He tried playing video games but his mind shamelessly recalled the heat from Raven's body, the feel of it pressed against his own and, beneath the horror of the situation, the exhilaration of it all. It was true that Raven had been seeping her own inclinations into him through her power, but there was no denying that it was only dumping fuel on an already blazing fire.

The less than reputable thoughts coursing through Beast Boy's head made him give up on his video games, forced him off the computer and resulted in him pacing his room unknowingly. He had too much pent up energy from sleeping all day and he was making himself restless. So he kept pacing, kept pacing, kept pacing, kept pacing…until he was brought out of his stupor and realized that he had stopped pacing at one point and had left his room to walk the quiet halls of the Tower.

And he had ended up outside of Raven's room.

Before he had the decency to be embarrassed, Beast Boy fleetingly wondered if Raven was meditating again…

And then he quickly turned on his heel and ran back down the hall to hole up in his room until morning.

.

.

.

Raven did not like the way her day was going. When she had woken in the morning she had been sweating and panting, her body tingling and her sheets askew on her bed. She felt horrible about the dreams she had had, and it took nearly an hour for her to convince herself to get up and start her day. She took an unusually long shower, using the time to settle her mind. She had lived and existed along a philosophy that centered around the conscious and unconscious mind, but now that philosophy was working against her in the most unsettling of ways. By the time she was dressed and ready the morning was already giving way to noon.

As she stepped out of her room she jumped when she heard someone call out her name. She turned to her right to see Robin striding down the hall towards her. Memories of what she had dreamt about Robin pummeled her, but she schooled her features and forced herself to remain unfazed.

"Hey," she said stoicly. They started walking down the hall together, heading for the main room.

"Hey yourself," he said. "You're up late. I don't think I've ever seen that happen." She just shrugged.

"I had a rough night."

"Bad dreams?"

She sighed. "You could say."

His masked gaze glanced sidelong at her questioningly. "Nothing supernaturally dangerous I hope?"

Her mood darkened even more. "I understand that everyone here is just looking out for my best interest, but I will say that the assumption that I'm constantly plagued by my demon side is getting a little redundant. And old." She shot her leader a look. "If it was dangerous I'd say so."

Robin had the humility to look apologetic at that. "Sorry, Raven. Sometimes I can't turn it off."

"Yeah," she sighed, knowing full well that Robin only knew how to be Robin first and a friend second. "I know." She rubbed at the place between her eyes, trying to relieve the tension she was feeling. He noticed.

"Do you need to talk about it?" he offered, although he sounded unsure of himself as he said it.

"No," she said automatically. "I'm fine." She knew he wasn't convinced. If he wanted to, he could be very persistent when it came to the well-being of his teammates, so it was a blessing for her when red lights started flashing throughout the Tower and on their clothes, and the alarms started blaring through the speakers. Robin whipped out his communicator and called Cyborg.

"Where?" was all he asked. Cyborg's image appeared on the tiny screen, his expression grave.

"Industrial park near the piers," he said. There was a pause, the sound of typing, and then he sighed. "It's Cinderblock and Plasmus. I am not looking forward to this fight."

"Do any of us?" Robin replied, and Cyborg just shrugged before signing off. Robin pocketed his communicator and turned to Raven. "Could I get a lift?" he asked. Without a word she threw up her cloak, engulfing them in darkness and carrying them to the rest of the team.

.

.

.

They were back in the city and Plasmus and Cinderblock were wreaking havoc through the factories. That meant that Cyborg, Starfire and Robin would be the aggressors with their blasts, starbolts and explosives while Beast Boy and Raven acted out as the assists and the defense.

At one crucial point Robin had embedded seven different discs into Plasmus' back just as Cyborg shot a blast with his cannon at Plasmus' front. The creature had splattered everywhere, each disgusting glob of himself carrying one of Robin's explosives with him. Raven saw the unintended mistake and went to fix it, hoping to contain all seven blasts before they fractured the group and allowed the villains to get away. But before she had even raised her arms or spoken her mantra, someone had yelled out her name and then a green leopard went flying through the air and collided with her chest, knocking her backward and out of the way as Starfire shot a barrage of attacks at Cinderblock who had been attempting to sneak up on the distracted girl.

Raven groaned as she lay on the hard cement, her back stinging from landing on a pipe. It had made a loud and resonating thump, the sound vastly more bone-chilling than the actual injury. On top of her Beast Boy transformed back into himself and reached for her head, panicking.

"Oh man, are you okay?" he cried, cradling for her head, terrified.

She opened her eyes and looked up into his worried face. He was hovering over her, trying not to crush her with his weight, and his hands around her head and her waist seemed strikingly familiar. She was hit with a startling and vivid sense of déjà vu then, jarring her as it carried the same thoughts and feelings that she had experienced so clearly in her dreams. A crate nearby violently exploded and the two flinched. Raven felt embarrassment at the momentary lapse in her powers, and she sat up abruptly and shoved Beast Boy away.

"Get off," she demanded. He sprang back, kneeling away from her in surprise. The look he wore on his face stung her with guilt; he looked horrified and positively reproachful.

"Sorry," he murmured, his face reddening. They stared at each other for a moment, a clear sense of misunderstood tension between them. Another crate exploded and a crane near Cyborg cracked and started to crumble in on itself. Their teammate cried out as rubble rained down on him, distracting him from fending off Plasmus.

Raven was breathing rapidly, trying to get herself under control, but she succeeded only in bring down the crane altogether. Thankfully Robin had swooped in to clear Cyborg from the avalanche.

"Raven," Beast Boy said, anxiety raising his voice. She was having a panic attack from trying to control herself, but the failing attempts were only making the attack worse. If she didn't get a hold of herself soon then her team would have three adversaries to fight.

Robin's voice cut through her thoughts as he called out their names and both Raven and Beast Boy looked up quickly in response. Cinderblock was barreling towards them, roaring a hideous battle cry. Beast Boy easily transformed into a falcon and took off as Raven melted into the cement, the Titans clearing the way for Starfire to come swooping in again, eyes ablaze with green light.

But Raven didn't return to the fight right away. Something had happened when she had looked at Beast Boy and it was threatening her part in the battle. Her mind was becoming unfocused, and if she didn't do something right away then she would be an emotional and useless mess.

She reemerged on a rooftop nearby, close enough so that the sounds of her teammates fighting were clear and audible. Cyborg called for Beast Boy and the deafening roar of dinosaur shook the glass in the windows of the buildings. Raven tried to tune out the sounds as she took a deep breath, sat on the ground, and closed her eyes, willing her mind to empty into the peaceful void of her meditative state. Usually what she was about to do was easier with her mirror, but she had no other choice at the moment.

_..Raven retreated into her mind, sifting through the layers of her conscious and into the place where it had severed itself into pieces. She sought out Bravery, Courage and Willpower with the intention of letting that side take complete control of her body. With Bravery at the helm her soul intent would be in defeating Plasmus and Cinderblock, and Raven could retreat into herself and gather her bearings knowing that her friends were protected._

_It was a risk, a gamble. An uncertainty, and she had never liked uncertainties…_

_..but what good would she be if she continued to blow things up?_

_She reached into her soul self and sought out the manifestation. She felt herself grasp onto the emotion, felt the surge of power and perseverance that came with it and pulled it forward to take control of her consciousness. There was, however, a fleeting moment of something different…something added to the emotion that Raven never remembered being there before—it had the taste of a bitter fruit and the taint of something long forgotten—but before she could decipher what it was the emotion took hold of Raven's active body and washed over her, confining her to a place of darkness and peace while it assumed complete control…_

"Nunc Lento Sonitu Dicunt…Novo."

Raven's eyes opened and she inhaled, flexing her fingers before she rose to her feet. She stared out into the night, towards the sounds of fighting. There was a moment's pause, one where Raven offered herself a small, knowing smirk, before she wrapped herself in darkness once more and went to join the other Titans.

.

.

.

References:

*Teen Titans Animated Series-"Fear Itself"


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry for the wait. I had a lot of trouble with this chapter.

.

.

.

Chapter Four

.

.

.

Raven had been like a completely different person during the latter half of the battle with Plasmus and Cinderblock. Just when Beast Boy had begun to worry about her absence she had reappeared next to Starfire and resumed combat with the monsters as if born anew. She had always been a great fighter, but it was more than just a second wind that she was displaying. She fought alongside Starfire flawlessly, weaving in and out of her attacks with deft precision and bringing the battle to an immediate and powerful close.

Now the team was heading back to the Tower: Cyborg and Robin were in the T-car while Starfire, Raven and Beast Boy flew ahead. The girls traveled side by side, holding a conversation that Beast Boy was definitely not a part of. After the battle Raven had said little, opting to simply nod at the compliments her teammates were giving her with a stern yet self-satisfied resolve. And before they had taken off for home she had cast Beast Boy a lingering and very apparent glare before rising into the air; a glare that didn't sit well with him. Maybe it had been the lighting or the shadows or the darkness of her hood, but it had made his spine crawl. Now she was conversing with Star and boxing him out.

A part of him was grateful for it; crashing into her during the fight had been awkward and strange and a little too intimate despite the circumstances. But another part of him was still a little hurt. The girls were completely ignoring him save for one moment when Raven leaned in close and whispered something to Starfire that made her glance back at Beast Boy with a thoroughly confused look on her face. At that moment he was glad he was a hawk; hawks couldn't blush.

So he was grateful when the Tower loomed up before them and the three were touching down on the rooftop. Him and Starfire landed gently on the cement, but Raven seeped right through the stone into a pool of her darkness, entering the Tower on her own. Beast Boy transformed back into himself and followed Star to the door that led inside. He wanted to say something cynical on behalf of Raven's inconsiderate abandonment, but nothing came to mind, so he remained silent.

"Are you hungry?" Star asked him as the two entered the main room. "Shall I begin cooking our lunch for the afternoon?"

"I'm not hungry," Beast Boy grumbled, throwing himself onto the sofa. "Maybe you should ask the bipolar warrior queen if she wants anything to eat." A long silence followed his words and he sighed. "I was talking about Raven," he said to the air. From the kitchen Star let out a long 'oh' of realization.

"You are calling her this because of how she was during the battle, yes?"

"Duh. Rae disappears long enough for me to get my ass handed to me trying to cover Robin, and then she shows up and takes down the monsters in thirty seconds. She couldn't have done that at the beginning of the fight?" He was admittedly bitter, but if it was because of the battle or because Raven had refused to talk to him afterwards he wasn't sure.

"I had wondered about that as well," Star said, pulling pots and pans out from the cupboards and setting them on the counter. "When we spoke she seemed…different. She was not herself at all."

"What, she wasn't moody and monotone?" he grumbled, grabbing at the remote and turning the television on. He knew he was complaining about Raven much more than he should have, but the way she had looked at him after he had landed on her was nagging at his brain. She had looked caught between shock and disgust, and the combination made Beast Boy feel unfairly guilty.

"She was speaking with strange sentences," Starfire said, tying her hair away from her face as she prepared to cook. "She said things that I have never heard Raven say before."

"Like what? 'Fantastic'?" he said, speaking in a high squeaky voice as he remembered Happy Raven and her vastly different choice of vocabulary.

"No," Star said, speaking with sincerity. "She was talking in what Robin taught me were riddles. Things with double meanings."

Beast Boy let out a sardonic 'hah'. "Are you sure she wasn't just being a jerk?"

"Raven was not being a jerk, but she was being not very nice. She seemed very upset about something." She turned on the fire on the stove, frowning. "She was upset with you."

"What?" He sat up straight and twisted around in his seat, outraged. "Upset with me? What the hell did I do?"

"She said that she was hungry and that it was your fault," she scolded, shaking her head at him but smiling all the same. "I do not know how that could be your fault, but that is not very nice, friend."

Beast Boy frowned profusely. "Okay, that doesn't make any sense at all. Raven said that it was my fault she was hungry?"

"Well, she did not say the word hungry," Starfire conceded, tapping her chin and thinking. "She worded her sentence differently, like I had told you. How was it again? She said 'I have been given a taste and, because of Beast Boy, I am ravenous'."

He could have sworn that, at that moment, all the green had drained from his face and his stomach felt like it had been dropped onto the floor. Beast Boy stared at Starfire, mouth agape and eyes wide, his mind reeling at hearing Raven's words—_that_ Raven's words—coming out of Starfire's mouth. The alien just frowned at him, unnerved by the strangeness of his reaction.

"Are you sick?" she suddenly asked. "Your face has made me worried."

It took him a moment to regain his composure. When he felt he had control of his body again he shut his mouth before abruptly turning towards the television, hiding himself behind the sofa and out of sight. "I'm okay," he called out, his heart pounding in his chest. "Sorry, I just…. That was weird. I don't know."

"You do not know if you are sick?"

"No, I know I'm not sick."

"Then why did you look at me like that?"

"It's not you, it was just want you said-,"

"About Raven?"

"Yeah."

"You are concerned for Raven?"

"Yea—no, um, not for Raven—,"

"But you just said-,"

"Yeah, I know, but no."

"Know?"

"Yeah, no."

"Know what?"

"What?"

"You said 'know'."

"Yeah, I know."

"But what is it that you know?"

"Huh?"

"What is it that you know?"

"Wait, are you saying 'no' or 'know'?"

"Those are the same words, Beast Boy."

"No! I meant 'no' as in the opposite of 'yes' and 'know' as in 'I know things'."

There was a pause.

"I am confused," she admitted quietly. Beast Boy groaned audibly and covered his face with his hands.

"Yeah, me too."

Thankfully the main doors opened at that very moment and Robin and Cyborg strode in, both of them talking animatedly about confinement options for Plasmus. Starfire's attention immediately turned to them as she asked what Tamaranean meal they would most prefer to have for lunch. The interruption allowed Beast Boy to have his own mini freak-out without anyone noticing.

He immediately cursed Raven in his mind, screaming at her and hoping she could hear him in some weird, telepathic or empathic way. He would have never thought of her as irresponsible or reckless, but if what Starfire had said was true then there was no other way to describe Raven's decision-making skills.

_Starved. Ravenous. _

A transfer midway through combat…a transfer that had obviously gone wrong.

Beast Boy ran his hands through his hair, trying to understand the situation. Happy Raven had said that Bravery had taken over during training once before, and not a single one of the Titans had noticed. That was probably what the real Raven had intended to do for the battle, but then that logic begged two questions: why did she need a transfer and how the hell had it gone so wrong?

The way she had looked at him before they had left for the Tower…that chill he had felt when he looked into her eyes.

Welcome back crazy, cruel, sex-driven Depraved Raven.

Beast Boy looked up at the television, distressed. She had isolated herself as soon as they had returned to the Tower. All the Titans were here in the main room and she wasn't, meaning she wasn't searching for someone to mess with.

So then, what in the world was she doing right now?

.

.

.

She seeped through the levels of the Tower and materialized soundlessly, landing lightly on carpeted floor. She flicked on the lights, illuminating the room she was in.

Not hers.

His.

She looked around, her eyes taking in the somewhat organized mess. A distant memory told her that he used to be more liberal with his chaos and that time had seen him slowly start to change. His desk was no longer piled with comic books, but with files and papers and books and portfolios. It would have been indistinguishable from Robin's workroom or Cyborg's lab save for the wooden marionette in his own likeness that served as a paperweight. The others had gotten rid of theirs. Her other self had destroyed her own thoroughly. He had been the only one to keep something that had once been used as a weapon against him.

He was sentimental, and she found it disgustingly pathetic.

She wandered over to his dresser and eyed the scatter of objects on its surface: an old gaming console, a cheap replica of a Batarang, a reflective, heart-shaped jewelry box and a tattered, leather-bound book. She picked up the book and stared at it, recognizing the title. This was one of Raven's. She thought a moment and remembered that, in a moment of camaraderie, he had asked to read it and she had handed it over.

Understanding. It ran deeply between them.

She tossed the book onto the floor unceremoniously and scanned her eyes around the room again, trying to see if there was something she overlooked. She had come here for one reason and for one reason only, but her search was not gleaning the answers she had hoped for.

She turned towards the bunk beds and eyed a pile of newly laundered and neatly folded clothes sitting atop the contradictory clutter of tumbled bed sheets on the bottom bunk. She lifted the edge of one of the blankets with the toe of her boot, making a face at the pattern of cartoon animals. Her other self would have found his lifestyle off-putting but somewhat endearing. She found it sad. But interesting.

Yet she still did not understand.

She picked up one of the folded shirts and let the fabric unfurl. It was simple, with a logo on the front that she didn't even bother to read. She held the fabric to her face and breathed deeply, letting the aroma of the detergent fill her nostrils. It didn't smell like him. She was disappointed.

She held up the shirt with one hand as her other unclasped her cloak and let it fall to the floor. She reached behind her easily and undid her uniform, slipping the Kevlar off her shoulders and letting it join her cloak on the floor. Without thinking too long about it, she slipped the shirt over her head and let the fabric slide over her body, immediately delighting in its difference from the skintight costume her other self insisted on wearing. It was terribly loose on her, much more so than she had initially thought, and it suddenly excited her. The neckline draped low on her clavicle and the hem hung almost to her thighs, betraying his height and his girth. Whatever indifference she had felt towards him a moment ago was instantly washed away the moment she had slipped into his clothes. Was it always this intoxicating to feel his fabric on her skin? These clothes were newly washed, retained none of the nighttime scent that clung to his body, and yet she delighted in the idea of wearing things that belonged to him. The feeling trickled through her veins, sparking curiosity in more places than just her mind.

Interesting.

She had come into Beast Boy's room for one reason and one reason alone: she wanted to know why her other self had chosen him, of all people, to _feel_ for.

During the battle with the creatures he had touched her—landed on her—and it had sent such a tremor of emotion through Raven that it had awoken _her_ once more. The potency of his contact alone had fueled her influence and broken the reins of control Raven had on her powers, thus forcing the Titan to open the gateways of her mind midway through combat. And without the mirror, Raven's accuracy of pinpointing her fragmented psyche was extremely poor, which allowed _her_ to slip past Bravery and assume control.

She caressed the shirt over her body, reveling in the sensation.

All thanks to Beast Boy.

So much had been going through Raven's mind when she had looked at Beast Boy. A mere déjà vu of what had occurred with him when she was locked away in her own mindscape had sent her into a panic. Such trivial things, and they were exactly what _she_ needed to know.

For she was Depravity. She wasSexuality. She was Impulse. She was a culmination of the most basic human hungers and she was starving…but momentary satisfaction was petty at this point. She wanted more. Much more.

She could find satisfaction in any one of the Titans, but Beast Boy would be more than just satisfaction. The hunger she felt for him was deep-seeded and long standing; an inevitability for both her and her other self. Beast Boy was special. She wanted him, yes, but he was more than just a means to an end. He was a key to a new beginning, and an end to an eternity of confinement. The answer to her wanting….

But to just take him, or to simply present her self to be seized upon, was far too degrading in its simplicity. Whatever her desires, she was not common, and she would not be satisfied in any common way. Years of being deprived had made her greedy, and she wanted her greed to be fed with vigor.

She needed Beast Boy to want her, to obsess over her, to yearn for her so much that it hurt. She wanted him driven mad by his desires to the point of submission…and she wanted her other self to be pushed so far to the edge by the onslaught of emotion and attention that she would crack altogether; shatter from Beast Boy's wanting and be left weak and powerless. It would be the end of that Raven, and a new one would be born from the rubble. It would be the chance for the old Raven to be locked away and for a new Raven to surface and take full command of this body and all its powers.

She sat down on the edge of the bed, running her palms along the array of sheets.

Break.

She needed Raven to break.

She needed Beast Boy to break.

And, in all sense and purposes, she needed them to break each other.

She glanced down at her uniform lying on the floor, reaching a hand beneath the shirt she now wore.

She smiled.

.

.

.

As the argument in the kitchen continued over who was going to make lunch and who should leave the alien dishes for alien beings, Beast Boy sat hunched over on the sofa, his mind scattered and his resolve split. He couldn't get Raven out of his thoughts, and his intentions were heading in way too many directions.

A part of him wanted to hide somewhere in the Tower, hoping to steer clear of the lunatic running around in his friend's body altogether. He was really in no mood to have her tear him down with insults again, nor was he eager to be on the bad side of her explosive temper and unpredictable use of her powers.

But another part of him wanted to jump into action and find Depraved Raven before she would do something regrettable; be the good friend that he had always tried to be with her and protect her. What if she wasn't even in the Tower anymore? What if she was out and about in the city, doing who knew what?

He pulled out his communicator and hit the locater button on the GPS system. It showed all five of the team, each one of their blinking dots showing that they were all in the Tower. At least she wasn't running amuck in the city, so if he wanted to find her to restrain her then he wouldn't have to go far.

Beast Boy felt a lump form in his throat.

Then there was another part of him—a dark part that he was trying to pretend didn't exist—that wanted to find her simply to just…find her.

To see what she would do.

To him.

Again.

His face heated at the thought and Beast Boy quickly dismissed the idea, embarrassed that he had the audacity to think of such a thing in a room with his friends present. Granted, it wasn't as though they could hear is thoughts, but it was embarrassing all the same.

"All right, all right," Starfire was saying from the kitchen. "I will not cook a traditional Tamaranean dish. Are you happy now?" She sounded very much put off as she tossed her oven mitt onto the counter.

"It's not that we don't want you to cook, Star. We were just thinking we'd make Raven's favorite foods, since she did kind of saved the day," Cyborg explained. Starfire sighed but seemed to agree with that sentiment.

"Oh. Well, yes, I do agree that she deserves praise for her actions." Her sullenness alleviated almost instantly and she smiled. "And yes, Cyborg is the best at cooking Raven's favorite foods. I will be your helper then, Cyborg. Together we shall make her a most wonderful meal!"

"Awesome," Cy replied, sounding none too pleased about the arrangement, and for good reason. Starfire had a bad habit of 'adding' things to perfectly normal dishes. "Hey BB, want to lend a hand in here?"

Beast Boy groaned out loud. Food was the least of his worries at the moment, and the discussion behind him was starting to get on his nerves. "Uh, can you ask Robin to help? I kind of…I haven't been feeling too great…."

"Rob went to check on Rae," Cyborg said, opening the fridge. "Come on dude, quit being lazy-,"

"Robin went where?" Beast Boy had jumped to his feet and turned to face his friends. In the kitchen the two Titans both stopped what they were doing to stare at him, their expressions confused.

"Yeah man. He left, like, five minutes ago. Didn't you notice—…where are you going?" Cyborg demanded. Beast Boy ignored him as he leapt over the back of the sofa, raced across the room and went flying through the sliding open doors in pursuit of Robin, not even gracing his friends with an explanation. A single burst of determination had thrown him into action where all other reasoning had failed: Do not let Robin find Depraved Raven.

Although if it was because of worry, loyalty or plain, green-eyed envy he couldn't quite tell.

.

.

.

"_Nunc Lento Sonitu Dicunt…Novo."_

Raven woke calmly, breathing in and opening her eyes to fluorescent light flooding her vision. She blinked lazily and sighed, letting her mind fully reawaken before she tried to figure out her surroundings.

She was in her room, safe on her bed and her body felt strong and in tact. Relief washed over her. Cinderblock and Plamus must have been defeated. Her body and mind had made it safely back to Titans Tower. Everything had turned out okay.

When she had relinquished her hold during the battle she had done so with a taint of fear underlying her meditation. A strange undertone had caught her attention during the transfer, and it had kept her worried during her time in the mindscape. What if Bravery had taken advantage? What if, when Raven came to, she was lying in an alleyway with no recollection of how she had gotten there and under what circumstances? What if the transfer had failed midway through the battle and Raven was thrust back into consciousness while taking a hit from Cinderblock? What if she had never regained control at all?

Such thoughts had been her companions until now, when perspective had thrown everything into order. She was awake. She was alive. She raised her hand up to her face and wiggled her fingers. They moved at her command. She was okay.

Smiling to herself she stretched her arms over her head, arching her back as she settled back into herself. Her body moved freely, although a strange, airy sensation played over her skin. She frowned, looking down and plucking at her clothes. The relief drained from her face. She wasn't wearing her uniform. She was wearing an oversized t-shirt with the symbol of the Doom Patrol on the front, worn away from years of washing and wearing. She stared at the symbol, almost not believing what she was looking at. Doom Patrol.

She was wearing Beast Boy's shirt.

Raven sat bolt upright in the bed and fully came to understand why she felt so suddenly free and uninhibited. A blush heated her skin and her heart started pounding. She was wearing Beast Boy's shirt and _only_ Beast Boy's shirt. Nothing else.

Absolutely nothing else.

She snatched at the edges of her blankets and hugged them around her body, her grip tight as panic coursed through her veins. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to force herself to recall memories that she hadn't experienced.

Where had her clothes gone? Had she lost them before she made it to her room or after? What exactly had happened?

She tried to concentrate, tried to force herself to think of things that might trigger a connection: returning to the Tower, coming to her room, climbing out of her uniform…even speaking to Beast Boy. Nothing helped. Those memories were locked away, and it would take hours for her to sift through her mind to find them. The last thing she could remember was being on the rooftop as she prepared to meditate. Beyond that, nothing.

Her heart threatened to explode from her chest and the candles around her room began to melt rapidly one by one, the wax dripping from their sconces and solidifying into pasty icicles. Raven forced herself to take a deep breath and regain control of her composure.

"Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos. Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos."

She had to repeat her incantation four more times before she could feel herself reestablish control. The number did nothing to comfort her already rattled nerves. She shifted in the bed and jumped at the feel of her bedclothes against her exposed lower half. Even though she was alone in her own room she couldn't help but feel exposed and humiliated. She wasn't like Starfire or Beast Boy or even Robin who felt _comfortable_ in their own bodies. It was why she confided in Cyborg the most, for he too shared her uneasiness about being in his own skin.

So to wake up and find herself naked save for a shirt that wasn't even hers…she didn't know if there was a crueler fate.

Two hard knocks at her door echoed through her room and made her cry out in surprise. If she hadn't just harnessed her powers into her control she was sure something would have exploded violently.

"Raven?" Robin called out from the hallway. Her already flushed face burned at the sound of his voice and she hugged her sheets even tighter around her body. Why did it have to be him? Why did it have to be one of the _boys_? Couldn't Starfire have been the one to check up on her?

She internally berated the girl for her lack of telepathic understanding.

"I'm meditating," she called out, hoping that putting irritation in her voice would make him go away. "Did you need something?"

"Just wondering what you're up to. Starfire and Cyborg are making a meal in your honor."

"Great," she said, glad to hear her own token sarcasm make its way into her voice. "I'll…be down in a little bit."

There was a pause before Robin spoke up again. "Are you okay in there?" he asked. She gripped her blankets even tighter.

"Yes. Why?"

"I don't know. You sound a little flustered. Uneasy."

Raven made a face at the door. Damn his annoying detective skills.

Raven forced herself to take a deep breath to hide her anxiety, to cover the fact that she was panicking over her missing clothes and unknown actions. If only he would go away, then she wouldn't have to deal with this added embarrassment on top of her already shaky resolve, and then maybe she could figure out what had happened to her and settle herself before the other Titans came looking for her too, wondering why she wasn't joining in on a meal they were making in her honor—

A few of her books jetted out from their shelves, zooming across the room at top speeds and bombarding the opposite wall. Raven silently cursed herself for letting her mind rant and her powers run free. What was wrong with her?

"Whoa, what was that?" Robin called from the other side of the door. "Raven? Raven?" He knocked against the door again. "Can I come in?"

"No!" She quickly raised her hand towards the door and her dark magic encompassed the edges. She wasn't worried about him beating the thing down, but Robin was fully capable of overriding the lock systems on the rooms. It wasn't his style to ever invade any of their privacy unwarranted, especially hers, but if his leader instincts were strong enough he would have no hesitation barging in.

"I'm fine, I promise," she said, trying to make herself sound agitated with his presence. "I was tired from the fight, I'm trying to recollect myself and you're interrupting. I would like to be left alone, if that's okay with you." She hated being snippy with him, especially him, but having a conversation with Robin through her closed door while she was less than clothed on the other side was not something she wanted to do for another minute.

A few seconds of silence stretched out between them before Robin patted the metal as a sign of surrender.

"All right. I was just worried," he said. She cringed at the sullen way he said it.

"I know. Thanks."

There was some movement outside as he prepared to leave, but then it stopped momentarily. "You know," he called out, "I wouldn't have come in without your consent. You didn't have to hold the door closed with your powers."

Raven dropped her hand and scowled at the door, blushing again.

Damn annoying detective skills.

.

.

.

Beast Boy jogged frantically down the hallways, hoping he'd catch Robin before he actually found Raven. She could have been in her room, she could have not been. He hoped that wherever she was, she wouldn't be easily found.

He descended the stairs to the floor that held their rooms and sprinted past Cyborg's, Starfire's and his own. He would have kept on down the hallway if his opened door hadn't caught his eye. He stopped partway down the corridor and turned around, staring at his door.

He had closed it that morning.

The thought of leaving it open nagged at his brain, so he rushed back to quickly shut it before going after Robin once more. But just as he hit the button that would force the sliding door closed he caught a glimpse of something on the floor of his room that made him stop and double take. Beast Boy frowned and stepped into his room, staring at the floor with a furrowed brow.

Raven's cloak.

He looked up and around at his room. Had she been here? And where was she now?

He reached down and picked it up, wondering why she had left it behind. As he lifted the lightweight fabric in his hands a few other garments tumbled out from its folds, landing on his feet in a small pile. Beast Boy glanced down at them and felt his eyes widen and nearly all thought escape his brain. If the Tower had been attacked at that very moment by every villain they had ever faced, he was almost certain he still wouldn't have reacted in any way, shape or form.

Because if Raven's cloak, leotard _and_ undergarments were sitting at his feet, then what on earth was she wearing now?

.

.

.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I am not basing the Titans Tower on the one in the show, but rather the one from the comic books, save for the main room. The rest of the Tower reflects the one in the comics, with its luxurious furniture and resort-style themes. Seriously, the Tower from the comics is pretty baller.

.

.

.

Chapter 5

.

.

.

Beast Boy pulled on his jeans silently, trying his hardest not to think of anything in particular. Instead he put an amazing amount of focus into zipping his pants, his eyes doing their best not to stray to the drawer where he'd hidden Raven's…unmentionables.

It had taken a long time for him to move after he had found her clothes in his room. Apart from the wonderment of how they had gotten there in the first place, Beast Boy had found it physically difficult to pick her undergarments off his shoes, let alone hold them in his hands. There was absolutely no way in hell that he was going to hand them over to her, (how was he supposed to explain his possession of them?), so he had stuffed her entire uniform into the bottom of one of his drawers and was now changing out of his own, feeling as though he had tainted his suit with the stench of being a pervert.

Even though _she_ had been the one throwing her clothes around all willy nilly.

Beast Boy reached for the folded shirts on his bed, vaguely wondering where his old Doom Patrol shirt had gone. He remembered seeing it that morning. Instead he grabbed the closest thing to him, a white long-sleeve, and yanked it over his head as he left his room, making sure to lock his door behind him. He was more determined now to find Raven and talk to her, so it was a stroke of luck that he ran into Robin in the hallway.

"You changed," he said right away. Beast Boy glanced down at himself and shrugged.

"Yeah. Plasmus remnants," he replied. Robin just grinned.

"I agree. I need a long shower myself. Are you headed back to the others?"

"I, er, was actually going to find Raven. We kind of need to talk. Is she in her room?"

Robin made a face at that, glancing over his shoulder briefly. "She was, but I don't think Raven's in a talkative mood right now. She sort of just told me to get lost, in so many words."

"Did she sound normal?" Beast Boy asked. It would have been a strange question for any one else, but Robin was someone who noticed such things and took them into account.

"For the most part. She seemed frazzled, though. Thrown off." Beast Boy nodded in response and walked past him, heading towards Raven's room. Robin watched him go. "Still going to try and talk? You're just going to irritate her," he said, trying to spare his friend the reaction he had received. Beast Boy just turned and shot his friend a toothy grin.

"I thought that was my job around here," he said. Robin let out a mild laugh and shook his head, making his way to his own room.

When he was out of sight Beast Boy made a beeline for Raven's room, jogging down the hall and not slowing down until he came to her door. He rattled his knuckles against the metal as he blew out a nervous breath.

"Rae," he called, leaning into the door. "Open up."

There was the sound of frantic movement from within before she answered with a simple and angry "Go away!" Beast Boy sighed.

"Come on, Rae. I want to talk to you."

"I already told Robin and now I'm telling you: I want to be left alone."

"Raven-,"

"Beast Boy. Go. Away."

He sucked in a breath, staring at her door. Now that he was here he didn't know how to broach the subject, let alone say something to get her out of her room. Should he just come out and say that he knew about the transfers and that her weird sense of self-denial had come careening out in the form of a cruel and sadistic caricature of her? Or maybe he could open up with her undergarments being shoved into his dresser drawer because her dark side wanted to play polo with his hormones?

He shook his head. There were so many ways for their conversation to go wrong, but only one right way for it to be done. Not to mention the state of their relationship after everything was said and out in the open. How disgusted would she be to find out they had a nice little roll around on her bedspread?

"_A stupid little girl with a stupid little crush on a stupid little boy."_

He shook his head of the memory. It wasn't true unless the real Raven, this Raven, said it was so.

"You haven't spoken to anyone since we got back. I'm worried about you," he said, speaking honestly but sparsely. He heard the sounds of drawers being slammed and her closet door being thrown open.

"Don't be."

"Well, I am. Still will be, even if I go away."

"Not my problem."

"Rae." She refrained from answering again. "Raven? Raven. Rae. Rae. Rae. Rae."

"Do you have an off button or something?"

"Come on," he groaned, leaning his forehead against the door. "When have I ever pushed the conversation card if I didn't absolutely mean it?" he said, speaking with all the sincerity he had. A long, agonizing pause followed his words and he knew he had struck gold. Raven probably didn't confide in him as much as she did with Cyborg or even Starfire, but he had been there for her during the times when it mattered, and she for him. Like that time with Malchior. Or that time with Terra.

The door slid open without warning and Beast Boy almost fell forward into the room. He caught himself in time, preventing another landing on Raven herself. She stared up at him with an unreadable expression on her face, but it was definitely her eyes and no one else's looking up at him. He knew it wasn't subtle but he couldn't help himself from looking at her clothes, noting that she had successfully donned a pair of worn jeans and a blue blouse. Raven crossed her arms at his appraisal and pushed past him into the hallway.

"Close the door," she said darkly, already striding down the hall. "We are not talking in my room."

"Right." Beast Boy obliged and followed in her wake, jogging forward to keep up with her. "I'm glad you came out," he said softly. She didn't seem to share his sentiment.

"You can be uniquely annoying when you want to be," she shot back. He started to respond but she held up a hand, ceasing his tongue. "I know. It's your job around here. I get it."

Beast Boy eyed his companion, noting that there was a tension in her voice that she usually didn't harbor. He wondered if she knew that her clothes were in his room, or if her other self was just messing with her mind. He took notice of her disheveled hair and rapid breathing and guessed that she had woken up to a world of confusion. How put together would he have been if he had woken up in his room completely naked and with no memory?

Beast Boy suddenly tripped over his own feet, caught off guard by the notion of Raven lying naked in her room. It took an unflattering amount of concentration to get his mind out of the gutter and back to the matter at hand. Thankfully, she hadn't noticed his clumsy slip up. She was just staring straight ahead, her eyes gaunt and completely somewhere else.

"Are you okay?" he asked. "You don't look too good."

"I'm fine," she said pointedly. When she said nothing else he slid in front of her and blocked her way, forcing her to stop and meet his eyes. "What now?"

"Let's try this again. Are you okay?" He knew she wasn't, knew that she was extremely far from okay, but he wanted her to say it out loud, to be the one to open the subject up to him. Raven was a person who thrived in her privacy, and if he was the one to bring up her alternative means of meditation and its connection to him, then he would have dismissed the most important aspect of her existence. For years he had been annoying to her, no matter her level of acceptance on his behalf, but disregarding her privacy would be more than just an annoyance. It would have been betrayal, and Beast Boy couldn't deal with that amount of disappointment from her. Especially her.

She stared up at him, her face as closed off as it had ever been. It she hadn't pulled in a shuddering breath he would have mistaken her anxiety for rage.

"No," she admitted, her voice an unwavering monotone. "I'm not okay." She dropped her gaze and turned away, backing up to lean against the wall of the corridor. There was a heaviness to her, in the way she rubbed her arms and turned her head. Beast Boy watched her, hating to see someone who was usually so stubbornly composed act very much defeated.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he offered slowly, leaning against the wall next to her. She exhaled, low and long.

"No," she answered, but her tone was thick with secrecy. "I'm just stressed." She rubbed at the place between her eyes, trying to alleviate the strain from all her grimacing. It was a bad habit he had called her on countless times. "Really stressed. Nothing special."

"Most people vent out their frustrations to real with them, you know," he said. "Talking helps."

"I talk," she retaliated. "I talk to Cyborg."

"You could also talk to me." She looked sidelong at him and he tried to give her a convincing smile. "I can talk, you know. And we have. Once. A long time ago. I think it was a Tuesday. You were wearing blue." She rolled her eyes at his humor and he smiled at her reaction. "We've even had real conversations. Or do you not remember?"

"Oh, I remember," she said sarcastically. "And the last time we had a real conversation you pushed me up onto the kitchen counter."

He flinched at that. "Ah, yeah. Forgot about that." What a glorious reminder that he was a huge part of her problems. He felt his resolve start to waver, but she just shook her head.

"Then let it stay forgotten." Her voice choked a little on her last word and she touched her chest, coughing a little. Beast Boy took a step towards her but she pushed him back, dealing with it on her own. He sighed.

"If I promise to behave will you agree to talk to me? I know what you're like when you bottle things inside, Rae," he said, hoping that his last comment wouldn't be too much of a give away. She cleared her throat, grimacing.

"Beast Boy, I was _raised_ to bottle things up inside."

"Doesn't mean that you should," he retaliated. "All these years and you still haven't learned that?"

"I don't have to share everything on my mind."

"You should if it becomes too much of a burden."

Raven raised an eyebrow at him. "You sound like Robin." That made him grin.

"All the more reason you should listen to me." He watched as her gaze started to drift towards the ceiling and away, a sure sign that she was ready to close herself off again. He let out a whiny growl and unconsciously hooked a finger in one of her belt loops, tugging at her jeans like a five-year-old. He didn't notice the way she stiffened at the contact. "Come on, Rae. I'm busting my ass caring here." She looked down at his hand and back up at him, swallowing hard before she spoke.

"I understand that I'm not the poster child for dealing with things alone in the best of ways, but I would hope that the team would leave me some credit."

"It's not about credit and you know that. It's about concern."

"Your concern is getting suffocating."

"And your reluctance is getting seriously old." She narrowed her eyes at him and mimicked her comically. "Just tell me something. Anything."

"The Phoenicians invented the alphabet."

"Not one of your best evasions."

"You said to say anything."

"Why are you stressed?"

"We're all stressed. It's a requirement for our lifestyle."

"Raven-,"

"Look," she said evenly, staring at the wall in front of her. "There's nothing here to fix. I don't have a broken problem that needs to be pieced together. Pressure builds and it causes strain. There's nothing absolutely unique about the way I'm feeling. We're all human." She paused and rolled her eyes at herself. "Mostly."

Beast Boy rubbed at his neck, his muscles physically aching from her difficult behavior. "Once upon a time Cyborg and I broke into your room and went muddling around in your brain," he started. Raven stiffened at the memory but said nothing. "We caused a lot of distress for you that day, sure, but if we hadn't gone strolling through your head we would have never understood each other."

"Well," Raven started to say tentatively. He smiled. Maybe that had done it. "I guess…." She looked as if she was about to go on, but another cough seized her throat and she made an awkward expression before covering her mouth and bowing her head, her hair getting in her eyes. Beast Boy tried not to laugh. Without even thinking about it he reached out and combed his fingers through her hair, exposing her face. His hand moved smoothly through the mussed yet soft strands, and he cradled the back of her head gently.

"Are you feeling sick or something?" he asked. "Because you're kind of-,"

"Why do you do things like that?" Raven asked him quietly, lowering her raised hand. Her voice was cold and small and extremely restrained. He frowned and she looked up. It took a ridiculously long time for him to understand that he was touching her in a far too affectionate manner. He quickly drew away, taking a hurried step back.

"Sorry," he blurted, shaking his head at the unintentional invasion of space. "Sorry." He turned away from her and pounded his fist against the wall, frustrated.

What was wrong with him? Actions like those were the _exact_ reason that Raven was going through what she was going through. Here he was trying to subtly bring up the crucial discussion of their unknowingly shared secret and he was adding fuel to the wildfire.

"You didn't answer my question," she said. He pressed his knuckles into his forehead, still berating himself

"I'm really sorry Rae-,"

"That's not what I asked you." He turned to look at her. "Why do you do things like that? To me?" The blankness in her face was unbelievable. It didn't matter how many years he had known her, the thought of being raised to show nothing and feel nothing was a horrible fantasy to Beast Boy. He could never hide his emotions like her, and he knew he couldn't do it at that moment.

"I don't know," he said, knowing his response was lame but too afraid to say the real, actual reason behind his actions. "I don't really think about it." She continued to stare at him, and the air grew thick with all the things she wasn't saying. "I'm sorry," he repeated. She held up a hand.

"Stop apologizing." She removed herself from the wall. "Just…know when it's not okay," she told him simply. He nodded once and looked away, completely and utterly hating himself.

Why, why, why was he so unbelievably oblivious sometimes?

"You're right. I will."

"Good." She crossed her arms again. "Look, Beast Boy…Gar…I know you're worried about me and I appreciate it." She looked him dead in the eyes. "I really do. And yes, it's starting to get to me. But what I'm trying to handle right now is between me and me alone. If the time comes for me to start asking for help, I'll ask for help." The muscles in her jaw tensed on her last words. Beast Boy saw it.

_Liar_, he thought, but he didn't say it out loud.

"That's kind of a moot point right now, Rae. The Titans are supposed to be a family. Your problems automatically become our problems; isn't that what our wise and philanthropic leader always says?" Raven was about to voice another protest when her eyebrows suddenly shot up and her eyes widened in complete surprise. "What?" Beast Boy cocked his head to the side, confused at first but then slowly coming to understand her reaction. The solemnity of their discussion changed as his expression altered to one of outrage. "Oh my god, you're surprised I used the word 'philanthropic'."

"No," she said too quickly, looking away. He saw her fight a smile and he closed his eyes, shaking his head in disappointment.

"Wow," he breathed, feigning melancholy. "I can't believe you think so little of me."

Raven failed in her fight not to smile and broke, her face cracking into a smirk. It brought Beast Boy happiness, although he tried to hide it.

"I'm sorry," she said, chuckling softly behind a raised, demure hand. "I was a little thrown off. I've never heard you use a four syllable word before."

"Hardy har har." He rolled his eyes as she let her mirth die away, passing a hand over her eyes and returning to her usual, easy expression. "I swear, you're a closet elitist."

"What's a closet elitist?"

He started to open his mouth to respond, paused to think, and ended up just shaking his head and shrugging. "I dunno." That provided him with another simple grin from her.

"Right." She subtly motioned him to follow her as she started walking down the hall once more. He did so lazily, personally reveling in the lift of tension. He loved catching Raven off guard and seeing her break her stoic façade so naturally. It was what he was comfortable with. It was how he liked things between them.

His reprieve was fleeting though. He knew he was avoiding the real conversation that should have been taking place, and he took no comfort in his cowardice. He did not want his time with Raven to go to waste.

He glanced sidelong at her.

Not that being around her was ever a waste.

"Has laughing at me and inadvertently undermining my intelligence made you feel better?" he asked, shoving his hands in his back pockets. Raven nodded.

"It has."

"And does feeling better make you liberal with your honesty?" They reached the elevator and Beast Boy kicked at the button, calling the lift to their aid.

"Gar, I just said-,"

"I'm not asking you to vent anymore. I get it, 'you'll ask for help when you need it' and blah, blah, blah." He made a joke face at her and she narrowed her eyes in disapproval. "This is different."

"How is questioning my liberty to give an honest opinion different from coaxing me into a discussion of thoughts?"

"I don't want your honest opinion, I want your honest answer."

"Depends on the question. If it requires a simple 'yes' or 'no' then done."

"And if it requires more than just a one word reply?"

She gave him a look. "Again, what's the difference?"

"What if the question wasn't just about you, conceited," he said sarcastically, albeit quietly. She let out a humorless laugh, but she smiled ever so slightly. "What if it's about someone else, too?"

"So we're talking about people then?"

"People and a situation."

"People are often the situation."

Beast Boy shrugged. "Or people are dragged into the situation." He looked at Raven with a solid gaze, all the ease that had been there moments before gone. She stared back, and he couldn't tell if she knew what he was hinting at or not.

"Dragging implies resistance," she said. "Which implies a disagreement, which implies a conflict. Is that what we're talking about?"

"There's only resistance if no one had asked first," he said slowly. "And being dragged doesn't always mean there's a disagreement. Maybe there's just missing information." Raven swallowed hard but kept her demeanor calm.

"Like a torn page from a book?"

"Like a feeling gone unsaid."

"That's a little dramatic, don't you think?"

"I think you're confusing the word 'dramatic' for 'real'."

There was the soft 'ping' of the elevator arriving.

"You're trying to steer me towards something and I'm not in any particular mood to play a guessing game," she stated, beating him to the clutch. "So why don't you just tell me what you _want_ me to talk about and we'll see if I'm willing to divulge."

"Can I hold you to that?"

"It depends on the subject matter."

Beast Boy cocked an eyebrow. "What if it's stupid?"

"Then I obviously have nothing to contribute to the conversation."

"What if it's serious?"

"Serious for me or serious for you?" She shot him a look. "Because those are two very different things."

"What if it's personal?" he almost whispered. The elevator doors opened and Raven stepped through, turning to lean against the back wall. Beast Boy hesitated, staring at her from across space.

"Now you're the one being evasive. Just come out and say it. What is it you want to talk about?" She watched him patiently, the lights from the ceiling throwing her pale complexion into fierce definition. He could see a bruise forming on her cheekbone and a few scratches along the base of her neck. He was pretty sure he bore a few souvenirs from the battle as well, and the rest of the team would be similar reflections. None of them were strangers to conflict. None of them were strangers to the nitty gritty unpleasantness of every day life. Raven wasn't a child; he didn't need to tip toe around her.

"I want to talk about us," he said plainly. This time the surprise that claimed her face was different, subtler, but more absolute. He waited, his heart suddenly pounding against his ribcage. He couldn't read her reaction, couldn't tell what was going on behind that stony stare. The elevator doors started to close, separating them, but Beast Boy did nothing, waiting to see if she would stop them. Wanting to see if she'd give, just once.

At the last moment she blinked and said, "There's nothing to talk about," before the doors closed and she was gone from sight.

.

.

.

Raven slid down the wall of the elevator, sitting on the floor in a tired heap. She glanced up at the panel and used her powers to hit the button that would lift her to the roof. As the elevator jerked into motion she leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes.

She didn't want to think about Beast Boy. She didn't want to think about any possibility of an 'us' between them. Those sorts of thoughts were the ones that were making her unstable and unfocused in so many ways. She thought back to how she had been in the hallway, when he had unintentionally made her smile. Cyborg and Starfire could make her smile, but not the way Beast Boy did.

If one thing was clear to Raven it was that her dynamic with Beast Boy was vastly different from the rest of the team. She genuinely enjoyed his company, but at the same time she couldn't seem to stand the small, affectionate things he did. Pushing her up against the counter and making lewd jokes in an alley were different; those actions were trivial and a part of his odd sense of humor. He flirted with hundreds of girls every day. He played up the playboy persona even if it was all just a ruse. But tugging at her pants and grazing his hands through her hair were, in her opinion, worse. They were too intimate, too personal, and they made her feel embarrassed and ashamed for reasons she didn't want to explore.

The elevator shuddered to a stop and the doors opened to reveal fresh air and sunshine. She let the bay breeze wash over her as she inhaled deeply, rising to her feet and venturing out onto the roof of the Tower. She looked towards the water, to the shores of Jump City and the buildings that rolled over into the hills. It was peaceful here, with only the soft din of daytime to underscore the lapping of the waves; a perfect time to meditate and concentrate on herself, and all she could think about was the one person she was trying not to focus on.

A part of her felt guilty for leaving him hanging. He was probably still standing at the elevator door, outraged that she had slipped away. And she couldn't blame him. His anger would have been justified.

"Nothing to talk about," she said out loud to the sky. She ran a hand through her hair, thinking how vulnerable she had felt when she had woken up in her room. "There's only me, and I can't handle even that."

She stared into the sky for a little longer, letting the wind rush past her ears. Then she breathed in and teleported away before Beast Boy found her on the rooftop.

He knew her too well to look anywhere else.

.

.

.

They didn't talk for the rest of the day. Beast Boy had taken to the stairs moments after the elevator doors had closed, heading for the roof without a second thought. He knew her well enough to know where her haven was. But by the time he had burst through the door and out into the daylight she was nowhere to be seen. He had cursed out loud. He could search for her all over the Tower for the rest of the day, but if Raven didn't want to be found then there was no use trying.

So he had rejoined the others in solemn defeat, entering the main room as if he wasn't completely frustrated with Raven. When Robin had asked him how his talk had gone, Beast Boy had smiled and lied.

"It was good," he had said. "She's okay, but she just needs time to herself."

He had eaten lunch then, and when Cyborg wanted to play video games he had agreed. After he lost five games in a row Robin had taken over his controller, and Starfire had coerced him into playing a card game with her. An hour later Cyborg suggested a movie, and so the Teen Titans had gathered on the sofa as a team, minus one.

Now it was late in the evening, they had gone through three different films and Beast Boy wasn't feeling any better. He kept replaying the moment at the elevator over and over in his mind, trying to remember what her face had been like, what her voice had sounded like.

"_There's nothing to talk about,"_ she had said. That had hurt more than he wanted it to.

He continued to mope during dinner, declined another offer of gaming from Cyborg and saved himself the trouble of helping Starfire make a Tamaranean dessert by throwing on his headphones and immersing himself in Robin's music. He had perched himself on one of the ledges in the corner of the room, his friends below him and the windows standing as his opposite. Raven used to settle herself on the ledges when she wanted to be with her friends but still desired quiet so she could read. Beast Boy had begun to steal it away from her as of late, liking how the placement tucked him closer to the ceiling and out of sight.

He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, not really caring what songs were playing but just letting the sound ring through his head. At one point he was caught in that strange limbo between resting and sleeping, and he couldn't tell how long he had been there. During that time he imagined he was listening to Raven talk, her words indecipherable but her voice recognizable. It wasn't until his song ended did he realize he actually _was_ listening to Raven's voice. He opened his eyes and saw her standing in the kitchen with Starfire, brewing herself a cup of tea. She probably hadn't even noticed him in the ledges above her and, at that moment, he didn't feel inclined to let her know.

He just slipped off his headphones and watched, unabashedly eavesdropping on her conversation.

"I'm glad," Star was saying to her. "You seemed very different earlier in the day."

"I know, and I'm sorry. Again," Raven said, taking a sip from her mug. She looked over at the sofa, to where Cyborg and Robin had finished their gaming and were now consulting the blue prints from Dr. Light's tech on the screen. She was unconsciously furrowing her brow again. He wanted to physically reach out and force her to relax.

"Please, there is no need to apologize. We were just worried about you."

"I know." Raven's hand jerked a bit and she squeezed her eyes shut, bowing her head and looking away. Starfire immediately reached out to her and Beast Boy sat up quickly, mimicking her concern.

"Are you all right?" she asked, laying a hand on Raven's shoulder. "Does something hurt?"

"Headache," came the scarce reply. Starfire watched sadly as her friend flinched again and was forced to set her mug down, her hand flying to her face. "Bad headache."

"You should sit down. I will get you some medicine for it."

"No point." The wave of pain seemed to pass and Raven was able to open her eyes, her fingers rubbing her temple gently. "This isn't something any aspirin is going to heal."

"Is it you're powers?"

"Unfortunately."

"Have you meditated?"

Raven stared down into her mug, her fingers wrapped around the warm ceramic. "I was trying not to," she admitted softly. "I tried just relaxing. Reading. Brushing up on my languages. I guess it wasn't enough." She heaved a strained sigh. "I think…I think I might have to meditate tonight." Starfire nodded, affectionately rubbing Raven's arm.

"Shall I perform the meditations with you? You have been alone all of today."

Raven actually smiled and placed a hand over the other girl's. "Thank you, but I think I have to be anti-social for a little while longer. Once I calm myself down I'll be better company."

Beast Boy felt the hot sting of jealousy as he watched Raven be so kind to Starfire. It was true, the girls had bonded so much over the years because they were just that, girls, but he felt cheated by their exchange. Hadn't he made Raven laugh earlier? Where was his slot of affection, his piece of Raven's deadpan sweetness? Below him Starfire offered Raven a bite of her dessert and the girl had agreed purely out of hunger. Star beamed as her friend took a spoonful of the purple, gelatin-like substance, and she clapped her hands when Raven seemed to somewhat like it. She asked if she could have another bite before another wave seemed to wash over her and Raven was force to look away again, her face screwed up in pain.

"Save me some," she said, picking up her mug and waving a hand to Starfire. "I'll take care of this and then I'll be able to eat."

"Please do not hesitate to ask for the help," the alien scolded, not at all liking Raven's persistence to stand alone. Beast Boy agreed with her.

"Sure," was all the dark-haired girl said before she teleported out of the room. As soon as she was gone Beast Boy jumped down from his hiding spot, landing nimbly on two feet. He tossed the headphones and player onto the table and strode right into the kitchen area, brushing past Starfire towards the fridge.

"Would you like to try some as well?" she offered, holding out her plate to him. He grabbed a water bottle from the refrigerator and raised an eyebrow at her, his mouth a tense, straight line. Without a word she scooped up a good amount of the strange gelatin and held it out to him, waiting. He took a bite, immediately hating the sensation and then, after swallowing, immediately hating the flavor.

"It taste like lemons, cookies and celery," he grimaced, slamming the fridge closed. There was no way Raven could have liked it, and that thought made him angrier than he already was. She was willing to lie to Starfire to spare her feelings, but she had no qualms about throwing him under the bus?

"Would you like some more?" Star offered, misreading his reaction. Beast Boy just shot her a glare, his envy unfairly misdirected towards his teammate.

"No," he grumbled, striding past her. "It's disgusting." He felt a twinge of guilt at the hurt that passed over her face, but he refrained himself from apologizing. "I'm going to bed," he announced to no one in particular, and he left the room.

.

.

.


	6. Chapter 6

Rated M for sexual situations.

.

.

.

Chapter 6

.

.

.

Raven leaned heavily against the wall of her room, another wave of a headache ramming into her skull. She slammed her mug down onto her dresser and clutched her head, waiting for it to pass. It took longer this time, and it left a stale ache behind her eyes.

This wasn't good. She could practically feel her emotions battering against her mind, screaming her name and demanding to be let out. She had thought allowing her sides freedom would help her—and it had—but now the plan was backfiring in the worst of ways.

Beast Boy. It all came back to Beast Boy.

Her conversation with him had been relatively civil, but it was the small things that he had done that had gotten her blood boiling and her emotions in a frenzy.

The tug on her jeans.

His hand in her hair.

That he had made her laugh.

The way he had looked at her from across the elevator doors.

Every one of those times she had felt a tingling in the pit of stomach and heat rise at the back of her neck. He had said that he didn't even think about the things that he did, a clear sign that his actions were done naturally and with no intent behind them.

It meant that they were nothing to him.

But they were something to her. They held in them all the years she hadn't been held, hadn't been touched, hadn't been shown any sort of physical affection for fear of what it would coax out of her.

When he would press her into the counter as a form of teasing it surprisingly didn't affect her as much; because it was an empty gesture, just another challenge to frown at. Monsters and villains had grabbed at her, pinned her to the ground, connected their fists with her stomach. All challenges. All met with a frown.

When he had tried to kiss her hand in the alley it had been juvenile, a mock gesture between friends. She had let Starfire braid her hair, hugged Cyborg, let Robin place her arms when they were training. All simple gestures. All between friends.

But when his face was worried, when his eyes looked at her in captured attention, when the fingers through her hair weren't just there to be there—were concerned—it added something to his touches that hadn't been there before. It made them personable, and making them personable made it something exclusive between her and him. And if it was just her and him, if it didn't happen with anyone else, then it made her feel, and making her feel made her feel _lustful_.

Because she was still a girl, and any girl would take notice to the way he had grown over the years, the dedication he had put into his training coming across in his actions as well as his physique. Her starved body would crave for more contact, for more sensations, for more more more. But more was dangerous, more had always been dangerous for her, and so she would quell it. Pretend it didn't exist. Bury it away in the deepest recesses of her mind.

But now, as yet another wave blasted through her skull, she knew that confinement had turned her desires into a slave, and years had turned that slave into a vengeful monster wracking at her brain and making her physically and mentally sick. She tore off her blouse and jeans, slipping into the first pair of sleep shorts she could find and the Doom Patrol shirt she had tossed on the floor earlier. The loose clothing was less constricting, let her breathe easier, but she still felt terrible.

Meditation. She was tempted.

She began to dry heave and the muscles in her stomach clenched painfully. That disturbingly primal side of her screamed for an out, and all its rage was filling her mindscape to the brim, to the point where even her subtle, easier to control emotions were beginning to press for release. She staggered to her bed and crawled on top of it, burying her face in the cloth as she reached for her mirror lying innocently on the sheets.

Her fingers closed around the handle but didn't move beyond that. She just lay there, a sweating mess of internal conflict.

She was desperate for liberation. She had been doing her best to preoccupy herself all day but to no avail. Maybe, if she could just let out one of her more cooperative sides, then she could—

No.

_No._

Her grip loosened on her mirror.

It was too dangerous. She had already returned from a transfer in a less than favorable position with no indication to how she had ended up in such a risqué outfit. The next time could be worse. She couldn't make that gamble, no matter how much pain she was forced to endure.

She coughed and flipped to her side, unconsciously dragging her mirror closer to her. She felt like she was filled with sand, the grains weighing her down, the pressure wishing to be poured onto the floor and out of her body.

Meditation. She was tempted.

Instead Raven closed her eyes and hugged her mirror to her chest, willing herself to calm down. Breathe like a normal person. Relax her body.

She didn't even notice when she fell asleep.

.

.

.

That night Beast Boy had a dream.

About Raven.

She had come to him through the darkness, making her presence known through touch before sight. He had imagined he was lying in bed staring up at his blackened ceiling when an unseen weight settled onto his mattress and an invisible intruder tugged at his blanket. Before he could turn to see who it was icy fingers slid there way over the thin layer of his shirt, tracing a line across his abdomen to settle against his other side. Softness pressed against his shoulder and the feel of skin caressed his thigh.

He should have been shocked by the sudden invasion of his bed, but he wasn't.

A face was lifted to his ear, his hair tickled by a subtle breath.

"Warm me."

A command in Raven's voice.

His dream-self offered no hesitation. He lifted his arm and she slipped under, shifting her body to lie on top of his, her shorts bunching as her legs straddled his own. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, forcing his body heat through both their clothes. Without warning she leaned down and seductively pressed her lips to his cheek, his jaw line, his neck. Her hair dragged across his face. His body reacted without his consent.

He felt a pulsing at the base of his stomach and he knew she could feel his arousal rise with every kiss she placed. Her hands touched his hair, his shoulder. She nipped at his neck and bit gently at his ear. His body shuddered. She twisted her fingers into the fabric of his shirt and slowly, teasingly, ground her hips against his.

He gasped at the sensation, held her tighter. She pressed her cheek against his and he could feel her smile. She repeated the motion, slower, more pressure, her mouth opening in a painfully alluring sigh. He made a noise and she did it again. And again. And again. A steady rhythm that made him squeeze his eyes shut and grimace in delight.

He couldn't remember if his dreams had ever felt this real.

She trailed her hands down his arms, her chest pressing into his, and took hold of his wrists. Guided his hands down the sides of her waist, past the curve of her hips and settled them against the swell of her rear. He gripped, pushed her harder against him, bucked his pelvis into her. She made the noise this time and her hands flew to his shoulders.

Her speed quickened and the friction against his length increased. She was grinding into him, his erection hardening with every tantalizing stroke. Even through their clothes he could feel her warming up and it drove him crazy to know that their layering was keeping him from feeling the true extent of that warmth.

Who knew Raven could seem so inviting?

He couldn't think how long they continued. A few minutes? A few hours? Time was nothing to him. All he could think about was her body and his and how his mind wanted him to be more adventurous.

She pressed a hand into the mattress, her body curving and arching as she grew more aggressive. They were both panting now. His bed creaked under their hunger. He growled, held her tighter. She tugged at his hair and whispered into his ear. One word at first. Repeated between gasps.

Garfield.

His name.

He asked her for more. Tugged at the hem of her shorts. She laughed, low and sultry. Asked him how far he wanted to go. He didn't really know and stopped tugging.

She reached past his head, taking hold of his pillow. She leaned down to his ear once more, her motions slowing to a stop. He made a disappointed sound. She whispered to him, and her tone carried with it dissatisfaction and cruelty.

"You should have said 'all the way'."

Before he could open his eyes she yanked the pillow out from under him and pressed it against his face. Smothering. He tried to cry out and inhaled fabric. He flailed, reached for her, tried to push her off. She swiftly adjusted, pressing her knees into his arms, pinning him to the bed. He tried to transform. Found that he couldn't. He was suffocating. She was laughing. He couldn't breathe. Hours ticked by. His arms fought against her legs. He seemed to be dying forever.

Her knee slipped and his arm broke free, swinging up with force and throwing her off of him. He sat up, screaming, yelling, gasping for breath. His eyes were wide.

Bright, harsh sunlight poured in from his window. He had forgotten to close the curtains the night before. His alarm was blaring on the shelf above his head. His blankets and pillows were on the floor.

No one else was in the room.

Beast Boy was breathing hard, his heart pounding laboriously. He looked around wildly, his senses on alert, his mind panicked. He wasn't dying. He was alive. It was morning. He seemed fine.

He gradually started to calm down. He flopped backward, his head hitting the mattress. He clutched at his shirt.

A dream.

It had only been a dream.

He closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands.

Beast Boy had had a dream.

An _erotic_ dream.

About Raven.

He groaned.

.

.

.

She opened her eyes with a sigh. She felt groggy and heavy but her head was no longer pounding, so she decided it must have been a good night.

But then she lifted her face and noticed that she wasn't in her bed. She was on the floor of her room, curled up against her door. Her back ached. Her mirror lay discarded at the foot of her dresser, far from her reach. She frowned.

She tried to remember if she had ever slept-walked in the past before.

.

.

.

It was nearly an hour later when Beast Boy finally rolled out of bed and convinced himself to go about his business like it was a regular day. He decided a rigorous morning workout would help ease some of his tension, so he holed himself up in the gym for a good hour in an attempt to sweat out his frustrations. Then it was a long—and very cold—shower.

All morning he had gone over the dream in his head, reliving what he could remember. Details were starting to slip through his grasp, but the gist of what the dream meant was clear as day: he wanted Raven. Had wanted her like that for a long time; had been fighting with himself to admit it, but if the end of his dream was any indication, Raven was far from feeling the same way about him. And he knew it.

It should have made him feel sad, to say the least. A girl he cared for emotionally and yearned for physically was actively keeping out of his reach. But despite the depressing notion of it all Beast Boy couldn't help but recall how _good_ he had felt in the dream.

He was, after all, a guy.

He had made sure his cold shower was nothing less than an icy maelstrom.

.

.

.

Raven sat cross-legged on her floor, meditating. She refused to use her mirror, but it seemed as if a good night's sleep had been exactly what her inner turmoil needed. Her emotions were thankfully quiet, and it allowed her to focus her mind with ease. She took her time reveling in the simplicity of silence.

When she felt centered and at peace with herself she started getting ready for her day. After a warm and lingering bath Raven was halfway through putting on her costume when she abruptly stopped and took it off. She dug through her drawers and pulled out a shirt and pants instead.

It was rare for her, but she did not feel like being a hero that day.

.

.

.

Beast Boy's morning had been mercifully empty; he hadn't seen anyone in the hallways. It wasn't until he had settled himself down with a sandwich and the book he had borrowed from Raven did he have his first interaction of the day. Robin came striding into the main room in full uniform, one hand filled with papers and the other clicking away at his comm. He set down his things to grab a cup of coffee and Beast Boy asked him what he was working on and Robin asked him why he wasn't dressed in his suit.

He was looking into Dr. Light's stolen technology.

He didn't feel like being a hero today.

The two had laughed at Beast Boy's reasoning. It had been a long-standing joke between them; a far off dream neither of them ever wanted to come true. It had opened the gates to a fair amount of reminiscing about battles won and lost, times when the team had been at its peak, and times when the team had been on the brink of quitting. It was a rare moment when Robin seemed more like a friend rather than the Boy Wonder.

It hadn't lasted though, as rare moments are wont to do. Robin had effortlessly taken a segue towards his pile of papers, explaining the extent of the research he had accumulated, but it wasn't enough. He needed information from other sources, other places, and so he needed to contact Titan's East. Yet there was so much to be done in the city, what with the prison still needing help with a containing cell for Plasmus, and would Beast Boy do him a solid and hail their east coast friends in his stead?

It wasn't on Beast Boy's top ten list of things to do for the day, but it wasn't in anyone's nature, (or best interest), to refuse Robin. Instead he just heaved a dramatic sigh and finished off his sandwich, holding out his hand for the papers.

.

.

.

Raven thought about Beast Boy.

She sat on the rooftop, thumbing through some of her spell books, but her mind wandered back to the day before. Without warning Beast Boy's face sprang up in her mind, the look of patient wanting she had seen before the elevator doors snapped closed on his face. She sighed. She was never good when dealing with guilt.

Because she was perfectly aware that she had dealt with Beast Boy in the worst of ways. Despite everything, despite her own conflicting feelings, he had been her friend for years. He deserved much more respect than she gave him.

She sighed.

It was just hard sometimes. He wasn't like the others. Robin, Starfire, Cyborg…they knew the extent of her limits, knew how far they could go before her barriers went up. But Beast Boy didn't.

Didn't know?

No. He knew.

And it wasn't as though he didn't care. He just didn't believe that a life at arm's length was one worth living.

Did she appreciate that?

Not usually.

But then there were those other times when she did. Appreciated it. Sometimes him more than his actions. It was just…

She closed her book and looked out over the city.

Appreciation, when nurtured, could grow into something more. It would always turn into something more, and more was what she had issues with.

Still.

The look in his eyes from across the elevator.

He hadn't deserved that.

.

.

.

Admittedly it took a couple of hours before Beast Boy actually did make the call. He finished a few chapters of his book first before taking a good amount of time just relaxing in front of the television. He dreaded the alarm being sounded and the team forced to convene and face a villain in the city, but thankfully his day was quiet. He spent forty-five minutes playing video games with Cyborg when he came in from the garage, but when the mechanic hero claimed it was time he did some repair work on the T-sub Beast Boy knew it was his time to get to work as well.

He trolled the halls semi-cautiously, wondering if he'd run into Raven and if it would be awkward based on their last conversation and his dream.

The corridors of the Tower were void of her.

When he did finally see her it was well into dusk, after he had had ample time to let the dream fade in his immediate memory. He was in one of the various conference rooms, using the communication systems to get information from Titans East. He was just finishing with a video call from Aqualad when the door slid open behind him. He didn't look at first, figuring that it was Robin coming to check on him.

"I'll send over what we've gathered once we hang up," Aqualad was saying. Beast Boy nodded to the six foot screen on the wall and leaned back on his hands. He had settled himself on the conference table, the papers spread out around him. "Just let me know if you guys need anything else."

"Thanks Garth," he said, saluting him. Aqualad smiled on the screen and then his gaze shifted to the person who had just entered the room. He nodded to them.

"Hey Raven."

Beast Boy tensed at the name but didn't show it outwardly. He waited until he heard her quiet footfalls walk farther into the room and looked up only when she stood next to him. She waved at the screen but her eyes were on him. Solemn. Quiet. At peace. The calm that she brought in with her made it hard for him to remember the anger from the day before.

"Hey," he said. The greeting came out easily, and he was glad for it. The dream still hovered at the back of his mind, but now that she was here he found that it dimmed in her actual presence. He subtly admitted to himself that the dream had been pleasing, but it would have been more so if it had been _real_.

"Hello," she replied back. She indicated the papers. "Working?"

"Don't I always?"

She shrugged. "Of course you do," she said simply. Beast Boy raised an eyebrow at her levity.

"After all, I am the brains of the team," he went on.

"Without a doubt."

"Getting things done and all."

"We'd be nothing without you."

He frowned at her. "How is it that you can make praise sound so condescending?" It made him happy to see her grin.

"It's a gift," she said. On the screen Aqualad cleared his throat, shooting the pair a knowing glance. They looked up. "I apologize for interrupting."

"Not at all," he said, although he did offer a mischievous smirk. "I was just about go. I'll send over the stuff in two minutes," he said to Beast Boy before waving to them both and signing off.

"Information on Dr. Light?" Raven asked as Beast Boy hopped down from the table. He kept a good amount of distance between them as he reached to gather his papers, nodding in response to her question.

"Some pretty intense stuff, too. Looks like someone broke into one of S.T.A.R. laboratories and stole some blueprints similar to Cyborg's, but there hasn't been a report of an infiltration at the labs around here. Hence, the call to the east."

"Mm," she replied, and he was surprised by her apparent lack of interest. Raven never lacked interest in team affairs.

"Not controversial enough for you?" he asked good-naturedly. She sighed and shook her head.

"I'm sorry. All that is very important, but there are other things on my mind."

"Like what?" He finished lining up the papers and set them down just as the computer beeped and the printer whirred to life behind him.

"You."

His gaze shot over to hers in a heartbeat, his hands falling uselessly at his sides. Beside him, a good five feet away, Raven was looking at him blankly, her arms crossed over the dark blue of her tunic shirt.

"Me?" he asked, and he hoped he didn't sound so anxious. She nodded.

"I wanted to apologize. About yesterday." She looked down meekly and then back up at him. "I'm sorry," she said solemnly. "That was…rude of me." She sounded sincere. He ended up just shrugging and shooting her a small smile.

"Yeah, well, it'll take a lot more than that to break a decade long friendship." And he meant it. He turned to the printer and stared down at the scrolling papers, wanting something to look at other than her face. Things were just in the process of being okay between them, and he didn't want to ruin it by making the same mistakes he had done the day before.

.

.

.

Raven heard his words and knew that they were nothing but truth. She was grateful, as she often was for his carefree use of emotions. He could anger within seconds, and yet forgive just as easily. There were no restraints to his feelings, which was what she found most annoying and most endearing about his personality.

She leaned against the table as Beast Boy commented on the amount of paperwork the printer was giving him and noted that it would keep Robin in his workroom for hours. He chuckled to himself and glanced over to her, telling her to remind him to bring their leader dinner that night.

She smiled at his thoughtfulness.

Maybe carefree was giving him too little credit.

She continued to watch him as he dutifully began sorting through the new pile. He continued to complain about the pencil pushing no one was aware heroes had to go through. She agreed, although she admitted that she didn't find it as burdening. He said she was crazy.

"I could take care of the rest of this if you want," she offered. A kind gesture. That was part of apologizing, right?

"Thanks, but I doubt Robin would appreciate me dumping this on you, even if you offered. You know him."

"Yeah." She glanced at the stack he had left on the conference table. No words were spoken for a bit. They listened to the purr of the machine. "What are you doing when you're done?" she asked, and he turned to look at her.

"If the villains honor this unofficial day off, then nothing. Why?"

She shrugged. "Chess?"

He beamed in response, nodding enthusiastically.

"Down."

.

.

.

It was as if the day before hadn't happened. Here was Raven, lounging with him in the conference room and asking if he wanted to play chess with her. He was almost embarrassed with how secretly happy he was.

Keyword being 'almost'.

He picked up a pen from the computer desk and started scribbling some notes along the margins of the papers, jotting down things Aqualad had mentioned that weren't in the initial report. Behind him Raven said that she hadn't eaten yet and he offered to cook her something.

She made a disgusted noise and made a jab about tofu. He shot back a retort. It wasn't a good one.

They continued to make small talk about food, and Beast Boy was absolutely elated. She was joking with him, responding to him. When she made fun of his purple shirt he threw his pen at her. She didn't flinch when it stopped inches from her face and landed on the floor.

"Such a gentlemen," she quipped. Beast Boy rolled his eyes and grabbed another pen.

"You deserved it. Purple looks great on me. It's part of my uniform."

"Yeah," she scoffed. "Hint hint." He shot her a narrow-eyed glare. She playfully wrinkled her nose at him. He quickly looked back down at his papers to hide his smile.

It went on as the printer continued to do its work, and when the last page slid out into Beast Boy's waiting hands he gathered up the information from the tray and the table, anxious to get them to Robin so he could meet Raven in the main room. She nodded as he prepared to leave, saying that she'd set everything up. Maybe even brew them some tea.

So generous of her.

He felt like a schoolgirl with how giddy he was.

.

.

.

She realized she liked watching him work. It was a rare sight, but a pleasant one.

When he started to leave she sat up from the table, telling him everything would be set up in the main room in ten minutes. He nodded and she took pride in the smile that graced his face. Seeing it lifted her guilt.

On his way out he paused next to her, his gaze lingering for just a moment. Raven knew the look in his eyes and suddenly and instantaneously tensed. It was usually a predecessor for his intimate touches: a tug at her shirt, his knuckles gracing across her cheek, a friendly pinch at her side. She had been so caught up in their comfortable conversation that she had let her guard down.

This was still Beast Boy, and he wasn't known for breaking habits overnight.

Seconds passed.

Nothing happened.

He just flashed his signature grin before continuing on his way, leaving the conference room with a wave and a promise to meet her later. Raven stood rooted to her spot in his absence, wondering why she felt…disappointed? That was what she was experiencing. She could feel the hollowness of disenchantment, the tingling crashing of hopes held high. But why?

Had she wanted Beast Boy to touch her?

Of course not. That was the point of almost everything.

Maybe it was because she had been anticipating it that made its nonexistence so apparent.

Yes. That had to be it.

.

.

.

Beast Boy marched through the hallways, blowing his breath out with each stride. He quietly congratulated himself on a spectacular performance as he hurried for Robin's workroom.

Standing that close to her, looking down at her with such elation in his chest, had been utterly intoxicating. Their closeness itself nearly brought him to habit, and he had been dangerously close to running his hand through her hair or touching his fingertips to her delicate chin. But he had caught himself in time, determined not to ruin the tenderness between them.

Usually he would have considered his hasty retreat a loss.

This time he praised it as a win.

.

.

.

It was the most tension-ridden game of chess he had ever played.

They were alone in the main room. They rarely spoke.

Silence pressed in all around them, save the occasionally thud of a piece being moved on the mahogany board or a grunted question and a barely audible reply.

Below the table Beast Boy's leg was inches from hers. He did his best not to bump his hand against her own when their moves gained speed.

When she would sit in silence and scrutinize the board he couldn't help but stare at her.

He wanted more than anything to sit next to her.

.

.

.

She could feel his eyes on her every time she looked down, and she would have been lying to herself if she claimed she did not like it.

She had never felt comfortable being stared at, but this time it was different.

She almost wanted him to stare at her.

Keyword being 'almost'.

She noticed that he refrained from any sort of physical contact, going so far as to quickly retracting his foot when she shifted in her seat.

More disappointment flooded her, and she felt guilt claim her all over again. She hated feeling like a hypocrite.

She wanted to look at him but was too tentative, too shy.

So she focused on his hands.

Large, but lean.

Scarred and familiar.

Weathered from combat.

Practiced in placing a wooden knight perfectly on its square.

Knowing fingers, experienced palms.

_Caressing against her side and gripping her with ferocity_.

Raven felt her stomach clench at the sudden thought and she almost jumped in her seat. She panicked because she could almost feel his hands on her, feel their weight on her clothes, his heat seeping onto her skin.

She reached forward and swiftly responded to his chess move, sliding her bishop up four spaces.

.

.

.

Her hand shook. Beast Boy watched as she quickly drew it back, sliding her sleeve over her fingertips. He frowned.

But said nothing.

Instead he used his rook to capture her pawn, and before he had even placed the piece on the table she reached out and claimed his rook with her bishop. Her fingers closed around the small castle, started to pick it up, but her grip was too weak, too trembling, that she dropped it.

It clattered to the board.

"Rae…"

Without thinking Beast Boy reached out and took her hand in his own, wanting only to stop her shaking. His fingers closed around hers and she looked up into his eyes, something she hadn't done the entire time.

They froze.

She didn't move so he didn't move.

Their hands were linked over the chessboard, his thumb against her wrist. His skin against hers.

They stared at each other.

He saw her chest begin to heave, her breath coming quicker and quicker. He could feel the pulse in her arm quicken, and wondered if she was feeling what he was feeling.

The chaste touch of his hand on hers had opened a floodgate of anticipation and angst. The silence around them became unbearable, the table between them turned into a nuisance, their game suddenly seemed childish and petty. He was struck by his wanting, unsure of whether he wanted to caress her or bruise her. Definitely not the sort of thing he was supposed to feel proud of.

The rapid way she was breathing unnerved and excited him, but he remained motionless, staring into her eyes, waiting to see what she would do.

.

.

.

The amount of lust coursing through her was not normal. His fingers on the delicate skin of her wrist was like acid, and she was finding it hard to breathe. When she looked into his patient, waiting eyes a thousand different things went through her mind. She wanted to throw him down onto the table, feel her hands against his bare stomach. She wanted her fingers to close around his neck, feel him struggle beneath her. She wanted his lips on her body, his blood in his hair. She wanted him to scream, to moan, to call out her name, to beg her to stop, to choke as he passed out. She wanted him to tear at her clothes, ram his hips against her own, watch him grimace from her fist, watch him grimace in his pleasure. She wanted the distance between them gone. She wanted it to be bigger. She wanted to scream.

But, most of all, she didn't want him to let go.

His touch was painful, alarmingly so with the amount of desire it inflicted on her, but she knew that if it were gone she would crumble. He had stopped her from shaking.

But now she was breaking.

If he saw the conflict of yearning and disgust in her eyes he didn't show it. He didn't move, but she couldn't seem to keep still. Her heart rammed against her chest, threatened to swell and implode. Her head pounded.

Around them the silence was overbearing, broken only by the miniscule sound of a million tiny cracks marring the face of her motionless, mahogany queen.

.

.

.

They were saved by the gaudy entrance of Robin, Starfire and Kid Flash.

The double doors slid open and the trio entered with an animated conversation, none of them acknowledging Beast Boy or Raven as they strode into the kitchen and Robin fetched them all water bottles. According to their discussion Kid Flash had followed a villain into the city and, when he was done with him, had decided to stay the night at Titan's Tower. Robin and Starfire seemed pleased.

Without a word, without hesitation and with an amazing amount of mutual consent, Beast Boy and Raven withdrew their hands; not too slowly, not too quickly. They continued to stare at each other, the chess game between them completely forgotten. It was a good five minutes before Starfire called out their names and, with all the normality in the world, they looked over and waved a 'hello' to Kid Flash before forcing themselves to join the fray in the kitchen.

.

.

.

They did not address what had happened. The rest of the evening was filled with laughter and camaraderie and Beast Boy and Raven both played their essential parts: Beast Boy offered his unwavering and unabashed silly humor while Raven delivered her dry, sarcastic remarks with practiced resolve. After a plethora of card games, movies, power level comparisons and way too much junk food, the heroes finally decided to call it a night.

.

.

.

Beast Boy dreamt of Raven again.

She came to him as before. Seductively. Sensually.

He welcomed her into his arms just as easily and she laid her body against his just as gracefully.

This time though, when she bent down to press her lips to his neck, he cupped her face with both his hands and drew her to his mouth. Her sharp intake of breath was all the consent he needed, and he rolled to his right, pressing her back into the mattress and pinning her arms on either side of her head. He fit his legs between hers and forced her knees apart, earning another surprised but very satisfied gasp from her lips. He pushed himself against her, made it no secret that she piqued his interest, and took primitive delight in the way she moaned against his mouth.

He continued to move against her, their layer of clothing only a minor nuisance in the sensation of the act. She rubbed the inside of her thigh against his hip. He growled into her neck and moved faster, harder. When she asked what he wanted he didn't answer, just gripped her wrists harder and kissed her with all the tension he had endured over a simple game of chess.

.

.

.

Raven's dreams that night were jarring. Electrifying. Haunting.

When she woke in the morning she couldn't remember a single detail of them.

She was back on the floor of her room, her mirror underneath her window this time, and her clothes wrinkled, disheveled. There was sweat on her brow, her muscles ached and she couldn't get her heart to stop pounding. Her skin tingled, she couldn't get enough air into her lungs and her head felt empty.

Drained.

Hollow and miserable.

She rolled onto her back and ran her hands through her hair. She vaguely wondered if she was going crazy, and then wondered even more if she'd be able to notice if she was going crazy. Then she pushed the thought aside forced herself to get up.

No meditation today.

Not at all.

She didn't like waking up on the floor, and she had the eerie feeling that her emotions were taking advantage of her sleeping form.

So no meditation.

At least she had stayed in her room.

.

.

.

When Beast Boy opened his eyes to a new day all possible thoughts of guilt were absent to him.

He had enjoyed his dream, had taken full advantage of his blatant subconscious.

He stretched his arms over his head and felt powerful.

Was this turning into obsession? Maybe. If he trailed after Raven all day and used his fantasies to satisfy his needs at night then maybe it _was_ an obsession.

He passed a hand over his eyes, remembering what it had felt like to kiss her, to dominate her, to hear her tantalizing moans of pleasure when his hands had explored beneath the fabric of her shirt.

Yes. It was turning into an obsession.

But, for all his realization of the matter, he couldn't seem to conjure up the smallest amount of disapproval.

And, to be perfectly honest…he liked it that way.

.

.

.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: My apologies everyone. April was a very, very, _very_ busy month for me and I had virtually no time to just sit and open up this story, let alone update it. And on top of all that my poor, seven-year-old MacBook is starting to break down, so keeping it running long enough to write has been a battle unto itself. Anyway, here's the next chapter. Thank you guys for waiting and I'll try to get the next one up much sooner.

.

.

.

Chapter 7

.

.

.

When Beast Boy came down for breakfast that morning Raven greeted him with what he took as a chilly resolve. She just shrugged when he asked how she had slept and settled herself at the table next to Kid Flash with a cup of coffee and a meager plate of eggs. Beast Boy tried not to glare when the speedster leaned over and began engaging her in conversation.

"Training today," Cyborg said to him as he carried a huge plate of bacon over to the table. "Out on the field. KF wants to see how we train." He grinned. "He had a long talk with Robin last night too. Could be that he's thinking of joining us here in Jump City."

"Awesome," Beast Boy grumbled, glaring at Raven and Kid Flash conversing as he grabbed a plate. He turned away before Cyborg could ask about his grumpy countenance.

He knew it wasn't in his place to be annoyed with either of them. It was ridiculous to resent KF at all, and Raven wasn't purposefully ignoring him, she was just being Raven.

It was his dreams that had put her in his reach. Not reality.

He had to remember that.

.

.

.

Raven usually enjoyed Kid Flash's company and relished in his intellectual understanding of science, but today she was just going through the motions, giving only half her attention as he spoke to her at breakfast. The rest of her mind wandered elsewhere.

She was starting to worry about herself.

It had been the third time in less than a week that she had woken up in a strange position without any recollection of what had happened prior. She wasn't a fan of mysteries, and she was less enthused about ones that involved her.

As KF took a sip of coffee Raven touched her fingers to her temple, trying to use her healing touch to soothe the dull throbbing against her skull. She felt as if she'd been up all night and her head resented the day.

Sleep. She needed more sleep.

But if she slept who knew how she would wake up? Or where? Or in what condition?

The possibilities frightened her.

Not to mention the dreams.

Raven discreetly looked towards the kitchen at Beast Boy before quickly dropping her gaze once more. He had been staring right at her. She sighed.

She wanted to meditate to calm her body into a definitive sleep, but that was out of the question.

She would have to find another way to force her body into a heavy, unwavering slumber.

.

.

.

Starfire finished her training course with a flourish, using a combination of her starbolts and her alien strength to massacre the shooting consoles that sprang from the ground. Everyone watched from the control deck, all of them applauding her display.

Except for Raven.

She had spent the time watching her red-haired friend very carefully, studying her tactics and, more importantly, studying her obstacle course. Cyborg had programmed the courses to be specific for each member of the team, making sure they were the most challenging for each individual and their powers. Everyone had their own program.

"Just under ten minutes," Cyborg said, reading off Starfire's stats as she flew over and settled down with the group. "You shaved off a good thirty seconds from the last time you took this course. Nice work!" Star thanked him sweetly and grinned when Robin gave her an approving head nod. "All right Rae, your turn. Your record stands at nine minutes and eighteen seconds on level twelve of your program. Do you want to up the level or go for a shorter-,"

"I want Starfire's course," Raven said. Everyone turned to look at her, surprised. From Cyborg's other side she noticed Beast Boy's piercing stare and tried her best not to look at him. "I want Starfire's last course. Please." He friends exchanged looks. Cyborg frowned prominently at her.

"Raven," Robin started, leaning against the control panel and crossing his arms. "You know that mixing courses has never been a good idea, and even then, I don't think Star's course is for you. It's more-,"

"This is not a discussion and I didn't ask for your opinion," she said firmly, and an odd silence fell over the group. Raven rarely spoke so condescendingly to Robin. "Do it."

From the other side of the control deck Beast Boy glared at her in silence, but Cyborg just shrugged, although the set of his mouth was disapproving.

"You got it, Rae," he said, and began typing in the codes to reset the obstacles.

.

.

.

It was a hard course for Raven.

An extremely hard course for Raven.

It wasn't in her style to blow things up and tear them apart, mainly because it required her to put a little bit of her soul-self into an object and _then_ rip it apart. But Star's course required a lot of things to be blown up or torn down, and the process made Raven's body ache.

But it was what she had wanted.

It was exhausting work, weaving in and out of things, throwing out her powers with focused determination and forcing the objects in her path to fall into pieces. In almost hurt her when she would reduce rocks and projectiles into debris. She could feel every crack she made, every abrasion, every minute fissure; and each one drained her of energy, turned her into a systematic and drone-like fighter.

Exactly like she had wanted.

She wanted to be completely sapped of every last ounce of force and will in her. She wanted to, quite literally, be empty. To have nothing left. To feel nothing else other than pain.

And, judging by the amount of hits she was taking, that would most likely be a solid guarantee.

By the time she got to the shooters she was at her limit. Her cloak was irreparably torn, her collarbone was bruised, she was sure there were a few fractures in her ribcage and she was doing her best to hide the six inch gash on her inner thigh from her teammates. As the consoles rose for the attack she pulled in a deep breath and lifted in the air to meet them. Raven had just enough left in her to encase three of them in her darkness and, with a screaming effort roaring from her lips, tear through the steel as if it were paper and send the shattered remains flying out into the bay. The move was brilliant, sure, but highly unnecessary. The exposed wires and frayed circuitry sparked together and a not so small fire began to spread throughout the course.

Raven just collapsed onto her hands and knees, her chest shuddering with the pain of breath. The air around her started to smell like smoke and she breathed it deeply into her lungs.

.

.

.

Raven was aware that her teammates were less than thrilled with her seemingly self-destructive actions. She heard them rushing out onto the field and knew that her heaving and crumpled figure did nothing to ease their concern. Kid Flash got to her first, reaching out and trying to help her to her feet, but just as she took hold of his arm he was shoved out of the way and Beast Boy was standing there, his face twisted in anger. From his expression she expected him to scream at her, to yell, to call her a million different versions of stupid and tell her that she had a lot of hypocrisy if she ever dared call him reckless and irresponsible ever again.

He did none of those things.

Instead he scooped her easily into his arms, cradling her to his chest with a surprising amount of gentleness. She heard Robin telling him to take her to the infirmary and that Cyborg would follow as soon as he could. She heard Kid Flash say he should be the one to take her to the infirmary because he was the fastest, but no, he was needed down here to help keep the fire in check before it devoured the island. Beast Boy had grunted that he was perfectly capable of getting her to the infirmary in a hasty manner and his hold on her became instantly possessive.

Raven remained silent as Beast Boy carried her back into the Tower. He held her high enough so that her head rested against the side of his own, her forehead leaning into his cheek. Her tired mind fleetingly noted that, oddly, she didn't mind this closeness.

It was not sexual. It was comforting.

When they were in the elevator and heading up to the twelfth floor Beast Boy let her sit on the floor, leaning her gently against the shuddering wall. He knelt beside her and looked at her face, his fingers barely grazing over her swelling black eye. She felt heavy and fatigued.

Good.

"That was stupid," he said to her, his voice hard and his expression grave.

She said nothing in response.

.

.

.

Beast Boy walked as fast as he could to the infirmary without jostling Raven too much. A dark and foreboding bruise was forming along her collarbone, visible through the torn fabric of her leotard. He hoped it didn't reach all the way down into the bone itself.

When he got into the infirmary he kicked the doors open and laid her on the nearest bed before grabbing a first aid kit and a few icepacks from the fridge. He could feel her eyes follow his movements as he prepared, unabashedly staring at him when he sat along the edge of the bed and opened the kit.

"Did you have a death wish or something?" he asked, shaking his head. "You could have thrown up more shields rather than break more things."

"It's not that bad," she said, even though she knew it was a lie. He scowled.

"You're bleeding everywhere," he said. He appraised the cuts on her legs, her arms, her neck, her face. Most were shallow. One was deep. Thankfully, none were anywhere near being lethal, although the wound in her thigh was thoroughly disgusting. "Why aren't you healing yourself?"

"Nothing left to heal with," she said in a raspy voice, forcing herself to sit up against the pillows. He huffed out an agitated breath and grabbed a swab and the rubbing alcohol.

"This will hurt," he warned her.

"No, it won't," she said.

.

.

.

It did, but not enough for her to react to it.

There were far more alarming things for her to focus on.

Because the whole reason she had pulled her idiotic stunt with Starfire's course, the whole _purpose_ for doing something so dangerous, was because she had wanted to drain her body to the point where she didn't have energy to feel anything…

…most of all feel anything for _him_.

But.

She was.

Although….

He carefully unclasped her ruined cloak and tossed it aside before quietly getting to work on her face. His eyes were concentrated, focused, and his fingers worked fervently, dabbing at her wounds with shaky determination.

He shifted closer on the bed to focus on her neck, wiping away the dirt with a damp cloth before giving a small warning as he applied the alcohol. His breath tickled her skin. His hands sparked every nerve in her body.

The closeness. The proximity. The basest part of her mind couldn't help but think of it as sexual. But the rest of her couldn't help but still find it comforting. She was flooded with gratitude because he didn't _have_ to tend to her; that was Cyborg's job. Yet here he was, his face fixed in resolute concern as he stemmed the small flow of blood from a gash below her jawline.

It wasn't as if she hadn't felt appreciation for him before; she had. But this time was different.

Appreciation _mixed_ with her desire. Before, the two feelings had been fervently isolated from one another. Now it was hard for her to distinguish between the two.

It confused her.

And Raven didn't like feeling confused.

.

.

.

He did his best not to get too intimate with her, but it was hard. The animalistic, protective nature inside of him had been howling from the moment she stepped onto the training field. It was one thing to see her beaten by villains and opponents: those were occupational hazards. It was a completely different story when she was unnecessarily putting herself through a pounding. Every hit she took had made him angry for unknown reasons, and when Robin had commanded him to take her in he had been more than happy to oblige.

Now, seeing her up close in all her battered glory, he was grateful that she was at least conscious and more than capable of surviving the ordeal. It made him want to hold her in his arms, to cradle her face to his chest and have her fall asleep in his lap where he could be sure to keep her safe. The flood of intimacy was jarring, and try as he might to keep his hands on their work it was difficult to not succumb to his own personal gratitude.

So it had actually been a godsend when Cyborg came striding into the infirmary just as Raven's hair fell forward and Beast Boy once again automatically brushed it back, his fingertips raking through her hair unnecessarily. She stiffened beneath his touch and his stomach jumped into his throat just as the doors slid open and Cyborg began barking out commands, forcing Beast Boy to rapidly withdraw his hand and get the IV drip that his friend was demanding of him.

"I don't need the fanfare," Raven said darkly, although there was a lingering quiver to her voice from the awkward moment. "In a few hours I'll be rested enough to heal myself."

"Sure," Cy said, clipping the heart monitor to her index finger and activating his bio-scanner. "And after everything that's happened I'm going to listen to you? Thanks BB," he added, grabbing the IV from Beast Boy. "Are you heading back out there?" He grinned. "Or do you want to stay here and play nurse to Raven-,"

"You've got this," Beast Boy interrupted, turning away so that neither of them could see the blush creeping onto his face. "I'll…um. I'll go help Robin." He had just passed through the open doors when he heard Raven feebly call out to him.

"Thank you," she said. She sounded unsure, hesitant and weak, although he was fairly certain it wasn't because she was injured so much as confused as to why she was saying what she was saying.

"Of course," he called back, and then left in a hurry.

.

.

.

When Cyborg was done with her Raven's torso was bound tightly, her cuts and gashes were all bandaged up and she had stitches cooling beneath an icepack on her thigh. It wasn't as good as when she healed herself, but it was definitely an improvement to how she had been feeling on the training course.

The patching up hadn't been without its consequences, though. Cyborg took the entire time to thoroughly lecture her on the recklessness of her actions, telling her precisely how surprised he was that she could make such poor judgment. He continually repeated his bafflement at her purpose for the whole debacle until she finally shut him up with her one curt explanation.

"I haven't been sleeping well," she said, irritation having infested her tone from his continuous berating. "I thought if I was spent then I could sleep without interruption."

Cyborg's hand faltered on his clipboard. He looked over and met Raven's eyes.

"There are better ways to rest than to kill yourself," he said lowly, but his demeanor softened considerably. He hung the clipboard on the rail of her bed and strode over to his computer.

"Your age-old suggestion of Valerian root won't help me rest, Cyborg," she said in a deadpan voice. "My biology won't succumb to something so weak. I need-,"

"I wasn't talking about Valerian root," he interrupted, rolling his eyes. "I just meant you didn't have to go throw yourself in front of a bunch of lasers just so you can sleep."

"You're being extremely hypocritical for someone who let me run Starfire's course."

Cyborg huffed. "If it had been my choice you wouldn't have."

"You act as if you had put up a fight. As I recall, my way was pretty clear to the beginning of the course. And you were the one who reset the program."

"Are you kidding me? How pissed off do you get when any of use try to change your mind about anything?"

"You could have hit the emergency reset button anytime," she softly, eyeing him as he tapped away at his computer. "You could have shut down the program in less than a second if you wanted to, but you didn't. You let me run it."

His lips pursed together in a strained line and he frowned at his screen, his fingers working endlessly over the keys. "I have this tendency to trust you," he answered evenly. "I figured that, even though you were getting tossed around like a rag doll, there was a good reason behind it."

A pause followed his words. He continued to tap away at his keyboard. Raven shifted in her bed, trying to make her sore back more comfortable.

"I know it doesn't hold much credit right now, but thank you," she said. He turned his head to look at her and she saw his eyes take the image of her in.

"Yeah," he grumbled before turning back to his screen. "That holds no credit at all."

.

.

.

When Beast Boy arrived back at the training field Starfire and Kid Flash were putting out the last of the sparse flames while Robin stood on the control deck, typing in codes and shutting down the system for rebooting. Beast Boy joined him there.

"Is Cyborg with Raven?" he asked, his masked eyes glued to the screens flickering with warning signs. Beast Boy nodded even though he didn't see.

"Yeah. What's going on here? I thought we only had to worry about the fire."

"Raven's last attack did more than take the shooters out and burn down half the island," Robin said, a definite edge to his words. "She exuded so much power in her last move that she fried the hard drive completely. I'm trying to shut the last of it down before every piece of offensive training equipment we have starts attacking us."

"Well, that doesn't sound very good," Beast Boy said sarcastically.

"No, it's not. And it's not easy either."

"So why isn't Cyborg taking care of it?"

"We need him to take care of Raven. I told him that I want her stable and sleeping so we can get this place back in order without her powers fluctuating and causing more trouble." He shook his head absently at that point. "I don't understand what's gotten into her today. Beating herself into the ground is one thing; in a weird, twisted way I can relate to that. But precariously unleashing her powers? It's not like her to disregard focus for brute force."

"Yeah, I know."

"And she argued with me," he went on, grumbling his complaints as he worked. Beast Boy furrowed his brow at him. "She never argues with me."

"Yes she does."

"Rarely."

"You two don't always have to agree on everything."

"We're usually on the same wavelength. Today she just seemed really off-,"

"Well, it's Raven," Beast Boy interrupted rudely. "She _can_ have an opinion different from yours." He was getting fed up with Robin's insistence that he had a special understanding with Raven, even though everyone knew it was true. It was just that, at that moment, the thought of Raven and Robin having any sort of connection beyond being a part of the same superhero team made Beast Boy ring with jealousy.

"I'm just glad she's alive and with Cyborg," Robin responded, offering a momentary sidelong glance at his agitated companion. Beast Boy ran a hand through his hair and turned to where Starfire and Kid Flash were.

"I think I'm going to help with the hard labor," he said. Robin just nodded.

"Sure. Thanks."

.

.

.

"Can you give me something?" Raven asked, rolling her head along the pillows as she tried to get comfortable. "To help me sleep?" Cyborg frowned.

"Like what?"

"Like something that's far from Valerian root."

"How far?"

"Very far."

Cyborg continued to tap away at his computer, logging in his assessments into Raven's file. His expression darkened as he stared at the screen. "You want me to drug you?"

"Yes," she said, sighing deeply.

"That's an unusual request. You're usually against that kind of stuff."

"I just never saw the purpose for any of it. Now I do."

He gave her a skeptical glance. "You'd have to be disciplined about it. You're powers are used to healing you automatically, and having a foreign chemical in there would be the equivalent of having a foreign disease. You have to make sure you don't nuke out the effect."

She closed her eyes and sighed. "I won't. I can't. I spent all my energy out there for a reason. Now I just need a little help getting to the finish line."

After a long hesitation Cyborg got up from his seat and went to one of the steel cupboards, grabbing the supplies he needed. Raven watched as he silently filled a syringe with a clear liquid and tapped it with practiced, mechanical hands. He strode over to her IV drip and looked down at her.

"This is the only thing that will affect you, but it's very strong. You'll feel numb. Are you okay with that?"

She really wasn't. One of her biggest qualms about westernized medicine were the side effects the drugs induced, and Raven was not keen in feeling so detached from her body. For someone who dedicated most of their focus to knowing themselves inside and out, the numbing experience of drugs never held any desirable attributes. Cyborg knew this, which was why se was grateful for his hesitation even if it was unnecessary.

"It's okay," she said, remembering the dull fright she had felt when she woke up on the floor of her room. "I'll deal."

"All right." He fitted the needle into the base of the bag and slowly injected the serum into her drip. It took a while for her to feel it, but when she did it was overwhelming to her receptive body. She could practically feel every molecule entering through her arm. She shuddered.

"You'll knock out in a few minutes," Cyborg said, throwing the empty syringe away. "Just so long as you don't fight it."

"Stay with me," she said. She knew it was a strange request coming from her, but she didn't care. "Please. If you have to leave have someone come in your place." Her eyelids started to feel heavy and Cyborg remained silent. "I can't feel my body," she said, her words slurring. "I don't want to…be alone when…when I'm like this."

_I'm scared_.

She was thinking it but she didn't want to say it. She hoped he would just understand. He did.

"Of course," he said. His voice started to grow faint in her ears. "We're all here for you, Rae."

.

.

.

It took majority of the day to settle things on the training field. By the time Robin had the system under his control it was past five in the afternoon and Starfire, Kid Flash and Beast Boy were thoroughly exhausted from all the heavy lifting. They trudged into the Tower covered in grime and sweat, and Star parted from the group in a hasty need of a shower.

The boys decided food was far more important than cleanliness, (they had ended up skipping lunch after all), and they made a beeline for the kitchen. They were all settled at the counter chatting and eating by the time Cyborg finally joined them. KF asked if Raven was okay and the Titan offered a solemn head nod.

"She's fine, but I had to drug her to get her to sleep."

"Raven doesn't like drugs," Beast Boy said, swirling his spoon around in his soup. His best friend shrugged but offered up the conversation he had had with Raven in the infirmary, explaining the situation.

"And apparently the serum is working," he concluded, raiding the fridge. "I've been up there for hours running diagnostics on her and she's been asleep the whole time."

"Hours?" Kid Flash asked, making a face at the tediousness of the action. Cyborg nodded.

"She's got a complex biology, just like Star and BB. It takes time to analyze it all, and it was worth the effort. Her brain is utilizing an alarming amount of epinephrine, more so than usual."

"That can't be good," Robin commented, frowning. He noticed Beast Boy's curious look. "The adrenaline hormone," he explained

"Stress," Cyborg interjected. "Rae is experiencing _a lot_ of stress. Not to mention her unusually timid behavior. Never knew her to be afraid of being left alone."

"She's starting to worry me. So who's with her now?" Robin asked.

"Star. She came up to check on us a while ago and offered to take my post while I grabbed some food. I hadn't even realized how late it had gotten."

"She has to be hungry too," Robin mused out loud. "When we're done here one of us should go trade places with her." Beast Boy tried to fix his eyes on his bowl, waiting to see if anyone would take the slot before he jumped at the chance. He didn't want to seem too anxious to see Raven.

"I'd gladly do it, but tonight is the last night I can sift through your database for information on the Hive," Kid Flash explained.

"And I have to make a call to Gotham tonight," Robin mumbled. He turned to Beast Boy. "Do you mind?" he asked. Beast Boy saw Cyborg try to hide a knowing smirk but he ignored him. He just nodded.

"Sure. I don't mind."

.

.

.

He took the time to shower and redress before he went to relieve Starfire of her post. He didn't think smelling like sweat and fire was very attractive in any sense.

.

.

.

"She has been very still," Star said, standing next to Raven's bed. "I do not think it is natural to be so still when one is sleeping."

"It's the drug Cy gave her. Her body is numb," Beast Boy tried to explain, although he had to agree that Raven's stillness was closer to death than slumber. Star shook her head, her expression worried.

"I do not like this," she said out loud. "Raven must be having very bad nights if she has resorted to the drugging."

Beast Boy just nodded.

.

.

.

The room was quiet after Starfire left.

He watched Raven as she slept.

He sat next to her, leaning back in his chair, watching her intently as she slumbered in the bed.

And he knew that, even though Starfire had been doing it moments before, the way he did it was different.

.

.

.

He fell asleep after an hour of watching her, his feet propped up on the empty bed and his arms crossed over his chest. His head lolled to the side a few times before he finally lost consciousness.

As he slept he dreamt.

About Raven. Again.

But this time it was different.

It started off a little mundane: he was dreaming about himself sleeping. He could even feel the rigid infirmary chair beneath him, the cushion high quality but not nearly abundant enough to make it a comfortable place to pass out. His neck was stiff and his joints were sore, what with the day catching up to him and all, but he continued to sleep.

Then he dreamt of cold fingers brushing the hair on his forehead and he opened his eyes and leaned his head back. He blinked groggily into a face bent over his, framed in fluorescent light. A familiar silhouette. He reached up.

"Raven," he said, touching her cheek. She nodded.

She tilted her head to the side and spared her face from the shadows, revealing to him an unmarred visage and a lopsided grin. There were no gashes on her skin, no bruises, no scrapes. It made him feel better about a lot of things.

Her lips started to move but he couldn't hear her words. She tucked her hair behind her ear and looked over her shoulder, still talking. He vaguely wondered to whom she was speaking too.

Vaguely.

But then she walked around the back of the chair to his front and he sat up to watch her. Without a word she uncrossed his arms and straddled his lap, pulling herself close. His hands found her waist and he looked up at her, automatically kissing her gently beneath her chin. She was looking over his shoulder again and was speaking, but he didn't care to know what she was saying. One of her arms was hooked around his neck while her free hand ran down the front of his body, feeling him. He squeezed her waist and enjoyed the feel of flesh beneath his fingers. He envied the normal lives of normal humans, thinking of all the couples in the world and how they were able to express physical emotion so freely with whomever they wanted.

"Raven," he groaned, burying his face into her chest with no inhibitions. The action seemed to delight her and he clawed greedily at her back.

He had become so dependent on these dreams.

"Garfield." She tilted his head back and looked down at him, her hair framing her face. "What do you want, Garfield?" she asked quietly, calmly.

"You," he answered. She smirked and he noticed her eyes were very, very dark.

"Gladly."

.

.

.

When Raven awoke from the initial coma of Cyborg's drug she felt as if her veins had been filled with lead. She felt _heavy_, and when she forced open her weighty eyelids she knew that her body was still trapped in a strong haze of numbness. Her neck had a little give, but that was it. Nothing else moved. She sighed. It took a gargantuan amount of effort for her to turn her head slightly to the side, but she was able to, and when she did she was met with a thoroughly distressing sight.

Herself.

Standing there.

Staring at her as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

She wore an unblemished version of her uniform, and her eyes were disturbingly black. It took a few seconds for her sodden brain to understand what was going on, but when she did it all clicked at once.

That dark of herself that she had denied for so long had found its way out, and had gathered enough strength to manifest a tangible avatar of herself. Raven felt a growl of frustration slam against her unmoving lips. All it took was breaking past her own self-denial to know where that strength had come from. Ignoring her confusion over her reactions to Beast Boy didn't mean they went away; it just meant that they found somewhere else to reside, and she had turned a blind eye as to where. Now she was reaping the benefits.

"Hello, Raven," the doppelganger said, her arms crossed over her chest. Raven said nothing. Couldn't say anything. She was frozen, forced to lie helpless before the least desirable part of her personality.

Talk about identity issues.

"It's been a long, long time, dear warden. Do you know how hurtful it is that you've neglected me all these years? I'm hurt." She pretended to pout. It wasn't convincing. "You ignored me, and that was mean. But look at you now, forced to lay there and finally here me out. How ironic is fate?" She sighed through a breath and Raven could practically feel the sadism radiating off of her. "I'm glad you're awake," she went on. "Because I would like to ask you a question."

The doppelganger stepped closer to the bed and Raven could now clearly see Beast Boy sitting in a chair behind her, his back facing the bed and his head lolling to the side in slumber. She felt panic rise in her throat and her eyes, the only other part of her body that allowed movement, darted up at the manifestation in panic. Her emotion glanced over her shoulder lazily and a grin lifted her lips. When she turned back she stepped even closer and leaned forward, and even Raven was struck by the darkness of her eyes. She felt suddenly guilty for harboring such a manipulative blackness in her heart.

"Why is it," the emotion started to say, tilting her head to the side, "that you have so much arrogance in you to be condescending, yet you cannot admit to the simplest of things? It's astounding, really." She reached forward and brushed a few strands of hair away from Raven's face. "That you, with all your powers and knowledge, can be reduced to nothing by the touch of a boy with green skin and a short attention span."

Raven wanted to leap from the bed and strangle the manifestation. She wanted to succumb to all the frustrations she was feeling, grasp this black-eyed reflection and lock her away in the abyss of her scattered mind. She wanted to tell Beast Boy to get out, to leave. She wanted to tell him to stay away from her, because she was dangerous. She wanted to close her eyes and wish it all away. She wanted to move. She wanted to sleep.

Yet she just lay there, unable to do anything at all. The emotion watched her, read the inner turmoil in her face, and laughed out loud. Arrogant. Cruel. Depraved.

"You are such a naïve little child. You're confused, and you don't understand because you're so simple-minded. Haven't you figured it out yet?" She leaned forward, her hand caressing Raven's hair mockingly. "All those 'feelings' you have for Beast Boy aren't yours. They're mine. It's me. It's always been me. What you are feeling, you stupid girl, is _lust_."

In the chair Beast Boy stirred. Raven didn't know if she wanted him to stay obliviously asleep or to wake up and save her from her self-inflicted humiliation.

"It's pathetic, really," the doppelganger went on, shrugging easily as if they were talking about nothing but the weather. "Your weaknesses, I mean. A superhero who can't control her own emotions? Sad." She slid her body onto the bed and Raven felt her skin prickle with distaste. "But it's not that simple, is it? It's not just that you can't control your emotions, it's that you don't want to accept them either." She sidled up to her, their bodies fitting perfectly side by side. "If you had accepted me Raven, explored me, fed me, then you could have grown. Become a woman. A powerful woman."

Lies. Raven knew that if she wholly accepted any one of her emotions her demonic side would take advantage of the instability that the feeling would do to her powers. Any opportunity of opening herself meant disaster. This was what she knew.

But hearing this manifestation's honeyed words made her doubt herself, and Raven hated doubting herself. A groan sounded against her unmoving throat and her emotion laughed at the helpless action. She cuddled against Raven and squeezed her shoulder in a false hug before hopping off the bed. She whirled around, and her cloak followed in a billowing circle, encasing her lovingly as she winked at Raven.

She wanted to rip her cloak off and throw it in a fire; grab her hair and force her to her knees. She wanted to voice a curse for her insolence, for defying her place, for making her feel so small. She wanted make it all disappear and cry.

Her reflection sighed through her smile. "Oh, wise Raven. How you crumble before your very own desire to fuck."

She wanted to scream.

Her emotion stepped away from her, turning towards Beast Boy and sauntering over to his chair. Raven watched as she touched his hair and his face with familiarity, and the thought made her sick to her stomach. She watched as he stirred beneath her fingers and rolled his head back, his eyes opening to see the doppelganger's face. She looked down at him, her body hunching over in a frighteningly possessive nature.

"He thinks he's dreaming," she said out loud, still looking down into Beast Boy's face. "It takes almost no effort on my part to drive him into a hypnotic state. He can't even hear me right now. He sees and hears only what he wants to." She looked back at Raven and the maniacal joy in her eyes was hard to miss. "Like a well-trained dog."

She ignored the hatred radiating from Raven's eyes as she walked around Beast Boy's chair and straddled his lap. Raven was horrified, but she couldn't stop watching as Beast Boy kissed her and she touched him, seducing him with gusto. It turned Raven's stomach upside down.

The emotion looked back at her again. "You are so fragile," she said, her hand trailing along Beast Boy's front. "So delicate and weak. But his desire is so profound, made more so by this animalistic nature he possesses. He is filled with it, and he will break you."

Raven saw Beast Boy's hands squeeze the manifestation's sides in need, and a painful stab of jealousy and disgust claimed her heart. The emotion gasped a little and her smile was cruel. "We will both break you. Together. And all you can do is watch."

.

.

.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I deeply apologize for the unforeseen hiatus. Part of the reason why this chapter took so long was because I was, once again, terribly busy. But majority of the reason was because I kept losing large chunks of writing when my computer would shut down unexpectedly. Hopefully I'll have time soon to get this thing fixed so I can give this story the attention it deserves.

Once again, thank you to my readers and to all the reviewers. Your words are truly appreciated, both praise and critique. I'm glad to know that an M rated piece of work has enough substance to stand on its own, despite the obvious expectations.

Okay, enough of my rambling. I'm sitting at my makeup station at a theatre during a show, so I better post this before I need to get on that stage. XD

Enjoy.

.

.

.

Chapter 8

.

.

.

Raven wanted to physically rip something into pieces. She wanted to tear her hair out. She wanted to blast the walls and leave the room flickering with frayed wires and broken lights. But instead she lay helplessly on her back as a sadistic caricature of her inner desires groped and ground against Beast Boy. It was humiliating and unseemly, but more than anything it was enraging. She wanted to believe it was the platonic part of her relationship with Beast Boy that was feeling so much anger and rage, but that was almost certainly a lie.

She cringed at the sound of their interaction, wishing she could turn her head away as her manifestation dove her hand between their bodies, earning a throaty gasp from Beast Boy. She began rocking with the motion, provoking breathy moans from the subject of her attention. Beast Boy's fingers dug into the doppelganger's waist as his head lolled back, the pleasure he was experiencing apparent in the tension of his shoulders. Raven stared on as her emotion lifted her gaze and looked directly at her, smiling as she took joy in her voyeur's horror. Her eyes still trained on Raven, she yanked Beast Boy's head back by his hair and bent down to whisper something in his ear. He groaned viciously in response before rapidly rising to his feet, hoisting her in his arms as he stood, his hands gripping the straddled swell of her rear. He carried her to the empty cot, slammed her onto the white linen and breathed the smell of her hair, her neck, her breasts.

Raven could barely make them out through the corner of her eye, but they were still there. Still absolutely present in the creaking of the bed and their labored breathing. She heard her own voice giggle and whisper invitingly to Beast Boy, and Raven could feel her fury gather in her chest, solidify, and grow. Despite the numbing effect of Cyborg's serum Raven could feel the burning in her bones, feel her helplessness turn to ash in light of one, potent desire: to make them stop.

Beside her she heard Beast Boy breathe, heard the manifestation coo invitingly, and heard that repetitive sound of ecstasy that stabbed through Raven's skull. It was so horrifying to her ears that she felt it feed her hate, burrowing into her skin and igniting what little power she had regained from her rest. Jealousy and fear of abandonment made Raven panic, and habitual defense mechanisms kicked into gear to spare her the horror of being replaced by a sex-crazed mirror image.

"We'll break you," the doppelganger called out to her. "We'll break you together." The taunt was simple yet affective, and it was all Raven needed to fall off the edge.

She had had no intention in creating such a massive power surge, but whatever it's unnecessary potency or execution, Raven was glad for the blankness it produced. Her emotions tore her chest open with rage and a tangible darkness that filled the room, searing into the walls and ceiling and wiping out her vision, staining the fluorescent light and obliterating the interaction between Beast Boy and Raven's lusty shadow. Before she blacked out from the surge Raven felt a cutting cold reach through her numb body and settle in her gut before fatigue and exertion pulled her mind into unconsciousness once more.

.

.

.

When Cyborg returned to the infirmary he found the place in less than desirable conditions. To be lenient, the place looked a little messy. To be terribly accurate, his infirm looked as if Cinderblock had come rampaging through in search of cough drops, had gotten frustrated, and took it out on his immediate surroundings.

The windows had been blasted clean of their glass, light fixtures were dangling on their hinges and his computer system looked as if it had been quite literally fried. All the furniture in the room had been thrown onto their sides and pressed against the walls with their contents tossed this way and that. And, judging by the untouched bed that held a sleeping and content Raven, it didn't take much for Cyborg to guess what happened.

It was a surprise, however, to find Beast Boy lying on the floor to the left of her cot, splayed on his back and knocked completely unconscious. Cyborg didn't bother rushing when he went to check on his friend's pulse. He knew that, however out of hand Raven's powers got, if Beast Boy was whole then Beast Boy was okay. It wasn't in Raven's style, conscious or otherwise, to harm her friends.

Cyborg smirked to himself.

At least, that was the case when it came to Gar.

.

.

.

Raven didn't reawaken until the next day. It was dusk, and the sound of crackling electricity was enough to tell her that her deep slumber had grown shallow enough for her to open her eyes. Her body felt heavy, but at least she could feel it, and she used what little strength she had to turn her stiff neck and delight in the painful relief of a crack or two.

"Welcome back," she heard Cyborg say, and she forced herself up to see her friend kneeling next to the computer console, Tesla coils and tools littering the floor around him. He was staring intently into the back of the console, working diligently on the mechanisms. "Feel better?" he asked. His voice was devoid of any and all brotherly concern, but she couldn't find any telltale signs of anger either. He simply sounded uninterested.

"I can feel," she replied hoarsely, stretching her limbs and dragging herself up into a sitting position. "And I don't feel as sore."

"Good. And your power level?"

She breathed deeply and closed her eyes for a minute, searching her body and her mind. She frowned and opened her eyes. "Still weak. Almost nonexistent." To her surprise Cyborg nodded, as if that was the answer he was looking for.

"I thought so. Your vitals are stable but you body is healing itself at an extremely slow rate. I figured the regeneration of your abilities is going to take some time. In my opinion, your unconscious power blast yesterday didn't help the process." He looked up and stared pointedly at Raven, waiting for her to look surprised at the news. She just kept her features schooled but still interested. She didn't want him to know that she had been awake for the blast. That would lead to questions as to why it happened in the first place, and she was definitely not ready to analyze _that_ whole debacle.

"Power blast?" she asked quietly, feigning subtle disbelief. Cyborg huffed.

"If I wanted to put it lightly. You destroyed my infirmary."

"Oh."

"My computer is totaled. I almost have to rebuild this thing from scratch."

"Sorry."

"I had to pick up, like, a thousand tongue depressors off the floor. Do you know how hard that is with hands as big as mine?"

Raven sighed, her shoulders slumping. "I'm very sorry Cyborg." Her friend continued to stew in his frustrations for a moment longer before he finally shook his head and went back to his work.

"All right. Apology accepted." He bent close to the circuit boards, squinting. "At least you didn't go completely berserk yesterday. Beast Boy didn't have a mark on him when I found you guys."

"Beast Boy?" Raven's stomach clenched as she remembered hands—_her_ hands—caressing Gar's body and face. "He's unharmed?"

"Of course he's unharmed," Cyborg said matter-of-factly. The corner of his mouth twitched into an almost grin before he quickly suppressed it. Raven didn't like what the action implicated. "Even when you do lose control you'd never hurt any of us. At most he's a little weak in the knees, but otherwise the guy's fine."

"Hm," was all she could say.

"You want to lie down for a little bit longer? At least until your levels are normal again?"

"No," she replied. "I'll be fine. They'll come back slowly. Eventually." She steadied herself with a deep breath before lifting the covers away and inspecting her thigh. The skin had only barely closed on her gash, the scar still deep, still fresh, still tender. But it wasn't an open wound anymore, so that was good news. "I'll be fully healed soon," she said out loud, throwing the sheets away completely and slipping her feet off the bed. She touched her face and neck. Her fingertips spoke of no more scrapes and cuts. "That's a good sign."

"Always," Cyborg said absently, frowning at two identical pieces of copper wire.

"I'm going to shower," she announced, touching her bare feet onto the cold linoleum and attempting to stand up. Cyborg's head shot up at the sound of her wince and he perked to attention, all the cynicism from earlier disappearing in a heartbeat.

"Do you need help?" he asked, sounding sincere. Raven quickly shook her head and held out a hand to stay him.

"I'm fine. I'm just weak. Don't get up." She blew out a breath before shakily finding her balance and pacing around her bed. "Let me get the blood circulating in my body and I'll be okay."

"You sure?"

"Yes." She walked slowly but steadily around the infirmary for a little bit before her legs got used to being in motion once more. Cyborg finally relaxed when she was able to fully articulate her feet and ankles. "Like I said, I'll be healed soon."

"Yeah well, don't push it. Take your time recovering," he warned her, but then broke out into a grin. "Don't be a hero."

Raven rolled her eyes but allowed herself to smirk at him as she trudged out into the hallway. "Wouldn't dream of it," she managed to conjure before she waved feebly and closed the door behind her.

.

.

Beast Boy sat on the floor of his room, staring at the carpet as he tried to force himself to think of anything else other than Raven. He had tried numerous distractions all day—television, movies, video games, books, food, exercise, and even a short-lived lesson in deductive reasoning from Robin—but everything seemed to remind him of her. Now he was reduced to simply sitting and trying to think of something different, but his head, (and quite honestly the rest of his body), kept going back to Raven.

The dream he had had in the infirmary the night before had left him aching for release, and his less than poised thoughts of Raven had taken a turn for the truly unseemly. He couldn't stop picturing what she'd look like laying beneath him, or what her face would do if he touched her, or what sounds she'd make if he'd-…

Beast Boy quickly shot to his feet and started pacing the room, willing his agitated hormones to calm themselves. It embarrassed him how easy it was for him to think of Raven in such ways, but at the same time it sparked a dark and festering desire. It was obvious that he was increasingly attracted to her, and it was common knowledge that he cared for her and wanted more out of their relationship than just a tumble under the covers. Raven was worth more than that. But she was also an unexplored, fiery vixen who brought out in him a masochistic yearning with every moment she yelled or glared in his direction. In his own perverted way he relished in her dominative personality, and he often wondered how a trait could be converted to a more physical nature.

Or suppressed in a more physical nature.

He growled audibly then and marched up to his dresser, yanking open the drawers and haphazardly pulling clothes out. He needed a shower. A relaxing _hot_ shower. Hot enough that it would scald his skin and burn his lust away into vapor and mist.

His hand reached towards the back of the drawer and he unintentionally pulled out Raven's undergarments; stowaways in his dresser that he had completely forgot about.

He groaned to himself.

Maybe he'd just take an extra long, painfully frigid and overly brutal shower instead.

.

.

.

Raven stood in front of the sink in the bathroom, one hand holding the towel wrapped around her dripping body while the other pressed a fist to her forehead. She couldn't get a dull ache out of her skull, and it didn't take too much thought as to the reason for its lingering annoyance. Her emotions were demanding freedom, and one in particular was practically screaming to be heard. Raven growled under her breath and lowered her hand, staring at her reflection and scowling at the face she saw.

"What do you want from me?" she demanded. From the far reaches of her mindscape and from the most neglected part of her soul, Raven could feel the distant but smoldering reply.

"_Release."_

"No," she hissed, slamming her fist into the counter. A hairline fracture marred the marble surface. If she had been at her full power capacity the stone would have shattered. She cursed her own weakness and glared at her reflection. "For you," she said quietly, "release is not an option."

"_Then I hope you are comfortable with suffering."_

Raven tore her gaze away from the mirror, frustrated with a truth she couldn't deny. She had already come to understand the dangers of suppressing her feelings, and her feelings for Beast Boy were too potent to be safely contained.

Because she had finally admitted that there _were_ feelings for Beast Boy, different from what she felt for Starfire, Cyborg and Robin.

Too different.

Emotionally and physically.

And although she found them completely off-putting, she couldn't help but admit that there was a significant amount of curiosity that came with them as well…

…and a crude sort of attraction to the danger they posed.

A soft knock sounded on the closed door, followed by the sweet soprano of an alien voice.

"Raven? Is that you in there?"

"Yes, Starfire. I'll be out in a minute."

"Oh no, I did not intend to rush you. I went to the infirmary earlier to visit you and Cyborg said you had left over an hour ago." There was a quiet thud on the wood and Raven knew she was leaning her forehead against it. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Raven lied. "My body is still weak, but otherwise-,"

"I am sorry," Starfire interrupted. "But although I am very much concerned about your health, that was not what I was asking about. I wish to know if you are _okay_." The emphasis she put into the word tugged at Raven's naturally secretive persona and before she could think about it she was exposing more of her weakness than she would have liked.

"I'm not really," she said. And then added, "Or maybe I should say not even."

"That does not sound very good at all."

Raven laughed morosely. "It's not." A pregnant pause filled the space between the two girls before Raven turned back to look at her reflection and exhaled slowly. "Sometimes I just find it easier to be a hero than it is to be a human," she admitted quietly. Starfire still heard.

"Yes. I find humans to be very confusing creatures."

"And I guess it only makes it worse when you have to be a girl as well."

"Ah," was Star's response, but it held within it all the implication that she was aware of more than what Raven had revealed to her. "Would you like to talk about it?"

"Not really."

Starfire hummed in the hallway, as if that were the reaction she had expected. "I understand. Would you like me to leave you alone then?"

Raven thought of sitting in her room in solitary confinement, staring at her wall as she listened to the embedded laughter of a sadistic shadow buried deep in her soul. "Not really," she replied. She reached for the door and opened it, letting the steam and heat that had consumed the bathroom filter out in a rising cloud of mist. Starfire stood before her, smiling sweetly.

"We could sit in your room and listen to your favorite music," she offered. Raven grinned slightly and nodded.

"I would actually like that."

"And we could eat pizza and ice cream."

"Sure."

"And I could brush you hair!"

Raven made a face at the last suggestion but gave in when Star raised her eyebrows expectantly. "Only for a little bit," she warned, striding into the hallway and letting Star drape a loving arm around her bare shoulders.

.

.

.

Beast Boy felt like a caged animal. His shower had done little to ease his wayward mind, so he was left roaming the halls of Titans Tower once more, hoping for a distraction.

Save for the only one he really, truly wanted.

Night was crawling over the bay when he found himself standing at the end of her hallway, staring at her closed door thirty feet in front of him. A part of him had wanted to go into her empty room to see if just being in her environment would satisfy his wanting…

…but at the same time he realized how truly abnormal that was.

So he just ended up at staring at her door for the better part of an hour.

And vaguely wishing he could go back to a couple days before, when he had been in the conference room working and she had come in just to come in.

He had liked that.

His reverie was suddenly broken, however, when Raven's door surprisingly opened and Starfire came striding out. He perked up from his place against the wall and watched as his alien friend floated out into the hallway, turning in midair to speak to none other than the violet-eyed girl herself.

Raven barely stepped out into view, staying close to her door and leaning heavily against the metal. She was dressed for sleep in shorts and a loose v-neck, and her hair looked newly washed and braided over her right shoulder. She looked up at Star as they spoke to each other, their words too quiet for him to make out. He watched as Raven smiled wearily and shook her head, causing Starfire to roll her eyes playfully and look away in mock frustration. The same jealousy from before stabbed through Beast Boy as he coveted the easy relationship the girls had with each other. He was so preoccupied by his envy that it took him a moment to realize that Starfire had noticed him and had pointed him out to Raven.

Of all the things that he could have been caught doing, stalking outside of Raven's door was not at the top of his list. He immediately pushed off the wall and headed down the hallway, trying to feign the appearance that he had actually been strolling the Tower instead of camping out.

"Hey," he called out, trying his hardest to sound at ease. When he came level with the girls he avoided eye contact with Raven and looked up at Starfire instead. "Do you have to hover up there?" he asked sarcastically. "Or do you just like feeling superior to us grounded folks?"

"I have no idea to what you are talking about," Starfire said, although she did smirk at him. She leaned back a little and nudged his shoulder with her toe. "You have been gone for most of today. What have you been doing?"

"Nothing really," he said, thinking of his painfully unproductive morning, afternoon and now evening. "Just sort of, you know, wandering around the Tower."

"Hm," Star hummed, rotating in a circle thoughtfully. "Have you seen Robin at all? I was about to go and find him. We are supposed to go to somewhere tonight."

"For pleasure?" Raven quipped, and Beast Boy was surprised to hear a significant amount of amusement in her voice. Starfire's shoulders just slumped.

"For business," she replied mournfully. "He says that he enjoys conducting business affairs with me, but sometimes I can find them awfully boring." Despite her complaints she started to drift away, waving feebly at the pair. "I must find him though. It is a long way out to the S.T.A.R laboratory."

"Don't be out too late," Beast Boy called coyly as Raven waved silently at his side. Starfire disappeared around the corner and took with her all sense of contentment.

Because now he was alone with Raven, and despite having wanted nothing but this exact moment all day, he knew that it would go anything other than smooth.

Chaste. Chaste.

He had to just keep his thoughts chaste.

.

.

.

She had been caught off guard from the moment Starfire had said his name. Now, standing next to him, she noticed his emerald hair was tousled but clean and his blue shirt and sweats looked newly laundered. His face was flushed and she could smell his soap and shampoo from her doorway.

Raven dropped her gaze, embarrassed.

Her head had suddenly filled itself with the image of Beast Boy in the shower, and her cheeks reddened at the ease in which she did it.

"Hey Rae," he said softly, turning to her. "I thought you were still in the infirmary."

"I left hours ago," she said, suddenly feeling exposed in her sleepwear. She felt suddenly too pale, too disheveled. She frowned visibly, thinking that she should have concealed the bags under eyes, should have worn something more flattering to her figure; thoughts and actions she had so rarely ever bothered to think about. She looked at Beast Boy and clearly noticed how his shirt rested against the muscles in his chest, betrayed his narrow waist and accentuated the luminosity of his skin. She quickly dropped her gaze again, amazed with how acutely she seemed to notice every physical nuance about him. "I figured I'd caused enough damage up there."

"Right. The power blast," he said, nodding and looking anywhere but at her. He folded his arms across his chest and moved to lean back against the doorframe, placing himself half in her room and half in the hallway. "That was kind of special, yeah?" He shot her a lopsided grin and Raven felt her nerves calm but her heart begin to race. An unsettling combination.

"Well you know. I do that sometimes. In my sleep," she joked stoically, her expression deadpan. She leaned against the door opposite him, her hands folded demurely behind her back. "Are you all right? I know Cyborg said-,"

He waved a hand to cut her off. "I'm fine. Cy woke me up and I walked out of there like nothing had happened." He shrugged. "I wanted to stay to see if you would wake up but he insisted I leave," he added, saying it almost apologetically.

"Understandable. You weren't obligated to be there."

"Yeah," he said. "But you know." His words trailed off into an awkward pause as he looked away again. It made her fleetingly angry that he didn't want to meet her eyes. "So if you don't mind me asking," he started, rubbing the back of his neck. It was a nervous habit of his, and Raven wondered what he had to be nervous about. "What exactly happened yesterday?"

She sighed. "Something not very thought out," she admitted. "My actions yesterday were ill-conceived, although apparently successful. I had wanted to drain myself, and I succeeded in sterilizing my powers. For now, at least."

"Hm," he said thoughtfully, his eyes appraising her collarbone. "I was wondering why that bruise was still there. You must be running on empty if you're healing this slowly."

"Empty would be nice," she muttered. "There's still something left, but I don't have the emotions to fuel them right now." She passed a hand over her tired eyes, laughing a little to herself. "I guess I'm not 'feeling' strongly enough."

"I could fix that, if you'd like," Beast Boy offered in a sly voice, but immediately shook his head. "I'm sorry, that was stupid." He frowned at himself and ran an aggressive hand through his hair. "Dumb habits die hard, I guess."

"Whatever," Raven mumbled, surprised that she was saying anything at all. "It wasn't stupid. It was just a joke, right?" She shrugged, trying to convey to him that she really didn't mind. "That's how we joke, you and I."

He stared at her for a while, his expression caught between puzzlement and genuine surprise. "Yeah," he finally said, lowering his hand and smiling unsurely. "That's how we joke." A giddy sort of relief washed over him and Raven felt somewhat proud that she had caused it. "I've tried to explain that to people so many times and no one understands. An inside joke between friends."

"Harmless in its meaningless execution?"

"That's the fancy way of putting it, yeah."

"The relationship of the endless idiocy of one and the tight-lipped tolerance of another."

He made a face. "Come on now, I don't like it when you call yourself an idiot."

"What a coincidence, because I don't either."

They looked at each other for a moment before he broke into a chorus of hearty chuckles and she smiled quietly to herself. The childlike Beast Boy started to shine through his eyes, and his toothy smile reminded Raven of years gone by, when his harmless little pranks were his only way of showing people he cared. "Everyone thinks you're so serious and focused, but in reality it's all a front for a smarmy brat." He shook his head when all she did was shrug. "My Rae is different from everyone else's Raven, I guess."

Maybe it was the way his head tilted to the side, or the softness in his voice, or the startling fact that he had called her 'his Rae', but a stiffness settled over Raven that left her feeling rigid and awkward. She suddenly regretted everything that had led to this moment, and she wondered what had provoked such an uncharacteristic openness in her.

And yet…

Beast Boy must have noticed her immediate discomfort because all the gentleness left his face and he straightened himself from the door, stepping out into the hallway as if prepping to leave. "Er yeah," he said. "But, anyway…." He trailed off. Raven watched him fidget, watched him as he silently retreated into his own mind to probably berate himself once more. Why did he always have to ruin their ease? Why was he constantly doing things with such a childish naiveté? Sometimes she could deplore his obliviousness.

And yet…

"I know you're still probably tired," he mumbled. "And wasting your time with me is probably the last thing you want to do, so I guess I'll just leave you to yourself." He took two steps back. "I just…I'm glad you're doing better. We were all worried and…yeah. It's just good to see you up and about again."

He was rambling. Raven always had a problem when people rambled on and on in nonsensical sentences, saying things that didn't need to be said. She had always found it grating; a waste of breath and time. Useless in its unnecessary abundance.

And yet…

Why was every little annoyance, every little irritating thing he did so damn _endearing_?

When had she gotten this disgustingly affectionate?

And with him of all people?

"Hey," she muttered in a low tone. "Gar." He looked up from staring at the floor and she found she wanted to say something kind. "I'm glad you came to check up on me."

"Oh. Sure."

"Thank you."

"Yeah."

Another painful silence.

"Hey Raven," he began, speaking with hesitation. He furrowed his brow at her for a moment before he reached out and plucked at her braid. Sweetly, randomly. Brotherly. His hand shook when he pulled it away. "I…I don't really have anything to say. I just…kind of wanted to do that."

A pluck of her braid.

A gesture of camaraderie.

That was not taken as such.

Like a plague of the worst kind Raven felt her Depravity flare into life at Beast Boy's touch, charging to the forefront of her mind, blistering in its dissatisfaction. When she spoke her voice was low, but her anger shrieked of depravation.

"_Endearment is pathetic and affection is useless. I crave and I hunger, and I am no longer content with starvation."_

Something snapped inside Raven's psyche and a burst of heat flooded her senses. She wasn't just looking at Beast Boy anymore, she was suddenly _yearning_ for him. Pining for far more than a pluck of her braid. All the physical traits she had noticed earlier came flooding back tenfold, and her blood boiled under her skin.

Raven blew out a quick and pained sigh.

Sometimes…just _sometimes_…it was a fucking pain in the ass to be a bipolar, emotionally constipated mess.

.

.

.

Being in the hallway with Raven was an assault of delirium; Beast Boy had felt dizzy the entire time. The physical need to touch her alone was borderline insanity, and being close enough to smell her fresh scent was painful in its minute distance, but he couldn't bring himself to leave. He found that he would much rather suffer in her presence than be content in her absence.

But then her expression turned somber. Almost angry.

"Why that?" she asked him, reaching up and tearing the band from her hair. It unwound effortlessly, the glossy strands unraveling into their usual curtain of amethyst. "Of all the inappropriate gestures you like to pull…why the braid?"

"I thought I wasn't supposed to inappropriate anymore," he said huskily, thinking that if he had done what he actually wanted to do then she wouldn't be standing, let alone able to speak.

Chaste. Chaste.

He had to remember to think the word in order to act upon it.

"I just never understood," she went on, her raspy voice deep. "I always wondered why you would do things like that."

"Things like what?" he exhaled, his thoughts wandering into a fantasy of himself tearing the band from her hair and his fingers tangling in the hues of violet and lavender. She noticed his dreamy gaze and straightened herself from the wall.

"You know," she snapped, and without warning Raven strode forward and invaded his space. He was so startled that he backed away from her until he hit the opposite wall and she pinned him there with her proximity. They weren't even touching, but her body was centimeters from his and he was too surprised to move. He felt his stomach drop to the floor and his veins cackle with pent up energy.

"Things like this," she said, staring up at him. She held her stance for an intoxicating minute before she seemed to regain her composure and take half a step back. She looked startled with herself, but at the same time pointedly determined. "You were always doing that to me. Backing me into corners. I thought you were doing it to irritate me. Or to be mean." She reached out and grazed her fingertips through his hair, her usually expressionless visage furrowing as she did so. Beast Boy had to concentrate very hard just to keep himself standing. "I guess I never quite got it until now. The reason, I mean." She trailed her fingers down the side of his neck and down the length of his arm, both their eyes watching the path she created along his body. Raven seemed entirely too intrigued in what she was doing, and Beast Boy relished it.

"What's the reason?" he asked, staring down at her. He noticed that she was breathing a little faster, and the change in her pulse quickly sparked the hunter in him. She pushed his arm away as if he had been the one caressing her.

"There isn't one," she said plainly. She shrugged and placed both hands on either side of his face. "I just feel like it."

.

.

.

When Raven dragged his face down towards hers there was a moment right before their lips met when she felt like screaming. But then she was kissing him, her small hands clinging to his face desperately, and she felt as if nothing in the world mattered. She was kissing Beast Boy. She, as herself, was actually kissing Beast Boy.

And if she ignored the dark, triumphant laugh resounding through her skull then she found that she enjoyed it.

A lot, actually.

Raven thought of all the times she had seen him surrounded by his admirers, just another Titan answering to a crowd of fans the world over. But Gar wasn't just another Titan. Raven never cared if girls swarmed Robin, or if screeching, adoring females trapped Cyborg or Kid Flash or Aqualad in corners. She only ever noticed if they did it to Beast Boy.

She'd say nothing, but she'd notice.

She only ever noticed if he took his shirt off in the training room when it was too drenched in sweat for comfort. She'd watch him fight, watch him transform, watch him build his strength and endurance without realizing she was staring. She would always throw her guard up when he came too close to her, but she'd never try to leave, never try to back away before anything happened. She had tried to control her emotions just so she could endure the moments when he would grasp her hand, touch her hair or breathe along the nape of her neck…because she hadn't wanted those moments to disappear.

Her intentions mixed with the more insistent ones of her depraved side, but their goals were fast becoming the same thing. Raven couldn't blame the pleasurable shiver in her spine on anyone but herself.

Thoughts threatened to turn into fire when she pulled away from him, holding him at arm's length. She felt weak-kneed and woozy, and somewhere in the base of her stomach a storm was raging and spreading rapidly through her body. Her lips ached to touch his again, but she kept herself from launching at him. Raven blinked up at Beast Boy and found him just as wide-eyed and breathless as she was, staring at her as if she had slapped him.

"That was a mistake," were the first words out of her mouth, and for good reason. From the interior of her room Raven heard the wood in her bookshelf splinter angrily as something large was thrown across her room, hitting the wall with a cracking thud. Had her powers been fully applicable then half of Jump City belonged at the bottom of the bay based off of the pounding in her chest.

"Rae-," Beast Boy started to say, but she cut him off by scurrying back and attempting to slam her door closed between them. Her pulse was racing, her head was pounding, and they were chanting a dangerous mantra.

_More_, they told her. _More more more_.

But more had always and would always be the one thing Raven could never allow herself.

.

.

.

Chaste. Chaste.

It was a concept Beast Boy was fast forgetting.

He was running on pure instinct when he rushed forward and grasped the door and the frame, stopping Raven from barricading herself behind the metal. She looked up at him with a flushed face and glassy eyes, and he knew he was little less than a mirror image.

"Rae," he said again, with even more earnest than before. She tried to slide the door past his grip but he was too strong for her weak form.

"You need to go," she practically begged, and the sound of something breaking in her room met his ears. "Now."

"No. Why?" he demanded, his anxiety causing him to speak louder than he intended. "Why did you-,"

"Beast Boy, leave."

"Not until you tell me why you just kissed me." He needed her to say that she had wanted it, that the desire to do so had finally taken over. He needed her to need him, even if it was only a fraction of how much he needed her.

"Let go of the door, Garfield. Go away-,"

"No!" He was almost yelling down at her, his nerves heightened to such a degree that they were overwhelming. "You're not doing this to me again, Raven!"

"Doing what?"

"Leaving me hanging! Every time we come close to figuring out what this is between us, or going beyond this endless back and forth, you put everything to a halt and close off! You act like nothing happened, and it's driving me crazy! I can't…I can't keep dangling on the end of your thread anymore. I'm not a play thing, Rae!"

She flinched at the connotation and the accusation. "I never thought of you as a play thing-,"

"Then stop drawing me in just to push me away again!" His knuckles were turning white with how hard he was gripping the door. "For once in your life can you stop with the cold exterior and just tell me what it is that you want?"

"When has that ever been an option for me, Beast Boy?" she shot back, her defenses shooting out in anger. "When has 'wanting' been the only deciding factor for me?"

"Since you met us!" he cried, exasperated. "Haven't all of us proven—haven't _I_ proven—that no matter what the consequences we'd always be there for you? You can only destroy the world once, and that already happened. We're still here. You're still standing. You can cut yourself a freaking break once in a while and participate in life."

"You think it's as easy as cutting myself a break? Do you have any idea what I've had to do to just smile a little more?"

He slammed his fist into the doorframe and the walls shook dangerously. "No, I don't! I have no idea what you've been through because you never tell anyone anything! You keep things to yourself until you crumble from the burden, and even then you insist that you're okay."

"All right then," she spat, her words caught in that odd place between held back tears and choking venom. "Here I am telling you that I am definitely not okay."

"Then let me help you. Just throw down your guard and let me help you."

"It's not that simple-,"

"Why?"

"Because…."

"Because what? Because you don't want it to be?"

"I already told you, it isn't based on what I want!"

"Why?" he growled, looming over her. "Why? Why? Why can't you just have what you want?"

Her reply was to throw herself at him, her eyes staring fixedly at his mouth. But she stopped herself inches from his face, her breath coming out ragged against his skin. She clenched her teeth together as she internally fought with herself, caught between wanting to close the distance and wanting to expand it. A light bulb in the hallway burst and she pulled back once more, turning her head away, embarrassed.

"Because I _can't_," she hissed. "Gar, it's-,"

But Beast Boy didn't want to hear anymore vague explanations. She had caved under the pressure and she had shown him enough to know that his desires were not one-sided.

She felt it too.

What she wanted was him.

He wasn't the only one thirsting for release. She would reciprocate his actions…all she needed was a push.

Chaste. Chaste.

He just had to remember to stay chaste-…

"Screw it," he breathed, and threw the door open, bearing down on Raven with more hunger than he knew was necessary to show. He caught her waist easily and the kiss they shared was far different from their prior interaction. This was a mixture of anger and defeat, passion and desire, and complete and unwanted abandon. The feel of Raven's lips against his wasn't the end to his hunger; it was dumping fuel onto an already blazing fire. His body roared to life from the contact, from the gasp she gave when he had caught her in his arms, from her hands placed on his shoulders in an indecisive motion of pulling him closer or pushing him away. It was like pure electricity tearing through his body.

Chaste. Chaste.

He had suddenly forgotten the meaning of the word.

He held her tighter, coaxed her to arch back as he pressed against her. He forced her mouth open and explored her taste, deepening the exchange and receiving a profound shudder from her body. She whimpered against his lips, a sound so devastatingly sweet yet darkly titillating that it excited his predatory nature and fed his lust. Her fingers twisted into the fabric of his shirt and she leaned her weight into him as her knees gave out, and all Beast Boy could seem to think about was shutting the door and getting her to the bed.

Chaste.

Chaste.

He had completely discarded the purpose of the word.

.

.

.

It wasn't as black and white as liking it or not liking it. This was the complexity that was Raven's very existence and, at this moment in time, with Beast Boy's breath mixing with hers and his hands splayed possessively along the small of her back, it was more apparent than ever before.

Because it was absolute nonsense to pretend that she wanted it to stop. She didn't, obviously. She had been the one to kiss him first, although his response was more than she felt she could handle. With his sinewy muscle flexing against her body Raven was more physically aroused than she had ever been in her life. He spurred a tempest in her stomach—and in other places as well—and the storm weakened her despite its delight.

Yet she could also feel her fragmented mind thunder in turmoil at the physical and emotional onslaught. Around the room candles melted in their sconces, wood continued to splinter in the headboard of her bed, and a few crystals along her bookshelves simply shattered into small piles of glittering dust. Behind him the door slammed itself shut and the control panel sizzled against the wall. Raven could feel every loose end of her powers reaching out from the freedom the kiss was giving her.

If half of Jump City had been in danger before, then the entire continent was privy to mass destruction now.

But consequences were hard to consider when Beast Boy was advancing on her, manipulating her into taking shaky steps backward until the back of her knees hit the edge of her mattress and the two went tumbling down onto the covers. He caught himself before he crushed her, pulling away for merely a second before he was upon her again…helped there by her own hands yanking on his collar and pulling him down.

More more more. Lust. Desire. She knew she was playing into the hands of the darkest part of her being, but it was hard to stop. Hard to second guess her actions. She simply wanted more and was out of reasons why she shouldn't.

And then…

Beast Boy's hand found the familiar path to her rear, his legs forced her own to open wider, and with a hungry growl he rutted against her, the bulge of his wanting pressing hard between her legs. The act alone produced a mixture of surprise and craving within Raven, but that was just the tip of the iceberg. It was almost as if her longing were reaching a point that it was actually becoming painful. She could feel her heart constricting in her chest, and somewhere deep within her soul self she felt something crack, tear, split…leaving behind a sharp pain laced with pleasure. Raven's breath caught in her throat and she seized up for a moment, another gasp escaping her lips.

Beast Boy grinned against her mouth and pushed her higher onto the bed, pressing into her again as they dragged across the sheets. This dominative belligerence was new coming from him, but it seemed accustomed to his body, as if he had done such things before. Raven found that she had a fear and a taste for it. Another stab of pain and delight shot through her body, and her hands turned to fists against Beast Boy's chest. She shoved at him, breathily tried to ask him to wait, but he grabbed her arms and pinned them to the bed.

She tried to repeat her request but he just bent low to her neck, his lips seeping into her skin and his tongue branding her with heat. He whispered her name against her neck, told her how he couldn't stop, couldn't stop, couldn't stop. Told her how much he wanted this. Told her how predatory his desires had become. It started to worry her, started to scare her, started to _excite_ her, and the clock on her nightstand turned black and began to twist and warp into itself.

.

.

.

The Beast had always been a part of him since the day it manifested; it was like his shadow, never fully tangible but always there. It had come out a few times over the years, but they were enough to let him know that the Beast was and always had been for Raven.

As her protector.

When Beast Boy had to defend Starfire, Cyborg, or Robin he did so as himself and himself alone. But when it came to defending Raven, to standing between her and whatever it was that was on the hunt, he always had the Beast to aid him. He would be stronger, faster. Resilient. Ferocious. A wall of fur and fang meant to stand before Raven and never fall. For her and for her alone.

As her protector.

But now, with his hands pinning her to the bed and his hips pressing into hers, Beast Boy wondered if maybe he had mistaken 'protector' for 'possessor'. Because the same adrenaline rush and archaic instinct that came with the Beast was coursing through his veins, his pulse drumming out a steady mantra in his head…

More. More. More. More.

He let go of one of her hands, her fingers flew to his shoulder in an attempt to shove him away, but he ignored her action as he tore open the front of her shirt, his hand yanking too hard on the already loose fabric. She jerked at the sudden exposure, her face twisting it what looked to be pain. He should have been concerned, and he normally would have. But the Beast had once been a monster, and he found that he took some sort of sick pleasure in her grimace.

"Garfield," she cried, tugging on the collar of his shirt so hard that it dug into the back of his neck. "Gar, wait!"

He ran his hand over her torso, unabashedly admiring the paleness of her skin. He couldn't quite believe they had come to this moment. Beast Boy shook his head and found that he was no longer smiling.

"You keep telling me to wait," he said hoarsely, running his palms along the curve of her waist. She shook beneath his touch. "But that's wrong-,"

"Please," she breathed, ignoring his words and closing her eyes. His hands continued to touch her bare skin and when he gripped her sides she grasped his fingers forcibly with her own. "I said wait," she said firmly, breathing hard. She opened her eyes to look back up at him and his face was a mixture of anger and anguish. "What?" she asked.

"You told me to wait," he said lowly. "Why aren't you telling me stop?" She didn't answer at first, just blinked up at him. She looked momentarily lost, her eyelids flickering rapidly. Her irises looked like they were changing, but he couldn't tell in the dim light of her melted candles. "Raven?"

The glass in her window fractured as she suddenly reached blindly for his hand and guided it past the waistband of her shorts, down to the warm center between her legs. Beast Boy moaned audibly and nearly collapsed against her shoulder. She cried out in pure ecstasy as his fingers explored her of their own accord, her back arching with the motion.

"Gar," she whimpered. He buried his face in her neck, delighting in her rapid pulse and shaky breath. He spoke into her skin, his fingers sliding into her, uninhibited and unrestrained. Whether he was man or Beast, he wasn't there to practice patience or discretion.

"Tell me to stop," he said, speaking over her quiet gasps and moans. "Tell me to stop, Rae. Make me. Force me." He touched deep into her core, she screamed out loud and his manhood pressed painfully against her thigh. "Tell me what you want," he nearly begged into her ear. If she didn't stop him now, if she didn't throw him from her room and lock the door, then he knew there was no going back. His inner monster and human weakness would take over, and Raven would have no choice but to succumb to both.

Her response was to blow the lights out with her powers and shove against his chest, flipping him on the bed so that his arms were thrown back against the mattress and her legs straddled his narrow waist. She lifted his shirt over his head and tossed it aside, relieving herself of her own ragged one. Beast Boy could barely make out her silhouette in the darkness, but he felt her hand slide down his body and grasp his member, squeezing it and earning a sharp intake of breath.

"There will be no stopping tonight," she whispered, a smile adding a seductive cadence to her voice. "Not until one of us completely shatters." She tugged roughly at his manhood, his hands found the silken strands of her hair and all logical thought was thrown out the window.

She was a half-demon.

He was a Beast.

And together they acted as such.

.

.

.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: YAY FOR A NEW COMPUTER! Hopefully this quickens my updates on this story. XD

Anyway, when I began writing this chapter I had done so with the assumption that the villain Adonis, (from the Teen Titans episode "Beast Within"), retained his werebeast transformation powers. It wasn't until halfway through this chapter did I realize he had been administered the antidote that Cyborg had created and, thus, was forced to resort to his battlesuit for later battles, (i.e. when he battles and is defeated by Cyborg in the episode "Overdrive.)

…

BUT.

His role in my story works better with him still retaining his werebeast powers, so I decided to exercise some creative license, (and the God-like powers all fanfiction authors are blessed with), so that he does just that. So Adonis is still a werebeast.

Yup. This is me. Spitting in the face of continuity.

It's fun.

Enjoy.

.

.

.

Chapter 9

.

.

.

Mornings in Jump City were much like mornings anywhere else in the world. The sun rose. Streetlights shut off. Birds chirped. Coffee was made. It was hard to escape the normalcy of mornings, even if one were spending such a thing in Titans Tower.

Usually a typical morning for Raven began when the sun hit the sky. Her alarm would go off hours after she had opened her eyes, and it was only by its blaring ring did she finally get out of bed. She would perform her morning meditations, shower, and head down to the main room to wait for the rest of her friends to join her.

But on this particular morning Raven did not wake up before her alarm. In fact, her usual 7:00 a.m wake up call was completely absent. When she did finally open her eyes it was well into the later part of the day, when breakfast began to meld away to accommodate lunch, and 7:00 a.m. was a distant memory.

It was an awakening Raven had rarely experienced before. Her eyes fluttered open easily instead of snapping open from a nightmare she couldn't escape. She felt rested, but her head felt heavy with sleep and it was making her dizzy to lie down. She blinked slowly, letting her sight adjust to the sunlight coming through her window. And then she frowned.

Something didn't quite feel right.

She didn't move abruptly, opting to take things in slow strides. She vaguely realized she couldn't recall how or when she had fallen asleep, and the lack of memories worried her. Slowly and cautiously she flipped from her stomach to her back and immediately realized that she was completely and utterly naked beneath the sheets. That sudden awareness squashed whatever caution she had been planning to exercise and Raven sat bolt upright in bed, hugging her blanket to her chest and staring at her room.

It was in complete disarray. The place looked ransacked. There wasn't a piece of furniture that wasn't broken in some way or another, and every item she possessed was either thrown on the floor or dangling from something.

The sight was jarring.

And yet.

It wasn't nearly as jarring as hearing a deep and throaty moan from the space next to her. And what Raven had taken to be just a pile of her sheets began to flip over to reveal that they were, in fact, not sheets at all.

They were the body of a person, and the person had a startling hue of green skin, and the person also had the startling appearance of being Beast Boy.

A sleeping Beast Boy.

A sleeping and extremely _naked_ Beast Boy, made apparent when he moved and the blanket that had been covering him slipped from his waist to reveal….

Oh. Well.

One of the pillows that had made it to the floor completely imploded on itself, sending out a sprinkling of white feathers into the middle of the room. Raven quickly averted her eyes to keep her powers in check, her head pounding sickeningly in her skull.

Her and Beast Boy.

Her and Beast Boy.

The night before.

Words. Heat. Breath. Skin.

The sound of her resolve breaking and an onslaught of emotional baggage.

Wanting Beast Boy

Wanting Beast Boy.

Wanting Beast Boy.

More. More. More.

_Depravity_.

The night before rushed back to her in a crashing wave, and her body grew hot from the memories. It was as if a dam had broken in her mind, and every minute detail made itself painfully apparent in her tender skull.

Memories that seemed blurry but completely real flashed through Raven's mind. As she glanced back at Beast Boy she was overwhelmed with images of him breathing hard, looking at her with a possessive stare, sweat dotting the vibrant green of his brow.

Her shoulders slumped as she closed her eyes, wishing she could live in denial but knowing that she was too disciplined for chosen ignorance.

Her and Beast Boy.

Her and Beast Boy.

A heated argument in the hallway.

A heated exchange in the bedroom.

She remembered.

Remembered him tearing through her clothes on the bed, remembered how the desire in her core began to fracture her mind. She remembered that when he touched her he gave strength to Depravity, and all night they had fought over their needs for Beast Boy.

They had fought.

Each other.

Raven clutched her head, astounded with herself. Had it really come to that? A struggle with herself? Had she really battled with her own isolated emotion over who got to satisfy their mutual sexual desire for Gar?

She glanced sidelong at her naked companion once more.

Apparently the answer was yes.

She closed her eyes and tried to separate what had been her actions and what had been the actions of her other self, but recalling the night before was like a humiliating walk of shame, even if it was in the silence of her own mind.

She remembered how she had tugged the shirt off his back and took pleasure from the feel of his skin beneath her palms. She remembered her fingers shaking as she clung to him, her nerves threatening to seize the heart.

That had been her.

She remembered how they had savagely disposed of all their garments, how she had yanked at his hair and bit at his neck. He had growled in response and she had dug her fingernails into his skin, scarring him.

That had been Depravity.

He had touched her without reprieve, his fingers coaxing startled gasps from her lips and embarrassing shivers from her body. She had been embarrassed and he had found it arousing.

That had been her.

And then, when he couldn't stand it any longer, when he loomed over her and spread her legs apart, and when he had asked her one final time to make him stop, she had reached out, grasped his hips, and forced him inside of her.

That, Raven had to admit, had been both of them.

Her muscles tensed at the vivid memory and she drew her knees to her chest, hoping that the throbbing between her legs would stop. The thought of her and Beast Boy together like that…in such an intimate fashion…yet done with such savagery…. It was astonishingly humiliating, but it wasn't as though she completely deplored the memory.

Because yes, it was something she had kept herself from doing for years.

But…

If she had done it…at least it had been with someone…

…whom…

Her eyes averted to Beast Boy again, taking in his quiet face and his steady breathing. He was someone she had known for years, and someone she undoubtedly trusted. If it had to happen, at least it was with someone like him.

Because she remembered he had been gentle at first, restraining his more basic nature and trying to be considerate of her whimpers of pain. He had cradled her face with his hand, his cheek pressed against hers as he entered her again and again.

Slow.

Amorous.

Raven remembered how utterly _sweet_ he had been, treating her as if she was something breakable even though she could tell he yearned for force and aggression. She had been able to caress his face with her fingertips for a split second, her mouth open as she breathed heavily against the stabs of pain and the aftermath of pleasure. They had looked at each other, and she remembered that it had been _her_ staring up at him and no one else.

But.

Depravity's will had grown strong, and she would shove herself to the forefront of consciousness whenever she could. Whatever discomforts Raven had felt were overrun with Depravity's screaming need, and a gentle caress of fingers turned into a gripped hold on his throat as her voice hissed out a single, impassioned word: "Harder."

With one command from her lips, in the voice of the girl he had known for years, Beast Boy had freed his aggression, and his hips had rammed into hers until she was howling. Raven had both wanted it to stop and wanted him to continue, and the grimace in her face hid the joyous satisfaction of Depravity within. At some point she had beat her fists against his chest and cried out in a devastating moan, books and artifacts flying about the room around them. Beast Boy had grabbed her wrists and pinned them back on the bed, his chest heaving with their union. Her empathic abilities were overwhelmed with the emotions she was receiving from him, but at that moment she had felt such a conflict of excitement and disappointment that it burned her psyche.

"Raven," he had gasped, confusion marring his face. "Raven…Raven you said-,"

She couldn't remember if it had been her or Depravity that had done it, but Raven had lifted her face to his at that point, pressing her lips to his and devouring his uncertain words. She forced the kiss deeper, coaxed him to respond with fervor. He had hesitated at first, concerned with her contradictory reactions, but he was privy to her seduction, and it didn't take long for him to return her intensity. He continued to move in her, and his hands moved her own across the bed sheets, crossing them above her head in a mockery of shackles. He had spoken against her lips then, saying things she didn't want him to say.

How ashamed he was.

How he couldn't stop.

How he needed her.

How he wanted her even as he was taking her.

She remembered him repeating his words over and over as he thrust himself deep into her core, and while Raven had taken comfort in his confessions, Depravity found them to be distracting.

So she had made Raven slip her leg around him and roll them to the side, flipping him onto his back as she straddled his waist. Raven had wanted to push herself off of Gar, rest her shaking body and gather her bearings. The fire they were playing with was dangerous, and it was scorching her body and soul. But Depravity had made her hands grasp his shoulders as she worked her hips against his, grinding deeply against him and smiling as he filled her body. Beast Boy had convulsed at the movement, gripping her waist. Raven had wanted to scream, but Depravity only let her laugh as she worked her body against his, gleaning from him every last ounce of pleasure she could take. When he tried to speak she covered his mouth with her hand and worked harder against his member.

Memories. All of them vivid, vivid memories.

Raven hugged her blanket closer to her she continued to remember against her will. She was practically on the brink of tears, caught between excitement at the recollections and mortification at her actions. When they had finally ended it had felt like hours later, with Beast Boy plowing deep into her once more and her back arching with every grisly thrust. He had made sure they crested together, and when they did she clung to him for dear life and screamed out his name, basking in the excruciating amount of gratification that seeped over her.

And whether it had been her or her other self, Raven knew that _she_ had chosen the night. No one else. She had wanted Beast Boy, had pined for him and yearned for him in secret, and then she had done the unthinkable and actually taken what she wanted. She had thrown discipline out the window and given in to impulse for a mere second in time, but it had been enough to release the sexual deviant in her for a night that Raven would never forget.

And now, on this normal morning at Titans Tower, she was left to deal with the very real consequences of her very real actions.

Because Raven was disciplined fora_ reason_, and Raven had been avoiding last night for a very specific reason.

Yes, Depravity had satiated her hunger, but once was never enough for something that had been deprived.

Because if you deprive something, it starves.

And when you give it a taste, it becomes ravenous.

And Raven knew Depravity would want her hunger to be satisfied again.

And again.

And again.

She looked around the room, at her broken possessions and tattered walls. This was the damage Raven was capable of when her powers were practically drained.

She touched her fingers to her temple and concentrated, trying to accurately determine the state of her mind after battling for control with a potent entity like Depravity. If she were being vague she'd assess the damage to be nothing short of ramming a spike through her frontal lobe. Her mindscape felt fractured, and the pounding headache in her brain was nauseating.

Raven let out a shuddering breath and lowered her hand.

If Depravity were allowed to feed again then Jump City would crumble and Raven's mind would rupture beyond repair.

But if Raven tried to suppress the emotion now, after everything that had happened, it would be the equivalent of restraining a wild beast with her bare hands.

She looked over at her sleeping companion and his unhindered slumber. If it was this difficult to be in his presence with eyes closed then Raven wasn't looking forward to the moment when they opened. Because he wasn't just Beast Boy anymore, and he was much more than Garfield to her now. This boy was someone singularly significant in her life. Someone she saw every day. Someone she lived with. Someone who slept down the hall from her own room. Someone she couldn't escape from.

Someone she wanted to be close to.

But someone Depravity wanted to consume in her darkness.

And if Depravity were allowed to consume, then Raven would be left with a burden she could not contain.

And if Raven could not contain, then the world would be subject to her destructive release.

Raven pressed her forehead into her knees and forced herself to back away from the verge of tears. She commanded herself to be strong, made herself lock away her emotions and keep her face stone cold. If she was going to get through this then she needed to keep her wits about her.

Even if she was fucked in almost every way possible.

.

.

.

When Beast Boy finally woke it was well into the afternoon. He came to with a satisfied yawn and a hearty stretch of his limbs before turning over in the bed and blindly searching for Raven's warmth. He reached his arm out across her side of the mattress and found empty space. He opened his eyes and saw nothing. When he sat up and looked around the room he found that the chaotic mess from the night before had been wiped away, everything repaired to its normal state, everything returned to its normal place. As if nothing had happened.

And Raven was gone.

Raven.

The girl he had known for eight years, revealed every last one of his weaknesses to, and had spent the night with.

Raven.

A girl who knew little about submission, yet he had taken her with his own two hands. A girl who was never touched, yet whom he had touched. A girl who had said she could not claim what she wanted and yet showed it to him anyway.

Raven.

The girl he had fallen asleep next to. And was now gone.

But why?

He sat there for a few moments, blinking in the daylight and frowning at his surroundings. He had suspected that the 'morning after' would be a plethora of awkwardness and uncertainty, but he honestly hadn't thought that he'd be experiencing it alone. It made Beast Boy doubt himself, and he ran a hand through his hair in uncertainty.

Did they regret it?

Did she regret it?

How badly did this change things?

How good were the outcomes of their actions?

Was he happy?

Was she happy?

Did she hate him?

Did she love him….

Beast Boy turned to look at the nightstand. All he saw was a black and contorted alarm clock.

No note.

He scanned the entire room, his eyes searching for any sort of message Raven could have left behind for him. He looked from the dresser to the bookshelf to the windowpane.

Nothing.

Reluctantly he slipped from the bed, searching for his discarded clothes. He tried to dress slowly, allowing time for Raven to return in the hopes that she had just stepped out for a minute. But as time passed and she didn't show up, Beast Boy's mind began to harden. All feelings of contentment that he had awoken with began to dissipate, and the uncertainty he had been feeling slowly manipulated itself into solid compunction. He grumbled under his breath as he tugged on his shirt and headed for the door, not even bothering to make the bed before he left.

Who knew Raven was cold enough for a one-night stand?

.

.

.

She had wanted to avoid him at all costs.

Not that she was particularly proud of abandoning him in his sleep, but staying would have meant they had to deal with each other, and Raven was definitely not ready for that. She needed time to gather her mind, to mend what had broken the night before and build her resolve. Only when she had a firm grip on her psyche would she be able to face him without tearing out his throat or ripping off his clothes.

So, as inconsiderate as the action was, Raven had left her room without a word to Beast Boy, hoping that she could steal away for the day to meditate in silence. But unhindered quiet was rare at the Tower, and the past few days had been an unexpected vacation for the Titans.

Vacation was over.

The alarm sounded just as Raven was beginning to fully settle into her mind. The room Cyborg had made her when Slade was hot on her trail was still in use, and the ancient runes and symbols that lined the room were exactly what she needed. The bionic genius had done his mystic research well, and through the mixture of magic and science a perfect failsafe haven was created within the Tower walls. Raven was putting it to good use now, in case her mindscape was too splintered to control.

She had been meditating for over three hours when the siren began to blare and her communicator beeped into life with Robin's voice. There were two robberies, a car theft, a kidnapping, and a roaring rampage in the fashion district by Adonis. Five dilemmas for five Titans.

The universe could be so convenient sometimes.

Raven was given the kidnapping, since she could easily track the victim and the culprit with her empathic powers. Robin gave her the location of their last sighting before letting her know that Starfire and Beast Boy would be nearby if she needed back up, the former taking care of a robbery and the latter taking care of his good friend Adonis.

Raven made a mental note to call on Star first if there was trouble.

When she teleported to her destination Raven was immediately struck by the residue of fear and violence that hovered in the air. She was on the corner of a bakery and a boutique, and the stench of distress made her grimace under her hood. It didn't take much for her to differentiate the two between male and female, and it grated her whenever a girl was taken advantage of.

She followed the trail seven blocks east, the long lost scream of the girl echoing as Raven flew in her wake. When she found the culprit she vowed to show a little less mercy than she was wont to do. But the stench of the kidnapper began to change, and as Raven darted head first down the street she realized the emotional scent was familiar to her. She rounded a corner and found herself on the edge of one of Jump City's largest parks, where the trails were too long and the trees too thick for many people to venture in. The perfect place to stash a kidnapped victim.

Raven flew low to the ground and seeped her way into the trees. She noticed deep troughs in the earth and gashes in the bark, and she wondered if her target was human or monster. She continued on for another few meters before settling herself behind a large oak. The stench was getting stronger—as was the familiarity—but she tried to ignore her curiosity and focus on the job at hand. She sent her raven shadow into the sky, hoping to get a bird's eye view of what she would be diving into, but the canopy of trees was too dense, and her mind's eye saw nothing but green.

Then a scream and a gut-wrenching howl tore through the air, and Raven's eyes snapped open at the guttural sound. The marks she had seen and the recognizable scent suddenly made alarming sense, and Raven gritted her teeth at the revelation.

The kidnapper and Adonis were one and the same.

Her and Beast Boy were on the same trail.

Perfect.

Another scream tore through the air and Raven berated herself for thinking of personal problems instead of the girl in distress. She closed her eyes and used her soul-self to reach through the trees, finding the source of anguish and focusing on the details.

Thirteen meters in front of her were three figures, two of them pumping high amounts of adrenaline and testosterone and one pulsing with terror. The two high energies were engaged in a rigorous battle while the other cowered at the roots of a sycamore. The girl was injured in several places, but nothing too fatal. It was her spirit that needed the most attention, for it had been broken when Adonis had captured her.

Raven reunited with her soul-self and slipped out from behind the oak tree, moving quickly and quietly. She stayed grounded this time, with her feet making hardly a sound on the grassy floor. As she drew closer to the mayhem the sounds of combat began to thicken the air, and so Raven stuck to the shadows, weaving in and out of the flecks of light that made it past the leafy overhang. Soon she could make out the beastly form of Adonis: nothing but fur and teeth and rage. He was in a small clearing—not nearly big enough to house a fight between giants—and Beast Boy was with him, reflecting him in size, stature and power. They were locked in combat, growling at each other furiously. Raven knew full well how Beast Boy viewed Adonis, for he saw him as the physical manifestation of the things he didn't like about being a man: cruelty, vanity, an inconsiderate nature and a chauvinistic persona. As well as all the things that made him the Beast: sadism, mercilessness, a cold-hearted sense of attack and a wild ego to boost it.

Raven could feel Beast Boy's resentment surging off of him in waves, and despite the awkwardness that hung between them she pitied his hatred for the villain.

But pitying a man capable of fighting his own battles was pointless when there were others who needed her help. Raven could see the girl huddled on the far side of the clearing, her jeans torn and her blouse hanging in rags around her shoulders. She looked petrified, so Raven reached out and spoke to her silently.

_Rest your heart,_ she said, and the girl jumped at the sudden voice in her head. _You're safe now. Do not move. We are Titans, and we are here to take you home_.

Raven made her way around the clearing, just as the Beast that was Garfield let out a howl and swung at Adonis, sending him careening into the trees. Raven locked eyes with the girl and used their shared gaze to calm her mind. With a breathy sigh the girl's eyes closed and she swooned, and Raven arrived just in time to catch her in her arms.

_Gar,_ she called silently, hoping that he wouldn't get angry at her mental invasion. His back was to her but his ears pricked up to show he had heard. Whether their communication was difficult for him or not she couldn't tell, but he positioned himself in front of her nonetheless, prepping for the moment when Adonis would come crashing through the trees once more.

_Adonis and the kidnapping are the same thing. I followed the auras here. _Raven touched a hand to the girl's face before quickly withdrawing it. _He beat her. A black eye and a split lip. Three cracked ribs and a bruised collarbone. There's some bruising on her arms too._ Raven placed her hand on the girl's torso, flooding her body with healing energy. _I can't move her unless I mend these bones, but I can feel Adonis is hell bent on keeping her here. Can you buy me time until we can escape?_

She felt selfish for asking him to defend her after she had abandoned him that morning, but the Beast simply glanced over his shoulder and nodded once, his fierce eyes masking the humanity of the Garfield hidden beneath the fur.

In that instant Adonis made his counterattack and he burst through the trees, snarling his fury, swiping at Beast Boy with a massive claw. He ducked, Adonis swiped with his other arm, and Beast Boy went crashing into the trees himself. Raven threw up a shield to protect the girl from flying bark and debris, but the action caught Adonis' eye and he rounded on the pair in an instant. He let out a piercing cry and Raven nearly flew back from the mental onslaught she received from him.

He recognized her, knew that she was healing the girl that had stupidly refused his advances, and if he let them go then he would never get a chance to punish her for her brazenness.

He charged for them, and Raven was forced to rise to her feet and deflect his assault. She stood over the girl, hands splayed in the air, forcing herself to keep the barrier solid, but Adonis' mindless rage was like poison to her soul. Her shield began to weaken until the creature crashed down with both claws and shattered it all together, forcing Raven to crumble from the shock.

She fell to the ground in a heap and he pounced, pinning her shoulders to the grass, his talons digging through the Kevlar of her suit and into her flesh. She whimpered in pain and levitated a large tree branch to her left, using what concentration she still had to swing at her assailant. He blocked it easily and reduced the thing to splinters. He gazed down at Raven and grabbed at her throat, cutting off her air and bruising her neck. She flailed beneath him, raised an arm to blind him if need be, but the lack of oxygen was starting to blur her vision. Not to mention that Adonis' thoughts were seeping into her mind, and she could hear him calculating her worth, wondering if maybe he should do away with the human girl to see what he could possibly teach a Titan about the superiority of a man over a woman.

But his thoughts would remain only thoughts, because just when Raven was sure she was going to pass out Beast Boy came running, careening into Adonis' side and sending them both rolling across the clearing. Raven convulsed at the rush of air, choking on oxygen and pitching feebly to her side. She took a moment to let her body settle before she lifted herself on her elbows and watched as Beast Boy fought without mercy and without reprieve. He was tearing into Adonis like a mad man, drawing blood at every opportunity he could.

"Stop," Raven tried to say, but the word came out raspy and low. She clutched at her throat, trying to heal her vocal chords enough to speak. Adonis was whimpering now, cowering on the ground stained red from his wounds, but Beast Boy wasn't letting up. "Gar, stop," she tried again, getting shakily to her feet.

He was losing himself now, giving in to the adrenaline rush of winning.

Raven winced as she straightened, her hand flying to her dislocated right shoulder. "Garfield!" She said his name in earnest, calling to him loudly but weakly. The green Beast stopped mid-attack and looked over to her, his fangs bared and sweat drenching his fur. She stared at him and he stared back. And then with no other words said he lowered his arm and transformed back into himself, locking the Beast inside him once more. Within seconds a panting Garfield was standing over the defeated Adonis, the latter having grown too weak to sustain his animal form. With a hate-filled glare Beast Boy left him to lie unconsciously on the ground as he jogged over to Raven, his brow furrowed in concern.

"Dislocated?" he asked immediately, reaching for the arm she cradled. She nodded, and without hesitation he positioned his hands along her back and her shoulder, being careful not to aggravate the open gashes. "Ready?" She nodded again and with a quick push he snapped her shoulder back into place. She groaned at the nauseating feeling, even as her powers began to quickly mend the torn tissue. Her knees buckled under her yet again and Beast Boy quickly caught her in his arms.

"The girl," she said quickly, pushing him away and turning towards the victim. His touch was aggravating to her nerves, and she didn't need a racing pulse to add to her discomfort. "She needs to go to the hospital."

"I can take her. You can't teleport in your condition-,"

"No," she interrupted. "I didn't have time to finish mending her ribs. She'll be sensitive to any sort of movement. Besides, you need to take him in," she added, jerking her head towards the motionless heap of a man. Beast Boy stared down at her, his lips set in a frown.

"We can call the others to take him in. I think it's best if you rest here and wait for back up."

"I'm fine," she replied, but counteracted her response with a grimace of pain. "I'm healing."

"Not fast enough," he said, and started walking towards the girl. "I'll call Star. She can help you and-,"

"Gar, she'll be in pain if you carry her."

"You and I both know cracked ribs are bearable."

"Stop it. Let me teleport her-,"

"No." He held out a hand to keep her from moving and she recoiled from it as if it were a hot poker. If Beast Boy noticed he didn't let it show. "I can see it in your face that you're about to pass out right now. Just rest."

"Garfield…"

"Rest, Rae. Just sit down."

"No!"

"Raven-,"

"You have no authority to tell me what to do, " she snapped, irritated with his commands. There was a weighted pause and then he let out a laugh; it was hollow and sarcastic and not at all happy.

"No," he agreed, wiping the sweat from his face and shrugging. "I guess I don't have that authority. But, then again, what you call authority is what I call being a concerned friend." He walked back to her and held her gaze, stopping himself just a few small steps away. "I guess we just have very different ways of treating our friends." The amount of sadness in his tone was more overwhelming than Adonis' sadistic rampage, and Raven felt lower than she ever had in her life.

Beast Boy let his words linger in the air before looking away and walking back towards Adonis. "Go ahead. Take her. I'll call in the cops and help them take this guy." He strode off without another word. Raven hated everything that had passed from her lips, so she opted for a silent response before returning to the girl and swiftly teleporting them both to the nearest hospital.

Before her darkness encased them, Raven saw Beast Boy staring at her from across the clearing, his expression unreadable, his emotions intangible. She looked down and held her breath, letting it go only when she was sure the shadows had claimed her and she was surrounded by nothing but black.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

.

.

.

Beast Boy took his time returning to the Tower. He had lingered at the police station for longer than he needed, waiting until Adonis had been fully processed and locked away before heading home. And even then he had hailed a taxi to take him to the pier first, for he was just too lazy to transform and fly the whole way home.

He tried to keep his mind blank, but it seemed to be filled to the brim with unwanted thoughts. He kept going back to the clearing and seeing Adonis pressing into Raven, his claws pulling blood from her skin. It had driven him crazy with anger, and he had wanted to rip the offensive claw right out of its socket. Beast Boy knew Adonis to be nothing more than a self-absorbed asshole, and he didn't need psychic abilities to see that Raven had peaked his sexist interest.

Raven.

Beast Boy rubbed at his forehead, hating the headache that came with the thought of her. The seamless way they had performed while on duty was both a good thing and a bad thing in his eyes.

Good because they were able to do their job as if nothing had happened.

Bad because _she_ was able to do her job as if nothing had happened.

If he had a questionable hold on his sanity he would have been convinced that the night before had been nothing but a dream. But Beast Boy had never questioned his sanity, and every vivid memory from the previous night was still fresh in his mind.

And although Raven was used to locking away her emotions, last night had to be too significant for her to just ignore, right? Because he could clearly remember that there had been moments when he had pulled away and she had pulled him back again, or moments when he had been burning with fire and she had matched his intensity. So she had to acknowledge it, in some way or another, right?

Right?

As Beast Boy stepped out onto the pier and transformed into a hawk he promised himself that he'd force Raven to talk about it. He'd seek her out, force her to stay in one place with him and just…just…

He took off into the air, his thoughts trailing out to nothing. He knew that getting Raven to talk when she didn't want to was an impossible task. If she had wanted to say anything to him, anything at all, she would have done so already. The easy way she was able to leave him behind told him that she had no words for the changeling.

But even then…

And even though…

He needed to find some sort of closure with the situation. Because if he didn't, then being a Titan would be all the more difficult.

And leaving the Tower would start to look all the more appealing.

.

.

.

He caught the others midway through their debriefing. They had convened in a conference room and were discussing what they had encountered on their individual missions. Cyborg was showing the others a diagram on the screen while Robin and Starfire sat around the table, each one satisfying their post-combat hunger. They looked up when Beast Boy entered, but he just waved for his friend to continue and took a seat next to Robin. The Boy Wonder tossed him an apple and he caught it easily, biting into it with silent gratification. He tried not to show his disappointment with Raven's absence.

"Glad you're safe, man," Cyorg said, smiling. "Rae told us you had your hands full with Adonis."

"And other things," he muttered in reply. "Had to process him and all."

"Well, it's a good thing you're back. The robbery that I stopped was related to Dr. Light again, although this time he got a minion for hire. It seems the good doctor is gathering supplies."

"They just don't seem to have a common factor," Robin mused, taking a long drag of coffee before setting his mug down in earnest. "First he acquires S.T.A.R. labs technology, but now he's stealing petty electronics from a local supplier? It doesn't add up."

"Not to mention the info we got from Titans East. A break in at GenTech for their research on bioelectricity? It's coincidental enough to keep in consideration," Cyborg interjected, shaking his head. "I'm not entirely convinced that Dr. Light had nothing to do with that one."

"Neither am I," Robin agreed. "But I just can't seem to find the missing link."

"Do we have any tabs on the Doctor right now?" Beast Boy asked, participating in the conversation even though his heart really wasn't in it. Cyborg nodded.

"Still under custody. We called in to double the guard on him, but who knows how many people he paid to do his bidding while he's locked up?"

"I'm heading over there in a little bit to question him," Robin said, his brow set in a firm line. "I had wanted Raven to come, but she seemed keen on avoiding this mission."

"She said that fighting with Adonis had left the bad taste in her mouth," Star offered. "She has told me that she feels weak and needs time to meditate." Robin nodded in understanding.

"I know. I just get lazy when I talk to criminals and it's infinitely easier to have her read their minds rather than use deductive reasoning."

"Always trying to find the easy way out," Cyborg said sarcastically, and the Boy Wonder rolled his eyes with a grin.

While the three discussed the best way to approach the Dr. Light situation, Beast Boy finished off his apple in contemplative silence. He knew he should have been just as concerned about the doctor as the others were, but no matter how hard he tried to focus he just couldn't seem to get his mind off of Raven. She had gotten under his skin in the worst kind of way, and if he didn't get some answers then he knew he'd be doing his job with a splintered effort.

He just couldn't seem to understand her, and it wasn't from lack of trying. She could drive him crazy in so many ways, but she so often chose to do it with secrecy, and he deplored it. On the battlefield she seemed unchanged, speaking to him like a colleague but worrying about him like he was something more. But being a hero had never been the hard part with Raven.

Human.

Being human.

That's where the difficulty lay.

But Beast Boy was sick of that excuse.

"Where exactly _is_ Raven?" he heard Robin ask as everyone prepared to leave on their individual duties. Beast Boy brought his attention back into the conference room and listened as Cyborg gave the reply.

"She's in that failsafe room we made for her a few years back. You know, during the Trigon incident?" Robin raised an eyebrow.

"That's not exactly comforting."

"No, it's not. She's a precautionary girl, but she only ever uses that room when she's tipping off the edge. I thought I'd go check on her to see if everything is okay. Not to mention doing a quick bioscan while I'm there. I'm still not happy about what she did the other day."

"Maybe I'll go with you before I have to head out. I wouldn't mind asking her some questions myself. She probably won't say much, but I'm pretty good at reading Raven." For some reason Beast Boy felt his nerves heighten at Robin's words, sweat beginning to break out on his forehead. He knew for certain that no matter how close Robin and Raven were she would never reveal what had happened in the shadows of her bedroom; not in a million years. Still, Robin was often times too deductive for his own good, and Beast Boy feared him concluding the worst. What went on between him and Raven was their business alone, and he wouldn't be able to handle it if Robin knew what was going on before he did.

"Don't press her too hard, though," Cyborg warned, shutting down the screen and computer. "Lately she's been receding with her openness, and I don't want her falling off the deep end anytime soon."

Beast Boy mentally thanked his bionic friend.

"Yes, I have noticed that as well. Raven was persistent with keeping the talking light last night," Star offered, frowning thoughtfully. "She has seemed closed off."

"She's dealing with something, or at least that's what I got out of her when she was in the infirmary," Cyborg mused out loud. "Apparently she's not sleeping well, but that's on Rae. If it were something truly dangerous she'd come and tell us. We know that."

"I just don't like it when Raven keeps secrets from us," Robin said firmly. Beast Boy laughed loudly at that, a sardonic guffaw erupting from his mouth before he had a chance to quell it. His teammates stared at him with questioning looks, but he waved off the awkwardness.

"Sorry, sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt the discussion. I thought of something really funny just now."

"Right," Robin said, although he cast the changeling a curious glance. "Okay, let's get going. I'll meet you at the failsafe room, Cyborg. Star?" Starfire gave Beast Boy a concerned look before following after Robin, leaving him with only his best friend in the room. He was still standing near the computer, his frown having etched itself deeply into his face. Beast Boy stared at him and Cyborg stared back. It was an extremely awkward moment.

"Something happen with Raven?" he asked evenly. Beast Boy held his gaze for a moment before just shaking his head and shrugging.

"Nope. Nothing at all," he lied.

.

.

.

Raven was screaming herself hoarse with the tantrum she was experiencing. Her soul-self bloomed from her chest with her strained effort and filled the entirety of the failsafe room. She tried to push it further, tried to make it bleed through the walls and overtake the entire Tower, but the runes carved into the metal just glowed and kept it contained, rendering her efforts futile.

Like she wanted.

She felt her alter egos in her mindscape cry out against her actions, felt them panic at the amount of energy and power she was wasting. Depravity was specifically terrorizing her mind like a madwoman, grating at her subconscious like serrated steel through flesh. It was painful to say the least, and it had been going on since the moment she had left Beast Boy in the park. The onslaught was murderous, and Raven wanted nothing but for it to end.

Frustrated, she sucked her soul back into her body and slammed her closed fist against the wall, hitting it hard enough to break her knuckles. The injury was sharp, but she made herself heal it unnecessarily fast.

_Just shut up_, she snapped in her head, sending out a blast towards the glass of the viewing room. She had wanted to shatter it into pieces, but the runes just absorbed the blow. _I know, I know. I'll give you what you want, just…please wait…_

_**No more waiting, no more waiting, no more waiting, no more waiting…**_

Raven's knees nearly buckled out from under her. Depravity's impatience was biting, and her vicious whispers were almost as bad as her outbursts. She was like a hissing viper, pumping poison through Raven's mindscape with every aggravated murmur she gave.

_I know,_ she thought again even as Depravity wailed at the repetition. _No more waiting…I get it. I'm fixing it. I promise._

_**Your promises are empty and your time is running out. Can you feel my power? It grows with your useless, feeling heart. My emotions are poisoning you…**_

As if to solidify such claims, Raven felt her stomach clench and she heaved a dry cough, sputtering into the crook of her arm.

_**You cannot contain me, warden. I am too much to handle. You are bursting at the seams, you are losing your iron grip. Let me free, let me free, Let Me Free, LET ME FREE!**_

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos!"

The chakra jewel on Raven's forehead glowed vibrantly as a spell that never manifested flourished. She could feel her energy draining from her body, and she momentarily wondered what magic she had actually released in her attempt to defy Depravity. It must have been a big spell—immobilizing time or leveling out an entire landscape—because she could practically feel every cell in her body wither at the loss of energy.

_I am losing,_ she silently admitted. _But if I lose then it will be in my way. Your freedom is inevitable…but I will be the one who unlocks those doors_.

Raven's magical tantrum continued for several more minutes, with the sorceress performing every last power move she had left in her arsenal. She levitated around the entire space, performing ridiculous feats of conjuring that amounted to absolutely nothing. It wasn't until she was too fatigued to even hold herself up did she finally settle down in the far corner of the room, panting heavily. She pulled off her cloak and rolled the sleeves of her suit up, leaning her head against the wall. Her body felt like it was shaking, but when she held her hand up to her face it was still as stone.

"Well, that was interesting," came a voice over the intercom, and Raven was startled into looking up. Standing above her, with one hand holding down the speaker button and a frown on his masked face, was Robin. "Remind me not to get on the receiving end of your bad mood."

"Robin," she said, and her voice wavered. Of all the people to have caught her losing control, she definitely didn't want it to be him. "What are you doing here?"

"Catching quite a performance, apparently," he said. His tone was light, but the rigidness in his stance betrayed his unease. "And accompanying Cyborg as he does a quick bioscan. Because, you know, you were in the infirmary and all." From the depths of the viewing room Cyborg's arm appeared, waving at Raven. He was probably at the control panel, performing the invisible scan as Robin spoke. "So," the Titan leader started. "What's going on?"

_Nothing…just your average sexually deprived heroine unloading her power reserve so she could satisfy a lust-filled monster residing in the core of her being,_ Raven thought bitterly. But instead of reciting that embarrassing explanation she just shrugged and looked away, avoiding Robin's accusatory stare.

"Burning residue," she said, trying to steady her heavy breathing so she sounded like her normal collected self. "I picked up a surplus of negative energy out on the field today, so I'm purging. So to speak."

"Supernatural bulimia?" Robin grimaced. Raven found it in herself to roll her eyes.

"Well, when you put it like that-,"

"It doesn't sound very promising."

"It sounds disgusting."

"It's an accurate description though." He shrugged and leaned against the glass. "And one that has me worried." Raven reached behind her back and tugged on the zipper of her suit. Being under the scrutiny of Robin was never enjoyable, and she was sweating from nerves. Her suit was sticking uncomfortably to her sore shoulders. "I don't like being worried about my friends."

"I know. So don't be. I'm taking care of it."

"You should probably be doing a better job," Cyborg's voice interjected. "You're still pumping significant amounts of adrenaline, despite your apparent lack of energy, and your blood sugar count is low. Have you eaten at all today?"

"Maybe."

"Yeah, that's not a 'yes Cyborg'."

"I'll eat when I'm done here. Just…I need more time. Alone." She stared up at the viewing room, at Robin's rigid figure standing on the opposite side of the glass. He seemed completely unconvinced by her act of nonchalance, but she knew he had a bit more finesse in his methods than to openly call her on a bluff.

"Burning residue?" he repeated, one eyebrow cocking suspiciously. She didn't nod, didn't say a word, didn't give him any sort of apparent answer. She just stared at him from her place in the corner of the room, one hand still tugging at her collar. "All right. I believe you," Robin finally said, throwing up one hand in surrender. "We were just stopping by to make sure you were okay. Sorry to have interrupted your purging session."

"Hey, you better eat something," Cyborg scolded, sounding very much like an agitated uncle. "And soon."

"Okay."

"I'm headed out," Robin told her, rapping his knuckles against the glass. "I'll be at the prison, so I'll be gone for a few hours. See you when I get back?"

Raven sighed. That was Robin code for 'I'm giving you time to look better than you do now, otherwise I'm going to do something about it'. She just shrugged her shoulders lazily and nodded. "Okay."

"Eat something!"

"I heard you the first time, Cyborg."

"Eat something!"

"Okay."

"Rae. Eat something."

"Please stop talking."

"See you later Raven," Robin reiterated, waving a hand and disappearing from the viewing window. Raven waited a few moments before closing her eyes and using the very last ounces of her energy to mentally reach through the walls and listen to the parting words of her teammates.

"None of that was reassuring," Robin said to Cyborg, closing the viewing room door behind him.

"I didn't see anything extremely out of the ordinary on her scans, but there's still so much about Raven's physiology that I don't understand. She's like BB and Star, but instead of having unstable molecules or an alien anatomy, Raven is part _demon_. Science can only tell me so much." Cyborg didn't sound accusatory, just exasperated at his lack of understanding. "The most I got from my tech was that her stress levels are still extremely high."

"And that's never good. For any of us," Robin sighed. "I can't believe I didn't notice sooner."

"We're busy, Rob. I don't think any of us really notice when the others are having a hard time, and even then none of us really like to show it."

"Still."

"Yeah. Still."

Their voices started to fade as they walked away from the failsafe room, so Raven pulled herself back into her own mind, completely and utterly spent. She pushed her sweat-drenched hair from her face and breathed deeply through her nose, ignoring the stabbing pain at the base of her skull. Instead she closed her eyes and tried to calm her heartbeat before she left the room. Just a little meditation. Not a lot. Not enough to offer a window to unsatisfied detainees, but a little.

Raven sighed to herself.

So the team was starting to notice. First it had been Starfire the night before, and now Robin and Cyborg would be paying much closer attention to her, putting their deductive skills together to figure out what was wrong; and that was just a formula for disaster.

No. No.

She wouldn't let them find out. She'd fix it before they could find out, fix it before they even started to really think about it. She wasn't a particular fan of the plan she had formed, but pride and dignity were small things compared to continuous waves of pain and the possibility of hurting the people around her.

Moments ticked by. Time was irrelevant as she sat there in her peaceful trance, trying to focus her mind amidst all the throbbing pain and pulsing agony.

Nearly an hour later Raven opened her eyes and forced herself to stand up, muscles already boasting their oncoming soreness. She grabbed her cloak and headed for the door, walking slowly and concentrating very hard on each step she took. She needed a long shower to relax her body, freshly laundered clothes to replace her grimy uniform, and something small but satisfying to put in her stomach.

And then, after all of that, she needed to find Beast Boy.

And she needed to go forward with the plan that she was less than enthusiastic to initiate.

.

.

.

Beast Boy had locked himself in his room after leaving the conference room. The minute he had closed the door he had stripped himself of his suit and dropped down at his desk, sporting nothing but his undergarments. He knew he should have gone straight to the bathroom, washed up, attended the scrapes and scratches on his body, and started icing the killing ache in his shoulders, but he felt like being irresponsible first. So instead he flipped on his computer, pulled out a few file folders and spent the next hour passing between wasting time and doing actual work.

He forced his mind not to wonder, forced himself to concentrate on the things he needed to do. He ignored the nagging feelings of anger and rejection that were lingering in his chest and focused his attention on the pixels of his monitor and the ink on his papers.

But at one point, despite his commendable concentration, he had stood up abruptly from his desk, strode to his window, thrown back the drapes, pushed open the glass and jumped nimbly into the open air. He swiftly transformed into an albatross and flew out over the open bay, gliding pointlessly around the Tower. He flapped his wings, dove towards the water, climbed up as close to the clouds as he could go and soared along the breezy winds of the city harbor.

But no matter what he did or how dedicated he was to his distractions, he couldn't shake Raven from his head. Her image seemed to forever hover on the rim of his vision, and a small part of his mind kept wondering what she was doing, what she was thinking, what she was feeling, what she was planning.

Beast Boy braced himself and fell into a plummet, his wings tucked close to his body as he sliced headfirst into the chilly waters. As the lapping waves closed over his feet he opened gills in his neck, changed his wings into fins and shot through the water as a tiger shark, diving down to the sandy floor of the harbor. He stayed there for quite some time, sulking near the shallows that surrounded the Titan island, watching as the sun moved across the sky in a slow and agonizing arc.

Raven. Raven. Raven.

With narrowed eyes and a heart that was growing heavy with resentment, Beast Boy jetted for the surface, break through the water and transforming back into himself. He trudged up one of the beaches of the island and made his lazy way to one of the countless doors that led into the Tower, a frown marring his usually carefree features.

Raven. Raven. Raven.

Oh, how he couldn't get her out of his mind.

And oh, how he was slowly coming to find that with her name came a thickening shroud of hate.

.

.

.

She had no idea that she was in the process of copying Beast Boy's actions from the night before. If she had known she would have stopped herself from hovering just outside his bedroom door, for she wasn't a fan of irony. Yet there she was, standing in the hallway, dressed down in loose black sweats and a blue hoodie because she couldn't seem to get warm enough. She had tied her hair back after her shower, but her fingers had been so weak that wayward strands still dangled around her face. She felt tired and feeble and, despite her meal of sautéed vegetables and lime rice, her body still seemed empty of any sort of substance.

Raven sighed. She wanted to sleep, but she knew nightmares awaited her.

Unless she had Beast Boy…

.

.

.

After his return to the Tower Beast Boy had hopped into one of the locker room showers, finished, gotten dressed, gotten undressed, taken another shower, finished again, and gotten dressed for a second time. He had wasted hot water and time, none of it had made sense, and yet he had proceeded with his pointless actions. When he had left the locker room he had run into Starfire, and although she had insisted on them getting pizza together he had declined. He only had an apple in his system but he couldn't find room for anything else. His umbrage filled the empty space.

He meandered his way back to his room, all the while fighting the urge to leap out another window and exercising his anxiety as an animal once more. He was so preoccupied by desire to transform that he didn't see Raven waiting outside of his room, not until he was a few scant steps from his door and she had called out his name.

.

.

.

.

"Gar."

He stopped as if he had hit a wall, his wandering eyes focusing on her as if he wasn't sure what he was looking at. She had been sitting on the floor of the hallway, leaning against the wall opposite of his bedroom door. She got up slowly, breathing deeply as she did so. Ideally she wanted to go into his room, curl up on his soft bed and have this difficult discussion with her head resting against a pillow, but she knew that things wouldn't go so easily.

He watched her silently get to her feet, staring at her as if she were the most hideously astonishing thing he had ever seen in his entire life. His body seemed to freeze completely mid-step, and she didn't like the way the muscles in his jaw tensed and tightened.

"Garfield," she said again, but he cut her off abruptly.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded, frowning. He looked up and down the hallway and then at his closed bedroom door. When he turned back to Raven he looked genuinely confused. And a little pissed off. "This is my room."

She blinked at him and feigned a mask of nothingness. "Yes, I know."

He narrowed his eyes. "Why are you outside my room?"

"Because I was waiting for you." She watched as he just stared at her. "I needed to see you." His hands turned to fists at his sides.

"Why_?_"

"To talk."

"Why?"

"Because we haven't. Yet. And we need to." His fists clenched tighter.

"Why?" he asked again. Her brow furrowed slightly.

"You…you know why."

"No, actually. I don't."

"Yes you do."

"No. I don't."

Raven started to open her mouth to speak again but found that her words died on her tongue. She frowned and stared at him, questioningly. "Gar, I don't understand-,"

"Rae," he interrupted, gesturing to her in an accusatory way. "Rae, you left. _You left me_. You left me this morning in your room, you left me this afternoon in the park…." His words were slow, enunciated in a sharp, curt fashion. "You just kept leaving without saying much of anything, so what in the world would you have to say now? You've made it pretty damn obvious that you have no words for me, so what could we possibly have to talk about now?"

"I'm sorry-," she started to say, but he threw his hands up in the air, cutting her off.

"No way, too easy," he snapped. "It doesn't get to work like that for you anymore. An apology won't cut it this time, not even a real one, if that even exists in your vocabulary." She internally grimaced at his anger, but she said nothing. "You always apologize, offer some half-assed explanation and then shove me away, and I'm getting fucking sick and tired of it. I'm not some mini digital pet thing that you can put to sleep when you get annoyed and then wake up when you're ready to play. I'm still awake when you turn your back on me, and I'm still awake when you're gone. Do you know what that's like, Raven? Having people just leave you behind? Okay sure, you do, but you don't know what it's like from my perspective.

"Did you ever think that I'm not as strong as you, or Robin, or any of our other friends? If you haven't noticed, Rae, I'm fucking pathetic. I can't handle rejection. I can't handle being pushed back and made to stand in one place while everyone else moves on. And yeah, I got over Terra doing it to me and I got over the Doom Patrol doing it to me, but you're different. You _know _me, you _know_ I'm pathetic. We've talked about how pathetic I am. You've felt how insignificant I feel about myself. And yet you still walked away! You know how I…and I told you, yet you still… Oh, wait, you came back. I mean, here you are. You're back. Congratulations, you came back! You always come back. You always…ugh you come back and…but…when you finally do come back…fuck, when you come back I remember that you left and it's actually not the best feeling in the world to know that I'm only needed every so often!"

He was tripping over his words and stumbling on his outburst, but the frustration was painfully apparent in his rising tone. Raven just stood there, listening to him vent while obediently feeling guilty with every garbled accusation he threw at her. "I just can't…I don't understand—well, no one ever understands—but it's not the same as before, when you kept secrets from the team and from me. Because last night…last night was…that was something kind of really big, you know…and I get it, I really do. Last night was weird and it was strange and it was definitely not what either of us was expecting, but it happened, right? It happened? It happened! And you can't do this to me again and pretend that it didn't because it did and I'm not going to let up on it, Rae, I'm not. What you did was bullshit because you're not just some girl to me and you have to know that. You're…it was…shit, it's so much more than any other night and treating it like this sucks. And you know what's twisted? I tried to be okay with it! All day I've been brainwashing myself to being okay with how cavalier it all ended up being, but here you are, once again taking whatever effort I put into preserving my sanity and crushing it in a matter of seconds." He was breathing heavily when he finished, his nerves obviously frazzled from his lengthy speech. Raven remained rooted in the hall, quietly listening. "So what now?" he tossed at her, stepping back a few paces and throwing his hands in the air. "How are we doing this now, Raven? You call the shots, right? You give me a few monotone sentences on the field, avoid me all day, and yet randomly appear outside my door suddenly in the mood to talk? All right! It doesn't make any sense whatsoever, but let's do this. So what is it, huh? After every brutal moment that you've put me through, what could you possibly have to say to me now?"

He sounded angry, but Beast Boy's features had always been like an open book. And no matter how exasperated and condescending his words became he looked nothing but absolutely desperate. Desperate for some sort of understanding. Desperate for a reason that didn't add to the mountain of insecurities he had always carried about himself. Desperate for a justification of anything.

Beast Boy did not often look so brazenly desperate.

"Garfield," Raven said again, her eyes on his feet rather than his face. She pulled in a calming, preparatory breath.

"What?" he barked. "Are you going to try and apologize again?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Then what is it that you want to tell me?"

"The truth."

The terse laugh he gave was, if she were being honest, well-deserved. "That's rich. Fine, then what's 'the truth'?" He crossed his arms over his chest and although Raven hated how closed off he was she forced herself to open up. And stay open.

"The truth is…you do something to me that I can't seem to control." She spoke the words slowly, making sure every word reached his ears. Beast Boy didn't immediately react to what she was saying, but his quick intake of breath was enough to let her know he was definitely listening. "When I'm with you, you spark something inside of me that's dangerous and powerful. You make me nervous. You make me self-conscious. You make me feel things I've never felt before. I used to ignore it and pretend it was just a phase. Now I'm admitting that it's too strong to be a phase. And too important." She raised her eyes to meet his and took a miniscule amount of satisfaction at his wide-eyed wonderment. The stiffness in his jaw had relaxed and his crossed arms had gone slack.

"Huh," he grunted.

"Last night was not something I had ever planned on acting upon," Raven went on. "For years I had resigned myself to never knowing another physical body intimately for fear of what that intensity would do to my already unstable state. I denied myself something that should have come naturally, and that denial gathered deep in my soul, solidified, and grew. It created a darkness that seems to rival even that of my father's influence, and I suppose it is because it is a darkness that is mine and mine alone. And over the years I have felt it growing, and my fear of it just strengthened my decision that I would never experience the carnal nature of my human side. I promised myself that such a thing would never happen, but I hadn't planned on meeting the Titans. I hadn't planned on you being one of them, I hadn't planned on the last eight years of my life, and I hadn't planned on what those eight years would make me feel for you." She saw him swallow hard. She breathed deeply and felt the air flutter in her chest. "Despite how many times I deny it you know that I do care for you a great deal, greater than I let on, and this thing inside of me has latched onto that and manipulated it into something that goes beyond my control. What I feel for you is foreign and potent and too wild for me to firmly grasp, and when you mix it with the sadistic nature of this darkness then the results could be nothing less than catastrophic.

"Last night…. You saw what being with you was like last night; you saw the amount of destruction I can cause when I'm empty. I couldn't risk unleashing that sort of unruly behavior, not when I had regained the full use of my powers this morning, so I had to get away from you as soon as I could." She placed a hand on the wall behind her, sighing wearily. This was the longest she had ever spoken with another person, and she found the task in itself very draining. "When we were working, when we were concerned with the girl and with Adonis, it was easier. I was focused on doing my duty and protecting the girl, but you were still you, and it was still hard to be near you. It ignited the darkness again, and it made me realize that separating myself from you couldn't be an option. When I'm near you I'm destructive to everything around me, but when I'm away from you I become destructive to myself. This thing cries out for you, claws at me until I listen to it, shrieks your name until I give in and find you again. And every second that I fight against it I feel myself breaking inside and it _hurts_. So the only logical solution is to go to you. But I can't go to you unless I'm empty, lest my already unstable psyche explodes in your presence and I sink half this island in the process."

"I…" he started to say, but his words were stillborn. "I didn't-,"

"No, you didn't know," she finished for him. "But I'm not blaming you. You were right, I didn't say anything. This morning I panicked. I was afraid of what would happen when you finally did wake up, so I acted hastily. My powers had returned, and if you actually looked at me…." She trailed off. "So I did to myself what I did the other day: I made myself empty. I spent the last three hours throwing a supernatural tantrum on the physical plane and the last forty-five minutes throwing a psychological tantrum on the astral plane. I've been battling with this thing inside me the entire time, and the results have left me weak." She looked down at her left hand, at her uncontrollably shaking fingers. "I feel like crumbling," she whispered. "But from the moment you got here, from the first second that I laid eyes on you, the crying and the clawing and the shrieking has finally stopped. I'm more nervous than I have been all day; my hand is trembling right now, and I feel like my heart is going to beat so hard that it will bleed…but being near you is far more calming than anything else I have done today, so I guess all the little things are ignorable in comparison."

She forced herself to look him in the eye, to see his face as he took in every deadpan word of her explanation. His eyes were slightly wide and his mouth was slightly open. She really couldn't blame him for his reaction.

"You have every reason to be angry with me. I dealt with things the only way I know how, but that doesn't mean they were done right." She subtly leaned her shoulder against the wall. Her legs were giving out and she wanted to sit down again. "I came here to ask you for something…big…but I understand now that I have no right to ask you for anything, and you have every right to deny me everything." She was getting light-headed. Food had done little for her feeble state. "But no matter how much you hate me I'm begging you as a friend, or even as just an annoying teammate, don't send me away." She suddenly thought of the seizing pain that would plague her muscles, the throbbing metronome that would chip away at her sanity. She thought of the torturous ways Depravity would scrape at her skull, as if she were physically in her head and her fingernails were digging through flesh and bone. Unprecedented tears filled Raven's eyes and embarrassment flushed her cheeks red as she tried to hide the choking sob building in her throat. But Beast Boy still noticed, and his expression grew even more horrified. "You don't have to forgive me, you don't even have to acknowledge me. But just…let me stay by our side. Please." She quelled her oncoming breakdown, but the effect had already been felt. Beast Boy's previous anger seemed to have evaporated completely, and the way he stared at her now was the same way he had looked at her across the elevator when she had closed the doors in his face, or when he had tended to her wounds in the infirmary, or when they had spoken so easily in the doorway of her bedroom. It was a look she still didn't fully understand, but one that she knew was reserved for her and her alone.

"This isn't fair, Rae," he said quietly, although any cynicism that he could have used was absent from his words. He sounded put off. Peeved. Maybe a bit unhappy. But not angry. Not hostile. "You can't just tell me the truth…give me what I want…and expect me to just…." A ghost of a smile passed over his face. "Man. And I had prepared for this huge argument, too." He passed a hand over his eyes. "You always seem to go for the low blows, don't you?"

"I'm sorry, Beast Boy," she huffed. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah." He shrugged. "Whatever." He looked at her with earnest, and she took half a step towards him. He didn't move away. But he didn't move closer either.

"You have no obligation to say yes to me," she said. "But…just don't say no."

He exhaled slowly, frowning at her. There was no trace of pity in his eyes, but there was an alarming amount of worry. She wanted to pry into his head, to find out what he was thinking, how he was taking her confession, but if she tried to reach out for another psyche in the state she was in then she would have surely blacked out in the hall.

"Garfield, _please_," she suddenly begged, feeling humiliated even as she reached out for him. "Tell me it's okay. Tell me I can stay near you. Tonight. Right now."

__, Depravity heaved, squeezing at Raven's heart. She winced, and Beast Boy finally reached out and took hold of her hand.

"Okay," he managed to say, nodding his head, his fingers just barely grazing over her skin. "Okay. You can stay."

.

.

.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

.

.

.

He was still a bit pissed, if he was being perfectly honest. In the past few days alone Raven had played a brutal game of kickball with his emotions, (and hormones), and the frustrations that had built up over that time were hard to get rid of, let alone doing so in a matter of minutes. He was a hero, yes, but there were some impossibilities that heroes simply could not conquer; acting like a normal young man was one of them.

But just because he was still a bit pissed shouldn't have suggested that he didn't understand. Because he did.

He really and actually did understand where Raven was coming from.

And he really and actually did understand everything that was happening to her.

Which was why, when she had begged him in her stubborn, monotone voice and unacknowledged tears in her eyes, Beast Boy had had no other response but to agree. Yet it had also been the stubborn and monotonous way she had begged that still had him a bit pissed.

Because Raven never begged. Ever. So having her do so right before his eyes was unnerving, and a bit irritating.

Because, to Beast Boy, Raven begging meant two things:

One, she was too weak to be strong.

And two, she was too weak to be strong enough and fight the darkness that was plaguing her.

Which, in turn, made Beast Boy feel two things of his own:

One, concern over a girl he cared for as a friend and worried over as something more.

And two, pressure over the simple fact that someone as powerful and self-aware as Raven was now looking to him for help.

It all left an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach, and when Raven walked past him into his room and asked if he could close the door for privacy, the feeling just got all the more heavier.

And hotter.

.

.

.

Just because she had begged shouldn't have suggested that she was okay with it.

Because she wasn't.

Begging was pathetic, as far as Raven was concerned, and being pathetic would be debasing to someone of her self-respect.

But self-respect held little significance when all Raven wanted to do was lay her head down on a pillow and sleep a night without splitting in half; metaphorically, psychologically, and physically. Standing in the hallway, with her muscles aching and her mind a muddled mess of pain, Raven had felt little qualms about swallowing her pride and asking—and then begging—for Beast Boy to let her remain by his side.

It was her only means of reprieve, and she had never claimed to love suffering.

It wasn't until she had passed the threshold of his room and unabashedly crawled onto the lower half of his bunk beds that she felt the smallest inkling of disgust at her pitiful means of relief.

Begging?

It was just sad, no matter the circumstances.

But, in the state she was in, it was a necessary means of survival.

She just hoped that Garfield, as her comrade and as her friend, could understand that.

Because the way he was looking at her from the closed doorway made it seem as if he didn't.

Not quite, at least.

.

.

.

It was awkward having Raven in his room. He felt out of place in his own environment, especially knowing that the door was closed and their privacy made the place seem small in comparison. It was nothing like the night before had been, when passion and hunger had clouded over the fact that he had been in Raven's domain in the dead of night with the steel door shut and his hands on her body. This time there was no cloudy sheen of sexual tension to mitigate the awkwardness, and so the two were left with the very real happenstance of being together and being fully aware of it.

So, in an attempt to alleviate the thickening silence growing in the room, Beast Boy had asked her if she was thirsty.

And she had said no.

So he asked her if she was hungry.

And she had said yes.

So he offered to get her something to eat.

To which she replied no.

So then he sat down at his desk chair and asked her if she needed an extra blanket, a jacket, a book, anything.

And her answer was, once again, no.

During this time she had laid herself down on the bottom bunk and had curled into a fetal position, her back pressed against the wall and her face looking over at him from the fluffy depths of his pillow. It could have possibly been a very endearing sight to Beast Boy, but the occasional shiver in her shoulders and the alarming way her eyes looked sunken in made it just seem discouraging.

And worrisome.

So, in the spirit of bluntness, he asked her a simple but direct question that would hopefully shed more light on their current situation and arrangement.

All he asked, with a look of earnest on his face and the heaviness growing rapidly in his stomach, was: "What am I supposed to do now?"

.

.

.

"I don't know," she semi-lied. "This is…complicated. It's not like I have a rulebook." She winced and Beast Boy fidgeted in his chair.

"Pain?"

"Yes."

"Still?"

"Still."

He scooted to the edge of his seat, seemingly caught between rushing to her side and keeping his distance. "I thought…you said this was helping."

"It is. Was. I don't know anymore."

"Tell me."

She rolled onto her back, her knees lolling to one side, her back twisting as she stared up into the bottom of the top bunk. She touched a hand to her chest. It felt like there was a burning in her lungs. "Like I said, I felt better when you showed up. But that's it. I felt better and then I just stayed that way. I thought the pain would continue to decrease. It's at a standstill."

"But you _are_ better."

"If you break your arm and then put it in a sling then you're better than you were before. But you're still broken."

"That was incredibly morbid."

"Sorry." She closed her eyes and rubbed her chest. "I couldn't think of a better analogy."

"So you're broken." His voice was low, clearly unhappy with the rattling breaths she was taking.

"Not yet." She winced at a bruise that had formed on her sternum. "In the process of." Her head swam even though she was lying down.

"Breaking," he concluded. "That's what you said in the hallway."

"Yeah." She said the word with a weary breath. Air leaving her lungs in an exhausted manner.

"You also said something else."

"I said a lot."

"You said you came here to ask me something. Something big."

She turned to look at him. Saw him sitting on the edge of his seat, his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together. "I did say that, didn't I?" Her cheeks flushed in anticipated embarrassment.

"What was it that you wanted to ask me?"

It was hard to say, despite everything that had already been said. Her tongue was still dry from the things she had told him, and the question that still lingered at the back of her throat was too humiliating to come forward. "It's hard to put into words."

"Try."

She continued to stare above her, wishing she couldn't feel his eyes on her skin but knowing that she was too aware of him to not notice. "I called this thing a darkness," she started. "But I never really described it to you." She swallowed against her dry throat but Beast Boy was already adjusting in his seat, blowing out a breath as he leaned back.

"Depravity. That's what she called herself," he said. Raven turned her head to look at him sharply, and his eyes bore into her own. She didn't have to say a word to get him to explain. "I met her before." And he went on to tell about the fateful day when he had found her during a transfer, had involuntarily discussed what a transfer was with Raven's happy emotion, and then how he had been forcibly introduced to the culmination of her most basic and unsavory emotions. Raven listened to him silently, the only signs of her surprise apparent in her unblinking stare and the rigid hand that still hovered over her chest.

"You lied to me," she said plainly when he had finished. "When I asked you later on that day. You lied to me."

"Yeah. But I'm not going to apologize for it." He shrugged. "I think that kind of makes us even."

His humor. It was always the timing of his jokes that made them completely unfunny. But she couldn't argue his logic. He had lied about meeting Depravity. She had treated him like an unfeeling human being for days. It evened out.

"I should feel a bit violated," she admitted, still staring at him. "But honestly, this kind of makes things easier."

"How so?"

"She—Depravity—told you what she was. What she was made from."

"Yeah."

She turned away. Stared back at the bottom of the top bunk. "So you know how she works. The kind of things that she wants, yes?"

Beast Boy coughed into his fist and grunted. "I could guess."

Raven sighed. Her body responded to her heated thoughts and prompts from her sadistic inner demon. Depravity's shrieks might have been silenced, but the emotion was still present at the forefront of Raven's brain, her presence and insatiable desires a nuisance to Raven. "Garfield, I came to ask you for something," she made herself say. "The only thing that will satisfy her."

"What?"

She didn't want to say it. He should just know.

Quiet filled the room.

"You already know what she is," Raven said, almost angrily. Almost. "So what would be the only thing she could want?" When he didn't say anything she glanced over at his chair and found him wide-eyed.

He understood exactly what she wanted from him.

.

.

.

He hadn't expected Raven to come looking for sex.

And he hadn't expected Raven to come looking for sex from him.

Yet here she was, saying it without saying it at all. He saw her cheeks turn red. He knew his were red too.

He could work with an act of impulse. But a premeditated decision?

That made this completely different.

And totally, completely, inescapably, irreversibly, unabashedly, and undeniably awkward.

.

.

.

They laid next to each other in the dark; Raven near the wall and Beast Boy near the edge. They both stared at the bunk above them, their bodies supine without touching. Beast Boy's arms were folded over his torso. Raven's hands still lay gently on the bruise on her chest.

They didn't say anything for a long time.

Which was frustrating in itself, seeing as it had taken even longer to get into the position they were currently in.

After Beast Boy had figured out what Raven was asking of him there had been a lot of blushing and a lot of stuttering words in an attempt to 'play it cool'. There had been several minutes of avoiding eye contact while they talked about what she intended, and it had ended when Raven's chest had seized up mid-sentence and she sputtered on her words, coughing violently into her arm.

The momentary act of suffering quieted Beast Boy immediately, and within moments they had come to their current position of lying together in the dark, bodies fully aware of each other yet refusing to touch.

Because, to be honest, how did one even go about something this convoluted?

Next to him Raven moved the slightest bit, her left hand leaving her chest and laying itself on his thigh. When her fingertips touched the soft cotton of his sweats she stiffened, her hand pulling back quickly. But she drew in a deep, calming breath and made herself press her palm into his thigh.

In one swift movement Beast Boy was sitting up, swinging his legs down over the side of the bed and sitting on the edge. He leaned his elbows heavily on his knees and buried his head in his hands, groaning audibly into his lap.

"This isn't right," he said, and Raven sat up as well. "I don't want to do it like this."

"Like how?"

"Like it's forced."

.

.

.

He didn't think he'd even be able to get into the sexual mindset of things, given the odd circumstances and the day that had preceded everything, but after being persuaded to come to the bed, and then lying next to her in the dark, Beast Boy's testosterone overpowered his mind and he could feel himself tingle with the anticipation of being able to touch her skin again.

Because even though he had practically hated on her all day, and he couldn't stand how weak she had become in only a matter of hours, Beast Boy was still absolutely crazy about her, and desperately attracted. And as shallow as it was to admit, he was ready to jump at the chance of lying with her again.

But the way she had flinched when she tried to touch him…

She didn't want it. Depravity wanted it. Not Raven.

And it made all the difference.

.

.

.

He rubbed aggressively at his hair and over his face, groaning into the palms of his hands. "I know you're in pain Rae, and really that's enough for me to do anything for you…but this? I can't do this if it's only for _her_."

Raven scooted closer to him, but she made sure they didn't touch. "Gar, I'm the one that asked for this. If you don't want to then-,"

"You know it's not that," he said. "You know exactly how much I want to do this."

Raven went silent. She dropped her head, feeling something constrict tightly in her chest and her lower abdomen. Her face grew warm and her heart started to pound even harder than before. Her skin nearly cracked with electricity.

"It can't just be her," Beast Boy went on, slumping over so profoundly that his forehead almost touched his knees. "I don't want you cringing while this happens. I don't want you to hate it." He took a breath as if he was going to say something more, but he stopped himself short. But Raven knew him well enough to fill in the silence with the words that he didn't want to utter.

_I don't want you to hate me._

She started to touch his shoulder but then stopped herself, choosing instead to twist her fingers into the hem of his shirt, tugging at the fabric, holding on with determined fingers.

"You're right," she said quietly. "I don't really want it. Not right now. It's too planned and this is too uncomfortable. But I need it." She heard him groan again and she tugged harder on his shirt. "So maybe…maybe you can convince me." He lifted his head, twisting around slowly to face her. Their eyes had finally adjusted to the darkness and she could see his face, questioningly curious. She swallowed hard and breathed deeply. "You're the only one I'd do this with," she whispered. "So you'd be the only one who could persuade me."

He didn't move. Didn't say anything. His breath quickened but the rest of his body remained motionless. Raven let go of his shirt and unzipped her jacket. When he still did nothing she leaned in closer to him, coaxing their faces together. He remained stubbornly still, and her chest pressed into his shoulder as she tilted her face to his, tentatively but firmly touching their lips together. She kissed him once, barely lingering before she pulled away again. Her body temperature spiked and her blood began to boil. She leaned in again, moving her lips against his, her mind recalling how they had devoured each other the night before and then trying to mimic the same motions. He didn't respond right away, but eventually his mouth began to reciprocate, and he shifted on the bed so she could bring her body closer. His hands remained willfully immobile.

Raven moved to fit her curves against him, and she brought up a hand to cradle his cheek. She wasn't convinced yet, but this was a start. Because this felt good. This felt okay.

His lips began to part for her, and soon he opened up completely, their breath mixing as she tasted him thoroughly. Her hand dropped from his cheek and she pulled on the neck of his shirt. He abided her silent request and leaned more persistently into her, pressing her down towards the bed. He loomed over her, kissed her slowly but passionately as her hair splayed across his pillow. Her toes curled and her body wriggled the slightest bit, but she still wasn't convinced. Not completely. Not yet. Not quite.

She tried wrapping her arms around his neck, thinking of the couples she had seen in movies and on television and wondering if she should copy the things they did. She wanted to rub her legs against his, but he was still at the edge of the bed, his arms on either side of her body to keep him from lying on top of her. She pulled on his neck even more but he had stopped leaning into her. She broke their contact and looked into his eyes.

"Touch me," she said. She didn't say please, but she said it lightly, making sure she gave him the silent option to do the opposite and pull away. But he just gave her half a nod before he slowly slipped one hand beneath her lower back and the other at the nape of her neck. He started to kiss her again, and although it was just as steady and gentle as it was before, the addition of his hands made a significant difference. She arched up into him and his palm rubbed against her shirt. Her tongue flicked against his and his fingertips combed through her hair. The heat that had been gradually coursing through her skin began to escalate even faster. She could feel his heartbeat begin to match her own.

His lips started to deviate from hers, and he began planting his blazing kisses along her jawline and down to her neck. She tilted her head to the side automatically, allowing him to find the tender skin at the base of her throat.

"Is this working?" he asked, his voice rumbling against her collarbone. She kept her eyes closed, running her own hands along his arms.

"Yes."

"Are you convinced?"

Almost.

"Not yet."

He continued to kiss her, tracing a path all along her neck. He tugged softly at her shirt and exposed her shoulder, placing a kiss on the unexplored skin. It sent a definite spark between her legs, and an irrefutable yet very familiar crack in her psyche.

Depravity screamed. She thrashed and cried out inside of her. She seethed with anticipation.

It was working.

Almost.

.

.

.

He had been reluctant to 'convince' her, because if she didn't want it in the first place then he wasn't in any mood to coax that sort of thing from her. But when she had leaned in, when she had kissed him, it had been so miserably sweet that he found his resolve to be feeble and weak and easily crumbled. And, within no time, he was doing exactly what she wanted: convincing her.

He just didn't think it would end up in an argument.

Because now they weren't kissing, they were yelling.

All it had taken was a burst of impatience from Depravity that had caused a cry to come from Raven, and for her to abandon their steady pace. A slow but searing heat had been building firmly between them, but it apparently wasn't enough. She had grabbed his hand, forced it down between her legs, and demanded that he take her. But there had been tears brimming in her eyes, she had said it in a choked voice, and Beast Boy couldn't do it if it was like this.

He had pulled away and she had wondered why he stopped. He stood from the bed, and she tried to pull him back. He said that he couldn't do it; he couldn't look at her if she looked like she was in agony the entire time. She cried out that she was in agony because they weren't doing anything at all. He had said that she knew that that wasn't what he meant. She had said that he was personalizing her uncertainties, and that his insecurities were getting the better of him again. He said that it wasn't his fault if he wanted a willing partner, that it was the nature of normal people and that he was sorry if being normal wasn't working out for their current situation. She had said that she was willing enough. He had said that 'willing enough' wasn't enough to do anything. She said that they were running around in circles. He said that they were running around in circles.

She had winced mid-scream and wrapped her arms around her stomach.

He had practically pulled his hair out as he paced his room.

.

.

.

"I thought we were done with 'this endless back and forth', or however you put it last night," she forced out, her head leaning against the wall as she held her stomach. "And yet here you are, getting hot and cold with me. I thought it was my job to be the bipolar one."

"I'm not toying with you, Rae, and you know that. This is in a completely different category."

"How so?"

"Because it's not like you're asking me for something that's simple! I'm not watching your back during a battle. This is complicated. This requires mushy, human things like feelings and emotions and consequences!"

"I know that! I am _horrendously _aware of how well feelings and emotions and consequences play into this scenario."

"Then you should understand-,"

"No, I don't!" She pushed herself off the wall and forced herself to her feet, staring icily at his pacing form. "You were with me last night. You know that I want you. I may not be at the peak of that wanting right now, but it's not like I'm turned off at the thought of lying with you. Why are you getting caught up in the sentiments of this?"

He stopped pacing. He looked at her. "Raven, what happens after tonight?" he demanded, gesturing around the room, and the possibilities of the next day and the day after. "What happens when it's tomorrow and she's hungry again? Are you just going to deal with it, or are we going to be here again?"

Here again. She had already figured they would be. Satiate the hunger, end her suffering. That was as far as her plans went. Not her most successful, long-term solution, but momentary relief was outweighing any long-term options. "Here. Again," she answered.

"Here again," he repeated, dropping his arms. "So what happens tomorrow night? Are you going to want it then? What about the night after? Maybe in two weeks? Let's assume it'll be two weeks before you look me in the eye and it's you who wants to kiss me. What am I supposed to do for the fourteen days leading up to that? The fourteen days where you're just trying to satisfy a hunger rather than give in to a desire? You want me to spend those fourteen days staring into your face, knowing you don't want it yet giving it to you anyway? I'm supposed to be content with compliance?"

"If you haven't noticed, Gar, this isn't exactly the fairy tale situation," she retorted. She wasn't angry, she just couldn't help but yell, matching his tone. "So I'm sorry if every time won't be like a picturesque, movie moment. But I can't…I can't help it. To be fully willing every day? Would you be completely willing every day?"

"I'm not the one who needs it every day," he said darkly. She dropped her gaze. "I'm not looking for white curtains and rose petals, Rae. But it just feels wrong when it's not-,"

"Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first seventy-eight times," she snapped. His mouth set itself into a grim line. "We can argue about this all we want, but it's just going to come back to _your_ decision: are you willing to do this with me or not?" He didn't answer, just stared. "I know what it sounds like, and I'm sorry but I can't change what this is. Don't think that I'm objectifying you, because I'm not."

"It's not about objectifying. Stop trying to psychoanalyze me, Raven! There's no hidden meaning to what I'm saying; I'm spelling it out in black and white!"

"And I'm telling you, for the millionth time-,"

"I know what you're telling me but I'm not going to switch my opinion in a matter of seconds, no matter how many times you yell at me!"

"Your decision is a bit time sensitive," she growled. "She doesn't like to be kept waiting, and for some reason this malice we're giving each other is getting her excited—,"

"Because she's a raving lunatic," Beast Boy mocked in a sing-song voice. He shrugged at Raven's glare. "No offense."

"That's uncalled for."

"When is it ever called for?"

"If you don't want to do this with me then just say so."

"You already know the answer to that. You're the one who's making me seem more like a convenience than a choice."

"You're being absolutely ridiculous right now."

"Oh, I'm the one being ridiculous? Just me, all by myself? News flash, it takes two people to argue."

"You're being ridiculous by arguing a point that will not change!"

"Rae, we're both being ridiculous because we're having an argument about _having sex_!"

.

.

.

Beast Boy blinked his eyes open, breaking through his heavy slumber to stare around his room. It was still early enough for it to be dark out. He yawned and turned his bleary gaze to the clock on his desk, squinting to see the time. Just a little after four in the morning.

Next to him Raven moved in her sleep, pressing herself closer into his side. Her tiny frame sought out his warmth and he let her, as he had done nearly the entire time they slept. Despite the blanket, despite her clothes, despite her zipped up hoodie and despite his arm around her, she was still so cold. Beast Boy breathed deeply and squeezed her shoulders, letting her bury her face into his neck. She started to wrap her leg around him but he carefully lifted his knee to block her, not wanting her to feel his hardened member through his sweats.

Not that she should have been surprised if she had noticed.

Their argument had lasted for nearly two hours, unnecessarily prolonged by both parties simply because it had gotten so awkward that neither could seem to comfortably back down. Eventually they had run out of things to say, and with their tempers flared it had been difficult to get to sleep. Ultimately Beast Boy had flicked off the lights and waited, watching Raven as she silently slipped under the covers of the bottom bunk. He saw her scoot close to the wall, leaving the blankets turned down and clearly making a space for him next to her. He just sighed and slid in next to her, too tired to say anything about anything anymore.

They had fallen asleep with their bodies strictly separate and their backs turned to one another. There wasn't much space for them to be so distant, but they managed. For a portion of the night, anyway.

It was about forty-five minutes later when Beast Boy had been nudged awake by a sleeping Raven as she tried to slip her way under his arm. He had obliged, laying on his back as she nuzzled close, her hips pressing against his thigh and her arm laying itself against his torso. She slipped her hand beneath his shirt, probably searching for warmth, and her cold fingers sent more than a few shivers across his skin. Beast Boy's head lolled back as he stifled a groan.

It was pure and utter agony. It was completely unfair, especially since he was still heated over their fight, but somehow Beast Boy had gotten to sleep without moving a single muscle.

But now he was wide awake at four in the morning with a definite hard-on and the girl of his reluctantly impassioned dreams clinging desperately to his side.

He closed his eyes and prayed for daylight.

.

.

.

Raven's dreams were less than enjoyable, utterly confusing, and not at all coherent. They were a mixture of nightmares and subconscious erotica, with little bouts of Depravity sprinkled in to make sure she never dropped too deep in sleep to garner any actual rest. At one point Depravity had even thrown REM out completely and overpowered Raven's slumbering mind to inflict a little bit of psychological pain with a good amount of wailing and some unnecessary blasts along Raven's mindscape.

One particular blast had been so realistic and so physically jarring that it shocked Raven awake. She shouted out loud and jerked violently, twisting to her right and flinging her arm out in a habitual attempt to block her attack. Her delicate wrist collided with the wall with a thundering boom, and she quickly cradled it against her chest, hissing in pain. Arms were around her in seconds, brushing the hair from her face as she lay on her back, wincing through her teeth. Beast Boy's voice filled her ears almost instantly, asking what was wrong and if she was okay. She nodded her head, her eyes still squeezed shut from the blaze of pain.

"God, Rae. What…is it broken?"

"No," she whispered, calming herself with deep breaths. His arms had left her shoulders to allow his fingers to gently inspect her wrist, pressing carefully to make sure her bones weren't broken. She twitched a little when he touched a bruise that was forming, but otherwise she was okay. "I'm fine. I just…it's fine." She pulled out of his grasp and covered her face with her hands, trying to rally her nerves. After a minute or two she let her arms fall away and hit the pillow, opening her eyes and staring up at Gar's waiting expression.

"What happened?" he asked. She shook her head.

"Bad dream. It was her. She's—she's angry. Frustrated." She looked away from him for a split second, her mind racing. Debating. Thinking. Grasping for a decision. Her hands were shaking and she curled her fingers into fists. "She can't stand to wait anymore," she said quietly. Angrily. "Gar. We need to do this. Now."

She held his gaze, implored him silently and desperately. He stared back at her, and she saw how disappointed he was with her weakness, and how worried he was for her blunt honesty. Without thinking she reached up and pushed at his face. It was a childish action, so uncommon to her usual personality, but she didn't know how else to make him stop looking at her in such a way. It wasn't hard and it didn't hurt, but it surprised him completely, and he glared at her, mouth agape, eyes wide.

"What the hell was that?"

"You're judging me."

"No I'm not."

"You are. I already know that this is pathetic, but we can't change the situation. You're making me beg."

"I don't want you to-,"

"But you're making me."

He started to pull away, started to sit back and away from her. "I can't do this for her, Raven. It has to be for you-,"

"And here we are, back to the same argument as before." She reached out and grasped his face between her hands, forcing him to remain looking at her. "I already know that lying to you at this point would be useless; you know me too well. But I'm also extremely desperate, and I'm running out of options. Not to mention that you've been thwarting my solution to this miserable problem the entire evening. You know I don't like it when people sabotage my plans." She pulled his face down to hers, forcing their lips together in a bruising kiss. She held him there and he let her, pulling away only when she released his head. As he sat up and gasped she swiftly unzipped her hoodie and pushed it off her shoulders before grabbing the hem of her shirt and lifting it over her head in one swift motion.

"What are you doing?" he demanded, looking almost horrified as she lifted her torso to free herself of her garment. She tossed it onto the floor and laid back down again, her determination concrete. Even in the darkness of the early morning she saw his gaze shift to her bra and then away again. "Raven, stop," he grumbled.

"No." She pushed her hoodie out of the way and reached for the band of her bottoms, lifting her hips so she could slip them down her legs. Beast Boy jumped up from the bed, looking away as she disposed of her clothes. "Sit back down," she demanded, sitting up as she slipped her bra straps from her shoulders. He started to walk away but she reached out and grabbed his arm, yanking him back down to the mattress. "We're doing this. Now."

"You've got to be kidding me," he whispered, and she couldn't tell if he was talking to her or to himself.

"Lie down."

He covered his face with one hand, shaking his head. "Fuck, Raven. _Fuck_."

She pushed him down onto the sheets and he let her, and when she tugged on the waistband of his own sweats he didn't fight it. "I know," she said lowly. "I know."

.

.

.

It was different the second time.

More so than just the circumstances.

Beast Boy had given up fighting it. There was only so much resistance any one man could give when a girl was hovering over him in all her naked glory; and since that girl happened to be Raven he was even less inclined to resist once the moment was upon them. He could tell that she was still so new to it all, and she hesitated just a bit. All the determination in the world could only take her so far, but it was clear that she had no idea what she was doing.

Human contact. Touching. Intimacy.

She was still so new to it all.

So he had silently taken the lead. An action that he knew heavily conflicted with his ethical standing.

Go figure.

But it was hard to fully enjoy their coupling, even if it was still sensually arousing. He fit with her just as perfectly as the night before, and he was just as fascinated with the action as he had been the first time, but it was still different.

"Don't look at me," she said to him between breathy gasps. She reached up and covered his eyes with her hands, her whimpering moans filling his ears. He tried to move his face away but she fought to shield his gaze.

"Rae-,"

"I can't stand the way you're looking at me," she moaned, and she bucked her hips against his when his pace started to slow. Her walls closed around his member and a grunt escaped his throat, his muscles clenching at the sensation.

It was such a contradiction between intention and deed, mind and body, emotion and action. His body was thoroughly enjoying everything. His thoughts were not.

He thrust into her continually, coaxing her breaths to hitch every time he slipped in. She whimpered as his rhythm quickened. He groaned when she exhaled and his name left her tongue. It was a few minutes later when her muscles tensed, her hips tilted upward, and her hands finally left his face to grip his shoulders. He didn't need to see her squeeze her eyes shut as she reached her climax, but he did anyway. One look at the way her lips parted and her face contorted in a grimace of relief was enough to bring him to his own release, and he crested moments after her, collapsing against her shoulder when he finished.

.

.

.

They lay that way for only a few seconds, taking whatever time they could to relish in the satisfaction of it all. Then he was rolling off of her, flipping onto his back with a satiated sigh. Raven's body quivered with the aftermath, and inside of her she could feel Depravity finally lay herself down to rest, exhausted with gratification.

They didn't say anything for awhile. They just laid there. The minutes ticked by. Morning began to slowly brighten the sky. Then Beast Boy turned his head towards her, and the question he asked was not something she had expected.

"Can I get you pregnant?"

She looked at him sharply, unconsciously reaching for the sheets to cover her body. She had wanted to avoid looking at his face afterwards, but the question had caught her so off guard that she needed to look at him, to confirm that he had actually asked.

"What?"

"Can I get you pregnant?" he repeated. He said it with such sincerity that it erased any possibility of naïveté. Her initial reaction was to throw up her guard and yell at him for being so crude, but in their current situation such a reaction would have been silly. It was a logical question that deserved a straightforward answer. It was just such a personal question that she hesitated at first.

"Um…no. No, you can't." When he continued to stare at her she looked away, clutching the sheets closer to her chest. "Half-breeds are more often times born barren." Her voice cracked a little and she clamped her lips shut. It was a subject she didn't like to venture towards; a conversation she had already had with Starfire three years prior, when her suspicions had been confirmed about her mixed breeding and there had been no one else she could run to. It had been a realization that had brought about a strange mix of emotions.

And, unbeknownst to Raven at the time, it had been a discovery that fueled Depravity's wanton desires. Exploits with no consequence; what could be more perfect?

"I asked because…well…" Beast Boy started to say, and Raven quickly shook her head.

"No, I get it. It makes sense."

"Just making sure. You know, with my adaptable DNA and all…I just…. I wasn't sure."

"Yes. I know." She turned on her side, away from him. "But it doesn't matter. There's nothing there for it to adapt to."

And then silence stretched out between them yet again.

.

.

.

She made sure he knew when she left. She nudged him awake when he hadn't even realized he'd fallen asleep again. There was a gentle squeeze at his shoulder, a whisper in his ear and a tug on his shirt before he forced his eyes to open.

"My powers are returning," Raven had said to him, sitting on the edge of the bed, her hood drawn over her hair. "In a few hours they'll be back in their full capacity."

"Then you have a few hours," he had said groggily, not truly realizing that he was reaching for her. "Lay down for a little longer."

"No," she said, albeit gently, and she placed his reaching hands back onto the sheets. "I can't risk slipping off into too deep a sleep." She started to rise, started to leave his side. He whined like a child, but she didn't come back. "I was just making sure you knew. Before you saw I was gone."

"Are you okay now?" he asked, his eyes already closing again. He was so tired.

"I am. Thank you." Fingertips touched his forehead before the sensation was gone. Beast Boy wanted to say more, to be a gentleman and see her out, to walk her to her room and talk with her and make sure she was really all right.

But he was just so tired, and he slipped off into sleep not a moment after he heard his door slide shut.

.

.

.

She stood in the shower, washing away the scent of Beast Boy with scalding, hot water. She closed her eyes and let the liquid pass over her face, slicking back her hair and running down her body.

Her thoughts raced.

"_Are you just going to deal with it, or are we going to be here again?"_

Here again.

Here again.

Raven turned the nozzle of the shower. The water on her skin was like acid.

Here again.

Here again.

Her second night with Beast Boy had been a massacre of emotions; a breeding ground for tempers and insecurities. Chaos. Turmoil. Burdening.

Here again.

Here again.

She wondered if she would be able to do it all for another night.

.

.

.

"Morning Raven," Robin said, striding into the main room, clasping on his cape as he walked. Raven looked up from her breakfast at the kitchen counter and nodded, her hood drawn up over her face and her cloak wrapped around her bare legs for warmth.

"Good morning," she said stoically. She picked up her tea mug and took a quiet sip as her companion walked around the counter to face her, his arms crossed over his chest. She lowered her mug and met his gaze.

"Sorry I came back so late last night. I got caught up at the prison."

"Understandable."

He cocked an eyebrow. She returned her attention to her food. "Are you okay?" he asked, skepticism resonating from his words. She nodded.

"I am."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Are you lying to me?"

"I voluntarily did a bioscan with Cyborg thirty minutes ago. My body has completely regenerated all the damaged tissue from my last battle, my stress levels have decreased to just slightly above normal, and my breakfast was chosen to specifically replenish whatever nutrients he said I lacked." She fixed him with her most sincere stare. "Does that answer your questions more accurately?"

"Why did your stress only reduce to 'slightly above normal'?" Robin pressed. Raven's head tilted to the side, her expression having morphed from strictly business-like to genuinely tired of their conversation.

"Robin, we're superheroes. I would imagine you should be more worried if my stress levels were completely normal."

The Boy Wonder pondered that for a moment before finally agreeing. "Touché," he consented, unfolding his arms and turning towards the cupboards. He proceeded to make himself his own meal, turning on the coffeemaker and preparing to cook. "So here's the thing," he started again, and Raven quietly set her fork down. She placed her hands in her lap and stared at him from across the kitchen counter, her face a mixture of genuine attentiveness and obvious annoyance. "You and I usually have a mutual understanding of things. I've come to realize that, over the years, that's what our friendship has amounted to. We're usually on the same page." He placed a saucepan on the stove and turned to look at her. "Do you agree?"

He wasn't exactly being condescending, but it was a lie to say that he wasn't humoring the simplistic nature of his subject matter. It left Raven with little to do in response but to agree.

"Yes," she said. He nodded.

"Right." He strode to the fridge. "And, you know, I like it like that. I mean, you're much more open when it comes to Starfire and Cyborg, and you and Beast Boy have your own unique form of affection for each other." Raven stiffened at that. "But you and I have always seen eye to eye when it comes to being a Titan. When it comes to being a hero." He opened the refrigerator door and peered in at its contents. "I can't tell you how many times I've gotten into an argument with Starfire about humanity and fairness when it comes to doing what we do. And, you know, I really can't blame her. She's still innocent when it comes to doing what has to be done to fulfill the objective." He glanced over at her, his masked gaze sharp and intent. "Batman taught me that."

Raven could feel the change in his mood, could feel the mixture of stony resolve and affection that Robin held for his mentor and adoptive father. She wanted to shut her empathic radar off and wipe herself clean of his sentiments, but she couldn't risk her own emotions panicking at the cut off.

"Starfire isn't immune to the difficulties of tragedy," Raven said out loud. "She has had her fair share of misfortune."

"I didn't say she didn't."

"But Star's hardships have solidified her perspectives of mercy and kindness. Or would you rather she was colder in her decisions, like her sister."

"I'm not condemning Starfire for being who she is, and you know that. I'm just pointing out the differences between my dynamic with Star and my dynamic with you."

"And our dynamic is so harmonious because you're the stalwart vigilante who does whatever it takes to get the bad guy while I'm the monotonous sorceress who won't disagree with whatever extremities you take?" She hadn't intended on picking a fight with Robin, but she couldn't help it. She didn't like where the conversation had been going.

"Did you really just call me a vigilante?" he asked, unfazed by her tone. "That's kind of old school of you, don't you think?"

"You're being awful evasive with your point for someone who's so straightforward," she said lowly. Robin closed the fridge door and turned to face her. "What are you getting at?"

"Raven, you know what we are to each other. I may not be your father, I may not be your brother, and I may not be your boyfriend, but we have been unwaveringly loyal to one another for years. You've been in my head, a place I don't let anyone venture into. And I went to Hell to get you back. Literally. If you recall."

"I do. Recall."

He strode back over to her, leaned across the counter so that he was staring at her at close range. "We are heroes together, Raven. Never less than that. Out of all of the Titans here or across the world, you and I have always understood each other as heroes. I was always at the forefront, as the elected leader of this team. And you were always at the back, as our watcher, as our silent and unspoken protector. That is what we are, Raven. You and I. We are a team. For the greater good."

She remained silent, saying nothing since there wasn't much else to say. It was true. She and Robin had always shared a special relationship with one another. It was something that reached beyond simple love, one that encompassed absolute respect for one another as well as unrelenting trust. It didn't need to manifest itself in periodic talks like she did with Cyborg, or in quiet, quality time like with Starfire. It was just always there.

"Yes," she agreed, because he seemed to be waiting for a confirmation from her. "I agree completely." His eyes never left hers.

"So, with that understanding reestablished, I ask you this: whatever this is that you're going through, or dealing with, will it be okay? As probably the only other Titan here who is more concerned with the absolute safety of the others, is this thing you're dealing with dangerous? Because you've made it pretty obvious that this is your burden to bear, and while I hate that you're making this a solo prerogative I've realized that I have to choice but to leave it at that, for the time being." He leaned in further. "But I will say this, Raven. If whatever this is gets out of hand, and if it threatens the lives of you or any of the others, I will step in and I will take matters into my own hands." The coffeemaker behind Robin beeped once, signifying that it was finished. "So tell me, will it be okay?"

A broken psyche, an explosion of power, an inability to control herself.

Her ransacked room, the devastated infirmary, the mutilated obstacle course.

Her painful tantrums, her rioting emotions, her terrifying blackouts.

She had a plan now, she had a method of reprieve.

But what if it couldn't go on?

What if it backfired?

"It will be okay," she said evenly. Robin held her gaze for a moment before finally straightening his back and moving to pour himself a cup of coffee.

"All right then," he said. And he even smiled at her, probably for good measure. "Good to hear." When he turned away Raven sighed, releasing the fists she had been clenching the entire time.

It was difficult, she realized, lying to Robin.

She had always thought it was impossible.

But no, it was just difficult.

.

.

.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

.

.

.

Raven was only given a few hours of relative normalcy before Depravity was at it again.

It started off slow. She could feel the darkness reawaken from its gratified slumber, the emotion growing slowly inside her mindscape. Within minutes she could feel the beginnings of a headache forming, and when noon came around she was already fighting to stay in control and keep calm. Inside of her Depravity was grating against Raven's other emotions, clashing with her more dominate personas of Bravery and Rage while oppressing her passive personalities, like Timid and Knowledge. Their arguing voices began to resonate within her tender skull, making it hard for her to control her powers.

The stove ignited while she was in the kitchen.

A sharp pain blazed behind her eyes and a potted plant in the hallway cracked and fell apart.

The entire contents of the medicine cabinet spilled out when she coughed in the bathroom.

The printer imploded when she passed by the conference room.

They were little things, considering, but they succeeded in making Raven nervous. Little things were predecessors to big things, and she was adamant on keeping the big things at bay.

To her disappointment Beast Boy was absent for nearly the entire morning. She figured he was still in the thralls of sleep, (he so rarely ever woke up before the afternoon), and even though she craved the calming affect of his presence she was unwilling to seek him out voluntarily. Her earlier conversation with Robin had her walking on eggshells, and she didn't want to tip his hand.

And that left Raven with nothing else to do but to sit in the main room in complete silence, her eyes closed and her cloak drawn around her as she tried her hardest to meditate. In the background she could hear Cyborg playing video games and Starfire eating at the table, and she used their white noise as her pathway to stillness.

So it was exceptionally aggravating when the alert went off in the Tower and Robin came striding into the room, ready for action. His aura of leadership was strong enough to make Raven wince, and she broke out of her meditative state, too bombarded by his determination to feel any sort of peace. Depravity immediately latched onto her thoughts of annoyance and twisted them into shameful things.

_**Stop him before he speaks, you know you want to**_, she hissed, her tone manipulative and sinister. _**Just raise your hand, a twist of the wrist, feel his windpipe crumble, silence him for a day…**_

Raven shook her head and stood up, anxious and unhappy. Spending her time with Beast Boy had satisfied the lusty and desired-filled side of Depravity, but the impulsivity, cruelty and degenerate actions she also thirsted for had gone unheeded. Raven breathed in deeply and concentrated harder.

If Beast Boy had become the target of her lust, then she didn't want the others to become the target of her other unmentionable compulsions.

"Fire at the nuclear power plant ten clicks north of the pier," Robin announced, whipping out his communicator. "Alert came from the fire department." Cyborg paused his game, opening the control dock in his arm and tapping furiously at the keys.

"A little over six miles away isn't far enough. If anything leaks-,"

"The currents will take it directly into the city," Starfire finished off, rising from her seat at the table and looking out the vast windows towards the coastline. "And if it is nuclear, then there is the possibility of the fallout." Robin nodded in agreement.

"Good news is that the fire is still small. Nothing fatal yet. But-,"

"Is anyone injured?" the alien asked, her expression foreboding. Robin shook his head.

"Not that I've heard. It's still a containable disaster, but with the sensitivity of the location the fire department doesn't want to take any chances."

"Starfire should probably stay behind," Cyborg suggested, getting up from the couch. "No offense Star, but your bolts are too dangerous to be around those kind of chemicals."

"That's perfect, actually," Robin agreed. "There's another alert about a vehicle heading out of the city that's possibly carrying contraband. It needs to be intercepted, quickly and carefully."

"I will go," Star said, determined.

"Better take BB with you," Cyborg suggested, snapping his control dock closed. "The guy seriously needs to wake up and do something productive. Not to mention how useful he is in a chase." Robin nodded, offering Starfire a smile of approval. A wave of understanding and affection emanated from the two, and Raven swayed on her feet, too full of her own emotions to feel theirs.

_**Petty feelings and you people are drowning in them. Rip them away, let it all bleed out.**_

"Sounds like a plan," Robin announced, his voice overpowering Depravity's. "Cyborg, Raven, and I will head to the plant while Starfire and Beast Boy take care of the smugglers."

"Let's go then," Raven said, wanting any excuse to separate Robin and Star before she involuntarily separated them herself. "The sooner we get going the sooner we cut the possibility of fatality. At both locations." The boys nodded and gathered around her, both of them breathing in deeply as she teleported them across the bay and to their hazardous destination.

.

.

.

When Beast Boy and Starfire returned to the Tower they were both completely covered in mud. Some of Star's hair had been singed off and Beast Boy's right leg had a nasty looking burn on his calf, but they were fine for the most part. They tried their best to keep their mess minimal as they entered the Tower, but to no avail.

"Our friends will not be pleased with this," Starfire said, just as a huge glob of muck fell off her boot and onto the floor. She sighed at the offensive glob. "This is most unfortunate."

"At least they'll get to suffer this smell just like us," Beast Boy griped, trying to blink past his mud-caked bangs. "And we stopped the smugglers, so there's that."

"We also succeeded in dumping the entire vehicle into a very large and very muddy puddle," Starfire pointed out, distressed.

"Yeah, well…whatever." Beast Boy made a face, too unhappy with his current state of being to care very much about specifics. "I can't believe I woke up to do this."

"I am glad you did," Starfire offered, feebly shrugging. Beast Boy looked at her and couldn't help but smile at her attempt at optimism. "Even though it was you who pushed the vehicle into-,"

"Ah, right, let's just keep that between us, okay? No one…the others don't have to know that."

Starfire laughed. "I will not tell the others."

.

.

.

"Woah! Steady it up there, Rae," Cyborg called out. Raven quickly adjusted her position in the air and splayed her fingers even farther, trying to focus her mind on the pipeline that she was in the process of levitating. "You all right?"

"Fine," she called back, pushing the steel pipe through the air and leveling it against the stone wall. She squinted her eyes as she tried to line it up properly, but her clogged mentality was messing with her concentration. "All set," she cried out, gritting her teeth to keep the pipe still. "You're good to weld."

"I'm working at a low setting, so this will take a few minutes," Cyborg told her.

"How long is a few?"

"Five to six for each end."

"Perfect," Raven grumbled, sweat dampening her brow. "Ready when you are." She glanced below as Cyborg aimed his cannon and then took the first shot, streaming a continual beam at the steel pipe. Metal began to melt and fuse the pipe into place, and Raven fought the pressure from Cyborg's cannon, forcing the steel to remain motionless.

She opened her mouth and heaved a breath. Her heart was racing, her blood pressure was rising, her vision was going in and out of focus. She wanted to drop the pipe or else rip it apart like tissue paper, but Cyborg was watching. And even though she couldn't see him, she knew Robin was watching too.

So she resigned to silently bracing herself and hiding her distress.

.

.

.

He didn't want to go into the city.

It had taken a good hour and a half for Beast Boy to clean himself of the mud and the grime, and by the time he was done he was exhausted and hungry and very much wanting to sit in front of the television and finish the game Cyborg had left behind. But Starfire had said there was little food left in the kitchen, and so one of them needed to make a trip to the store.

Apparently, Starfire had already decided it was going to be Beast Boy.

"Do you really need it, Star? Think about it for a minute. I want to make sure that leaving this Tower will be worth it, because honestly, I really don't want to."

"Yes, Beast Boy. If no one is going to partake in my traditional Tamaranean dishes, then I must prepare something everyone can enjoy. Unfortunately, the ingredients we have left here will not make a complete meal, so I require more."

"But I'm not picky! Just, you know, as long as it's vegan-friendly."

"We have nothing left that is of vegan friendliness."

"Well all right, fine. I'm okay with that. And I'm pretty sure the others would be perfectly satisfied with whatever we already have."

"I may have made the understatement to what we already have."

"What do you mean?"

"We are nearly completely out of food."

"Ah."

"I think there is a tub of yogurt in the fridge."

"Awesome."

"Oh, I am mistaken. It is not a whole tub. It is only half."

"Still fantastic."

"Oh dear. Beast Boy, I think this is old milk."

"Okay, that's disgusting."

"So you will go to the store then?"

"Why do I have to be the one to go?"

"Because one of us must stay here in case there is an alert. Protocol, Beast Boy."

"So why did we decide you would be the one to stay and I would be the one running errands? I don't remember volunteering."

"You must go because you are a very sweet gentleman and it took me much longer to wash my hair than it did for you. And because I asked you politely, and because you are my very good friend. And because I have promised not to tell the others about what happened today. With the mud. When you changed into a mammoth and got frightened by the smugglers gunshot and went on the rampage that knocked the van off the road and into the mud pit where the policemen cannot retrieve the stolen goods."

"…"

"Thank you, Beast Boy!"

"I regret telling you what 'blackmail' is."

.

.

.

"We need to write out that report for city hall," Robin said the moment the trio had teleported back into the Tower. Raven had deposited them in the garage, at Cyborg's request, and he had broke from the group immediately, heading for his workstation. "So they can upgrade their systems at the plant. The supervisor will be sending us his file in the next fifteen minutes, and the zoning office is going to need the documents in less than three hours."

"When did being a superhero require so much paperwork?" Cyborg complained, grabbing one of his pinpoint lasers and shifting his arm back to his sonic cannon. "Because seriously, writing a report wasn't why I signed up for this."

"I know," Robin agreed, rubbing at his forehead. "But we were the ones who actually inspected the pipeline and repaired it, so of course we'd have to make the report."

"Well, if you want me to do it then it's going to have to wait," Cyborg said, shaking his head and squinting at his cannon. "I had to do some quick reconfiguring to change my sonic blaster into a freaking welding machine, so my energy conversion is out of sync right now." He frowned visibly. "Melting steel and fighting supervillians require different energies, you know."

Robin sighed. "Yeah, I know." He glanced sidelong at Raven. "Could you help me write the report then? It needs to get done right away, and I doubt three hours is going to be ample time with just one person."

She really didn't want to. Chemical to metal comparisons weren't her forte, and Robin's voice was getting increasingly irritating. She felt like drilling a hole in her temple and dumping the entire contents of her brain out on the floor.

_**Drag him into the field and see how loud the songbird can cry. Take his words and curl them into your darkness. Break the cyborg; scatter his parts across the room. Build them a monster, and let them be destroyed…**_

An entire shelf of engine parts collapsed off the wall, dumping brass, iron, and steel onto the floor. Cyborg cried out and jumped away from his worktable in surprise. Robin turned his head sharply, his hand automatically hovering to the discs on his belt.

"What the hell?" Cyborg exclaimed, staring at the mess in utter shock. Raven clasped her hands together tightly, frantic to find her composure. "Wow. That was weird. Didn't know I overloaded that shelf."

"Yeah," Robin murmured, and Raven kept her head bowed, avoiding the stare she knew he was giving her. "Weird."

.

.

.

Beast Boy waited for the elevator in the main entryway, his hands laden with canvas bags brimming with groceries. Starfire's list had been extensive, and shopping for five people on his own had been a battle unto itself. He dropped five of his bags on the floor, shaking out his hand and checking his communicator for the time.

It was nearly six.

He had woken up so late, but the day seemed to have lasted forever.

He wondered how Raven was doing.

.

.

.

The elevator ride with Robin was incredibly awkward. Instead of the silence being a welcome comfort for her, Raven found it to be laden with judgment and scrutiny. He didn't look at her once, but his skepticism was like a pulsating wave. Usually Robin's intensity was like jet fuel for her, giving her energy. Now it felt more like arsenic.

She gripped the inside of her cloak, eyes closed. She felt the lift stutter to a stop and heard the doors slide open.

"Oh. Hey Beast Boy," Robin said, and Raven's eyes snapped open.

.

.

.

"Hey," the changeling replied, perking up when the elevator doors opened. His eyes immediately looked past Robin, to where Raven was leaning against the back wall. She looked up when he spoke and they locked eyes.

He smiled at her.

She just nodded.

"Grocery shopping?" Robin asked, reaching out to help with the bags. Beast Boy nodded gratefully, stepping onto the lift and letting the doors close behind him.

"Star's request. We were running low on supplies."

"That was nice of you. She messaged me about the mission. Heard it was a rough run, although it ended in relative success. I figured you'd be too tired to run errands, especially on your own."

"Well, you know me. I'm a sucker for the ladies." He shrugged nonchalantly. Robin rolled his eyes, unable to stop the grin that crossed his face.

"Right. Sure you are." Beast Boy watched as he glanced over at Raven, his grin suddenly and instantaneously looking plastered on. "Are you okay?" he asked. She nodded pointedly and shrugged, and Beast Boy noticed how hard she was trying to appear normal.

"Light-headed from the plant. I just need some caffeine in my system."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"All right." Robin turned back around, directing his attention to his communicator. An uncomfortable silence filled the elevator then, and Beast Boy felt himself get anxious from it. He wanted to ask Raven what was wrong, but he had a feeling that any unprecedented intimacy between them wouldn't be in either of their best interests.

When they reached the floor of the main room Robin strode out purposefully, slinging the bags over one shoulder while he continued to scrutinize the screen of his comm. He trekked down the hallway like he always did, his steel-toed boots making a dull thud on the floor. Beast Boy hung back, holding open the doors for Raven to slowly pass through. She seemed heavy on her feet; a trait she had never been guilty of before.

"You're not okay," he said to her, letting the elevator close. He walked at her side, noticing how slow her pace was.

"I had trouble concentrating today," Raven replied quietly. "Pressure's already building." Beast Boy frowned.

"Already?"

"Yes." She glanced down the hall at their distant leader and recoiled farther beneath her hood. "Robin can tell. And he doesn't like it."

"Of course he wouldn't. He's worried about you. I'm worried about you."

"He talked to me this morning."

"About?"

"My uncharacteristic behavior."

"Did you…did you tell him?"

"Of course not," she hissed, quietly outraged. "I would never, ever talk about something so personal and-,"

"I didn't mean _that_, you perv," he said, poking her shoulder. Raven glared at him but he waved her agitation off. "I meant the parts that concern your powers and your emotions. You didn't tell him that you're possibly unstable?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Why would I?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. You just never keep secrets from Robin. You tell him everything." She stopped walking, frowning at him.

"I do not," she said, sounding defensive. He stopped as well, adjusting the canvas bags in his hands.

"Yes, you do," he told her, frowning at the weird way she was looking at him. "You always have." She looked dumbfounded at that, her gaze drifting down to the floor. "Rae?" he prompted, craning his neck to catch her eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I didn't tell him," she said. "I could have. This morning. But I didn't. I couldn't. This isn't…." She trailed off and looked directly at him. "This isn't something I can tell him about, Gar."

She didn't sound sad or scared or worried or regretful. She didn't sound surprised by her own actions or ashamed of them either. She sounded completely and utterly detached from the situation, and even though he was used to Raven's aloof approach to most things, this was different.

"Okay," he said, nodding.

"This isn't something I can tell any of them."

"Okay. Yeah, I know. You're right." They stared at each other, silent, unmoving. And then, in beautiful synchronization, they both began to walk again. She didn't need to explain anything to him. He understood.

Because it wasn't about revealing the newfound intimacy between them.

It was about her reluctance to reveal yet another fault in herself; another weakness in the way she was.

"So how was the mission?" he asked, shifting the bags in his arms and reverting the conversation back to the 'now'. "Difficult?"

"It was tolerable," she answered sullenly. "But it's slowly becoming less so."

"Then rest."

"Can't. Robin needs help filing a report."

"Tell him you'll help later. Or I'll do it in your place. You need to meditate or take an aspirin or whatever you need to do to-,"

"No. I was the one on the mission so I need to be the one who files the report."

"What does it matter as long as it gets done?"

"I can't let this get in the way of my duties," she said, pushing her hair from her face. "I have to prove to the team that I'm capable of being a hero, despite the setbacks I was born with."

Beast Boy hung his head. "You don't have to prove anything to any of us."

"Just because that sounds like the right thing to say doesn't make it true," she said offhandedly. She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Tonight," she sighed. "I can fix this tonight. With you." She paused. "If you're willing."

"Of course I am," he said with absolutely no hesitation. "But will you be okay until then?"

They reached the main room doors and they automatically slid open with a sigh of moving air. The rush blew back Raven's hood, exposing her grim features and the tense way she was clenching her jaw. Her skin looked pale, her eyes looked wild, and her chest heaved despite the leisure of their walk. A thin veil of sweat glistened along her hairline, and she stood as if she were ready to keel over.

"I'll manage," she said. But she didn't look like she was managing.

Beast Boy thought a moment, an idea sparking, and then swiftly set down his canvas bags.

He didn't really think it would work—he didn't fully understand the mechanics of his part in all of it—but maybe he could give Raven something for a momentary release.

Just a crack in the mountainside, enough to ventilate the ash and heat of her emotions.

Just a stolen moment, before everything came surging outward in a volcanic eruption of telekinetic turmoil.

Before she could walk in, Beast Boy reached out and held her arm, stopping her. She stared at him, and when the doors glided closed again he pulled her back, firmly pressing his mouth down to hers.

They had shared so many kisses in the past few days that he had wondered when the time would come that the simple act would cease to be completely thrilling.

Because it didn't seem to be happening any time soon.

A part of him savored in the sheer enjoyment of being able to kiss her in broad daylight, in the middle of the hallway, and just a few yards from their teammates; but another part of him made sure the kiss meant something, that it was passionate enough that her emotions could use it as an out and Raven's congested psyche could find some room to breathe.

She was surprised at the sudden action, her body going limp in his hold. He held her around the waist to keep her standing, his arms wrapping her possessively. He lingered a little longer than he thought was prudent; he didn't know if Robin or Starfire would come bounding into the hallway looking for them, and he didn't really want to risk it. But she felt so genuinely good in his arms that he couldn't resist prolonging it for a second longer.

Because in that extra second, Raven felt like she was _his_.

A horrendously soppy notion, to be sure, but Beast Boy had always been a fan of the soppy. And the cheesy.

There was a cracking noise from somewhere in the corridor, followed by the definitive sound of a light bulb shattering. Raven's chest hitched and she hummed a little against his mouth.

When he finally pulled away he did so slowly, exhaling against her face, his eyes just barely opening. At the back of his mind he vaguely wished he could do this sort of thing more often.

"Does that help-," he started to ask, but was abruptly cut off by her mouth once more.

.

.

.

She tugged and pulled at him, dragging him a little down the hallway yet still trying to keep her lips in constant contact with his. She hauled him around the nearest corner, a good ways away from the main room, and clutched his head in her hands, rising on her toes to fully claim him. He groaned in undeniable delight and Raven's body shivered. There was another cracking sound, another light bulb shattered, and a vent above their heads dented itself.

She wondered how his touch was still so electric, even after the hundreds of times he had pressed his skin against hers.

When she broke the contact she did so with a gasp, her heels dropping heavily onto the floor as she gazed up at him. He looked flushed and glassy-eyed and very much turned-on by her aggressive response, and for the first time Raven wanted to throw privacy out the window and give herself to him right then and there. And she couldn't be certain that such a thought completely belonged to Depravity alone.

The dented vent above them folded into itself, the metal shrieking its protest. They both moved aside as one as it dropped to the floor and warped.

"Come to my room tonight, after everyone's gone to sleep," she whispered, laying her hands against his chest. A pounding heartbeat thumped beneath her palms. All of Beast Boy's yearning flowed through her hands and mixed with her own itching desire. It both fed Depravity and appeased her, and in that contradictory compromise Raven felt her headache lift. Not a lot, but enough. Enough for a few hours. Enough that she could feign proficiency.

"Okay," he said, trying to mask the enthusiasm in his voice. He gripped her elbows in a mixed action of reassurance and need. She made herself push his hands away, drawing her hood back over her hair.

"Let's go. I don't want Robin asking anymore questions." She headed back towards the main room with determined strides, Beast Boy following sporadically behind her.

.

.

.

Although writing the report with Robin had been a challenge of its own accord, (the Boy Wonder could be singularly irritating when his overly analytical mind was turning a short report into a seventeen page dissertation), Raven was still not ready to meet with Beast Boy by the time they finished. She still had energy to spare, but using her failsafe room for a second night in a row would throw up too many red flags.

So, when Robin had left to send the report to city hall, Raven had promptly teleported thirty-five miles out into the middle of the ocean. Not too far that she couldn't get back to the Tower when running on zero, but far enough that the team wouldn't notice anything unnatural.

Like an unprecedented shockwave.

And the tsunami that would evolve in its wake.

All it took was a good minute to gather her energy, building it in her chakra core with fierce concentration, and then releasing it with absolute abandon to the west, against the wind currents that would fight against it and nuke the reaction. It used to be hard for her to do such a thing, to let go and allow energy to surge forth from her soul self, but she had learned.

There was that moment of numb silence, when the sound barrier broke, and then the resonating boom as the water around her hovering figure was forcibly displaced. The rush of power leaving her was bone chilling, and her body shuddered violently.

In her mind Depravity chuckled.

_**Not quite**_, she hummed. _**Almost, but not quite.**_

Raven ground her teeth together, hating that she was right. There was still power left in her; too much to risk if she was going to be spending the night with Beast Boy.

She flexed her fingers and started again, all the while ignoring the searing cries from her ruptured soul.

.

.

.

Beast Boy waited till midnight before he left his room. He was far too nervous to leave a second earlier, even though the Tower had gone dark over an hour before the clock struck twelve. Still, Beast Boy waited, wanting to make sure there could be no chance of running into anyone on his way to Raven's room.

When he did finally emerge he hurried through the halls to her door, skidding to a halt outside the metal and forcing himself to knock calmly. There was a miniscule pause that felt like an eternity, and then the door slid away to reveal his unspoken paramour, still fully clad in her uniform, the fabric giving off a strong musk of sea salt. His gut twisted at the sight of her and he realized he was short of breath.

He moved to cross the threshold, her head tilted to the side just a bit, and the scarce light in her room fell over her left eye. Beast Boy's mouth fell open and he pushed her farther towards the light, sliding the door closed behind him.

"What are you doing-," she started to protest, but he cut her off. His hands cupped her face and gently but purposefully tilted it upward. "There's no need to be so rough," she said in a deadpan tone. She started to rise on her toes to kiss him but he held her fast, shaking his head.

"Raven…Raven what happened to you?"

.

.

.

He was looking at her with such a horrified expression that it made her skin crawl. She twisted out of his grasp and backed away, suddenly self-conscious.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"How did that happen? Did you just come back from a fight?"

"No. Why?"

"Wh—you can't feel it?" He grabbed her shoulders, pushing her towards the mirror. She didn't appreciate his rough handling of her, and she shoved his hands away before looking at her own face. "Rae, look!"

She did. And she understood his immediate alarm.

The team wasn't unfamiliar with burst blood vessels, especially with as many blows as they took to the face; but Raven's eye looked ghastly. She had felt the pain there, but she had chocked it up to something trivial. She hadn't realized that her shockwaves had burst almost every vessel in her left eye, leaving it to be nothing but a blanket of blood red where it should have been white.

"I hadn't realized," she said offhandedly, faking indifference. She laid her hand over her face and closed her eyes, concentrating. She mumbled her mantra under her breath, digging in a supernatural well that she had forced to run dry.

"What are you doing?"

"Healing it."

"I thought…. I thought you called me here because-,"

"I did."

"Then shouldn't you be empty?"

"I am." She breathed deeply. "Now please, be quiet. This'll be hard." She went back to reciting her mantra, focusing, concentrating, directing whatever remnants of power was in her body to fix her vessels. There was only the smallest response, the minutest amount that came to her aid. She took it in a mental death grip and brought it to her eye, healing herself.

It was agony on her soul, but she could feel the fibers mending and the tissue regenerate. It was slow, but it was working.

.

.

.

Beast Boy really had no choice but to let her finish. When she did she let out a choked gasp and dropped to her knees, her head lolling back limply. He quickly swooped in, gathering her in his arms and easily carrying her to the bed. He laid her down, unclasped her cloak and sat down next to her, letting her breathe.

He felt like he should have said something, but nothing came to his mind. His fingertips touched the inside of her wrist, and he was surprised to find her pulse thundering against the thin layer of skin.

"Keep doing that," she muttered, her free hand rubbing at her closed eyes. "It helps." He continued to caress her skin, watching as she accepted the action. He gently lifted her arm in his hands, bending low and experimentally touching his lips to it. Her breath hitched—a reaction that was repeatedly pleasing to hear—and she reached for him, desperate. She tugged and he obliged, lying down so she could fit her body to his like they had done so many times before.

"Rae, we can't just ignore what happened," he heard himself say, even though he had no problem reaching around her to unzip her uniform. "If getting to this point every night requires something like-,"

"It doesn't," she said confidently, although he couldn't be sure she wasn't lying. "But I don't want to discuss that right now," and she sidled up against him, letting him tug her sleeve off her shoulder. "Right now I want you, so you better take advantage of that." He looked her in the eye and she dragged him on top of her.

"Tonight it's you?" he asked, distracted by her whispers and caresses. He couldn't hide the eagerness that made its way into his tone, and he couldn't deny that the way she was looking at him was incredibly enticing. She nodded and unbuckled her belt, and Beast Boy was once again manipulated into silence.

.

.

.

It was completely different when Raven wanted it. The night before she had been so self-conscious and nervous and worried that the sensations were lost to her. She had felt embarrassed and shameful of her body and of her actions, and the only thing that had comforted her had been Beast Boy himself.

But when she wanted it Beast Boy's presence became more than just a comfort. He became the anchor for her senses, the only thing preventing her from rising too high. Their bodies matched in perfect rhythm, their breath matched in a perfect melody. Her skin was so much more responsive to his, and it drummed in her a steady beat of lust. Sweat formed between their bodies, and it glistened on his chest and dotted the skin near his ears.

She was aware of how gentle he was with her, how he always found a way to run his fingers through her hair or breathe the scent of her skin. When she looked up into his face she was astounded with how much he had changed over the years, yet there was still the definitive look that told her he was still the same Beast Boy. She realized that she had grown fond of his face, of the way it so readily expressed every thought he had or every emotion he experienced. She used to envy his easy way of expression, used to deplore how simple it was for him to laugh or frown, to be surprised or disappointed. Now she relished it, fully appreciating how delighted she was making him.

She rolled on top of him and bent low against his neck, inhaling his musk and coaxing from him throaty groans.

_**Easy, easy, easy**_, Depravity cooed in her skull. _**So obliviously easy. Soon it will be easy enough to crumble.**_

Raven squeezed Beast Boy's shoulders, pulling a sharp hiss from him as she took him deeper into her core. She closed her eyes and let the ambiance take over her body to keep from getting angry.

Depravity could chant whatever callously cryptic intonations she wanted, so long as she kept her place and left Beast Boy alone.

.

.

.

"I can't always wait for the night," she said, staring at her ceiling. "This arrangement won't work. Not the way it is now."

They were lying next to each other, in her bed, in a rare moment of peace after their union. Raven lay on her back, her hair gathered to one side of her head and the sheets tucked around her naked shoulders. Beast Boy lay next to her on his stomach, hugging a pillow under his chin as he watched her. It was odd, lying there. Together.

After.

Raven would have thought herself much too embarrassed to hold a conversation afterwards, but it seemed that with every progressive night she spent with Beast Boy her initial discomfitures lessened. Things she would have thought herself incapable of doing started to manifest of their own accord.

Like the way they were now.

Before she wouldn't have wanted him to be so close, to feel his breath against her temple as he watched her. Before she might have insisted they dress themselves before they engage in conversation instead of sharing their body heat beneath a conjugal blanket. And before she would have been too wrapped up in the intimacy of the situation to actually appreciate the solemnity of their position. Because there was a good sense of peace to be had, lying next to Beast Boy. His presence still made her skin tingle, and she had to force herself to stare at the ceiling to prevent Depravity from getting riled up again at the sight of his naked torso, but the way they were…

It just seemed to fit.

In its own way.

"We stop when you want to stop," he replied, adjusting his position. "You know how I feel about this-,"

"Yes. I know. But I never said anything about stopping."

"Maybe you should." He brushed a hand across her face and she automatically swatted it aside. She immediately regretted her action, her muscles stiffening at the habitual rudeness she couldn't seem to stop showing him. But her initial fears disappeared when he just gave an agitated grunt and moved her arm aside, proceeding with sweeping a few wayward strands of hair from her brow. "You nearly blew out a good layer of your cerebral cortex to have me here. And yes, I know what the cerebral cortex is, so you can save your sarcasm for later."

"It's not as dramatic as all that," she said, ignoring his attempt at humor. "It was just a few vessels. We've all had those before."

"Not to that extent."

"It was only a matter of time."

"That's not a good enough argument."

"Why?" she suddenly asked, turning to look at him. "Do you want this to stop?"

She knew it was unfair of her to ask, for the circumstances were not at all normal. But she wanted to move the subject away from any mentioning of intentioned injury. It was not a discussion she wanted to have with him any time soon.

"That's not…" he started to answer, making a face. "That's not an easy question to answer."

"Exactly. Nothing about any of this is easy." Her eyes inadvertently looked down and noticed how little of his body was covered in the sheets. She could see the narrow angle of his waist, and how the shadows from her candles made his lean muscles stand out in stark definition. "You seem much more cooperative than you were last night, anyway," she added, looking back at the ceiling quickly. "Much less resistant. That could mean you don't want it to stop."

"It makes a difference when it's mutual," he said, and she involuntarily trembled at his words. Because she agreed with him. It _was_ different. So much more.

"It does," she conceded.

.

.

.

"It sounds so demeaning and impersonal, but I need you to do what you did today. Again."

She was sitting upright at the edge of the bed, her back to him as she bent down and picked his uniform up off the floor. Beast Boy watched her in distracted contentment, his eyes roving over the curve of her spine, the shallow indentations at the small of her back, and the tiny camber of her hips.

"That sounds completely unappealing," he said, restraining himself from reaching out and touching the skin along her shoulders. "Especially since you used 'demeaning' and 'impersonal' in the same sentence as 'you'."

"You're not listening to me."

"I'm really not." He knew she was fighting the need to glare at him, so instead she just threw his suit onto his face. He started to tug it off but she pushed it back over his eyes.

"Don't look."

"Why?"

"Because I need to get dressed."

"And?"

"And don't look."

He groaned, but kept the fabric over his eyes. "Don't you think we're a little passed this?" he asked. She gave no answer so he submitted to silence, patiently waiting for the all clear.

"It's not an issue of embarrassment," she said, and he tugged his suit off his face. She had donned a black v-neck and grey bottoms, and she had tied her hair at the nape of her neck to keep it out of the way. The simplicity of the ensemble only helped accentuate the fact that Raven didn't need much to look beautiful. "It's a matter of control."

"Uh-huh."

"You're still not listening."

"What?"

She closed her eyes and sat back down on the bed. "What you did earlier today helped," she said solemnly, looking down at her hands. Beast Boy rolled onto his back, his gaze never leaving her face. "Even though I did break a few things while it happened."

"It could have been worse," he offered. "I was afraid it would have been worse. I wasn't sure if it would work in the way that it did. It was a gamble."

"It was. And it was dangerous for you to have tried without knowing what the consequences were." She crossed her legs beneath her and wrapped the edge of the sheet around her shoulders. "I want you to do it again."

"Now?"

"No. There would be no point."

"Well yeah, there would be. But not the point that you want."

"If I came to you during the day, at random times, unplanned and unprecedented, would you let me?" She stared at him and he stared back. He felt even more naked with her violet eyes looking down on him, made all the more apparent by the reality that he still was.

"You would come to me?"

"When things would get difficult."

"When you would need momentary release?"

"Yes."

"For her?"

"For." She hesitated. "For both of us."

He folded his hands behind his head and looked into her dark ceiling. Thinking. Discerning. Weighing out the outcomes. Wondering what the ratio between good results and bad results would be. Wondering if 'random' had a set number in a day.

"And will you want it all those times?" he asked, unable to pull the gloom from his tone. Silence followed his words, and when he glanced over at her she was looking down at her hands again. She didn't answer him, and she didn't look at him.

From that alone Beast Boy knew her answer.

And it excited him.

.

.

.

It probably wasn't the most secure agreement, and nor was it the most prudent. Neither of them thought it would last very long, and they never said it, but every time they met up they waited for it to backfire.

But it didn't.

For ten days.

For ten surprisingly unhindered days they each led a secret existence separate from their time as Titans and their time as friends. In the privacy of one another's company, after their heroic duties and beyond their publicly social interactions, Garfield and Raven would find each other, lock doors, draw drapes, and close their eyes. When no one was looking they became something else completely, and despite everything they were pretty much content.

Pretty much.

.

.

.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

.

.

.

They started to steal moments out of the day.

When Starfire suggested they sit and watch a movie as a team, Raven made an excuse about needing to meditate before shooting Beast Boy a lingering stare. Thirty minutes into the film Beast Boy had taken his chance to slip out and hurriedly make his way to Raven's room, where she had abruptly pulled him in not but a split second after he had knocked. She had shut the door immediately and threw herself on him, eagerly devouring his mouth.

"We can't go all the way," she had said breathlessly as she backed him into the wall, and he greedily ran his hands over her body. Behind them her bookcase shuddered with her excitement. "I'm not empty."

"Then let's test your limit," he teased, pressing against her fervently.

She had silently obliged.

.

.

.

Another day found them skipping out on a post-battle debriefing for the privacy of one of the empty guest rooms on the top floor. There, Beast Boy had securely locked the door before Raven had torn off his belt and unzipped his uniform, forcing him to sit on the floor as she aggressively straddled his waist. She had spent nearly every last ounce of her magical power with their battle with The Hive, and although the villains had gotten away she didn't want to let such an opportunity go to waste.

The seven stories separating them from the other Titans made them bold, and both had groaned audibly as Raven worked herself against him, her hands gripping his shoulders as she ground her hips back and forth. She had come to a screaming climax that time, and Beast Boy had barely lasted long enough for her to reach her crest.

It was thirty minutes later when Raven walked into the conference room, her expression made of stone and her voice steadied when she gave an excuse to Robin about needing to meditate. Nearly an hour later Beast Boy came barging in, making jokes about getting caught in the city and taking the lecture he received from all three of his friends with surprising grace.

.

.

.

Sometimes they'd only have a few moments, or even just the breath of a second between one thing and another.

A passing in the hallway.

The last two left in the training room.

The first ones out on the practice field.

Most times they were good about it, keeping things short. Keeping themselves in check.

A few times they would push the envelope, risk getting caught because they couldn't discipline their desires.

And once Raven had slipped with her control.

Beast Boy's lips had been on her throat, she had been pulling desperately at his collar, and when his hand had found her breast Depravity had wrapped her fingers tightly around Raven's throat and the electricity on the fifth floor completely shut down. A few doors down from their shadowy corner Robin stepped out into the hallway, calling out against the spontaneous lack of power. Raven and Beast Boy broke apart immediately, the former shoving the latter away as she dissolved herself in darkness, teleporting away and leaving Beast Boy behind. Robin had seen him not moments after Raven disappeared, and the changeling was forced to pretend to be just as astounded by the power outage as his leader.

.

.

.

Other times weren't so frantic.

If there wasn't enough battle action for Raven to overexert herself, then she was reduced to driving herself into the ground in the gyms or her failsafe room. She preferred heroic duty, since the adrenaline of combat and the added pressures of a powerful opponent aided in draining her powers quicker and easier. But when she was forced to run herself into exhaustion of her own accord, it took a considerable amount of time, and it so often left her muscles feeling shaky and weak and useless. On those days Raven would take long, relaxing showers before trudging to Beast Boy's room, entering without a word and slipping silently under the covers. Sometimes he wouldn't be there, and she would sleep soundly in his bed until he returned. And sometimes he would be sitting at his desk, too occupied by his paperwork to look up when she entered.

Those times were Raven's personal preference. Being near Beast Boy was always calming for Depravity, so it allowed Raven to rest without dropping herself into a coma. On one occasion she asked Beast Boy what he was working on. He had never favored paperwork, so she was curious why he had so many folders piled on his desk.

"Doom Patrol," he had said calmly, leaning back in his chair and grinning at her in a self-satisfied way. "Just perusing some reports my dad sent me." He had sounded so uniquely content at that, as if there were no greater accomplishment in the world than to be sorting through files sent from his father. He had even flashed her his token, lopsided grin before stretching his arms and eagerly returning to his work. Raven remembered that he had been wearing a dark button up, left open to reveal a white shirt underneath when he moved in his chair. His jeans had looked new too, and his hair was growing long enough that it swept down over his eyes at times. His appearance and countenance had made such a vivid image in her memory, because she remembered that he didn't look like 'Beast Boy' that day. He looked like Garfield Logan.

And she also realized that she wasn't there simply because she needed a 'fix'. She was there because, truthfully, she liked being around him. She couldn't explain it, but it went beyond being comfortable, and beyond their ability to relax in each other's presence.

She could relax with Star, and she found comfort in Cyborg. But, given the choice between either of them and Beast Boy, she found that she would effortlessly choose Beast Boy.

It had been a startlingly profound realization for her, and although it warranted a deeper understanding of Raven's feelings for Garfield, the act of self-exploration was pushed aside by his calm voice.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked, a curious grin masking his underlying nerves. "It's kind of distracting."

"Sorry," she said, flipping over to face the wall. "I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"Insignificant things," she lied. He hummed thoughtfully behind her.

"I don't think you're capable of insignificant things." She heard his chair squeak as he moved. "Tell me."

"I don't feel like sharing right now."

"And I wasn't asking."

A pause followed.

No, he wasn't. He had lost all tentative wariness when it came to her, and she had given up the pretense that anything was too taboo for him to pry at.

Raven started to turn to look at him, but then stopped herself. His tone held a smile. His words did not. She didn't want to see what his expression said.

"I was thinking about you," she admitted, and then retreated into silence again. But that seemed to have satisfied Beast Boy, for he didn't press the subject any further.

.

.

.

"What happens when I'm less appalled by the situation and more grateful for it?" he asked her hypothetically.

They were all in the gym that day, every member of the team working on building endurance and strength. Even Raven, who was usually allowed a different regiment of mental stimulation, was working on her physical prowess.

She set down the weights she had been using and stood up straight, staring at Beast Boy. He had taken a seat on the bench-press, a towel slung over one shoulder and a water bottle in his hands. Raven glanced across the room and saw Robin working on his high bar, Cyborg on an advanced model of a treadmill, and Starfire slowly articulating through her martial arts exercises. She wasn't particularly comfortable talking with Beast Boy in front of the others, but they all seemed too preoccupied to notice.

"I would have to wonder if we were talking about the same situation," she said, unzipping her hoody and reaching for her shoulder. She winced as her fingers pressed into the knot that had formed there. Beast Boy automatically rose from his seat, moving to stand behind her to massage her neck, but the minute his hand touched skin she darted out of reach, turning around and glaring at him. "What are you doing?"

"Helping you," he said, peeved by her reaction. "Is that so weird?"

"Of course it is," she hissed, glancing at their friends. "The others are here."

Not a single one of them was looking in their direction.

"This is why," Beast Boy said, shaking his head. "This is why I'm starting to look forward to those things. Unless it's one of our 'meetings', you freak out every time I try to touch you."

"I'm trying to be discreet about us."

"I get that Rae, but it's not like we treated each other like lepers before this." He took a step towards her and she took half a step back. "We used to be normal together. I gave you a massage once or twice before." She looked away, unable to argue that point. "And there was that one day you played with my hair until I fell asleep in front of the TV."

She looked back at him and frowned. "That wasn't me, that was Starfire."

"Oh. Well, whatever. My point is that having any sort of normal contact with me has become forbidden for you. Don't you think that causes even more suspicion?"

"Not enough for it to be an issue," she countered, tightening her low ponytail and pulling her hood over her head. It was a comfort, taking shelter beneath a fabric roof. "Unless the others take an active notice in it then there's nothing to worry about."

"I don't like it," he told her firmly. "I want more than just a few stolen moments in a day."

She looked into his face then, her brow furrowed ever so slightly. "Like what?"

"Like conversation. Like a shared meal, or a cup of coffee. Like sitting on the couch and watching nonsense."

She stared at him, knew that he was perfectly aware of what he was asking her; what he sounded like. It was an awkward request considering the circumstances, but it didn't fall on deaf ears. In truth, she had never thought about any of those types of things, but now that he was presenting them to her she couldn't lie and say they didn't sound appealing. But saying was much easier than actually doing.

"Are you trying to ask me out on a date?" she said quietly. Beast Boy fidgeted a bit, his hand rubbing the back of his neck, and he shrugged.

"I don't know," he admitted. "Honestly, I don't. I just…those 'moments' together are the only times I get to be with you. And…. I'd like there to be more."

Spending time with Beast Boy.

Normally.

Raven and Garfield, sitting in a café, playing chess and drinking lattes.

Garfield and Raven, watching a movie, their feet propped on the coffee table and his arm around her shoulders.

Raven and Garfield, out in public while she was fighting for control, forcing herself to keep a raging doppelganger from tearing down the city and claiming lives.

Garfield and Raven, constraining themselves to be civil in the privacy of the Tower when all she would really want to do was rip his clothes off and curl her fingers around his neck.

Raven dropped her gaze, conflicted by the feelings burning in her chest. A part of her feared the worst of such things. The other part mourned the inability to even try them.

"There can't be more," she said simply, voicing a mantra she had instilled into herself. "More is dangerous. More is always dangerous."

In front of her Beast Boy sighed, his hand dropped to his side, his gaze fixed on a spot across the room. "Yeah," he said, and she didn't like the heaviness of his tone. "Yeah, I know."

.

.

.

Despite her claims of discretion, Raven caught herself watching him more often than was probably prudent. Her sly eyes were often hidden beneath her hood, but there was a moment or two when Cyborg would catch her watching and grin knowingly.

Damn Cyborg. He had always placed heavy implication between her and Beast Boy.

But for all the complaints the changeling seemed to have about their relationship, (or lack thereof), Raven had never once caught him staring at her. If he had, then he was terribly adept at going unnoticed.

Because she couldn't be in the same room with him without her eyes staying glued to his form. She would watch silently as he'd have animated discussions with Robin about Monsieur Mallah and the Brain, taking notice with how passionate he was about the biggest threats to the Doom Patrol. He had spent hours debating over the advantages and disadvantages of the pairing, and there had been times when he had surprised even Robin with his knowledge.

She would watch him teach Starfire how to cook vegan dishes, trying for the umpteenth time to sing the praises of tofu. She would agree with him for the most part, but when he wasn't looking the redhead would sneak into the freezer and dig into the ice cream, triggering a hand-gestured lecture from Beast Boy about the amount of milk that was used to make one carton.

She would watch him in the garage with Cyborg, actually listening when his friend would explain the engine parts to the T-sub. He would ask questions and watch with attentiveness as Cyborg would intricately explain things in seemingly indecipherable jargon. Beast Boy would stick with him, but eventually he'd break out in a laugh and push his friend, playfully yelling at him for being overly complicated.

So many different interactions.

So many different reactions.

Beast Boy was like a mosaic of emotions and responses.

And Raven was jealous of him.

.

.

.

He caught her in the failsafe room one day. When she was 'purging'.

In the ten days that they had been meeting in secret, Beast Boy had never actually seen Raven rid herself of her power reserve; not unless it was on the field. For the times that she did it on her own, through whatever rigorous activity she chose, he was oblivious to the process of it. They had agreed to keep a considerable amount of distance between each other on a regular basis to aid the secrecy of their meetings, and when she would meet him she never bore any visible injuries like her ruptured eye, so he never really concerned himself with the specifics of what she did. If things had continued on that destructive path then he surely would have said something. But as far as he knew she was always well when she came to him, besides being completely exhausted.

It wasn't until the eleventh day did he realize that she had been hiding things, even from him.

.

.

.

He heard her from the hallway.

The Tower was completely and utterly empty. Robin was in Gotham, Starfire was in Central City, and Cyborg was at Titans East. Beast Boy was supposed to be with the Doom Patrol, but Raven had taken responsibility for holding down the Tower on her own and the possibility of spending a good, full day alone with her was just too tempting of an offer.

So he had left the Tower with Cyborg, crossed the city with his best friend, and when they were supposed to part ways Cy took off in the T-car towards Titans East and Beast Boy had backtracked to the Tower. He had messaged Raven that he'd spend some time in the city and be back within a couple of hours, but he was far too anxious to enjoy the shops and the streets, so he high-tailed it out to the island.

It wasn't until he was right outside the failsafe doors did he hear the resonating blasts and the strangled cry that came from within. He stopped in his tracks, listening, and when he heard a cursed growl he reached for the doors, trying to yank them open. The ones leading to the room itself were sealed shut, but the door to the viewing room one floor up was open. Beast Boy darted in and ran to the window, ready to bang on the glass and call out to her, to ask if she was okay. But when she came into view he stopped, his hand going slack and his face contorting in disillusioned confusion.

She looked frightening, for lack of a better term. She was drenched in sweat, her face was grotesquely bruised on one side, and the way she was coddling her arm didn't seem promising. She didn't look like herself at all, how she was slumped in the corner of the room. In all the years that he had known her, Beast Boy had never really seen Raven slump. He'd seen her collapse, seen her sit down in utter exhaustion, but never actually slump.

There was no dignity in slumping.

And there was no dignity in the way Raven looked now.

He started to reach for the intercom, to call out again, but she spoke before he could act.

And it wasn't to him.

"Sadists are unbecoming," she hissed, breathing heavily through her nose. "And masochists are cowardly. You are turning us into both." A pause followed, one where Raven seemed to be listening to an unheard voice. She shook her head and feebly pounded her fist into the floor, her broken arm still held closely to her chest. "You are the one making this longer than it needs to be." Another pause. "The day I release you will never come, and he wouldn't touch you even if you did find a way to gain full control." She cringed after that, her teeth snarling as her whole body seized up. "Plaguing me with lust won't work. I won't go to him unless I am in control. If I have to suffer this ridiculous desire then you do as well. Have fun teetering on the cusp."

Beast Boy stepped away from the window, forcing himself to turn away, to stop looking. He was conflicted with abandoning her while she was in such obvious turmoil, but he was observant enough to know that inference was the last thing Raven needed at the moment.

What he wanted to do was break the glass, burst into the room with trumpets blaring, and heroically rescue his damsel in distress.

What he needed to do was turn his back, go to his room, and wait for her to come to him.

Because what she needed was to not have him around as a form of temptation, an incentive for Depravity to take hold of to overpower Raven.

He walked out of the viewing room and closed the door behind him, convincing himself to walk away, walk away, walk away.

He punched the wall on his way down the corridor, leaving behind a massive dent in the steel and whatever sense of heroism he had about himself on the floor to smolder.

.

.

.

Raven took pleasure in a lengthy shower before she dressed herself down in civilian clothes and went to wait in the main room for Gar to return. She figured he wanted some time alone in the city, (sometimes the 'lone wolf' in him resulted in a strong sense of wanderlust, and he would roam the streets and shops for hours on end), so she resigned herself to curl up on the couch with a steaming cup of herbal tea, one of her Latin spellbooks, and the overcast cityscape through the vast, glass windows.

A rare moment of exquisite leisure, and she was definitely looking forward to it.

So she was calmly surprised to find Beast Boy already lounging in the main room, his lithe frame thrown onto the sofa and the television boasting an old movie from the eighties. He didn't look over when she entered, although he had to have heard her since the volume was so low. All the same, she strode up to him and stood at the back of the sofa, tugging the sleeves of her cardigan over her hands and hugging her arms to her body. Warm air pumped through the vents, but it was downright frigid in the room.

"Hey," she said quietly, staring up at the huge screen. "What are you watching?"

"Nothing," he mumbled in response, holding up the remote and abruptly changing the channel. He slid low in his seat, his black shirt riding up as he slouched in an obviously sullen matter. Raven frowned down at him.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Did something happen while you were out?"

"No." He continued to flip through the channels, not once looking up to meet her gaze. Raven shivered and realized that the room itself wasn't cold at all, it was his countenance; his icy, dour mood was emanating from him with profound certainty, and it sent goose bumps along Raven's skin. She frowned down at Beast Boy, put off by his rancor.

"I'm sorry," she said, trying her best to leave the sarcasm out of her tone. "But are you angry with me?"

"Hm," Beast Boy grunted. "That's a hell of a thought. Why would I be angry at you?" It was so much more an accusation than an actual question, and it drove Raven to climb over the back of the sofa and sit directly in his way, settling herself on the coffee table. He was forced to look at her, and in his eyes she could feel a chill wind of repugnance.

"You're not angry with me," she said, staring into his irises. "You're disappointed with me." He held his silence for only a second before he dropped his gaze, sighing heavily as he sat up.

"Don't read my mind," he said under his breath. Raven gripped the edges of the table.

"I don't need to. You're bludgeoning me with your judgment."

"Well, I didn't mean to 'bludgeon'."

Raven breathed deeply, willing herself to tolerate his jabs. "Why?" she asked calmly. "Why are you disappointed with me?" He just shrugged, looking around the room.

"I don't know, Rae, there are a lot of reasons. You leave your teakettle out and it takes space on the stove, or sometimes you take too long in the bathroom even though you think you don't. And the other day you closed the door in Cyborg's face, which really didn't bother him although I think it was a little uncalled for."

"You are impossible," she groaned, rising to her feet and preparing to walk awat. But Beast Boy reached forward and caught her by the wrist.

"But I think the thing that I'm most disappointed about is how freely you're willing to brutalize yourself, and how avid you are in keeping said brutalization a secret." He stood, glaring down at her. "Especially from me."

She pulled out of his hold and looked away, avoiding his stare. The cold was more absolute now. Icy. Glacial.

"You should have said something," she told him quietly. "You know I don't like being spied on."

"You're not even going to try and deny it?"

"What's the point? It's useless to convince you otherwise; you saw it for yourself. Although, for the record, I highly dislike the term 'brutalization'."

"It fits."

"No, it doesn't."

"You're right. Breaking your own bones and bruising your own face are considered motivators. I forgot. Nice patch-up work, by the way," Beast Boy grumbled audibly, his eyes staring cynically at her face as he sat back down. "Honestly Rae, what are you thinking?"

She folded her cardigan closed and crossed her arms once more. "Why do you sound so appalled? None of this is new. I've been doing this same thing for the last week. You knew all about it."

He threw up his hands, exasperated. "Yeah, but you left out the cosmetically altering side effects of the process. I didn't know you liked to jack up your own face so often."

"Could you not be crass right now?" she snapped, striding away from him and towards the kitchen. "I get it, okay? You don't have to drive the point home." She marched towards the fridge and opened the door forcibly, snatching at a yogurt and slamming it shut. Her body was completely empty of any magical prowess, but her empathic pathways were still wide open and readily receiving. With no magic to mitigate what she took in it was easy for Beast Boy's resilient emotions to seep in and alter her mood. She was getting upset because he was upset and, in all seriousness, it was just making her more upset.

"You're right, that was a little harsh," he called out, twisting on the sofa so he was facing her. "I'm sorry. Too far."

"Whatever."

"But you understand where I'm coming from, right?" She leaned against the counter and dove into her yogurt cup, ignoring him. "In earnest Raven, why are you hurting yourself like that?"

"I already told you," she said through gritted teeth. "It's part of the process."

"No, it's not! When did 'draining your powers' turn into physically hurting yourself?"

"What do you think 'draining my powers' was for someone like me?" she exploded, throwing her yogurt onto the floor. Her metal spooned clanged loudly against the tile. "My powers come from my mind and my soul, Garfield! Draining them is the metaphysical counterpart of cutting myself! It's always been this painful, it's just that now this disgusting parasite inside of me isn't satisfied with theoretical maiming. She doesn't want the mental equivalent of bruises and blood. She wants the real thing!"

Raven sucked in her breath and held it, instantly unhappy that she had yelled at him. She looked down at the mess she had created and quickly snatched a paper towel from the counter top, kneeling down to clean it up. Beast Boy started to get up to help but she stopped him with one raised hand. "She's getting stronger," she said, much more calmly. "So she's integrating herself into me more severely, and we both know she's in no mindset to share control. She wants to overpower me, to take over." She wiped up the last of the yogurt and tossed her paper towel into the trash. "Weakening her into submission requires more and more each day. Hurting myself was the twisted advantage I found when it became clear she was sharing my subconscious." She went to the sink and washed her hands, letting the water run hot to counteract the coldness that still filled the room. "I'm used to physical pain. She isn't. All it takes is a bruise or a break or a little bit of both to get her to pull back."

"That's macabre."

"No white curtains or rose petals, remember?"

"No," Beast Boy replied, shaking his head vigorously and hopping over the couch. "I refuse to be okay with this and I am forbidding you to be okay with it."

"You can forbid it all you want. It won't change anything."

"There has to be a better solution!"

Raven shut off the sink and seized one of the dishtowels. "A better solution to what? To spending time with you?"

"To dealing with Depravity."

"This is it, Gar. This is the solution. _You_ are the solution."

He walked right up to her and, to her genuine surprise, pulled her into a tight embrace. She didn't return it, didn't even lean into his hold or rest her cheek against his collarbone. She simply bore it.

"No, I'm not," he said into her hair. "I'm just a temporary fix."

.

.

.

They did not lie together that night. The others wouldn't be back until well into the next day, but they didn't take advantage of the absences like they had planned to.

What they did end up doing was not talk much, sat on the couch, ordered pizza, and watched a marathon of Cary Grant films on television. It was in the middle of 'Charade' that Beast Boy closed the miniscule distance between him and Raven. His arm snaked around her waist, pulled her to him, and nestled her against his shoulder. She looked up at him, her expression indecipherable, and then scooted back across the couch, just out of his reach. When they got to 'Notorious' she was lying down against the cushions and Beast Boy was sitting on the floor, and it was halfway through 'Walk Don't Run' when she started to lay her hand on his shoulder, hesitated, and then tucked it beneath her head once again.

And that was it.

She fell asleep halfway through 'An Affair to Remember', and even though it was one of Beast Boy's favorite Cary Grant films, he barely paid it any attention. Instead he watched Raven, watched as she breathed quietly in her sleep, watched as her tense features relaxed in her slumber. He touched her cheekbone, the place where he remembered seeing the bruise, and his fingers played across her satin skin, unmarred, unblemished. A picture perfect lie.

He hated everything between them. Hated everything they had become. Hated how numb they had become to their feelings, and how willing they were to embrace the deadened persona. He hated the days that were too long, and the nights that were too scarce. Hated the hiding and the sneaking. And hated that he was thrilled by it still. He hated how willing he was to obey her, even when her commands promised herself sorrow. And he hated that the happiness he should have felt being with her was tainted with the promise of pain and, inevitably, sadness.

But, most of all, he hated himself for all the oblivious years he had spent teasing and tormenting her about her steadfast focus and her unwavering dedication for control. He had never truly realized the frustrations that came with dealing with everything Raven had to deal with, and now that he was a part of it all he felt nearly a decade's worth of guilt and remorse weigh down on his shoulders.

Raven moved in her sleep rigidly and her hair fell over her face. He brushed it aside, taking notice to how long it had gotten as time passed on. He listened as her breathing faltered for a just a moment before it fell back into a steady, pseudo-calming rhythm. Around them the voices from the television hummed as background noise, and outside the windows the lights from Jump City shone from across the water.

"I love you," he said quietly, his hand dropping to his lap as he stared at the slumbering sorceress.

She did not respond, did not hear his words.

And he knew that even if she had been awake, her reaction would have been no different.

.

.

.

It was on the eleventh day that things took their first sharp turn for the worse.

And Beast Boy had no idea how much 'worse' it could get.

The alert came in the middle of the night, when the Tower was quiet and its inhabitants were sound asleep. The siren and red lights flared into existence, and the Teen Titans responded immediately, jumping from their beds and getting dressed. Raven was in Beast Boy's room, having fallen asleep next to him 'after'. At the first sounds of the alert she had risen from the bed and dressed herself in her discarded uniform within seconds.

"It's only been a few hours," Beast Boy said, tugging on his boots. "Will you be able to do this with us?"

"Regeneration is slow, but it is happening." She flexed her fingers, listening to the bones crack beneath her skin. "I can do my job."

"Be careful," he warned, standing up and grabbing his gloves. "Don't do anything risky."

"And don't do anything stupid," she replied evenly. "Like try to protect me."

He frowned at her, mainly because he had been thinking that exact thing. And it irked him.

"Robin protects Star," he grumbled. "And Star protects Robin."

"We're not Robin and Starfire," she replied, and then quickly teleported out.

As Beast Boy hurried through the halls towards the main room he tried his best to keep his irritations in check. This was not the time to dwell on his relationship with Raven. This was the time to be a Titan, and to keep his mind focused on the task at hand.

He met Cyborg on the stairwell and they both jogged towards the sliding doors. "Do you know what it is?" he asked his friend, noticing the clenched line of Cyborg's mouth.

"No. The call went straight to the main computer. Nothing showed up on my comm." He glanced sidelong at him. "Man, I am not ready for anything intense right now."

Beast Boy shook his head as they reached the doors, heaving a weighted sigh. "Yeah," he agreed. "Neither am I."

The double doors slid open revealing Robin, Starfire, and Raven already standing in front of the large screen. They all turned when the two entered, and the taut look on Robin's features was far less than comforting.

"It's the League," he said abruptly, his hands gripping his belt. "At the university."

Cyborg and Beast Boy exchanged grim looks.

.

.

.

The Titans had only dealt with the League of Shadows a handful of times. They were elite, they were covert, and they were good at what they did. Unlike the thundering villains such as Cinderblock, Plasmus, and Adonis, the League was comprised of trained assassins, intelligent hackers, manipulative spies, and militaristic squads. Which meant the Titans had to work twice as hard to take them down. And Robin had to stay twice as vigilant to keep himself from evening any past scores.*

He had formed a good plan: he deployed Raven and Starfire as reconnaissance while Beast Boy and Cyborg took the T-car around to the eastern side of the university. The League had broken into one of the underground labs, most likely with the intent to steal high security research, so the Titans' best bet was to surround the enemy and keep the battle within the campus borders.

It worked for the most part. Starfire and Raven were able to identify the eight members on the job, giving locations and a quick summary of their artillery. Robin was able to cover the main access elevator while Beast Boy and Cyborg took the back entrance. The girls were to cover the roof and the underground in case any one League member found a window of escape. Beast Boy and Cyborg accomplished taking out one of the lookouts, and Robin succeeded in slipping into the lab unnoticed. It wasn't until the League's escape chopper appeared and Starfire was caught in its sights was the team's cover blown, and all hell broke loose.

It was organized mayhem. The boys were locked in fiery hand-to-hand combat, the lab proving to be a difficult maze of a battlefield. Because of their close-knit quarters Cyborg and Robin were unable to use their explosives or projectiles, and Beast Boy had to keep his transformations to a reasonable size; disadvantages the League members were quick to pick up on.

Within minutes the Titans were being thoroughly overwhelmed. Raven was battling two members in the access tunnel below ground, Beast Boy and Cyborg were teaming up against three more in the back corridors, Robin was engaging two in the lab, and Starfire was busy preventing the escape chopper form targeting civilians. It wasn't until gunfire penetrated through the windows and everyone was forced to duck that Robin escaped his assailants, sliding across the tile to meet the other boys crouching in the doorway.

"They're determined to get out," he growled, holding up his cape against flying debris. "Enough that they're willing to shoot down innocents to slip away."

"We need to open the playing field. Widen the arena and hit them with a fast ball," Cyborg said, already converting his arm into his canon. Robin pulled out three discs, moving into a crouch position. "On BB's signal?"

"Damn it," Beast Boy grumbled, already moving to the other side of Robin. "Just because I don't have anything that explodes I have to be the distraction? We need to form new battles strategies."

"Being the fastest one out of all of us helps," Robin offered, turning his head away from splintering wood and flying glass. Beast Boy wasn't convinced.

"Make sure you clear the hit zone," Cyborg said, his canon revving up. "And lead these goons out to the girls. We'll send them a wave to cover you once you're out there."

"Do not engage until you meet up with them," Robin emphasized, grabbing Beast Boy's wrist firmly. "We're not taking risks with these guys."

"I'm all for not taking the risk," he confirmed, although there was an unrelated falter when he said it. Robin frowned, taking notice, but Beast Boy shook his head. "Sorry. Just nervous. Pre-bait jitters."

"Get ready," Cyborg warned, already rising on his feet. "Go….now!"

The bullets stopped flying and a millisecond later Beast Boy went careening out of their hiding place, morphing into a fox and leaping through the maze work of lab stations and shelving. Had the terrain been flat he would have utilized the speed of the cheetah, and had there been enough airspace he would have taken flight, but stairwells and obstacles required versatility as well as speed, and he knew going small was the best chance he had of staying alive during the chase.

He made sure to dart as close to the enemy as possible, making sure he got the attention of all five opponents before he made a beeline for the exit. He sped out the door and up the stairs, his nimble feet barely touching the ground. A bullet hit inches away to his right. He forced himself to run faster.

He hurried up the stairs, his assailants closing in on him with almost every step. Damn the Shadows. They were good.

The door to the rooftop loomed above him and on the last step he leapt into the air, changed back into himself, and kicked the door open. He burst out onto the roof, landing on the hard cement and rolling to the side just as Starfire came swooping in, firing bolt after bolt over him towards the doorway. Beast Boy quickly got to his feet and whipped his head around, trying to locate the chopper. He saw it turning in the air to his left, trying to aim its guns for the Tamaranean. He gritted his teeth and ran for the edge, jumping into the air once more and changing into a swallow. He zipped through the sky, around the chopper, and in through the open side, morphing within seconds and taking out the pilots before they understood what was happening. The chopper veered aggressively to the side as the pilot slumped over the control lever, unconscious. Beast Boy reached out with tentacles to brace himself while simultaneously moving the Shadow members out of the cockpit and restraining them in the back. He morphed back into human form and slipped into the pilot's seat, grabbing the control lever and positioned his feet over the pedals.

"Okay, knowing how to fly a helicopter would be useful right about now," he mumbled to himself, fighting desperately to right the wayward bird. With his free hand he flipped open his comm, pulling up Cyborg on a voice wave. "So, I'm in the chopper. What the hell do I do now?"

"How did you get in the chopper?" Cyborg's voice demanded, shouting over the tell-tale sounds of combat. Beast Boy shrugged at the blank screen, still struggling to remain airborne.

"Because I'm amazing? Who cares! How do I fly this thing?"

"Level the cyclic and check the collective on your left side. Try to lower the bird's altitude and cover Robin and me on the second floor. Two of these guys gave up on you and came back around."

"Wait, wait," Beast Boy said, still fighting with the gears and frowning at his comm. "What the hell is a cyclic and what the hell is the collective?"

"The joystick and the thingy that controls the altitude!"

"Okay. How do I work them?"

"Do you ever pay attention when I'm giving basic operational instructions on heavy machinery, BB?"

"Hey, it's not like we have a T-copter in the garage!"

"We have an adaptable ship that can simulate the functions of a sub, a rocket, and any other fundamental aircraft! You _should_ have some rudimentary knowledge on this!"

"Is this really the time to be lecturing me, Cyborg?"

"Beast Boy!"

The last cry came from Starfire, snapping his attention away from his communicator and to the alien flying directly toward the windshield of the chopper. She leveled herself with the craft and held a hand up, a starbolt forming like a laser point from her fingertip. It took him a few seconds to comprehend the situation before the miniscule rush of air reached his ear and he leaned aggressively to the side, narrowly dodging an attack from a black boot aimed for his head. One of the Shadow members had come to, and while he was still tied firmly to the back of the helicopter, he was tall enough that his legs could reach the cockpit. Starfire let her bolt go, and it shot through the windshield like a bullet. It hit the man in his armored chest, sending him careening to the back of the chopper. The extreme change in weight dropped the tail down too far, and Beast Boy overcompensated by pushing down on the control lever. The nose of the helicopter dove forward, right into the line of fire from one of their opponents on the roof. Sparks flew around him, and one shot hit in just the right place, igniting a fuel fire and spreading rapidly along the rotating blades. Starfire prepared to intervene, but the onslaught of bullets blocked her way.

Beast Boy frantically climbed out of the cockpit and went to leap from the craft, but as he soared through the air, and right before he had a chance to transform into a hawk, two bullets embedded themselves forcibly into his bicep. White-hot fire spread from the wounds, and he cried out in pain, his body involuntarily going limp in the air. He would have plummeted directly onto the edge of the roof if a strong force hadn't halted him mid-fall, ceasing his rapid descent. The same force seemed to engulf the unmanned chopper as well, for it hovered in the air next to him, encased in distorting darkness.

"Come here," a steady voice said next to his ear, and he turned to see Raven levitating next to him, her arms wrapping around his torso. The force of her powers left him and he sagged all his weight against her. She groaned a bit but remained airborne, her eyes glowing white and her hood thrown back. She encased them in a barrier, shielding them as she glanced at his arm. "Too much blood," she said, concern heavily etched into her tone. But it was more than that. There was a definite breathlessness in her voice, and he figured it was due to overexertion and the difficulty of holding him up.

"The chopper," Beast Boy grimaced, every little movement aggravating his right arm. "Fuel fire…if it explodes…." Through blurred vision Beast Boy watched as she opened a window in the barrier, freed one of her arms, and held it out towards the helicopter. With acute concentration she set the craft down on another section of the university before concentrating her darkness on the heart of the explosion, allowing the fire and fuel to implode while keeping the blast contained. He couldn't help but be impressed; she had succeeded in neutralizing the threat without hurting anyone else, the enemies inside the chopper included. "That was kind of cool."

"We need to get to the infirmary. You're going into shock."

"We can't. The others-,"

"Can you feel it in there?"

Beast Boy squeezed his eyes shut, wincing. "Yeah. I think they shattered."

"Hold on to me." She started to teleport and he started to panic.

"We can't leave them! We can't just-." His words were slurring together.

"Stop talking and hold on to me," she demanded, and within seconds they were gone.

.

.

.

They rematerialized inside the university's infirmary, the only light coming from a dull fluorescent lamp on the ceiling. Beast Boy nearly collapsed on the floor, and with a forced effort Raven dragged him to the nearest bed, doing her best to lay him down. His lips let out an anguished cry.

"Try not to move," she said anxiously, ripping his uniform to fully expose the wound. Blood poured over her hands.

"We left them. We just left them…."

"They're fine," she reassured him, turning on all the lights and scrambling to gather gauze and linens. "We subdued six before I came to you. They're securing the last two. Robin will take care of their backup in the copter."

"Good." He sighed and his eyes looked wild and unfocused. Raven pressed the gauze into his arm and he cried out again. "I forgot what bullets felt like," he garbled, his head moving against the pillow. "Who the fuck invented guns?"

"Please Gar, hold still. I need to pull the shards out."

"Be my guest…."

The process was miserable and lengthy. She had to go between applying pressure to the wound and mending the tissue layer by layer. The onslaught of blood made it hard to see what she was doing, and her diminishing power reserve allowed little excess to numb him. He tried his best to grit his teeth and bear it, but the pain was harsh and he was tired.

"Last one," she muttered, hovering her fingers centimeters over the exposed muscle. Once the last, minute shard floated to the surface she plucked it out of the air, dropped it on a tray with the eleven others, and flooded the entirety of her powers into his flesh, mending and fixing and repairing and healing.

Color came back to his face. The sweat evaporated from his skin. His breathing steadied. His pained mumblings died away. Within minutes two sizably raw scars stood in place of the once gaping wounds, and Raven dropped to the ground in a heap, panting. She was exhausted, and he would be light-headed from the blood loss.

Minutes passed by, measured in the shared rhythm of their heaving breaths.

Nothing waited for them.

The world outside moved on.

So they did too.

He groaned a little, whimpering like a child and trying to smooth out his breathing. He moved on the bed, even though he probably shouldn't have.

"Rae." He sat up slowly, laboriously, his features still contorted in pain as he moved. He touched tender fingers to his injured arm and flinched when he felt the scars. He didn't notice how the lights flickered dangerously, menacingly. Or how the temperature in the room dropped with the promise of cruel intention.

Raven got shakily to her feet, using the edge of the bed as leverage. Her heart was pounding, her mind was reeling, and she could feel adrenaline roaring in her veins. The acrid stench of something burning filled her senses, and she realized it was coming from within her own soul. She trembled. _No,_ she thought desperately. _This is sick. This is wrong. This isn't me._

"Raven," Beast Boy said again, and he raised his head to look at her. He was weak and helpless and unappealing when it came to the subject of physical allure. He was stained in his own blood and it mixed on his skin with dried sweat and grime.

Unattractive, if she were being superficial.

Ill, if she were being concerned.

And yet somehow Raven felt a nauseating need to _fuck_.

Beast Boy's glazed eyes found her own, and it took a good minute before she saw realization dawn in his stare.

_Don't look at me like that_, she wanted to scream. _I don't want this. I'm not doing this. This isn't me._

He recoiled from her slightly, panic rising in his gaze, and when her fingers reached for his he shook his head. "Rae, no," he commanded feebly, frantically. "No, no, no. Raven, no way-,"

"Yes, Garfield," she heard herself say, and no matter how much she wanted to pull back she couldn't seem to move her body. "Yes."

Smeared with his blood, weak from the surgery, and frazzled from the battle, Raven felt ashamed at the craving that racked her body, and the power that Depravity now had over her actions.

She wanted to stand next to Beast Boy, to check his face and wait until he was strong enough so they could rejoin the others. But her demon's intentions had other plans, and she hated herself for it.

Hated herself.

"Rae, stop. Stop." He was looking at her with horror and disgust, ineptly trying to fight her off. But he was weak and Depravity was strong, and Raven already knew that by the end of it all she wouldn't be the only one who hated herself.

.

.

.

When she kissed him it felt different.

Chalky and sinister. Unforgiving. Twisted and morbid. Unwanted.

By him.

He shoved her off and it flared his injury. He cringed and stopped himself from clutching his arm.

"What the hell are you doing? This isn't the time!"

"Any time, day or night. Isn't that what we agreed upon?" she said, reaching for him again. He swatted her hand away.

"This isn't you, this is her. Don't let her control you, Rae. She's disgusting and psychotic!"

"Why are you speaking like we're two different people? I am her. She is me. We are Raven."

"Back off."

"You promised her," she hissed, grabbing the rags of his uniform and pulling. He screamed as she forced him to sit on the edge of the bed, and he nearly passed out from pain of the action. "You promised you'd help her 'control' me. You promised to give it to her, whenever she asked. So I'm asking. Now give."

"You're fucking sick."

"Isn't that the point?"

"Stop it!" He pushed her away, but she clamped a hand around his injured arm and squeezed. His cry came out as a guttural choke, stars dancing in front of his eyes. He should have passed out, but Raven's magic was strong, and she had healed him to the best of her ability.

"I can make you, if you continue to refuse," she murmured, venom dripping from the threat. "I can do exactly what I did the day when we first met. If you force me."

"No, no way."

"Did you think I was asking?"

"Get away from me!"

She grabbed his uniform and yanked him to his feet, a snarl marring the face of the girl that he had come to love. She clamped her palms on either side of his head and an aggressive sexual appetite flooded his senses. It made his world spin, ignited his testosterone, and his manhood rose despite himself. He shoved her away and staggered out of her reach, trying to shake his head of the feeling.

"Don't fight," she breathed. "Just give."

Two strides and she was upon him again, gripping his neck and kissing him as if she were killing him. Heat enveloped him, a tainted lust filled him, but he was angry and miserable and reluctant and in pain, and the mess of feelings did not mix well. She clawed at him, pulled harshly at his hair. Made everything seem ugly.

The more he fought the more she filled him with desire. The more he restrained himself the less he wanted to. And with every fevered second he could feel a menacing, predatory hostility swell in his gut.

"Give, Garfield. Give in. Just give in," she moaned, biting at his lip. He growled and turned away, gripping her hip like a vice.

"Don't do this. Don't."

"Threaten me. Make it count. Follow through, for once in your pathetic life."

"Shut up."

"Make me, Beast Boy," she begged, smiling cynically. She pushed him into a metal cabinet. Hard. Hard enough to dent it. "Shut me up."

"What is wrong with you?"

"Everything." She slapped him across the face. Stinging and quick. Enough to turn his head, his jaw feeling like it had been punched instead. He looked back at her, fangs bared. "Are you going to bite me?" He reached for her and she grabbed his arm and twisted the wrist. He yelped and yanked free, his fist finding a handful of her hair. He yanked her head back, she laughed and dug her nails into his stomach. He let her go and she clamped her hands around his head one last time. His ears rang. "Break, you worthless, insignificant, fucking pawn_._ Just _break_."

Somewhere in the depths of Beast Boy mind something small and seemingly inconsequential snapped, like a rubber band losing its resilience after being stretched too far.

He had been teetering on the edge, Depravity had given him one unforgiving push, and he had plummeted into the abyss.

It was like a berserker rage, where all thought alluded him and he was nothing but action and animosity. He grabbed her and swung her around, ramming her into the edge of a table against the wall. Her leg gave out and she fought to stay standing, the laugh coming from her cynical and amused. He let out a hateful growl and reached between her legs, ripping her uniform and yanking it up around her waist. She could have been screaming. She could have been howling. She could have been cackling. He wouldn't have known the difference.

He worked with his good arm, unbuckling his own belt and freeing himself. She started to reach for his shoulders, but he gnashed his teeth and turned her around, bending her over the metal surface. He tore at her undergarments, wrapped his fingers around her throat, and thrust into her with reckless abandon. She screamed, but her hands splayed themselves over his own, and she arched her back in pained pleasure.

He forced himself into her like a mad man, driven with a mindless sense of mating that was not his own. Every push made her cry out, and he knew she would bear bruises.

So grisly, so unrelenting.

Like mindless creatures thirsting for torture.

The table banged into the wall with their coupling, and her knees threatened to give out beneath her.

And even as she howled and shrieked, she placed his hands onto her hips, cementing him there, ensuring he wouldn't leave.

His pace quickened. Grew unreasonably fast. Gasps were forced from her lips, and her muscles tensed into stone. He was not acting on behalf of her pleasure, only towards his end. He reached his climax and pounded through it, angry tears pouring from his eyes. When he was spent he pulled out and weakly staggered away, backing himself up against the bed. Raven collapsed onto the floor, dropping to her knees, her cloak hiding her body. He could see her hands grip the edge of the table near her face, her fingers trembling. He couldn't stop the shaking in his own body, and he clutched the hem of his trousers, pulling them up through quiet convulses.

No words filled the air.

Moments grew into eternities.

Minutes passed by, measured in the shared rhythm of their heaving breaths.

Nothing waited for them.

The world outside moved on.

Beast Boy stared at Raven, disbelieving. Disoriented. Disgusted.

She turned to look at him, her face damp with sweat and her chest heaving. He saw her eyes.

Dead. Cold.

No longer black. But violet.

Familiar.

Raven's.

The world outside moved on.

But they couldn't.

.

.

.

A/N: *The League of Shadows is commanded by Batman's arch nemesis, Ra's Al Ghul, meaning Robin has had countless altercation with the organization.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Apologies for the long wait. This was difficult to manifest.

.

.

.

Chapter Fourteen

.

.

.

Quiet.

No words.

There weren't any left to say.

Beast Boy had heaved himself through quiet sobs before silently passing out on the bed. His injured arm was held closely to his chest, and his face had been pale and layered with sweat.

She couldn't blame him. He had lost over a quart of blood in such a short amount of time, and she had given him no rest to regain his strength.

No rest at all.

.

.

.

It took a while for her to stand, to get to her feet. Everything hurt. Everything was numb. Everything felt wrong. She gripped the table with weak fingers, hoisting herself up. She tugged at her uniform, forced it down over her hips, vying for modesty at a moment when it didn't matter.

Home. Home.

They needed to get home.

She didn't have the strength to carry them such a far distance, didn't have the strength to do much of anything at all. But she would make herself find it deep within, to dredge it up from a soul filled with heavy sand and burning regret. She would force herself to find the strength, as she so often made herself do.

All she needed was to get to his side, close enough that she could wrap them in blackness and carry them to the Tower. But as she made her way slowly to the bed she felt disgusted with herself, unworthy of being so close to him.

_What had she done?_

_What had she just made them do?_

She swallowed hard against the bile rising in her throat and gripped the rail of the bed. Her knuckles turned white from the effort.

_Here again._

_Here again._

They could never, never be here again.

"Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos," she whispered, closing her eyes and pulling her cloak closer to her body. Shadows swathed them in cold and darkness and carried them away from that haunting room.

.

.

.

Beast Boy had awoken in the Tower's infirmary.

In a bed.

And alone.

Cyborg had found him there by accident an hour later.

He had performed a quick examination on his injured friend, his concern over the newly acquired scar brimming with curiosity; but Beast Boy had been adamant with his silence, offering only a meager response to Cyborg's questions. He didn't want to stay in the infirmary overnight, despite the insistence that he was still very weak and needed to be tended to. But he declined, wanting only to go to his room.

Cyborg had no choice but to let him.

.

.

.

Raven sat on her bed, dressed down in nightclothes with only her candles for light. She prepped the syringe she had taken from the infirmary, laying the needle down on her side table and rolling up her sleeve. She knew Cyborg wouldn't be happy to know that she had taken from his stores without his consent, but she didn't have time to be considerate.

She tied a tourniquet around her arm, pulling it taut and forcing the rubber to bite into her skin. She picked up the syringe and slipped the needle into her arm, pressing down slowly onto the plunge. She shook so violently when the drug entered her system that she had to let go of the needle, lest she rip right through her vein.

Breathe.

Such a simple and idiotic reminder, but she needed it.

Breathe.

She finished her task and tossed the empty syringe into the trash, lying down in her bed and pulling the blankets around her shoulders.

She knew Depravity was still lurking in her mind, stronger than ever, cackling at the wondrous mess she had created. Raven should have been afraid to numb herself into sleep, but her heart was far too heavy, and her resolve was so hollow that nothing, not even a darkness that was fed and thriving, could break from the cold armor she had wrapped around her mind.

How ironic.

Maybe she had found a permanent solution to her problem after all.

.

.

.

For the time that she slept she dreamed of smoke and ash, of green and blue, and of tears that grew into shrieks.

And she dreamt of a shadow, so crude and unfeeling, melting into her skin, phasing into her heart, bleeding into her mind and eroding everything it touched.

.

.

.

The next morning Beast Boy was gone.

Cyborg had gone to his room to check on him and had found it empty. Nothing was missing save for his communicator and a few clothes. He asked Robin and Starfire if they had seen him. Both answered no. Raven didn't come to her door when he tried knocking.

It wasn't until late in the afternoon did Robin receive a message on his comm.

From Beast Boy.

"_Had to leave. With the Doom Patrol. Be back in a few days."_

.

.

.

It took hours for the sedative to wear off, and even longer before Raven was able to move her body again. For the time she remained bedridden she stared at her ceiling and waited.

Gathering.

Securing.

Solidifying her faculties.

The sun was already setting once again when she was able to move her arms.

So she picked up her meditation mirror and went to work.

.

.

.

She searched for hours in her mindscape, calling out the name of the darkness inside of her, demanding that she make herself known. She screamed for her presence, scoured the most neglected corners of her psyche.

She found nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Not the taunting echo of a laugh.

Not the vague glimpse of a triumphant smile.

None of her emotions came to face her; none of them answered her calls.

She was alone. Even in her own mind, she was alone.

.

.

.

She ended up destroying her bookcase out of frustration.

It had been a gift from Cyborg years before, an antique of the highest quality that she had cherished dearly.* She regretted it moments after the deed was done, the splintered wood littering the floor of her room. Raven had closed her eyes to the mess, pushing herself into a corner to steady her nerves.

So much loss of control in the past few days. Where had all her discipline gone?

"Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos."

She tried to think back to a time when her world was easier to handle behind a mask of nothingness and a voice of even monotony. No expressions, no problems.

"Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos."

She recalled the days when her words were not sought after by the team. When her silence was a staple in their group, widely accepted and rarely challenged.

"Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos."

She remembered how she had been before she met the Titans. Before she had saved the city from countless villains and evil plots.

"Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos."

She tried to remember a time before any of them had met Slade and had almost lost Robin to that manipulative obsession. Before Starfire had gone through her transformation, and Cyborg had wanted to leave for Titans East. Before her father had laid claim to her powers, and before she had sacrificed herself to bring about his inevitable coming. And before Beast Boy had surprised them all by gathering together his own band of teen superheroes to save his friends and the fate of the world.

Beast Boy.

Just the smallest thought of him had her candles burned themselves into oblivion. The already damaged wood on her carpet fractured into useless slivers and her trunks and chests rose precariously into the air, turning over and dumping their contents onto the floor. Raven gritted her teeth and made herself reign in her powers.

Beast Boy.

He was the chink in her armor. The broken beam in her foundation. The one thought that could send her careening into opacity.

With a wrinkled brow and fisted hands, she cursed him.

.

.

.

And she missed him.

Greatly.

Terribly.

Even though she had no right.

When Starfire had told her of his departure and meager message, Raven had been wracked with guilt. With each day that he did not return that guilt amplified, and she hated herself for it.

She had driven him away, and had deprived the team of his presence.

There were less laughs. Less unproductive moments of shameless delight. Less levity. Less fun.

She had never realized how empty the Tower could feel without his voice ringing through the halls.

.

.

.

She spent hours pouring over her books.

Over the years she had accumulated quite a collection of ancient tomes and detailed histories; mythical tales and lost practices. Her favored volumes remained in her room, kept in seamless order and tended to dotingly by her own hands, (before she had massacred their casement). The rest of her finds had a home on the fifth floor, in a library Cyborg and Robin had redesigned just for her. The numerous nine-foot tall bookshelves were lined with leather bound hardbacks and well-worn manuscripts that Raven had only ever skimmed or not yet found the time to properly examine.

She had the time now.

For fourteen hours the first day and seventeen hours the second day Raven sorted through the books in her library, sitting at the small mahogany table near the window and rooting through pile after pile of yellowed pages and aged ink. She took rigorous notes, her seemingly intangible findings filling page after page.

Starfire came by twice each day, carrying a tray of food and drink for her belabored friend. She knew better than to ask what Raven was doing, but she cared enough to make sure the girl didn't wither away from lack of nourishment. She sat and stayed to be certain that Raven ate, and it was only when the plates were cleaned and the cup was empty did she lay a reassuring hand on the sorceress's shoulder before leaving her alone once again.

.

.

.

"What is she doing in there?" Cyborg asked after Starfire re-entered the main room on the third day. The Tamaranean set down her tray and shook her head, tugging at her hair thoughtfully.

"I do not know. The magic Raven is familiar with is very hard to understand, and even then the things she is looking into are very confusing."

"You didn't ask her?"

"I know Raven well enough to understand that if she does not wish to talk, then she will not appreciate the asking."

"Ah. True."

"It has made me very worried. I am not pleased by the way she is drawing in."

"How do you mean?" Cyborg asked, taking the tray and empty dishes to the sink. Starfire shrugged.

"Friend Raven has always been quiet, but I fear her silence is not of her natural behavior. She has closed off almost completely. It is…unnerving. And troublesome."

"The cause isn't so mysterious," Cyborg interjected, flipping on the sink. He glanced over his shoulder and noted Star's curious gaze. "I mean, it's pretty obvious why she's been old-fashioned antisocial lately."

"Why?"

"Beast Boy."

Starfire's expression instantly saddened, and she dropped down into one of the stools sullenly.

"Oh, yes. I would have to agree that Beast Boy's absence would be very much felt by her. They have grown so close." Cyborg grinned a little, but his mirth was fleeting as he thought of his absent friend.

"They have," he agreed. "But I'll admit that she's not the only one who's missing him. I forgot how empty the Tower feels when one of us is away. And who would have thought BB had such a big presence to begin with?"

"It has been three days now," Starfire said, chin in hand. "That is very long."

"Almost four."

"He had said he would be gone only a few days. Is few so long here on Earth?"

Cyborg sighed. "No."

"He has not sent the word to me or Robin. Has he not made the contact with you?"

"No."

"I worry about him."

"Me too."

There was a pause.

"And I worry about Raven."

"Yeah." Cyborg placed the clean dishes aside, turning off the water. "Me too."

.

.

.

"Hey," Robin said, knocking on the open door. He didn't cross the threshold, and Raven didn't look up from her table. "Raven."

"What is it?" she asked steadily, carefully turning a yellowed page of the tome she was reading.

"We need to talk."

"Not right now."

"Yes, right now. Your behavior is unsettling and I want to know what's going on."

"Leave it be," she half muttered. "I'm busy."

"No more secrets, Raven. No more solitary confinement, no more withholding information. What is going on?"

"Robin," she said sharply, setting down her pen but refusing to look over at him. "I am asking you to please leave me alone to work. I will not hurt anyone, I will not do anything dangerous. Just let me be."

"I'm sorry," he said, and he didn't sound sorry at all. "But I can't do that. Not anymore. I've turned a blind eye for too long-,"

"Go. Away," she urged, her fingers curling into fists on the table. She drew in one deep breath before letting it out slowly. Another deep breath. Let it out slowly.

Control.

He shook his head, took a hefty step forward, across the threshold. His aura was heavy and disappointed. It made her crackle with anger.

Who was he to judge the circumstances?

"Look, I don't know what is going on with you, but the coldness you've shown me over the past few days has got me more than a little peeved. And none of us are oblivious to Beast Boy's absence, Raven. You both disappeared during our battle with the League. If something happened between the two of you that drove him to leave without-,"

"Stop it!" She jumped to her feet, her chair falling to the floor, her hand thrashing out, fingers extended, palms swirling with contained magic, visible and foreboding. She knew her eyes were glowing bright white and she had to fight the need to send Robin flying into the hallway. On his part the Titan leader had not moved a single muscle. His feet did not widen into a defensive stance, his hands did not go for his explosives or his staff. He just stared at her, and his aura thickened further.

"Touch a nerve?" he asked, and he sounded unhappy.

"Don't blame his departure on me," she said, and although she looked angry and on the verge of combat, her voice held a tremor that she could not conceal. "You're not allowed to place blame."

"I'm not. You're doing a good job of that on your own."

"You need to leave, Robin. Please, just leave."

"I warned you about this. I told you that if you couldn't handle it on your own then I would have to step in."

"This isn't under your jurisdiction. This isn't under anyone's besides mine. This isn't about being a hero, it's about being a person. Why can't you just let me handle it how I want to?"

"Because I can't," he insisted, his raised tone made more powerful by his unwavering stillness. "Because as the leader I'm standing back and watching whatever this is affect my team."

"I thought the Teen Titans was supposed to be more than just a team."

"Then as your friend I can't keep pretending that I don't notice what's going on! What's wrong Raven? What happened between you and Beast Boy?" The radius of her powers increased.

"Leave it alone, Robin."

"What aren't you telling me?"

"I don't have to tell you everything."

"You used to."

"Stop it! Why does everyone keep saying that?"

"Because it's true! Tell me the truth, Raven!"

"Robin-,"

"Tell me the truth! You always tell me the truth. Tell me the truth now."

"Why can't you just let it go-,"

"Tell me!"

"Stop. Just stop."

"Or what?" He strode forward purposefully, his masked gaze boring into her. He walked right up to her hand, his torso inches away from the twisting black that surrounded her fingers. "Are you going to attack me? Is that what it's going to come down to?"

"Why are you pushing me?" she hissed angrily, grimacing as she stared at the vibrant 'R' on his chest.

"You never used to budge. Now you're teetering on the edge. What's happened to you?"

She didn't like how they were. She didn't like how they had gotten there. If someone had told her she would be standing in a room with Robin on the brink of blasting him off his feet in a fit of anger, then she would have called them crazy. Because this was crazy. What she was doing was crazy. What she was feeling was crazy. Before, Depravity would have been whispering in her ear the entire time, poisoning her thoughts with sadistic motives, egging her on to do something she would regret. But now the hostility seemed to burn through her very being, active on its own accord despite the absent whispers of her dark doppelganger.

What was happening to her?

Raven withdrew her powers and lowered her hand, her head bowed low to allow the shadow of her hood to obscure her features. When she spoke it was in her usual stagnate tone.

"When you were after Slade, when you were determined to neutralize his terror, you kept everything about your motives secret from all of us. You infiltrated his lair, sidled up as close to him as you could, and left us all in the dark. You endangered everyone with your mission. You lost yourself back then, Robin. We almost lost you."

"I learned from those mistakes," he replied. "And I've never repeated them. Do you have to make them yourself before you understand?"

"But that had to do with you being a Titan," she countered, shaking her head. "We were hurt as your friends, but as your teammates we were shocked. Slade wasn't just your problem, he was all of ours. He was a villain. He was the responsibility of the Titans." She raised her gaze and finally locked her stare with is. "Not the responsibility of Richard Grayson."

There was the smallest hitch in Robin's breath, and his aura shifted swiftly from heavy to completely solid. The team had learned of his full secret identity a few years before, but they so rarely spoke of it amongst themselves. For her to have mentioned it now made him anxious and on edge; but it also caught his attention in a way only his real name could.

"So what's the connection?" he asked, his words forcing themselves through a tightened jaw. "What I had done was wrong and I'm trying to stop you from making the same mistake. Are you trying to prove my point for me?"

"No. Because what you did and what I'm doing aren't the same at all. "

"How?"

"My problem isn't with being a Titan!" She turned away from him and picked her chair off the floor, pushing it back into the table, her grip on the wood firm. "It's with being myself. What I'm going through is personal in every sense of the word. It has nothing to do with the rest of you, and I'm not saying that as a barb. It just doesn't."

"Really?" Robin emphasized, his eyebrow shooting up in disbelief. "No one else?"

"Yes."

"Hm." She could feel his judgment like a tangible weight on her shoulders. There was so much that he was thinking, so much he wanted to say to her. His disappointment was different from Beast Boy's. Where Gar had been nothing but ice and distance, Robin's burned with dissatisfaction of the deepest sort. It was prominent and substantial, hurting her muscles as if it were shackled to her wrists and dragging her to the floor. He hid so many of his initial emotions, as she did, but disappointment was by far the easiest for him to display.

Probably because it was so hard to truly disenchant him, and yet so absolute when one actually succeeded.

Raven grimaced, angry at him.

It wasn't her fault he held everyone to such impossibly high standards.

"No one else," he repeated, feigning thoughtfulness. "I wonder if Beast Boy shares that sentiment."

She hadn't meant to do it; she would have never actually used her powers against Robin, no matter the circumstances. But before she could even comprehend what was happening he was flaying backwards through the air to hit the opposite wall, the impact giving off a dull but significant thud. He landed on his feet, but his back was hunched over and he sputtered and coughed, the wind knocked out of him. Raven backed away, pressing her shoulders into a bookcase and grasping the edges of her cloak.

Hold. Hold. Hold.

"Robin," she said shakily, shocked at her own actions. "Robin…I didn't mean…"

He rolled his shoulder back and winced audibly, clutching his arm. He forced himself to stand on his own two feet and straightened to his full height. When he looked at her there was a monumental pause that filled the room. Raven clenched her jaw.

_What had she done now?_

"One week," he finally said, shaking his head and turning towards the door. "Only one."

"What?"

"I'm giving you one week," he said sharply, snapping his head to lock her with his white gaze one last time. "One week to fix this. One week to make my interference unnecessary. One week to prove to me that this isn't a problem you can't fix."

"Why-,"

"I don't have a reason for stepping back," he interrupted, moving to leave the room. "And you've given me every reason to step in. Even then…one week."

Raven grimaced. She could practically hear all the respect Robin held for her fall from his hands and shatter on the floor. And yet he was leaving. And giving her time.

"I'm sorry," she said. The words sounded hollow and useless; three syllables that couldn't possibly remedy her actions. Useless words. Pointless words. Empty. "I promise-,"

"Don't," he cut her off, passing through the door and into the hall. He faltered for a second, turned as if he wanted to say more, but then just bowed his head and left the room.

.

.

.

Robin did not speak to her after their last encounter. He never looked at her in the halls and he was never in the main room when she would go to refill her tea mug. Two more days passed in the Tower, and both weighed down on Raven with their reminders of her mistakes.

Robin's lack of trust.

Garfield's lack of presence.

Raven knew the importance of distancing herself from people for the sake of her powers, but not like this; not in this way. She couldn't stand the disappointment, for it made solitude seem like loneliness.

She tried to remedy the situation by spending more time with Starfire, eating lunch and dinner with her alien companion, relishing Star's ability to create a conversation out of nothing. Raven's tensions eased in her presence, and it made her hours spent devouring her books more bearable.

"Thank you," she said one day as she set her empty dishes on the tray Starfire held. The Tamaranean smiled sweetly and her green eyes glowed with appreciation.

"I am glad you enjoyed it," she said, her shoulders shrugging in an excited manner. "I tried very hard to make it the way I know you prefer."

"Not the food," Raven corrected. "But your company. I don't ever really thank you for that. So thank you."

"You do not need to ever thank me for my friendship, Raven," Star replied, and the genuine note of endearment in her voice was profound. "We will be the girlfriends forever."

"Even if Robin is thoroughly upset with me?" she couldn't help but add. Starfire's smile diminished at that, and she looked away. It was no secret amongst them that Robin was being anything less than cold towards Raven, but Starfire and Cyborg hadn't been foolish enough to delve into the details.

"He may have his reasons," the redhead said, "but you have done nothing to upset me."

"Yet." That one small, seemingly pointless word brought Starfire's eyes back around, her green gaze matching Raven's violet one. There was empathy there, not sympathy or pity. It put Raven at ease. "How do you do it?" she asked lowly. Star's head tilted to the side.

"Do what?"

"Be a girl. Here. In this Tower. As a hero. In this world."

"I am a girl and I am a Titan," Star answered. "You are also a girl and a Titan. I do not think we know how to be anything different than exactly that."

"I feel like I'm doing it wrong."

"You are doing it the only way you know how," Star corrected, and smiled again. Raven sighed and made herself smile back.

.

.

.

"Are you busy?"

Cyborg looked up from his desk and at the door of his room. Raven stood there, a stack of papers in her arms and the hood of her sweater drawn over her head. No uniform. Just civilian clothes.

"Not at all," he said warily, surprised that she was coming to him. "What's up?"

"I need your help," she said, not moving from the door. "And what I need help on will require a lot of time and patience."

"I always have time for you, Rae," he said easily, rolling his eyes like it should have been obvious in the first place. "I have all the time you want."

"Good," she said, and when she walked into his room she did so with labored steps and sagging shoulders. "Because this is going to take a while."

.

.

.

Over a week.

Beast Boy had been gone for over a week.

In that time Raven had been busy, occupying her every waking moment to working and researching and focusing and _fighting._

She had a plan. Cyborg was helping. She didn't tell him everything, didn't mention any sort of details about her and Beast Boy's 'relationship'. She only let him know the bare minimum, enough for him to help.

It wasn't the ideal course, but it was her back-up. Her net. Her safety.

She would fix everything.

She would fix herself.

She just wished Gar would come back, because the guilt was killing her.

.

.

.

When the alert sounded and Robin called everyone's communicators to say that it was Dr. Light, Raven did not get up to meet in the garage. She had been in Cyborg's room, working alongside him, and when he had moved to leave she had remained seated. She hadn't even been wearing her uniform. Again.

"You're not coming?"

"No."

He frowned. "Rae, come on-,"

"I'm not going, Cyborg," she said firmly, looking up from her papers and fixing him with a hard stare. "But if the team is in desperate need of back-up, then do not hesitate to call."

"Are you kidding me? Robin's going to be—,"

"He'll understand," she said, but then shook her head. "No, correction. He'll know why I'm not going." She waved for him to leave. "Hurry. Go. It'll be fine." Cyborg hesitated a little longer, staring at her in a grim way. When he did finally turn to leave he made sure she could hear his parting words.

"First BB and now you. I didn't know the Teen Titans were so easy to abandon."

Her fists had been clenched as he left the room.

.

.

.

She waited for their call the entire time, anxiety plaguing her as she stared at her silent communicator. She wanted nothing more than to don her uniform and rush to their aid, but she knew that was out of the question. If she could avoid it, then she would stay away from any acts of heroism until she was sure she had a hold on her powers.

Because she could feel it inside of her.

The instability. And the evil. It would make her dangerous to her friends as well as Dr. Light, and she didn't want to take that risk.

Still.

Her inability to help her team was nothing more than a steady reminder of how useless she could be, and how deeply unsettling it was to not be able to watch over them.

She tried to work. She tried to power through the mountain of tasks she needed to finish, to succeed in her plan. But she just kept staring at her communicator.

Waiting.

Finally, after nearly an hour, it beeped with a message. She snatched it up and flipped it open, her eyes soaking in the digital words. She breathed a sigh of relief.

They were all right. They had detained Dr. Light. They were on their way home.

Raven closed her communicator and set it down, her fingers weak, her resolve weaker. After a moment of calming herself she delved right back into her work, her fervor renewed and her motivation revitalized.

She never wanted to have to go through that sort of waiting again.

.

.

.

_Where are you? _

_Where are you?_

_Come out._

_Face me._

_Show yourself._

_Here. And now._

_Let's end this. Between us. Find out who is stronger. A gladiator's result, no mercy shown. Just between us._

_Show yourself._

_Face me._

_Where are you?_

Every night she asked the same questions.

Every night she was given the same answer.

Silence.

.

.

.

It was nine days later when Beast Boy returned to the Tower.

No one had known he was coming

It was late evening, and Raven had gone to her usual shadowy spot on the roof to breathe some fresh air. She had tried not to meditate, but she found herself sitting along the edge, her feet dangling in the air as the bay breeze whipped at her cardigan. She had automatically fallen silent and closed her eyes, but she focused on the sounds of the city to keep her mind in the physical plane.

So she hadn't noticed the remarkably silent engines of a hover jet as it descended over the Tower, nor did she take much notice to the displacement of air as it disrupted the pool water and snapped the cloth canopies.

It wasn't until he landed on the hard cement and the subtle cadence of his voice floated across the darkness did her eyes snap open and her body go rigid.

And deep, deep, deep within her…

…a voice that had evaded her for days…

…began to laugh…

.

.

.

Beast Boy touched down on the hard concrete, securing his stance before he unstrapped his harness. He handed it up to Elastigirl who was dangling in the air next to him. She smiled, spinning slightly on her own tether line as she slipped off a backpack and handed it down to him.

"Are you going to be okay?" she asked, touching his cheek with concerned affection. Beast Boy smiled at the gesture, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"I'll be all right. I promise."

"You haven't contacted your friends. Weren't they worried?"

"They'll understand. Once I explain."

"I know it was hard for you, not being able to let them know where you were. We appreciate the discretion."

"It comes with the job." He shrugged and pushed the hair out of his eyes. The wind from the hover jet was starting to get annoying. Next to him Elastigirl sighed and shifted in her harness.

"Garfield." He stared up at her. She had always been beautiful, from the day he had first met her to now, years later. All that time of being a hero, of doing the right thing against all odds, hadn't seemed to wear down her glow. He wondered what her secret was. "You're a wonderful Titan, you know," she said, and the compliment caught him off guard. His brow furrowed and he scoffed in mock offense.

"Titan? Just a Titan? Not a wonderful member of the Doom Patrol?" He grinned his toothy grin, but she only gave a polite laugh, lowering her eyes and shaking her head.

"There's no point in reassuring you of what you already know. I'm just emphasizing what you're not certain of at the moment. This entire week you've questioned your place here." She leaned down and placed a kiss on his forehead. "You can always come home whenever you like, Garfield, but this is where you belong right now. Don't ever doubt that." She chucked him gently under the chin and this time the smile he gave her was full and genuine.

"Thanks Mom."

"We'll talk soon," she promised before tugging on her tether and then retracting back into the jet. Within minutes the aircraft was speeding through the clouds, and Beast Boy watched it leave, the pack slung over his back and his bomber jacket slipping off one shoulder. He continued to stare up at the sky for a while longer, but then his ear twitched, he tilted his head to the right, and he sighed.

"I'm sorry about that. I didn't know if you'd be out here, and the jet can't drop me off anywhere else," he said quietly. Somberly. He turned around a looked right into the shadows beneath the cloth canopies and wicker chairs. It only took the patience of a few seconds, but eventually she emerged out into the moonlight. Grey cardigan and denim jeans. A black shirt and the combat boots Robin had gotten her, custom made. Her hair was tousled, a sure sign that she had been out in the breeze for a good while, and the dark circles around her eyes looked no less foreboding.

And as he stared at her, as he soaked up the sight of her after going days without seeing her, he wondered.

Wondered, in a place beyond the regret and guilt he felt towards her, if she hated him.

Even if he had no right.

He wondered.

.

.

.

"You're…back," she said, hugging her arms close to her body.

She didn't want to be there.

She didn't want to be there.

She didn't want to be there.

She had no right to be there.

She had no right to be near him, to speak to him, to look at him.

And yet.

She didn't want to leave.

"I am," he said, adjusting his jacket on his shoulders and blinking at her. "Seems like forever since I've been-,"

"We didn't know you were coming back," she interrupted. She shouldn't have, but she did. "None of us knew." She really had no idea why she was talking to him. She had wondered countless times over the past few days what they would say to each other when and if he returned. None of it had seemed plausible. And none of what she was saying now had crossed her mind.

"Yeah," he said, and he rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand, shaking his head. "I felt bad for not saying anything to anyone, but I didn't have a choice. I was going to explain to the team when I got back."

Raven felt herself grimace. Why did he sound so regrettable? Why did he sound so meek? She hated it. She had always hated how immediately apologetic he could become.

She had no right, but she hated it.

"Why didn't you just send a message?" she asked, and she heard the accusation in her own voice. He dropped his hand and lifted his eyes again, and she wondered why animosity came so easy for her. "You could have sent a message."

Why was she still talking? Why couldn't she just stop?

"I couldn't…actually," he said slowly. She watched him take an unconscious step back. "Why? Were…were the others worried?"

"Of course they were worried," she snapped, cold and quick and sharp. He flinched at the sudden shift of her tone, but she stood her ground. Was he being dim on purposes? His question had sounded ridiculous. "You didn't think that they'd be worried?"

"No, I just meant…I mean, I figured everything would be okay until I got back."

"Well, it wasn't," she replied, looking away. "It was inconsiderate of you."

"I…. I didn't know."

"No, you didn't. You didn't know that Starfire waited up almost every night, just in case you came while we were all asleep. You know she likes to wake up with the sun. You know that." He started to stammer another apology but she cut him off. "And Cyborg's hurt that you didn't try to contact him. I thought he was supposed to be your best friend."

"He is, but that has nothing to do-,"

"And Robin," she went on, her voice rising of her own accord. "Robin can't look at me unless it's with judgment." Her hold on her cardigan intensified. "He just keeps pouring it into the air, making sure I know that he's disappointed in me. Because of you."

"What are you talking about?" Beast Boy asked, his voice soft but his words coming out confused and overwhelmed. It wasn't fair for him to come home and be instantly berated, but she couldn't help it.

"He knows that it was my fault," she said. "He knows that I'm the one that drove you out."

"No, Raven, that's not why I left," Beast Boy said quickly. "I didn't just disappear because-,"

"But you didn't have to leave." She knew he was talking to her, knew that he held a protest on his lips. Why couldn't she just let him speak? "You could have just asked, you know," she said evenly.

"Asked what?"

"Asked me. To be the one to leave." She looked back at him and he looked little less than surprised. "You could have just told me to leave."

"Why would I tell you to leave?"

"Because then you could have stayed." She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut, wondering when the night would end and the morning would come and they wouldn't be in this moment any longer. "Then we wouldn't have to be here."

"Raven." She opened her eyes and she turned to look at him and she wondered why it had to be him. Why did it have to be him? Why had she hurt him, of all people? He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve any of it. "Raven, we need to talk about what happened."

And she certainly didn't deserve him.

"No, no we don't. We don't have to talk about any of it."

"I need to talk about it-,"

"I don't," she insisted, linking her hands behind her neck and shaking her head. "I already know how wrong it was. I already know it was my fault. We don't need to talk about it."

"How can you say it's your fault?" he asked, openly shocked by her words. "I'm the one…I'm the one that…."

"Stop, stop. Don't personalize it. Don't…we don't have to talk about it. Just leave it. Leave it how it is." Flitting between anger and nerves, frustration and anxiety. Her heart wanted to leap out of her chest. She wanted it to simply stop beating.

"I'm so sorry Raven…"

"Stop. You don't have to apologize."

"I do. I can't…. I go to sleep at night and I try not to think about it, but it's stuck in my head and I feel like a monster-,"

"You're not the monster," she said pointedly. "I am. The monster is in me. Let it go."

"I can't. We can't just let it go." He dropped his pack on the floor. "I can't just let it go." He sounded like a boy plagued by dark deeds, but he was getting his facts wrong. The deeds hadn't been his to begin with. He had been used like a puppet, but was responding like the tormented. He had it backwards. Horribly backwards.

"Well, you need to. I don't want to relive the guilt."

"Why do you keep insisting that it was just you?" he asked, fingers raking through his hair. "Raven…you were _crying_. I was hurting you and I didn't stop. Was that really just because of her? I'm really not strong enough to fight her?"

"It's not about strength. It's never just about strength. You're just…you're too good. Good is easy to taint. Good is easy to manipulate. Evil has no boundaries, but good is restrained by them. Being good is hard. Being evil isn't. That's why it's so easy to be corrupt."

"I can't accept whatever twisted explanation you've come up with because it doesn't change the fact that I'm the one that hurt you."

"Stop it-,"

"I'm begging you for forgiveness. What I did was inexcusable, but I'm asking for it anyway."

Forgiveness? From a demon?

"Why?" she spat, looking at him with disgust. "My god, Garfield…why do you want my forgiveness? Why does it matter to you?"

"It matters. You have to know that it matters."

"And it shouldn't! It doesn't make any sense."

"Raven." He wasn't moving towards her in the slightest, but his repentant aura was pressing in on her like a blanket over her senses. It was suffocating in its absolution, and she wondered if she truly had mistaken his naiveté for goodness.

"Why can't you just hate me?" she asked, her feet shifting beneath her. Had she ever fidgeted before? She couldn't remember.

"What?"

"Why can't you just hate me? You shouldn't want my forgiveness. You're supposed to hate me for what I've done."

"Do you want me to?"

No. Never.

"It would make sense," she replied. "So, for that reason alone, yes."

"Are you being serious right now?"

"I'm always serious."

"To a fault."

"Garfield-,"

"You can't honestly be asking me to just hate you, Raven. Hate you?"

"Why is that so hard to believe?"

"Because it's ridiculous!"

"Because it makes sense."

"How in the world does that make any fucking sense?"

"Because I hate me!" Her cry came out strong and forcible, not at all reflecting the fractured state of her resolve. She heard power in her voice, and she wondered why she was always willing to fake strength. "I hate myself to the point where it's completely absurd! I hate what I am, I hate what I do, and I hate that every time I try to change for the better something always goes wrong. What is the matter with me?"

"Don't do this, Rae. Don't victimize yourself. You're above that."

"Shut up, Gar. I already told you that saying things because they sound 'right' doesn't make them true."

"Then listen to your own advice. Why do you insist on shouldering the blame?"

"Because it's my fault. She manipulated us and I let her. She's a part of me, Gar. A part. Not someone else or something else. We're the same person, and it makes it my fault."

"She's not you!" He said it with fervor, throwing his hands around for intensity. Raven gritted her teeth.

"She is, Garfield! You can deny it all you want but it's not going to change. I had trouble accepting my father's Rage before, and it nearly destroyed me. I have to accept the fact that Depravity is a part of me as well-,"

"She may have come from you, Raven, but what she is now, how she thinks and how she acts, those aren't you." He closed the distance between them, his hands swiping at the air for emphasis. "You wouldn't do the things she would."

"I _have_ done those things."

"No-," he started to argue, but she cut him off.

"No! Stop trying to make this into something it's not! You need to acknowledge the fact that she is me. It'll be easier for you to hate me-,"

"Will you stop saying that?" he begged, repulsed by her repetition. "What is wrong with you?"

"What is wrong with you? Why can't you just do what's supposed to be done so we can move on with this?"

"Because it's not the truth! You are not the same as Depravity, this isn't all on your shoulders, and I could never hate you, even if I tried!"

"Then try harder," she barked, the water in the pool sloshing around with her agitation. Beast Boy's eyes glanced momentarily at the pool before fixing on her again.

"What's the point, Raven? How does my resentment help you?"

"After everything that's happened you still have no idea what sort of effect you have on her?" she grumbled. Beast Boy bowed his head.

"I know how she views me," he said darkly. "But she's not the one I'm messed up over."

"Don't," Raven said abruptly, backing up several steps, her hand stretched out as if to stop him. "Don't go there, Gar."

"Go where?" he asked. He shrugged as if he had no idea what she was talking about, but she knew he did. "What are you referring to, Rae?"

"Garfield, this isn't about _feelings_," she insisted. "This isn't about how we should feel about each other. It's about reactions, and those come from what we've done." Her hand dropped. Her heart felt like following. "Why can't you understand that?"

"I wasn't the one talking about feelings," he replied, looking away. "You're the one who insists on hate."

"Because it would make it easier."

"Easier for you to justify your toxic self-loathing?"

"Yeah, for starters."

"And where does it go from there?"

"Then I could stay away," she spat. "I could stay away from you if I knew you resented me. I could live with the guilt if I knew you wanted nothing to do with me." She swallowed. "I can't live with the guilt if I know you forgive me."

"You didn't do anything wrong, so there's no need to forgive you." He gripped at his hair and blew out a heavy breath. He closed his eyes and fell into a crouching position. He seemed to be crumbling right before her eyes. "Raven. God, Raven, I could never…."

And then it hit her.

Hard.

Like a freight train to her chest.

Like a sonic blast to her gut.

It resonated off of him with so much raw, emotional meaning that it weakened her knees and almost dropped her onto the floor. Beast Boy saw her waver and lifted his head, his gaze immediately filled with concern. But his concern with insignificant in comparison to the other emotion he was battering her with.

Love.

So…much…

…love.

The words filled her head without him even saying it, all his emotions and expressions pouring into her without a filter. He could never hate her because he loved her so much, and it was that same love that filled him with an unforgiving guilt at what he had done to her at the university. He loved her for her icy exterior, for her insistence to be a hero, for her resilience to fight off her darkness. He loved watching her live her life, loved the way she hummed quietly to herself when she drank her tea, or the subtle tilt of her head when she would play chess. He loved every intimate moment they had spent together, and even if she had done them for purely physical reasons, he had done them with every unwavering inch of his heart. He loved the violet of her eyes and the way her uniform hugged her waist; he loved the softness of her hair and how annoyed she got when anyone played their music too loud; he loved seeing her sleep beneath the sheets of his bed and the raspy way she'd cry out in battle, and he loved that she had started to use his real name more often and how she made his stomach turn when he caught her staring.

And he loved her to the point where he regretted every course of action that had dictated their relationship in the past weeks. He mourned the recent moments when she had pulled away, recoiling from him in both touch and connection. He wished with such wide-eyed wonder that they could be like Robin and Starfire, or Bumblebee and Herald, or any one of their friends who experienced relationships without the emotional barriers. He hoped, in only the way Gar could hope, that one day he could stand on the sidewalk, hold her hand, and have her look at him the exact same way he looked at her.

He loved her.

So much.

He had never been one to hide the truth of his feelings, and he was hiding nothing from her now.

The words that had been on the tip of his tongue, the ones that he had wanted to say to her, the ones that she had interrupted spelled themselves out in her mind and branded themselves deeply into her chest.

_Raven. I love you._

"No," she said, staggering away from him, from his onslaught of emotion. He rose to his feet and reached out for her, confused and lost, unaware of what she had gleaned from his open soul. "No. No. No. No…."

"What are you-,"

"No! No!" She turned her back on him and closed her eyes, letting her feet pass through the cement below her and allowing her body to follow. She could hear Beast Boy calling her name, but she didn't respond.

She had no right. No right at all.

The moment Raven appeared in her room she snatched up her meditation mirror and began her incantation, refusing to take a breath until her soul-self passed through the glistening surface and entered her mindscape. She rematerialized within her own deserted psyche, standing on an empty rock hovering in the middle of the endless darkness. She gasped at the air and started screaming, yelling, shouting, crying out, every muscle in her body threatening to burst with her effort of screeching three, desperate words.

"WHERE ARE YOU?"

She fell to one knee, breathing heavily, dry sobs tightening her chest. No tears spilled from her eyes, because her emotional distress wasn't hers alone. She was still reeling from Beast Boy's love, still reeling from the horrifying fact that he felt so much for her and all she could offer him was misery and pain.

She had thought she felt guilty before, but nothing compared to what she was feeling now.

"Where are you, you disgusting parasite?" she growled, flexing her fingers, trying to restrain herself from setting a tirade on her mindscape. "Where are you, you miserable, conniving, pathetic echo? Show yourself! Get out here! Come here and let me rip you apart with my bare hands!"

She had never detested herself so much, and that was in comparison to a history of macabre chaos. But whatever her past held, nothing matched the horror of having someone like Gar fall so deeply in love with her.

After everything she had done.

After everything she was still capable of doing.

She had stolen his heart without even knowing, and she knew that all she would do with it was let it burn. Slowly and painfully.

"This is all your fault," she cried, pounding both fists into the dirt. "Now come out here and face me! Face me! FACE ME!"

"_Raven._"

She jumped to her feet and spun around, her arms braced and her body prepped for battle. She narrowed her eyes, expecting to see the twisted stare of Depravity, but then her gaze locked on to the one who had said her name and a frown furrowed her brow. She looked around frantically before locking onto her newly appeared companion, and her panic only intensified.

"You," she said lowly, shaking her head. "What... What happened to you?"

.

.

.

A/N: *Raven's bookcase from Cyborg – a Christmas present as shown in "Teen Titan's Go" Comic #44


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Sincere apologies for the wait. My world was turned upside-down for a while, which was the cause of delay. Also I wrote and completed this chapter three different ways before I was satisfied, haha.

Read and review please.

Holla.

.

.

.

Chapter 15

.

.

.

Beast Boy made his way down to the main room, one hand carelessly dragging his pack behind him. He left it in the middle of the floor the second he passed through the double doors, and his jacket soon followed. His weighted steps carried him into the kitchen, where he helped himself to a significant amount of Robin's coffee. Quiet pressed in on his ears, and he wanted to scream just to make noise. But he just drank his brew slowly, letting the absence of sound puncture his mind.

When he thought he couldn't take it anymore, when he was sure his head would explode, the doors slid open and Cyborg came striding into the room. It took less than a millisecond for his best friend to notice him, cry out "Dude", and then rush to his friend and pull him into a one-armed embrace.

"Whoa. Hey Cy."

"Man, are you a sight for sore eyes! Welcome back," he said when he let go. Beast Boy felt himself return the smile despite his dour mood.

"Good…good to be back."

"Everyone's been worried about you! No messages, no communication? I couldn't even track your comm's GPS." He shook his head, his worry from the past week seeping into his relief. "For the last day or two I'd convinced myself you'd gotten yourself kidnapped."

"Not kidnapped," Beast Boy assured him, and he couldn't help but chuckle at the thought. "Like I said in my text to Robin, I was with the Doom Patrol."

"Right, right. Family matters, I'm guessing? Or did you need a break from the Titans? You seemed really off after that battle with the League."

"Um, neither, actually." He finished off his first cup of coffee with one last swig. "I've been working this whole time. For the Patrol. In Okinawa." Cyborg's human eye widened.

"Come again?"

"Beast Boy!" Starfire's exclamation from the doorway made both boys jump in surprise. Gar fumbled with his mug as the alien flew over and caught him in his arms, lifting him off the floor in her excitement. Her hair tangled in his face and Cyborg had to lean forward to catch his mug before it cracked on the floor. "You are back and you are well!"

"Starfire, your hair is in my mouth-,"

"We have been worried with the sick this past week! Where did you go? Where have you gone? And why haven't you contacted us in so many days?" She set him down and held him at arm's length, waiting patiently for his response. He took a moment to pull out a few hairs from his tongue and gag a bit before he started to explain.

"I was in the middle of telling Cyborg. I've been in Okinawa with the Doom Patrol. Working." He noticed Robin quietly enter the room, striding up to stand near the counter without interrupting. Beast Boy nodded a greeting to him and he nodded back, offering a small but kind smile. "We were running a little espionage assignment on the Brotherhood."

"Say what?" Cyborg grumbled, automatically refilling his mug for him. "Where did this come from all of a sudden?"

"It didn't. I just couldn't really talk about it until now. I've been working this case for a while on the side. My dad has been sending me updates and files for nearly a month, and since it had to do with the Patrol and not the Titans he thought it best that I keep things under wraps." He took the mug Cy offered him and had a long drag of coffee.

"Ah. That's why you headed out there last week. The day I went to the east Tower."

"Yeah," Beast Boy agreed, although he left out the part where he had backtracked to return to the Tower. "Anyway, the morning after we faced the League I got an urgent call from my dad. They had to leave for Okinawa as soon as possible, and they needed me to go with them. And when I say 'as soon as possible', I literally mean that the hover jet was going to pick me up in five minutes."

"What was in Okinawa?" Robin questioned. "If you don't mind me asking."

"The Brain, as usual. He's been dealing confidential technology out of the country for a while now, but there's no solid evidence against him. So we went to find some. Dead-end, though. He hasn't shipped anything in the last two weeks, so the mission was a dud. All we got were two encrypted transmissions to some unknown source here in the States."

"So there was nothing terribly dangerous about your mission?" Starfire tried.

"A little, just not a lot."

"Then why couldn't you have told us all this before?" Star asked, the hurt audible in her voice. "Why the secrecy?"

"The Doom Patrol and the Teen Titans are two different teams. We all know how it gets a little crowded when we mix, so that was one of the main reasons Mento and I agreed to keep it on the down low. We were just avoiding an unnecessary arguing. Amongst other things," he explained, automatically looking at Robin. The Titan leader watched him for a moment before closing his eyes and nodding again; subtle actions that portrayed that he understood Beast Boy's unspoken explanation.

"What other things?" Star prodded.

"Deniability," Robin spoke up, crossing his arms. Beast Boy raised his mug to him.

"Bingo."

"I do not understand," Starfire replied.

"It's standard political procedure, especially considering the objective was a covert operation in a foreign country," Robin explained, shaking his head at the floor. "Like Beast Boy said, we are two separate, well-known, U.S. based superhero teams. If an operation is clandestine, like espionage, then it's highly illegal and could possibly lead to governmental dispute if cover is blown. And if the Doom Patrol could be linked in any way to the Titans, then the seemingly joint effort could be seen as an act of war. Or, at least, it can be twisted to be so."

"Is that true?" Starfire asked, turning to look at Beast Boy. He just shrugged.

"Yeah, sure, totally. Or at least, I'm pretty sure that's how Negative Man explained it. I don't know, I got distracted."

"So you turned off your comm," Cyborg went on, filling in the blanks himself. "And you couldn't tell us anything about the mission so we'd have reasonable deniability to the Doom Patrol's actions." Beast Boy lazily toasted him as well.

"Huzzah."

"In that case, I suppose I would have to applaud your ability of discretion," Star said, pulling him into another hug. "But I will say that I do not like it. I was very worried."

"Yeah," he said, patting her on the back guiltily. "Sorry about that. I didn't think my absence would be such a big deal."

"Well, you did go M.I.A. at the university," Cyborg offered. "And when you finally showed up you were lying in the infirmary half-dead and deprived of blood. So yeah, your absence came after a sequence of very not-so-good events. We started to assume the worst."

"Right." Beast Boy drained his mug and placed it on the counter, trying his best not to look at his teammates. 'Not-so-good' was a vast understatement. "Did you guys eat yet? Because I'm starving," he suggested, hoping to change the subject. Starfire shook her head in response and Cyborg grinned, having noticed his friend's discomfort and taking the opening. Beast Boy appreciated it.

"I'll call for pizza," he said, nudging the alien's elbow. "Want to go see if Raven's hungry?" And then in a lower tone, "and you can let her know BB's back." The Tamaranean smiled before heading off, and Beast Boy felt as if he probably should have said something…like warn her that pizza and his arrival were two things Raven did not want to be concerned with at the moment.

"So," Robin said, not having moved from his spot on the counter. "That's really the reason? The Brain in Okinawa?"

"It really is," Gar replied honestly. "I know I should have at least told you, but the Patrol figured that you'd be okay with me helping them, once you were informed." The stern look on Robin's face didn't change. "I mean, I know you're not their biggest fan, but I figured-,"

"It's not that," he said, waving aside his stillborn apology. "I just…." He sighed. "I thought something had happened between you and Raven, and I've inadvertently blamed her for your departure."

"Oh. Well, um…."

"She's going to chew me out for this," he half-laughed, pushing off the counter and clapping a hand on Beast Boy's shoulder. "And she'll be justified."

"Yeah," Beast Boy said, looking away as Robin strode past him towards the sofa. "Justified."

.

.

.

She was looking at Happy Raven.

But Happy Raven didn't look very happy anymore.

She tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace in her gaunt face. She looked worse than worn down, more like she had aged years in the span of a few hours. Her pink cloak had shifted towards a darker hue, and her bright eyes were dull and lifeless. Her skin hung around her skeletal face, grey to the point of nausea, and there were bruises around her neck. Her hands were wrinkled, her knees were shaking, and her hair was stringy and unkempt.

She looked starved. Tortured.

She didn't look like herself at all.

There was a moment of hesitation, a moment where everything that had happened with Beast Boy was immediately forgotten, and then Raven rushed forward, concern and distress marring her features.

"What happened to you? What did this?" she demanded, pushing back the girl's hood and cradling her head in her hands. Raven examined her emoticlone's face, turning her chin to get a closer look at the bruises, touching her shoulders to feel the bones protruding from her suit. "It was her," Raven said, answering her own question through gritted teeth. "I can't believe it. This is…she can't do this. Not to any of you. She's not allowed to _hurt_ any of you. Not even Rage did that. This is unacceptable. This is beyond ramification. This is-,"

"_Raven_." Her Happy persona grabbed her hands, stilling them from their frantic assessment. She looked Raven in the eye and tried to smile, the effort making her breath just a little bit heavier.

"Where is she?" Raven snarled. "I'm putting an end to this." Her emotion shook her head, laughing quietly to herself. She reached out and gently touched Raven's hair, looking at her dominant personality in the eye. "Where is she?" Raven repeated, and her emoticlone sighed.

"She's right in front of you."

Raven's eyes narrowed, raking over the projection with suspicion. "You're not her. I know you. I can feel you. You're not her."

"I am me," she agreed, nodding her head. "But so is she. Raven, look at me." She raised her arms, showed her the darkness of her cloak and the decaying façade of her hands. "She's…she's taking us over."

"She can't," Raven barked, grabbing her wrists and forcing them down. "She can't do that."

"She is, and she's almost done." Happy Raven held on to her tightly as she lowered herself to the ground, too tired to go on standing. Raven helped her, listening to her explanation as she settled on the dirt. "Haven't you noticed? Before today, before what happened at the university? You haven't noticed the change, the paranoia?" She groaned as she rubbed at her neck. "Well, I guess she was good at being subtle about it. She's super stealthy, and really mean when she wants to be." She groaned. "Timid was taken over first."

"Taken over?"

"Yup." She wiggled her fingers over her face in emphasis. "Just seeped into her like it was nothing. Not a struggle or a fight, but would you have expected anything less? That's where your paranoia is coming from, your insecurity, your irrational spouts of depression. Depravity…she just, dove into her and manipulated her fearful nature into something crazy…"

"I'm not having irrational spouts," Raven protested.

"You're not?" her emotion prompted, raising an eyebrow. "Then openly announced self-deprecation and spontaneous bouts of violence are normal?" Raven took a step back from her emotion and glared down at her. Happy Raven wrinkled her nose. "Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like such a jerk. I've been spending too much time with Knowledge."

"I'm not self-deprecating," she defended. "I'm stressed. And I'm realistic."

"To a fault." Raven's jaw clenched in such a threatening manner that her emotion threw her hands up in surrender. "Okay, sorry. Wrong time to pull a Beast Boy joke."

"What about the others?" Raven pressed, readjusting the conversation. "How many has she been able to…take over?"

"Um, let's see…she got the lazy one next. Sloth? And the rude one that burps a lot. I never spent much time with them, but I tried to save them. So did Bravery. It didn't work."

Her increasingly languid acceptance of defeat. Her lack of verbal filter.

More signs that she had ignored.

"Where is Knowledge? And Bravery, for that matter?" Raven swallowed, worried.

"Knowledge is in hiding." She grinned. "Smart girl, huh? Hah. And Bravery keeps putting up a fight."

"And Rage?"

"Rage... They're really similar, you know? There are some things they agree on and some things they don't, but it's kind of strange." Her eyes got distant and Raven didn't like the raspy sound that invaded her voice. "It's like watching our father's anger battle our anger. You'd think they'd coexist, but then they don't…and then they come close to it…and then things get too heated." She shivered, making a face that only Happy Raven could make at such a time. "It's jarring, what that other one has become. She's so different from Trigon. More human in the cruel things she wants to do. Does that make her less terrifying or more so?" She sounded so airy in her reflection, caught in a moment beyond her withering state. "She's so cold, Raven. Like ice."

"So what happened to you?" Raven asked, chills running up her spine. "Why are you…deteriorating?"

"She's in me, but not completely," she said, shivering at the thought. "It's such a creepy feeling, having her seep into my consciousness. Like choking on smoke."

"So you got away?"

"I got away," she tried to cheer, waving her hands in a semi-triumphant motion. It was agonizing, watching her try to be optimistic. "But geez, it was so hard. She's…relentless."

"She's really in you?"

"Kind of. Not really. Maybe. I don't know." Her emoticlone pouted. "Yes, I guess. What does it look like, when you look into my eyes?" she asked, tilting her head up to meet Raven's gaze. "Can you see her there?" she asked curiously. "Does it look like me or does it look like her? I feel like…it looks like her." Raven didn't answer, just turned her head away. "Can you get it out? Can you pull her out of me? She makes me feel sick."

"I don't know," Raven said, fingers raking through her hair while she tried to think. "I don't know anything about any of this. I thought…I could have settled this sooner. I should have settled this sooner. When she was a separate entity."

"Would that have mattered?"

"It would have been easier. She's spread too thin now, if what you're saying is true. I knew she was integrating herself, but I never thought it was in this way." She touched a hand to her temple. "When Trigon tries to take over he just overpowers my other sides. She's trying to recruit them." She dropped her hand angrily. "I should have stopped this sooner."

"It wouldn't have worked, and you know that," her emotion offered. "She would have found ways to evade you, ways to sneak around and avoid confrontation. She's clever like that. She doesn't exactly know how to play fair." The emotion groaned and laid down on the dirt, folding her hands over her belly and closing her eyes. She heaved a sigh, shaking her head. "I think…I think it's too late, Raven. I think it's just too late."

.

.

.

"Since we're celebrating your return I made sure to order vegan-friendly pizza. Just don't get used to it. You get this once a year," Cyborg said, hanging up the phone and leaning back. Beast Boy wandered over to the table, pulling out a chair and taking a seat across from him. He slumped down and rested his elbows on the table, dropping his head in his hands.

"Can I talk to you about something?" he asked between his fingers, grumbling into his palms. Cyborg frowned at him and leaned forward.

"Of course you can. Everything okay? Issues with the Patrol?"

"No, nothing like that." Beast Boy scratched at his head a bit before he lifted his face and looked his friend in the eye. He sighed. "How are you and Sarah doing?*" he suddenly asked. Cyborg blinked in surprise.

"Um, we're doing well, I guess. I mean, we're not doing bad. I only get to see her every so often, but we talk a lot. On the phone and such."

"You guys have been together for what, three, four years now?"

"On and off, yeah."

"Because of the hero thing."

Cyborg raised an eyebrow. "Well yes, that's a big issue. She understands for the most part, but it can be difficult, and I get that." He crossed his arms on the table. "Why are you so interested in Sarah all of a sudden?"

"Have you ever hurt her?" Beast Boy asked, staring fixedly into the table. "Like on accident, maybe? I know last year you two ran into Johnny Rancid when you were getting out of the movie theatre. Did she ever get caught in the crossfire? Injured during battle?"

"No," Cyborg said, even more thrown off by the direction of the conversation. "It got close a few times, hence our on again, off again status, but thankfully she's never been hurt. Dude, what's going on with you?" Beast Boy just dropped his head onto the table, his forehead making a dull thud.

"And do you love her?" he asked, his words muffled. Cyborg just reached out and grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to sit up and look him in the eye.

"Is this about Terra? Because you're starting to talk in that weirdly depressing way you do when the subject shifts to Terra."

Beast Boy stared at him. Not angry. Thoughtful. "You know, I loved Terra."

Cyborg sighed. "Yeah, I know."

"She was hard to get over."

"Your heart broke. No one expected you to just 'get over her' in two seconds."

"But eventually I did. I moved on."

"Yeah. Time can do that for a person."

"So can Raven."

Cyborg's brow furrowed. "What?" he asked. Beast Boy closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead, grumbling to himself.

"Did you know that Raven and I used to sit on the roof and talk for hours about Terra? She would listen to me whine and complain and vent about everything, and she never once made me feel stupid for being so hung up on her. She didn't even do that thing that some people do where they turn the situation around and make it about themselves instead. She always made it about me. She let me be angry and depressed without letting me fall too far. I must have been so annoying at that time, but she never acted like I was."

Cyborg smiled softly, nodding his head. "She's a good listener. She holds so much in, so she understands that it's a well-deserved privilege when others get to let things out. I've vented to her a few times of my own." He watched his friend carefully, noting how he seemed so painfully weighed down. "So, is this about Ra-,"

"You never answered my question," Beast Boy interrupted. "Do you love her? Do you love Sarah?" Cyborg paused for a moment, thinking.

"Yeah," he finally said, nodding. "I do. But," he went on, shifting in his seat. "I'm not quite sure if I'm _in_ love with her."

"Ah. Good answer."

"Okay, now you're starting to creep me out." Cyborg sat forward again, one elbow leaning against the table. "What is this all about, BB? Did something happen?"

Beast Boy rubbed at his chin and then his temple, his eyes more troubled than they had ever looked before. His started to bounce his knee nervously. "I did a bad thing, Cy," he said quietly, his voice staying low enough that Robin couldn't hear it from the sofa. "A really bad thing."

"Okay."

"To Raven."

Cyborg tried to hide his surprised dread. He didn't do a very good job. "Uh-oh." He looked around nervously, as if Raven were in the room with them, listening over their shoulders. "What is it, Gar? What did you do to her?" Beast Boy could barely look him in the eye, and it only made the dread he felt amplify.

"I fell in love with her."

.

.

.

"What are you doing now?" Happy Raven asked, turning her head on the dirt and frowning at her other self. The real Raven was sitting cross-legged on the ground beside her, palms open at her knees and eyes closed.

"Searching," she said softly. "I need to find her."

"It's no use," her emotion said. "She's taken over so many and seeped into even more that she's everywhere."

"Not Depravity," Raven said calmly. "The other one. The one you didn't mention. I'm searching…for my affection. My tenderness." She swallowed hard and Happy Raven sat up, excited.

"You're looking for Love?"

Raven's hands closed and she opened her eyes, turning to stare at her smiling emoticlone. "You felt it, didn't you? From Garfield?" The emotion's gaunt eyes shone and her weak smile widened.

"I did. And wow Raven, that was something else, huh?"

"I hadn't been expecting it."

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Happy Raven pursed her lips. "You're lying. Because _I_ was expecting it."

Raven turned away, head bowed. "Perhaps," she muttered. "Maybe. I'm not an idiot, I know what love is. I do hold affection and caring for my friends. But something like that…I had not…at least, not to that extent."

"Is there an extent to loving a person? I didn't know there was a limit," the emotion pondered somewhat sarcastically. "And even then, has Garfield ever felt anything halfway?"

Raven breathed deeply, opening her palms. "You've gotten incredibly insightful since I last remember," she remarked. "I was never aware optimism had such a well-rounded view."

"Just because I look on the bright side of things doesn't mean I'm oblivious," she cooed.

"Well noted," Raven mumbled, only half listening. She closed her eyes again. "Any idea where I can find her?"

"No. She went into hiding, like Knowledge. But she left a long time ago. Buried herself. Deep, deep within. Far out of reach."

"I can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

"Don't we consider it to be both?"

"Of course we do."

There was a short silence that stretched out between them, one where the emoticlone silently watched Raven search. She coughed a little into her hand, waited a moment, and then reached out and tugged on her sleeve. Raven opened her eyes again and patiently looked down at her. "I know what you're planning," she said softly, the mirth gone from her. "I've seen it. All the work you've been doing with Cyborg." Raven waited, watching her feeble mirror image as she struggled to speak. "I know."

"And?" she prompted, her face a mask of nothing, even when speaking to her own self.

"All that has come to pass in the last few weeks, even in the last months, have been both good and bad. Some may be worse than others. If such things had not happened…maybe Depravity…maybe she wouldn't be doing such mean things now." Her hand dropped back to the ground. "But Raven, what you're planning, it's so drastic. It's so risky. And it's frightening."

"It's just a safety," she tried to reassure herself, but the emotion shook her head.

"No it's not. You're going to carry it out. You wouldn't have devoted so much time to it if you wouldn't be carrying it out." Her voice choked a little. "Does it have to come down to that?"

Raven looked out beyond their hovering rock, out towards the otherworldly expanse of her mindscape. It was the sort of blackness that seemed to press in on a person, rounding out in the distance so it looked to give an end when, in fact, there was no end to speak of. This was her mind, an endless abyss of darkness. She had once taken pride in its seemingly infinite nature. Now she wasn't sure.

"What happened with Gar at the university is…difficult to live with. Two sides of a harrowing wrong. I know he feels guilty for what happened." She paused. "And in a way I guess I do blame him. I felt pain, both his and mine. But then I remember that it wasn't of his own accord, that I can influence people to do things beyond their conscious control, and whatever blame I send his way becomes shameful. And then I feel guilty for that as well. And that guilt builds in me because it comes from so many different sources. And then I look at him, and I see nothing but retribution in his eyes, and the guilt that I felt before amplifies, and all of a sudden I turn into this blubbering mess of disgrace and humiliation and then I realize…I'm not myself anymore." She dropped her face into her hands. Not out of sadness, but out of weariness. She was so tired. "Depravity hit me in a place where I had no chance of defense whatsoever. All I can do from here on out…is break. A little more. Every day. I'll become weak, and what I did at the university will happen…again. I know it will." She pushed her hair back and looked up. "So yes," she finally answered, her words strong. "It has come down to that."

"You know," her emotion started. "We used to be stronger than this. We used to be more…durable."

"That's what Robin said."

"And that's why I'm saying it."

She narrowed her eyes, displeased with the disparaging reminder. "Real life isn't so clean that I can approach everything with a sterile resolve. Maybe my performance of stoicism makes people forget that I have the ability to _feel_, more so than anyone else around me."

"Maybe our friends just know us better than you think."

"'Live with a man forty years, share his house, his meals, speak on every subject. Then tie him up and hold him over the volcano's edge, and on that day you will finally meet the man.'"

"Did you just quote a television show?*"

"It's relevant."

"Sure, but still."

"What happened at the university was my volcano's edge. You can't blame me for getting weaker because of that."

"You do know that I am you," her emoticlone defended. "So, technically, you're putting yourself down for getting weaker."

"Yes," Raven sighed, irritated with herself. Literally. "I know."

Happy Raven just chuckled humorlessly, curling on her side and tucking her hands beneath her head. "It could go wrong, you know," she warned. "This plan of yours. It's a good plan. But it could go wrong."

"Things can always go wrong. I've a lifetime of evidence to prove that theory."

"Yeah," her emotion conceded. "I guess so. But this in particular could go really wrong."

"Which is why I've employed the help of Cyborg."

"But he doesn't know the whole story."

"I'm keeping it light."

Her emotion coughed again and pouted. "What about Garfield?" she persisted. "What does he think of all this?" Raven avoided her eyes, her body unmoving.

"You know that he doesn't know."

"Duh," she said, clearly displeased. "I'm bringing it up to make a point."

"Trust me," Raven said. "The point has been taken."

.

.

.

Cyborg's expression and lengthy silence made Beast Boy feel far more than just stupid.

"Okay, look, I get it," he said, sitting back and waving his hands around, rolling his eyes. "It's weird and it's crazy and it's totally stupid and awkward and blah blah blah, we're completely opposite and none of it makes sense and now I sound like an idiot and the world just got a little stranger for you." He slumped in his seat and crossed his arms, frustrated for no reason. "This sucks."

"Dude," Cyborg finally said, shaking his head, his mouth agape. "I didn't…I mean, I knew you liked her, but-,"

"You knew I liked her?"

Cyborg shot him a look. "I have eyes, you know."

"Whoa, hey, I'm not that obvious! _I _wasn't even sure I felt this way until a month ago."

"That's because you're blind and ignorant. You've been looking at her the same way for the last two years or so. Not to mention how adamant you are in annoying her every second of every day."

"Yeah, well…whatever."

"I just never thought…I didn't know you'd fallen-,"

"Well, I have," Beast Boy snapped, not wanting to hear it repeated in his friend's voice. "And I think it's the worst mistake I've ever made." Cyborg grimaced animatedly.

"Ouch. That's harsh. And confusing. I'm guessing there's more to the story than white sheets and rose petals?" Beast Boy blinked at that, staring at Cyborg for a second before he started to laugh, loudly. Robin glanced back at them from the sofa but Cyborg just waved a dismissive hand, pointing at Beast Boy and rolling his eyes. Robin grinned and turned back to his show. "I don't mean to alarm you, but you sound really off kilter right now."

"Sorry, sorry. It's just…oh man. The Titans have been around each other way too long."

"Uh-huh." Cyborg rose from his seat. "Look, I'm going to head to the roof to shoot some hoops. Want to come? Maybe you're more inclined not to act crazy if we're outside?"

Beast Boy made a face at his remark but stood up all the same. "All right, sure. Maybe I will be more inclined."

.

.

.

"Raven?" Starfire called, knocking on her bedroom door lightly. "Raven, are you in there? You were not in your library, and I have joyous news to tell you!" The alien waited patiently, wondering where her friend could be if she was not in her room. She pondered the possibility that Raven was meditating on the roof, but she hadn't seen her leave the confines of the Tower in days. Starfire was just contemplating checking the garage or the training rooms when the door suddenly slid open, causing her to jump back and smile. "Raven," she exclaimed, looking down at the girl. Raven stood before her, grinning softly, her head tilted to the side. It was the most at ease that she had looked in a long time.

"Hello, Star," she said, and her voice was no longer the weary, fatigued voice she had been using all week. She sounded extremely content. "You said something about joyous news?"

"Oh, yes! We are ordering the pizza for dinner tonight, and there will be a large celebration with all our friends!"

"Doesn't really seem like the time for celebration," Raven pointed out. "As I recall, the Tower hasn't been very uplifting as of late."

"But there is cause for celebration," Star insisted, reaching out and grabbing her friend's hand. She hesitated a bit, surprised with how cold Raven's skin was, but she ignored it and dragged her out of her room. "Beast Boy has returned from his lengthy absence, and I know you must be very thrilled to have him return." She watched as Raven's easy grin spread into a full-fledged smile, and although Starfire loved seeing her smile there was something extremely off in the way she looked now. It sent a chill up the alien's spine, and her immediate mirth faltered considerably.

"Oh, well that _is_ joyous news," Raven said, patting Star's hand. "Joyous news indeed."

.

.

.

"Um…Raven?"

Raven turned to look at her emoticlone, sighing deeply as she did so. Her search for Love was becoming futile, and the vast expanse of her mind was frustrating her to no end. "What is it?"

"I feel happy."

She felt herself roll her eyes, and she forced her tongue to keep all snarky remarks silent. "I would be surprised if you weren't. That is, after all, who you are-,"

"_Raven_." She reached out and tugged on her sleeve, yanking her cardigan right off her shoulder. She bore her eyes into her, the stare accentuating the hideous shadows of her face. "Look at me. I should be miserable. I've been as miserable as I can be this entire time I've been with you. But just now…I'm happy, Raven. I'm delighted. I'm ecstatic." Her forehead creased and she looked away. "I'm absolutely _thrilled_."

"What are you-," Raven started to say, but then her words dropped right off her tongue and her expression changed as realization settled in. She grabbed her emotion's hand squeezing tight. "No, no-,"

"I can't stop thinking about Garfield…"

"…-no, no, no-…"

"Oh gosh, I feel…I feel like laughing." She grimaced, and her hand dropped onto the ground. "I feel like I want to laugh and smile and laugh some more." She looked like she was in more pain than she could handle. "Raven…Raven…please, just make her _stop_!"

Raven jumped to her feet and threw her head back, closing her eyes and focusing her mind. "Nunc lento sonitu dicunt…novo! Novo! _Novo!_"

.

.

.

"I didn't plan on it," Beast Boy said right away, catching the ball that Cyborg tossed in his direction. He dribbled it a few times before he tossed it back. "I don't even know how it happened."

"Do any of us?" Cyborg offered, shrugging. "Out of all the things we've seen and done, does anyone know how we end up falling for a person?"

"Okay, dude, not to be rude or anything, but I'm not going to talk to you if you get all Morgan Freeman on me." Cyborg passed him the ball again and Beast Boy grunted at the force. His friend grinned.

"Serves you right." Cy walked around the three-point line of the court and positioned himself in front of Beast Boy, settling into a stance. Gar sighed and started dribbling the ball, clearly reluctant to play an actual game. "Although, correct if me I'm wrong, but aren't people usually happy when they fall in love?"

"People don't usually feel that strongly about people who can't feel," he replied, moving around. Cyborg shot forward and stole the ball with ease, taking it down the court and pulling off an easy lay-up. He landed on the ground and turned to his friend.

"Valid point. But that's not why you're upset." He picked up the ball and tossed it back to Gar. "Raven's nature has never stopped you before, so what's really eating at you?" Beast Boy stared down at the object in his hand, turning the rubber over and over against his palms.

"Things have gotten…complicated." He shot Cyborg a narrow-eyed look. "Don't ask me to get into detail."

"Hadn't even crossed my mind."

"Sure it didn't." Beast Boy lazily shot the ball towards the basket. It didn't even make it to the hoop. "Cy…something bad is happening to Raven. Something that I'm just making worse, and I feel useless. And stupid." He watched his friend pick up the ball and hold it between his massive hands.

"She came to me while you were gone," he told him. "Didn't tell me much of anything, just asked for my help with something." Cyborg stared at him as he reacted to the news; he saw him blink in surprise and then frown in confusion.

"Help with what?"

"Like I said, she didn't say much."

"What have you guys been working on?"

Cyborg shook his head, frowning. "I'm not quite sure. Sometimes she has me giving her a detailed lesson on the biology of the human brain, and other times I play scribe at the computer while she has me record whatever she relays to me."

"Record?" Beast Boy repeated. "Record what?"

"Everything. Anything. We record her detailed accounts of the villains we've faced, everything she's observed or noticed that isn't already a part of our files. Or sometimes she recites everything about her practices of magic and sorcery, like spells and rituals."

"That's…weird."

"Yeah." Cyborg spun the ball in his hands a few times, contemplating his words. "I've known for awhile that Raven hasn't been okay. When someone of her composure unravels even the slightest bit it's easy to notice. But she's a complex character. Her problems aren't all black and white, and dealing with them is even more ambiguous." He tossed the ball across the rooftop. They both watched it bounce a couple times before rolling into the pool. "I know what the obvious solution to this is. I should ask you about the details of what's going on. I should ask her for the details of what's going on. I should be a lot more involved with this than I am." He rubbed his forehead. "But I'm scared. Scared to disrupt her process. Scared to know too much. I'm like the perfect example of the Bystander Effect. I'll look at the wreckage, I'll feel bad about it, but my own reservations keep me from doing what clearly needs to be done." He looked at Beast Boy and Beast Boy looked back. He saw the troubled looked on Cyborg's face and kicked his friend in the leg. Hard.

"You really suck at this best friend thing," he said, ignoring Cy's outraged reaction. "You're supposed to give me stock best friend advice that both helps me realize the truth behind my inner conflict while simultaneously fixing my problem for me. This blows." He shoved his hands in his pockets and turned away, his brow more deeply furrowed than before.

"Sorry. Television sitcom simulation fail."

"No kidding," Gar scoffed.

"I'm not really sure how I can help," Cyborg admitted. "And I don't know how much of a betrayal this is, but I can show you what Raven's been working on." Gar glanced at him and he shrugged. "That's probably the last thing she'd want me to do, but I'll do it."

"Does Robin know? Or Star?"

"If they do then they didn't hear it from me."

Beast Boy thought a moment, glancing at the basketball floating freely in the pool water. "Okay," he said. "Show me."

.

.

.

She watched her as they walked through the corridors, her eyes unabashedly raking in every inch of the Tamaranean. She was undoubtedly beautiful and nauseatingly kind, and she exemplified nearly every opposition of Raven's own appearance and perspective. And yet the girl had grown close with this alien, learned to accept the characteristics that made them different while finding similarities that didn't show on the surface. This princess of Tamaran had become a treasured friend, and Raven had learned to cherish her.

Sickening.

They reached the stairs and she stopped walking, forcing the alien to stop as well. Starfire turned, her kind eyes full of instant worry and confusion.

"Raven?" she asked. "Something wrong?"

"Perhaps," she said, and she looked the girl in the eye, absorbing the green of her irises. "I've always wondered, during quiet moments in a prison of absolute darkness, what a demon could find so interesting about the sun and its warmth; to be surrounded by beauty and laughter and a kindness that is perpetual, despite the demon's penchant for silence and an atmosphere of more interesting substance. I have wondered, often to myself since I am the only one who ever cared to listen, what could the appeal be for someone who lives in shadows to spend time with someone who basks in light? It had left me with a curious taste in my mouth, as of late, and I think I've finally come to a substantial conclusion." She tilted her head to the side, carefully inspecting Starfire's curiously alarmed stare. "Do you know what that conclusion is, Koriand'r?"

"You are making me nervous," Star answered, and she jerked when Raven shifted closer to her. "What is wrong, friend? You seem very…"

"Very what, Kory?" Raven took a step closer and Star scrambled a few steps up, unconsciously putting distance between them. "What do I seem like?"

"Something is wrong with you," she replied, her alarm lessening to a deeper concern. "You are not yourself. Something has happened-,"

"You never answered my question."

"You are not friend Raven." Star's eyes began to glow and her breathing quickened with her growing frustration. "Friend Raven does not speak as you do, and friend Raven is not as cold as you are."

"My conclusion, as you well know, has to do with you, and why you're dear 'friend Raven' would befriend someone who is her polar opposite in so many ways."

Starfire's hand shot up, a starbolt pulsing around her fingers. Her brow was furrowed in determination, but the frown on her lips betrayed her reluctance to strike. "Do not make me hurt my dear friend," she warned. "I will if I must, but I do not wish to hurt Raven."

"The conclusion is simple," Raven replied, taking a step back even as her hair began to lift from the magic she was building up. "Best explained in the way a child licks their finger and pinches the flame on a candle." She opened her palms and Starfire gritted her teeth. "It's the need to snuff out the light, and the curiosity of how much pain it takes to do so."

"Raven-,"

They both sprang into action before more words could be exchanged. They were quick, the pair of them, and quiet. The years they had spent training together meant they knew each other's moves almost as well as their own, and their knowledge turned them into a whirlwind of purple and blue. They moved as one, Raven melting into her darkness as Starfire rose into the air. A moment later the sorceress was materializing behind the alien, and Star quickly twisted over her right shoulder, knowing her companion would be there, and reached for her shoulder. Raven dodged her grasp and went for a strike to her torso, but Starfire had been the one to teach her that move, and she blocked it easily before flipping away through the air. Raven disappeared again, and Star took the opening to race as fast as she could up the stairwell. She needed to get to Robin, to Cyborg, to Beast Boy, to anyone. Something terribly had happened to Raven, because no matter the circumstances, Raven would never hurt any one of the Titans. Not unless she was absolutely powerless against the situation.

She was only a few feet away from the top landing when, at the last second, blackness blossomed right before her, expanding into a teleportation hole big enough to swallow her entire being. Starfire threw back her body in the air, forcing herself to jerk to a stop inches from the darkness. But a brush of air combed across her neck and she felt Raven's presence before she heard her voice in her ear.

"She loves you, Koriand'r," she said, her hands closing around her arms in a painful grip. Starfire prepared to throw her off, to blast her just hard enough to knock her unconscious, but a cold spread from Raven's fingers and seemed to paralyze her body. "So I am curious, how much do you think it will pain her to snuff you out?"

Before Star could let a cry escape her lips Raven shoved her forward, forcing her into the black and closing the portal behind her.

.

.

.

"What is all this?" Beast Boy asked, a notebook held loosely in his hands while he stared up at Cyborg's multiple monitors. "This is what you've been doing all week?"

"No," his friend corrected, leaning back in his chair. "This is only what we've been doing in the last three days."

"You're shitting me."

"Whoa, language man. When did you get to be such a potty mouth?"

"I mean, this is ridiculous," Beast Boy went on, ignoring him. "Behavioral modification, cerebral stimuli and alternating procedures of the amygdala? Modifications of the frontal cortex and the aftermath of a lobotomized brain? I'm not even sure what half of this means! And did she really watch a two hour long documentary on the history of psychiatry?"

"She really did," Cyborg confirmed, reaching forward to tap a few keys. "Not to mention…this."

"Your lab documents from when your parents reconfigured your body? Why would she want to see that?"

"She was interested in the nanotech that they incorporated into my brain; how the cybernetics work without overpowering the part of me that's me."

"Why?"

"Like I said, I have no idea. Check that notebook in your hand."

Gar dropped his gaze and sifted through the pages, scanning the diagrams and sketches of ancient runes, occult symbols, and words written in what was clearly Latin. "This makes a little more sense," he commented. "But if I pair it together with what you've got on these screens then I couldn't even begin to guess what this is all about."

"If you think that's confusing then check out that book over there." Cyborg pointed to a large, square book sitting on a pile of manila file folders. Beast Boy crossed to the worktable and flipped it open, expecting to see more scientific or mystical gibberish. Instead he opened up to a page filled with pictures of the Titans when they had taken a day trip up the coast to a private beach. It had been about two years ago, in early summer, a few weeks before Raven had gotten a haircut. There were notes scribbled in between the pictures, like minor details, dates and times. One picture was of Robin, Cyborg and Beast Boy sitting around a bonfire at dusk, each of them holding up their soda cans and smiling at the camera. The note next to it jotted down the time, date, and name of the convenience store where they had bought their drinks. Beast Boy frowned at it all.

"I don't get it," he said, glancing at a few more of the pages before returning to the one of them at the beach. "What is this supposed to be?"

"It's a scrapbook, BB. I freaking scrapbook. Raven made a scrapbook."

"She wrote down the store where we bought drinks on May 29th at six-thirty. Sinclair's, off the highway. The roof was red." He looked up, his expression more than a little confused. "Who the hell remembers that?"

"Raven, apparently."

"Why is this here?"

"She made it here."

"When did she find time to scrapbook between mentally dissecting the human brain and mastering every ancient spell of the past five hundred years?" he spat, sarcasm making its way into his genuine surprise. Cyborg just shrugged.

"I told you, it doesn't make sense to me. She looks up spells, I give a lecture, then two seconds later she's holding a photo and a glue stick. _A glue stick_, man. If I didn't know any better I'd say she was having a textbook mental breakdown. Raven-style, at least."

"Maybe," Beast Boy said off-handedly, simultaneously flipping through the books as he listened. Something caught his eye from the notebook and he sifted back to a diagram that Raven had sketched. It was a ritual circle, with runes written along the outer line of the circle and characters drawn on the inner line. He remembered Raven trying to explain ritual circles to him, on a rare day years ago when they had found a moment of camaraderie and he had shown genuine interest in her craft. He frowned at the scribbled notes taken in the margins. "This is weird," he said, reading the page carefully. "She copied some of the brain notes here with her magic. Look." He picked up the notebook and carried it over to Cyborg, pointing things out to him. "She drew a rune here at the top, added notes about the hypothalamus, and then combined the rune with a few others to mimic the notes."

"That's…kind of cool," Cyborg said, leaning forward and reading over the page more carefully. "Do you see here? She created another rune combination to target the hippocampus in the brain. That's why she kept asking about it. She was incessant on making sure she knew how to specify the areas of long-term memory."

"Memory?" Beast Boy asked, shaking his head at the page. "What the hell is she trying to accomplish?"

"I don't really know," Cyborg said, shaking his head. "But the more I find out, the more I'm getting a bad feeling about all of this." Beast Boy groaned in response and tossed the notebook back on the worktable. "And the more I'm worried about you, man."

"Me?"

"You're the one who's in love with her," he said, and Beast Boy involuntarily flinched at the easy way he proclaimed it. "And this does not look promising. But this is also Raven, so how do we deal with this?" he asked, exasperated. Gar just stared up at the monitors and then back at the notes on the table. This went beyond his depression at the rift between him and her, or his mourning over their vast emotional distance yet twisted intimate relationship. This was something much more frightening, made so by how little he knew about all of it. What could this mountain of notes and research mean? And what was its connection to Raven's problem with Depravity?

"I don't know, Cy," Beast Boy admitted, and he hated the words, no matter how true they were. "Seriously, I don't know."

.

.

.

It was easy, holding onto her consciousness. She could feel Raven fighting inside of her, trying her hardest to force her way out. Every utterance of 'novo' pried at Depravity's control, but she had grown immeasurably strong from the dark deeds she had forced upon her captor. So this time, if Raven wanted her body back, she would have to wait until control was given up willingly.

And Depravity had hours and hours to kill.

.

.

.

A/N:

*Sarah Simms—in the _Go!_ comics she is a normal civilian girl who becomes Cyborg's girlfriend.

*"'Live with a man forty years, share his house, his meals, speak on every subject. Then tie him up and hold him over the volcano's edge, and on that day you will finally meet the man.'"—from the episode "War Stories" from the television show "Firefly".


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Apologies, readers. Not only was I incredibly busy, but I was having a hard time with this chapter. I'll try to update sooner in the future. Also, in regards to the restrictions being placed on M rated stories on this site, stay updated on my Tumblr in case I move this story. Thank you!

.

.

.

Chapter 16

.

.

.

"I have theories," Cyborg admitted, typing out a few things on his keyboard and tapping every now and then on a tablet to his right. The monitors flashed with his lightening speed commands, and Beast Boy looked away to keep himself from getting sick. "I mean, how could I not, right?" His voice trailed off and Beast Boy flipped the scrapbook closed.

"And…?" he prompted.

"And I don't want to voice any of them because they're either completely outrageous or inexplicably dangerous."

"Or both?"

"That too."

"You could try, though. Offer some insight."

Cyborg locked up his screens and turned to look at his friend, his expression stern. "It's not quite a lobotomy," he started, and Beast Boy grasped the edge of the table. His legs suddenly felt weak.

"I was really hoping you weren't going to say that," he said quietly, and Cyborg nodded.

"Yeah, I know. And I didn't. But it's staring us right in the face, BB, how can we not see it?"

"You said it's not quite a lobotomy."

"Well, it's not," he explained. "Because she's not focusing on the prefrontal cortex. She doesn't want to alter her personality, she wants to..." he drifted off, looking little less than stressed. But he didn't need to go on, because Beast Boy already knew what he was going to say.

"Erase it," he finished. "Her memory."

"Simply put, yeah."

"But that's insane."

"Simply put, yeah."

"And only Raven would ever go to such extreme lengths."

"Simply put." Cyborg rubbed at his temple. "But can you really call it an extreme length if it's the only length she can take?"

"How do you know it's the only length she can take?"

"I don't know, man," he said, fixing Beast Boy with a hard stare. "You tell me."

"I need to talk to her," he said, breaking the eye contact and striding towards the door. "This…this isn't…"

"What are you going to say?" Cyborg asked calmly.

"I don't know," Gar snapped, unable to keep his anxiety in check. "I just need to. We need to." He opened the door and started to leave, but Cyborg's voice held him back for a moment longer.

"Garfield." Beast Boy paused, his hand still on the door. He waited. "Dude. What happened between the two of you?"

He didn't even offer a pause of consideration. Within the next breath he was gone, hurrying down the hall to look for Raven.

.

.

.

She had accumulated so much knowledge about the team over the years. She had learned, (as Robin and then Cyborg had learned), what the strengths and weaknesses were of each one of them. That was how she knew just how to entrap Starfire. The girl was unwaveringly trustworthy of her friends, so the easiest way to subdue her was to exploit that very trait. She was blind to lies and false intentions, and so had fallen at the hands of a girl who was clearly not in her right mind.

But Robin…

Robin was different. Subtleties didn't work on someone who was trained by the world's greatest detective. He would catch on too easily, and he would form a counterattack within a matter of seconds. The best way to deal with him was head-on; offer no chance of a reaction.

So that was exactly what she did.

It had been quick, but not exactly painless. She had attacked him, in full force, head-on. She threw him across the room like a ragdoll, his unprepared figure hitting the glass window and then sliding to the floor. But very few could spring on the ward of Batman without repercussions, and unfortunately Raven was not one of them. His hands were at his belt within seconds, and before she could strike again he had thrown down a handful of smoke pellets, obscuring her vision.

She had cleared the smoke with a wave of her arm and a few words from her lips, but he was already gone. Before she could turn to look for him there was a whizzing sound and she jerked her head to the side, dodging two discs aimed for her throat.

A surprised smile caught her lips.

"That was a fatal move," she said, astonished. "The valiant leader is looking for blood."

He did not respond with words, only action. Robin was far too quick-witted to be distracted by idle prattle. His bo staff came crashing down within seconds, colliding with the black barrier Raven swiped through the air. He continued to swing and jab, aiming for hot spots, hoping to shut her down with a swift and paralyzing strike. But she continued to block his attacks, her smile tightening into a hard line as she concentrated. "You were always the weakest," she breathed, ducking from a blow and guarding against his kick. She dematerialized and reappeared behind him. He spun on the ball of his foot and pushed forward with the blunt end of his staff, digging the end into the tender part right in the middle of her shoulder. She cried out as her arm went numb, dangling uselessly at her side. She rose into the air and out of his reach, narrowing her eyes. "And yet, still the strongest. Always making up for your lack of uniqueness."

"Spare me the banter," he said darkly, his low tone masking the heaviness of his breathing. "What is this? Trigon? Slade? Who has taken over Raven's body now?"

"No one but myself," she replied, seeping into darkness and leaving only her voice behind. "Dear little Raven has been keeping a very dangerous secret from the Teen Titans; even more dangerous than her apocalyptic parentage."

"Can't say that I'm very surprised," Robin replied, slowly making his way towards the exit, his eyes darting back and forth, trying to anticipate her next move.

"Then don't say anything at all."

Warping blackness rose up around Robin's shoulders, but before he could duck out of the way it had constricted around his throat, getting tighter and tighter and tighter until he was forced to drop his staff and grab at it helplessly, choking and struggling. He rose into the air slowly, and his panic rose as the weight of his body put strain on his throat. Raven silently reappeared beneath him, and as she walked towards the vast windows he hovered in her wake, helplessly following through the air.

"I have always wanted to do this," she said, her hand eerily still as she kept him aloft. "I, like so many of our shared enemies, have wanted to silence this songbird. You tend to talk too much, you know." She stopped near the sofa and rose up into the air, loosening her magic just enough so that he would stop moving and focus on her eyes. "You could make her feel weak and so terribly inadequate about herself. And because it was you she would always take your words to heart. You are so disgustingly special to her, do you know that? So irreversibly precious. It doesn't matter what Garfield has become for us, she will always give you your pedestal to stand on. Do you know why?"

"Ra-Ra-…," he tried to say, but words were sacrificed for breath.

"It's because you're her hero, Robin. You're her knight in shining armor. No matter what happens, she knows that you will somehow make it all better in the end. And you've never disappointed anyone before."

"Ple-ase…"

"That's the only reason I'm bothering with anyone else, after all. Because if she broke then everyone would just come and put her together again. And I can't risk having anyone put her together again. So I have to eliminate the contingency plans. I got rid of Starfire, and now I have to get rid of you."

Robin's eyes widened at the information, and he choked even more drastically on his bindings. "What…di-…do to—Star…!"

"She's not dead," she answered quickly, harshly. "There's no cruelty in a quick death. Death is merciful. Existence, life…those are harsher punishments. Kory exists, she's just not here at the moment. She is…elsewhere." Her smile was plastered on, unfeeling and unreal. "And she'll stay there for the time being. She'll come back. Eventually." She reached forward and grasped Robin's face, her fingernails digging into his scalp. He cried out feebly. "You, however, aren't so easily disposed of. You, with your plans and your tricks, will not be going anywhere. You will be staying right here, dangling helplessly in the air, bound tight enough to suffer yet loose enough for you to survive. You will have no choice but to think of yourself, to focus on staying conscious, focus on drawing the next breath, and the next, and the next. And you'll be so preoccupied with surviving that you'll have no time to worry about anyone else."

"Wha-…do you-…"

She leaned over him, her face hovering over his. Raven's face, but not Raven's face at all. "I had thought, for quite a while, that you would be the one she would feel for," she whispered, her lips ghosting over Robin's forehead. "But there are too many similarities between you. You are too alike, with nearly all the same flaws and all the same misgivings." She furrowed her brow. "I wonder…do you have the depravity that she does?"

She leaned down and pressed her lips to his, her hands holding him like a possessor and not at all as a lover. Robin struggled, trying to turn his head away to gasp at the air she was depriving him. But she held fast, satisfying her needs with no regard to his discomfort. When she finally released him he choked on the rush of oxygen he forcibly drew in. She narrowed her eyes as she watched him, her expression thoroughly dissatisfied.

"Terrible," she said. "Absolutely terrible. Nothing at all like Gar." She kissed him again, with more aggression and with more earnest before pulling away once more. "Horrible." She drew her hands away and tightened the magic around his throat. He kicked frantically, tried to reach for his utility belt…but with a simple glance of her eyes it unlatched itself and fell to the floor, useless. He grunted in a mixture of anger and retaliation. "Like I said," she repeated, sauntering languidly from the room. "You won't die. Death is easy. And I am not someone who is content with what is easy."

.

.

.

Something felt off in the Tower.

Beast Boy could feel his skin prickle as he hurried down the halls. He slowed down to a stop and looked around, wary and worried and more than a little nervous. The wolves in him howled and the bobcats hissed. The birds in his veins wanted to take flight and the sea creatures wanted to scatter. The Beast wanted to growl, prepping itself for a fight. But there was no one in the hallway with him.

"Raven," he murmured, quickening his pace once more. "Raven."

He hurried towards the main room, picking up frantic speed as he went. By the time he got to the sliding doors they were moving too slow for him. He pried them open, pushing against the steel and bursting his way in.

The first garbled sound that escaped Robin's mouth made Beast Boy want to throw up, but the second one was so desperate that it pushed him to run to his leader. He stood helplessly below him, staring up at his writhing figure as he fumbled to get his communicator out.

"Cyborg," he cried, talking into his comm as he frantically searched for something to help Robin. He ran for the table and started to drag it across the room.

"BB? What's up? I just saw you-,"

"Code red! Lockdown the Tower, now!"

"What?"

"Initiate the lockdown! Raven's on the loose!" He settled the table beneath Robin and hoisted two chairs on top of it, trying his best to work fast with his one good arm. He positioned the first one beneath the boy's feet, trying to alleviate some of the strain from dangling in the air. It was just barely high enough, but Beast Boy had to get him down, soon.

"Loose? What do you-,"

"She's torturing Robin!"

"_What?_"

"Just do it, man!" Beast Boy shoved his comm back into his pocket and clamored onto the second chair, wrapping his arms around Robin's waist and lifting upward. The Boy Wonder gasped at the relief of stress, but the darkness still held fast to his neck.

"Beast…Boy!"

"Yeah, I've got you," Gar replied, doing his best to keep Robin aloft. "I just…I don't know how to get you down!"

"Raven-,"

"I know Rob, I know." Around them the lockdown of the Tower started to activate, with metal blast doors closing down over the windows and the blaring alarm echoing throughout the compound.

"Do you really think that will stop me?" a voice said in his ear, and Beast Boy felt his stomach drop right onto the floor. In his arms Robin wriggled helplessly, trying his best to hold on to the noose and carry his own weight.

"Let him go, Raven!" Beast Boy commanded. "This isn't a game anymore! _You're hurting people!_"

"Oh, Garfield," her voice said, drifting over him like a sheet of ice. "It was never a game to begin with."

Before he could do anything he felt her darkness wrap itself around his legs and begin to creep up past his hips and waist. He knew this feeling, knew that she was about to whisk him away, teleport him somewhere where he'd be useless to Robin.

"No, no! Raven!"

He tried to hold on tighter to his friend, anchoring himself to Robin's helpless form. But, just like the weeks leading up to this harrowing moment, Beast Boy felt himself succumb to Raven's whim, and he was torn away by shadows and carried off, out of the Tower.

.

.

.

She dropped him in the woods.

Literally.

When he reappeared it was a good twenty feet in the air, and the teleportation had been so disorienting that he didn't have time to transform. He landed on his bad arm, and the moss-covered forest floor did nothing to soften his drop. He coughed at the wind that was forced out of his lungs, and he rolled onto his back with a loud grimace. He gathered his bearings for a moment before he struggled to sit up, blinking in the darkness. He morphed his eyes into a cat's and looked around, trying his best to take in his surroundings. He was in one of a million indistinguishable clearings in the woods, and Raven was nowhere he could see.

"Raven!" His cry bounced a little off the trees. He groaned and got to his feet, shaking off dirt and leaves from his thin shirt. "Damnit, Raven! What are you thinking? What are you doing to Robin?" He angrily swiped at the moss still caught in his hair, shaking his head vigorously. He looked around a few more times, hoping to catch a glimpse of movement amongst the trees. Nothing.

He pulled in a breath and flexed his muscles, preparing to jump in the air and fly back to the Tower. It was at that moment that she appeared behind him again, her breath on his neck the only indication that she was there.

"Don't scream," she whispered.

He reacted on instinct, wheeling around and throwing up his guard. If he hadn't, then Raven's combat boot would have collided solidly with his left temple. He staggered a few steps back and blocked twice more, taking another kick and a right hook with his forearms. He grabbed Raven's wrist and tried to twist her arm behind her back, but she ducked and slid out of his grasp. With two hands she braced herself on the forest floor and swung her leg around, forcing his feet out from under him. The wind was knocked out of him for a second time, but he recovered considerably faster and pulled an easy Chinese getup to his feet.

"AzarathmetrionZINTHOS!"

The debris of the forest floor rose rapidly and careened towards Beast Boy. He transformed within a breath, hiding beneath his turtle shell as dead wood, moss, leaves, and rocks collided above his head. The minute he morphed back Raven was attacking once more, right hook again, elbow towards the chin, twist around to the left, strike for the neck, back kick to the stomach and a fan kick towards the head. Beast Boy responded speedily, absorbing the first blow, dodging the elbow, blocking the neck strike, slapping down against the first kick and ducking under the second. Raven took a quick step back and raised her arms, calling two large branches to her aid. She threw them forward, and Beast boy changed into a bear to swipe at them. He spared himself from the first one, but he only barely escaped the second.

"Raven," he forced out, turning back into a human and staggering backwards. His back hit a tree and he braced himself against the trunk, trying to push the pain of the blow out of his mind. "Wha-,"

"You're doing well, Garfield," she said, instantly appearing behind him again and hooking her arm around his neck. He gagged as she tightened her hold. "It's been two whole minutes and you haven't screamed yet."

Beast Boy tightened the muscles in his neck and jabbed backwards with his elbow. But she was already gone, his strike hitting nothing but air as the arm around his neck disappeared in the span of a breath. He wobbled a bit on his feet before regaining his bearings and running forward, pounding through the forest. He was nimble, to say the least, and he was fast, but land speed was pointless against teleportation, and he found himself slamming into the heel of her boot. The blow sent him flying backward, clear off his feet, and he rolled a few times on the damp ground before settling on his elbows and knees as he convulsed into the dirt.

"Are you adamant on not striking me?" she asked, striding to where he had landed. Gar swiped at his face and his hand came away wet with blood. "Because I know you're better than this. You're faster, stronger."

"I don't want to fight you," he answered plainly, and he truly didn't. He wanted to end this, quick and fast. He just needed an opening. He needed to wait for an opening.

"What you want and what must be done are often times two very different things," she said. "It's up to you to decide which course of action is the most appropriate at this venture."

"Awesome." He didn't have time for riddles and under-handed meanings. Robin was being tortured, and who knew what had happened to Starfire. He needed to get the real Raven back so they could go to the Tower, undo the damage, and garner what little mercy they could from the Titans. "I'm here to persuade you to give up your control of this body, or else wait you out until Rae takes control back on her own."

"Takes control? What ever do you mean? It is me, Gar."

"Uh-huh. No."

"It's nice how you're able to notice the difference. It's positively _endearing_."

"Great. Now how about you just give me back the real Raven?"

"That's not going to happen."

"Yeah, I'm sure," he said sarcastically. She narrowed her eyes.

"You don't have to believe me for it be true," she said pointedly. "But just know that when you do finally realize that 'your' Raven isn't coming back, you have no one to blame but yourself." He couldn't argue against his role in everything, but it didn't mean he was compliant with her claim.

"You're going to lose eventually," he went back to saying, rising carefully to his feet. "You'll run out of energy, your hold will weaken, and Rae will break through."

He watched as her lip curled into a snarl and her eyes began to glow again. "I already told you, I'm not going to lose control." The trees surrounding them started to shiver, and Beast Boy quickly transformed into a falcon and took to the sky. "Of this body, at least."

She rose up after him, throwing out her hand and creating a solid barrier over the canopy of the trees. Beast Boy veered in his ascent, started to careen for a tree branch, and took hold of the bark with his deft, ape hands. He tried swinging through the trees, but Raven attacked the trunks, crashing down the forest with ease. He ended up landing on all fours and darting across the leaf-littered ground, his wolf senses on high alert.

"It was so easy, you know," she called out to him, her bodiless voice echoing through the darkness. Raven's voice was unaccustomed to taunting. "Melding into her segregated emotions while the two of you were distracted with fucking each other every minute you could get." A growl from his fangs was interrupted by an evergreen collapsing to his left. He morphed back into human form and kept on running. "It's ridiculous how one, forbidden action can consume a person's every waking thought."

"Evil usually takes a lot of looking after, " Beast Boy muttered, trying to find an opening where he could leap back into the air. Just when he thought he had found a window she was upon him again, appearing at his front, automatically blocking his reflexive strike and slamming the heel of her hand into the base of his stomach.

"You love to call me evil," she said, landing on her feet and watching as he staggered heavily but retained his footing. "It makes it easier to think that I'm evil, to put things in the black and white categories of right and wrong."

"Perks of being a hero," he continued to banter, grimacing despite the pain in his abdomen. Raven was seriously kicking his ass, but it wasn't as though it were out of the blue. All the Titans had become well versed in how to defeat one another, but of course there had never been a reason to utilize any of that knowledge. Until maybe now. "Our job is pretty straight forward."

"Stupid boy."

"Psycho-erratic, shadow clone girl."

"It amazes me that even now you can't understand the simple truth of the matter." She raised both hands, and withered vines rose from beneath the carpet of dead leaves. Beast Boy widened his stance, his eyes taking in all the points of attack. But when he glanced at Raven's face he saw a different expression there, one that put her façade of sadistic pleasure to shame.

It was one of triumph.

"And what truth is that?" he asked. Quietly. He knew she'd hear either way.

And she did.

"That we are the same person, no matter how much you hate the idea of shoving your cock into the likes of me."

There.

The opening.

Her impending victory had made her brash, and the muscles in her left arm relaxed, her guard dropping for a millisecond.

He was off the ground before she had even finished speaking, his feet barely touching the soil. The vines honed in on his spot, but he was gone before they could graze his skin, careening towards Raven like a bat out of hell. He pulled forward with all his weight, threw his momentum into his right arm, and brought down a gorilla's fist along the left side of her body. Her clavicle shattered on impact, he felt her shoulder dislocate, and her body went limp in an instant.

A ragdoll. A puppet without its strings.

Crumbled as if she were nothing at all.

It took a few seconds for Beast Boy to calm his adrenaline and morph his hand back into its normal form. When he did he forced himself not to kneel at her side, not to hold her tenderly and feel ashamed for what he had done. Instead he pulled out his comm and rang up the Tower.

"Cy," he said the minute the connection went through. Cyborg's voice responded with an exasperated sigh.

"Dude, what the hell just happened? I found Robin here in the main room, and that noose thing around his neck just disappeared and…oh damn."

"What? What happened?"

"No, everything's fine it's just…what the-…Star? Star! Starfire?"

"Cyborg-,"

"Gar, she literally just dropped out of the air. I don't know where she came from or what happened to her but…ah, geez." There was a huff of frustration and anxiety before Cyborg's voice rounded on Beast Boy. "What about you? Are you okay? Where are you?"

"Yeah, I'm fine" he said curtly. "I'm…I'm with Raven."

"What?"

"I'll explain later. She's unconscious right now, but we're…we're okay. How are Robin and Star?" he asked quickly, shifting the conversation away from Raven. Cyborg was breathing hard, probably because he was running around trying to take the Tower off lockdown while catering to the injured Titans.

"Not good. They're both unconscious too, and in some serious need of medical attention. I need to get them to the infirmary."

"Make that three," Beast Boy said, glancing down at the sorceress at his feet. She didn't look like she was breathing, but he knew she was.

"That…doesn't sound very promising," Cy commented. "Did you guys engage-,"

"It's not the real Raven, but yeah. She attacked me after I found Robin. Took me out of the Tower. We fought." He swallowed. "I won."

A silence stretched out from the comm, and he knew Cyborg had heard the tightness in his voice.

"Did you hold back?" his friend asked. Beast Boy squatted down, gently pushing Raven's hair away to expose her neck. Grisly, jagged lines of red, purple and blue splayed out beneath the surface of her skin. They darkened even as he stared at them.

"No," he admitted, pulling his hand back. "I need you to send the T-ship. I can't carry her back in this condition."

"Shit. All right. Locking onto your coordinates. It should be there in about ten minutes."

"Thanks."

"Hey, BB."

"Yeah?"

"We'll fix this. Whatever it is, we'll get her back to normal. We'll get her back."

"Yeah, sure. We'll get her back." The connection cut out and Beast Boy slipped his comm back into his pocket, swiping at the blood that was still freely running down his face. Around him the world was unfazed by the night's events, and everything kept moving on. He glanced down at Raven for a second longer before turning his eyes away. "You win," he said quietly, looking up, waiting for the ship to arrive. "I broke."

.

.

.

By the time dawn was breaking everyone was back at the Tower, although the Titans were far from out of the woods. Beast Boy sat on a table in the infirmary as one of Cyborg's animatronic machines stitched up a gash on his back. Across the room Robin and Starfire were asleep in their respective hospital beds, with the former boasting a neck brace and multiple tubes, and the latter piled up with blankets. To his right was Cyborg, preparing medicine for Robin's IV and a few painkillers for Beast Boy. Raven was in a completely different room, still unconscious, ensured by a heavy dose of drugs.

Silence had been the Tower's bane for quite some time.

All the while Beast Boy thought, his brow heavily furrowed and his mind too preoccupied to notice that Cyborg had forgotten to numb him before he was patched back up. He just kept replaying the fight in the forest, the look in Depravity's eyes as she struck at him with the intent of pain. There was nothing left of his Raven there, nothing of her restraint or discipline or strength.

"Her plan will work," Cyborg suddenly said. He was carefully measuring chemicals, his large hands working his instruments with practiced delicacy. Beast Boy looked up from where he had been staring at the floor. "Raven's smart, and so am I. The mix of science and sorcery is in perfect balance. Her plan to fix this will work."

"But…" Beast Boy said, already know it was coming. His robotic friend placed a glass slide under his microscope and adjusted the optics.

"But _she_ needs to be the one to perform it. I can do the science part. I can't do the sorcery part. And I highly doubt this version of Raven will be willing to participate."

"What if we got someone else?"

"Who else could we get?"

"Jinx."

"No way. Even if the real Raven agreed to it, Jinx isn't nearly as adept in the same magic."

"Argent."

"She follows the same occult belief, but she doesn't practice it."

"Rae's mother. Arella."

Cyborg glanced at him. "That's something personal she's only supposed to have shared with you. And again, without Rae we have no way of contacting her. No matter what we do, we need the real Raven." He shook his head. "Let's just hope that she's the one that wakes up."

"And if she's not?" Beast Boy snapped. He didn't mean to, but he couldn't help it. Thankfully, Cyborg didn't take it to heart.

"Wouldn't hurt to have a back-up plan. If you know of any please, feel free to share." And his tone was devoid of any and all possible humor.

.

.

.

For the second time Beast Boy refused to stay the night in the infirmary, even though the stitches on his back were fresh and his muscles were too sore for movement. But he had insisted, telling his friend that Robin and Star were in much more need of his attentions. When he had left he had trudged through the halls like a man labored with pain, both physical and emotional. He had a thought to go check on Raven at first, but a bitterness came with her name that made him change course and head for his room instead.

He ended up passing by her own room, and before he knew it he was standing in her open doorway and staring inside. He looked around at her spellbooks and candles and crystals, and thought for maybe the millionth time how stupid he was to not have tried to take an interest in her practices beforehand.

Maybe if he had known a little more about her powers…

Maybe if he had tried to ask about her spells or methods…

His eyes found her portal mirror lying on the floor. He stared at it.

He had entered it once, but that had been because Rage had pulled him and Cyborg in.

Maybe if he could enter it again…

Ignoring his exhaustion, Beast Boy strode into Raven's room and closed the door behind him.

.

.

.

When she opened her eyes she wasn't in the woods, and she wasn't fighting Beast Boy. She was in a room with dim white light, and there were ancient runes glowing along the walls.

The safe room.

She tried shifting her body, to gather her bearings about her state of being. Before she had passed out there had been an immediate and sense-shattering pain on her side. She tried lifting her left arm, but found an unprecedented restraint.

The jingle of chains. Cold metal against her skin.

She blinked and glanced down at her arm where a shackle was clamped around her wrist, the chain running down the side of her hospital bed and onto the floor. She looked to her other side and found a similar restraint on her right arm. She moved her feet and found her legs boasting chains as well.

Panic was her first response, and then a quick sense of anger. She felt an almost immediate sense of fear, and then it was washed away with instant vengeance. She almost lost herself, almost started thrashing and screaming and demanding to be freed, but her sense of extremity disappeared at the first words of a well-worn voice.

"Stainless steel shackles reinforced with ancient runes," the voice said somewhere behind her. "A trick you shared with Robin a few years back. If you remember."

"I remember," she said after a moment, laying her head back against her pillow and staring at the ceiling. "I remember well." Footsteps sounded on the tile and Beast Boy moved into her peripheral vision. He kept his distance from her, and his brow was furrowed in dark disapproval. She kept her eyes towards the ceiling. "How long have I been out?"

"Couple days."

"Long time."

"Do you remember it at all?" He sounded tired, and she vaguely wondered if he had stayed by her side the entire time.

"Can't say that I do."

"Well then, do you remember trapping Starfire in an inescapable vortex deprived of light or sound? Or perhaps stringing Robin up to be slowly hanged by his own weight?"

She tried her best to keep her expression blank, but despite herself a grin spread across her lips, and the corners of her eyes crinkled in absolute delight as she stared at the ceiling. "I remember those," she repeated. "I remember those well." Beside her Beast Boy's aura hardened.

"You're still her."

"I'm still me."

"You're not Raven."

"I am Raven. Just not the 'Raven' that you want."

"You're not Raven," he repeated, and this time she turned to look at him, the grin gone from her lips.

"Say it again, Garfield. Say it as many times as it takes for you to convince yourself that it's the truth." She stared at him, her eyes devoid of any sarcasm or dark playfulness. "Lie to yourself. It worked so well for her in the past." His cheek twitched as he clenched his jaw, and when he strode up to her bedside and leaned over her she felt her weak body spike with his proximity.

"You've been out for days," he said solidly, staring down into her eyes. "It took three hours and a lot of Cyborg's bio-engineering training to heal Robin's throat so he can eat properly. At the same time Starfire hasn't spoken at all, and only yesterday she finally walked outside and into the sunlight. Her powers have been moot the entire time." He gripped the edge of her hospital bed. "How does that make you feel?"

"Tired," she replied without hesitation. "Maybe I went overboard with them?" She sighed in exasperation, but Beast Boy didn't take her response lightly.

"Even when she was consumed by her father's evil, Raven wasn't so cold-hearted," he murmured. He started to turn and walk away, but she reached out a chained hand and grabbed his arm. He froze, looking down at her grip. "You've healed yourself," he said, disappointed. "I didn't think you'd be able to heal so quickly after what I did to you."

"You're not as strong as you think."

"Neither were you when you crumpled onto the ground."

"I'm not giving her back," she said, and this time she made it a point to accentuate her sincerity in the matter. "You can kick and scream, you can perform your acts of sadism on me that you veil in justice, you can exorcise me or deny my existence all you want, but I will not give her back."

He held her gaze for a surprisingly long time, the bruises and gashes on his face paling in comparison to the animosity in his eyes. When he finally pulled out of her grasp he did so with a forced silence as he kicked at the control panel and passed through the sliding metal doors.

.

.

.

Around her the darkness of her mind had become something of the norm, and in its silence she had berated herself until the voice in her head became the words that escaped her lips. Now she had fallen back into an eerie calmness. She didn't sit, for she had been sitting for so long, so she just stood. And stared.

"So this is what it feels like," Raven said airily, staring down at her hands, inspecting her palms, her wrists, her knuckles. On the floor next to her Happy flipped onto her back to look up at her. She had remained with her the entire time, growing so tired at moments that she'd drift off to sleep, and then laughing uncontrollably at other times without an explanation as to why.

"What does what feel like?" she asked. Raven shook her head.

"To be Depravity. To feel what I've done to her all these years." She sighed and her emoticlone rose to a sitting position, her head tilting to the side.

"What are you talking about?"

"I can feel it. Or I guess, I can't feel it," she explained quietly, curling her fingers into fists and then letting them ago again. "I'm becoming detached from my own body. I can't hear my own thoughts. I can't listen to my own heartbeat. I have no sense of connection whatsoever. I feel severed."

"You've been here for ages," Happy tried to offer. "Who knows how many hours or days have passed in the real world? You've been away from yourself for so long that maybe-,"

"No, it's not distance that's cutting me off. It's her. She's making me feel what I've made her feel since the beginning. Nothing." She dropped her hands and started pacing around her solitary rock, closing her eyes and concentrating on her breathing. "Was I so naïve all this time?"

"Honestly? Yes," her clone said. "But I'm guessing you already knew the answer to that."

"I was scared of her," Raven defended quietly. "Scared of what accepting her would mean."

"Just because you accept that you're capable of cruelty doesn't mean that you'll act upon it."

"I'm starting to understand that now."

"A little late."

"Yeah. Just a little."

"And sexuality and desire-,"

Raven shook her head. "No need to offer wisdom in that department. I already know what I've done wrong there."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

She kept pacing. "Perhaps."

"You thought of sexual desire as evil because of what happened between mother and Trigon."

Raven grimaced. "Hearing Knowledge's words come from your mouth is a bit unsettling, you know."

"And then you somehow found confirmation when you fell for Malchior."

"Seriously, I don't need the reminders."

"And then your deprivation of it made you resent it, and your resent turned into hate, and that hate found a home with…her." Raven stared at her emotion. She just shrugged from her place on the ground. "I'm just saying."

"I know all this already."

"But you don't know that we were also happy at those times."

Raven stopped walking. "Happy?"

"Yes."

"Was I happy when Arella told me the truth about her seduction to a demon king? Was I happy when Malchior betrayed my trust?"

"We were both happy when our mother was grateful for us, something that would not have happened without our father. And you were happy, for a time, when Malchior shared in the things you enjoyed."

"What is the point of happiness if it's short-lived?"

Her emotion suddenly held out her hand at that, her fingers spread wide in a halting motion. She smiled sadly and shook her head. "Ah. So we have finally come down to it, haven't we?"

"Come down to what?"

"The reason," she said. "The reason for everything. 'What is the point of happiness if it's short-lived?'"

Raven just sighed in exasperation, closing her eyes and pushing her hair out of her face. "What are you talking about?"

"What's the point of anger if it's selfish?" she asked. Raven frowned, not understanding. "What's the point of feeling sorry if the damage is already done? What's the point of attraction if it gets messy? What's the point of cruelty if it's wrong?" She started to rise to her feet. "What's the point of love if you can get hurt?" Raven opened her eyes and stared at her doppelganger.

"I don't want to play at riddles right now."

"They're not riddles," she explained. "They're all the things you used to tell us. All of us. When you didn't want us to come out." She walked up to Raven and right into her arms, leaning her weight into her body and resting her head wearily on her shoulder. Raven let her, but did not hold her. "You used to suppress me too—harmless little me—because you were always afraid-,"

"I was afraid of losing control of my powers."

"That is a lie, Raven. Was I so scary that I could break your steel resolve and make you lose control? No, you used to suppress even me because you were afraid of a short-lived happiness. You suppressed the extent of Bravery because you were afraid you'd get too confident, too reckless. You suppressed Timid because apologies make you feel guilty, and feeling guilty would make you undisciplined."

"I _suppressed_ my emotions because that was what I was raised to do," Raven said, but even she was starting to get annoyed with the constant repetition. The words were slowly losing their meaning for her. "And once you get on that track…once you've done something for so long, you just keep doing it." She pushed her emoticlone away gently, but continued to look into her face. "I sound annoying, even to myself."

"Don't say that."

"It's true."

"Yes, but you don't have to say it."

Raven turned towards the edge of the rock, her eyes watching the darkness as she mulled over her thoughts. "I wonder what she's doing out there," she said absently. Behind her Happy practically whimpered.

"I wonder too. There are moments when she is happy and I feel it, but then the next moment she is angry, and then the next she is in agony, and then next she is resilient, but then the next she is resentful."

"She doesn't know how to handle it all," Raven said. "At this rate she'll end up breaking from all the strain."

"No," her emotion said, sitting back down on the ground. "Not her. You."

Raven reached an arm out into the darkness, concentrating, trying to force herself to feel connected to her own body again. She felt nothing reach out in return. "It really is all my fault," she said plainly. "I did this to myself, and now I have to go back and relearn how to be…"

"A girl?"

"A person. A human."

"Ah," Happy sighed, laying down again. "That sounds…"

"Fun?" Raven said sarcastically. Her emotion shook her head.

"Hard."

.

.

.

"I guess we need to talk."

Robin turned his head on his pillow as Beast Boy walked into the infirmary and pulled a chair close to the bed. On his opposite side Starfire was sound asleep in her bed, her body once again curled up beneath a mountain of blankets. Even though she had been out for a majority of the day soaking up the sunlight, she had insisted she was still too cold and had refused to sleep alone in her room.

"I guess we do," Robin said quietly, but clear enough so that Beast Boy heard every word. He stared right into Gar's eyes. "How is she?" he asked, and he didn't need to say who he was referring to.

"Fine. Better than fine. Better than you and Star." He raked a hand through his hair aggressively. Robin's expression didn't change.

"But she's still not Raven."

"No. She's not."

Beast Boy waited as his leader struggled to sit up, settling himself against his pillows so that he was more present in the conversation. Robin was grateful he didn't offer to help him, and he knew Gar was grateful that he didn't ask him to.

"You need to tell me what happened," Robin demanded lowly. "Cyborg already told me that you've kept the details from him, but you can't-,"

"I will," Beast Boy interrupted, leaning his arms against his knees and staring at the floor. "I just…you have to let me tell you the whole story."

"Okay."

"Everything. Without interruption."

"Okay."

"I'm serious, Rob. Even when I stop talking and start wandering around, pacing the room, leave to go get something to eat, fall asleep in this chair…you have to wait until I've told you the entire story. You can't say anything before then. You can't judge me and you can't judge Rae. Not until everything's been-,"

"Beast Boy."

Gar clamped his lips together, instantly realizing that he had been rambling nervously. "Sorry."

"I'll listen," Robin said sternly. "And I'll wait until I've heard everything. And after it's all been said, then you have to agree with whatever course of action I choose to take. No matter what."

Robin saw the falter in Beast Boy's resolve and felt the strength grow in his own. This was the same feeling he had had when he was pursuing Slade, and when he had retreated into the depths of the mountains to train with a master. This was how he had felt when he had ventured out on his own, away from Batman, away from the mentor that had taught him everything. It was with this hardened feeling that he had committed the sacrifices it took to be a true hero, and this Robin was going to take any means to fix the damage that had been done…no matter what.

"All right. Agreed." Beast Boy consented, swallowing hard. His leader nodded and then leaned his head back against his pillows.

"Good," he said simply, and then fell silent, allowing Beast Boy to begin his story at his own leisure. On his part, Gar covered his face with his hands, gathered his scattered and fractured senses, and then opened his eyes and took a deep breath.

.

.

.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

.

.

.

Beast Boy sat in the middle of Raven's room, books open all around him and a few of her trunks overturned with their contents spilling out. He had thrown her drapes wide open, and the space was illuminated with afternoon light as he poured over two large tomes, each hand tracing out lines of words that seemed to melt into one continuous, unintelligible jumble.

He had only been at it for two days, but already his mind was caving under the pressure and strain. He only understood a third of what he had read so far, and the meager amount of Swahili, Somali, and Arabic that his birth parents had taught him only worked on a handful of Raven's archives. Everything else required at least two dictionaries and an encyclopedia set before he could translate it. And he was never one for patience.

"You would think that after all these years you would have written us a how-to manual on your mind," he groaned out loud, giving up and flopping onto his back. He rubbed at his face, exasperated. "And you would think that after all this time I would have opened my eyes and tried to understand you more." He lowered his hands and tilted his head back, looking at the pile of wood that had once been her bookshelf. When he had come to her room the first time he had been surprised to see it destroyed. She had loved that bookshelf, and had gotten angry with him more than once for putting his cold drinks on the wood. But now it was in splinters and Raven was gone.

"I did it once before," he whispered, reaching out a hand to where he knew the hand mirror was. He picked it up and held it over his face, staring at his reflection. "We got into your mind before. How do I do it again?" He touched his fingers to the glass surface and was disappointed when they didn't pass through.

A knock sounded on the door and Beast Boy sat up to look at the entrance, his hand gently lowering the mirror. Cyborg was there, hovering just in the hallway.

"Everything's ready," he said, and he sounded more than a little bit upset with what he was referring to. "Rob's waiting for us in the viewing room."

"Waiting for you," Beast Boy corrected. "I'm not going. Staying here and doing my part of this whole thing."

"Gar, I am not going to do this without you there-,"

"Yeah, I know," he cut him off, heaving himself into a sitting position. "You've already said it to me before, but my place isn't there. It's here, in this room, trying to pry my way into Raven's head. Those are my orders."

"Garfield." Cyborg started to enter the room but then pulled back again. It had never been easy for anyone to enter the place before, and old habits died hard. "I don't know what you talked about with Robin, but this weirdness between the two of you the past few days isn't exactly helping with our bigger problem. I've never known you to blindly follow his so-called 'orders'."

"It's because he knows everything now, and he's trying to process the truth, and it's so freaking _awkward_," Beast Boy breathed, dropping his face into his hands once again. "I tried to spare myself the embarrassing details, but some of it I couldn't just glaze over, and do you know what it's like to have him look at you like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like he doesn't know who the hell you are anymore."

Cyborg dropped his gaze, shaking his head. "No, I don't."

"Well, it totally sucks ass," Gar said crassly. "And it's made worse because it's him, you know?"

"Yeah, I know."

"I know he doesn't agree with me or how I've approached everything, but I don't know if he also hates me or pities me," he went on. "And honestly, I can't imagine which one would be worse." He groaned out loud again and clawed at his hair in frustration. Cyborg just sighed and rubbed at his forehead.

"Okay, okay. I get it. After seeing how the air gets way too heavy when the two of you are in the same room, then I'm glad I don't know the details. But specifics aside, what the hell are we doing here? You're holing yourself up in Rae's room trying to think like her, and right now I'm on my way to turn the failsafe into a torture chamber?"

"Robin's just trying to make it easier for me to get into Rae's head. It's his plan."

"So you're okay with this?"

"No."

"Then why am I the only one who's trying to stop it?"

Beast Boy just turned away from the door and reached for the mirror again. "Because I've run out of good decisions on this, man. I've botched this up every step of the way." He bowed his head low. "I don't mind if Robin takes the lead from here on out."

That response didn't seem to sit well with Cyborg, and he bounded a heavy fist against the doorframe, aggravated. "Fine. If you're okay with going about it like this then I guess I have no right to fuss." The furrow in his brow softened then and he cast sad eyes over at his friend. "But just…don't think that everything you did up until now was wrong. I know it sounds damn cheesy, but you weren't wrong for…for loving her." He stared at the doorframe, hit it again, and then turned to leave. "I don't know how much it means, but I'm glad you found your way there. Even if it wasn't the cleanest road." And then he was gone, leaving Beast Boy to stare at the hand mirror and listen to the quiet that followed Cyborg's words.

.

.

.

"Neurological activity is still abnormal! Damn it…and her body is continuing to reject the aerosol," Cyborg practically yelled, working frantically with the projected touch screen on his right as sirens blared their warning. At the viewing window Robin had tossed aside his clipboard and was bracing himself against the glass, his expression tight and strained. "We gotta pull the plug, man-,"

"Not yet," Robin cried, throwing up a halting hand. "She can take it! We have to see if it'll work!"

"I already told you it's not going to work!" Cyborg shot back, grimacing at the red lights flashing on his screen. "This medicine is pointless without Raven's magic!"

"We have to try, Cyborg," the Titan leader said firmly, his eyes still glued to the viewing glass. "We don't have many options left."

"A lack of options shouldn't be an excuse for this!"

"Don't stop it yet!"

"Robin!"

"It's an order," Robin cried, turning a heated stare to his friend. "Don't make me say it again."

Not another word passed Cyborg's lips, but an impassioned cry filled the room, its agonizing volume causing static to come over the intercom. Both boys redirected their gazes to the safe room below them, were a thin sheen of gas just barely obscured the image of Raven coughing violently on all fours. The boys watched—one with a guilt-ridden conscience and the other with a hardened resolve—as Raven glared up at them past swollen lips and convulsing muscles. She didn't say anything save for her groans of agony as the chemical laden mist filled her lungs and wracked her body. Alarms continued to resound off of the computers, each one boasting the painfully obvious limit of Raven's body to the haze.

"Robin," Cyborg barked, punching in a passcode to silence a majority of the alarms. "Two more minutes and she's going to pass out. If that happens we risk causing severe neural damage."

Robin ignored his friend as he dropped to his knees and stared even more intently at the writhing girl in the room. His hands curled into fists as he pounded them on the glass, mumbling aggressively under his breath.

"Come on," he hissed, pushing his heated forehead against the glass. "Come on, come on, come on…" Another siren started to wail. Cyborg's yells became more frantic. "Come on, Raven. Come on…break through. Break through…"

"Rob!"

"Come on…"

"She's going to go into cardiac arrest!"

"Damnit Raven, take the opening!"

With a frustrated growl Cyborg attacked his control panel, coding in the right sequence before pounding his fist on the enter key. The vents in the safe room opened immediately and a vacuum began to purge the space of the harmful gas. Raven sucked in the clean air with desperate gasps before collapsing onto her side, her chest rising and falling rapidly as her body continued with involuntary muscle spasms. At the window Robin frowned.

"You could have given her a couple more seconds," he said dully, rising to his feet with a weighted disappointment. "It could have been the difference-,"

"Shut up," Cyborg snapped, squinting at his touch screen as he moved digital commands through the air. "Seriously, I don't want to hear it right now."

"We're going to try it again in a few hours anyway," Robin went on, clearly ignoring the agitation growing in Cyborg's tone. "We're just postponing the same outcome that we'll-,"

"Rob, it's a neurotoxin, not just some tear gas or a physical inhibitor. The kind of dosage we were pumping into that room could have fried the synapsis of any _normal_ human being! The only reason I developed it was because it's supposed to act as an _aid_ to Raven's meditative powers; and even then it was created as a serum for direct application, not an aerosol that could target her entire nervous system!"

"I am aware of the statistics of the situation, but you're not factoring in the variable of Raven herself," Robin said in a clipped tone. "Her biology is different as is, but take into account that this entity has been spiking Raven's normal levels across the board over the past thirty-six hours. If there was ever a time to push her to the limit then it's now."

"To the limit of what?" Cyborg demanded. "The limit of a complete neural breakdown?"

"She's stronger than that."

"She used to be! Not anymore!"

"You keep bringing up the logistics on your screen, but you're ignoring them yourself! Look at her adrenaline count! Look how much stimulation her limbic system alone is-,"

"Just because she's forcing herself to _ignore_ a majority of the pain doesn't mean she isn't experiencing it in full capacity-!"

"You can argue with me all you want, but we're going to proceed with the second dosage regardless."

"Is that going to be an order too, _sir_?"

"If it has to be, then yes."

"You're getting unhinged."

"I'm trying to save Raven!"

"So am I, but I'm not going to kill her in the process, you raving hypocrite!"

"Yet your precautions are costing us valuable time."

"Too bad! I am not going to jeopardize her body for the unbelievably slim chance that her mind will slip through the impossibly narrow gate that we might be able to open for her!"

"Cyborg-,"

"Rob-,"

"_Victor!_"

"_Dick!_"

The loud and bone-chilling sound of solid metal being crushed into itself shook the entire space and both boys instantly went silent, their heads whipping around towards the back of the room. Standing there, with all the silence she had held for the entire ordeal, was Starfire, her hand pulling away from the wall…and from the four-foot deep crater she had just pounded into it.

"Stop this arguing," she said calmly, although the shaking of her fists betrayed her true emotions. "None of this useless back and forth is helping the problem. So just stop." She walked forward and right up to the glass, her sad emerald eyes carefully watching the girl that wasn't Raven drag herself to the wall and lean heavily against it. The alien's usually easy expression darkened, and her brow furrowed deeply as she hugged her arms closer to her body. "None of this will do. Drugs and torture will not help us return Raven back into herself."

"It's not torture," Robin defended quietly, but Cyborg shook his head in disagreement.

"She's right, it is torture. We're needlessly killing the girl."

"You had said that the serum was meant to be given through the needle," Starfire pointed out somberly. "If it is through the needle, then will it still be torture?"

"No, because that was its intention. We created it to soften her mental state and allow her brain to experience chemical and hormonal freedom so that she could manage her psyche more easily." He glared back at Robin. "If it's direct application then we pass over the terminal risks."

"Which is impossible to do unless we physically go into the room," Robin finished off, throwing out his hands in irritation. "Which is a different risk I am not going to take."

"You do not need to bite any heads off," Starfire said lowly, casting grim eyes at their leader. "This is a serious matter that requires us to do the talking through."

"I know it's a serious matter, Star. And I seem to be the only one who truly understands that," he hissed, turning away from her and knocking over a chair as he started to pace the room. Starfire did not flinch in the slightest, but Cyborg did stride over to stand right in Robin's way.

"You are not allowed to unravel right now," he said lowly. Robin's feet halted and he stared up into Cyborg's face. They used to have such a difference in height, but their dynamic had changed over the years as well. "And you have no right to snap at Starfire."

Robin didn't say anything right away, just stole a few moments of silence to process his own thoughts. Finally he let out a silent sigh and turned towards the alien girl. "I'm sorry, Kory."

"I understand that you are frustrated," she replied, nodding at his apology. "And I know you are caught between being angry at friend Raven and being scared for her. I am confused with my feelings towards her as well, but I know for certain that I do not wish to harm her in any way." She turned towards the viewing window again and her breath caught a little in her throat. Raven was looking right at her as she leaned against the wall, her hands pressing down on her chest as she continued to quiet her rapid breaths. "If our goal is to weaken Raven's mind to allow Beast Boy to do the passing through, then we have to do it right. The serum will work if it is injected?" she tried to confirm, directing her gaze to Cyborg. He nodded.

"It will. It will do exactly what it's meant to do as a mental inhibitor, but it's a moot point if BB can't figure out how-,"

"Then we must do it that way, if that is the way it must be done," Starfire interrupted, turning back to the window. "If Beast Boy can find a way to pry into her mind, then we must be sure that he can get through. We must do the testing of it." She winced a little. Raven was now smiling up at her. "I will go in and restrain Raven enough so that we may administer the serum."

"No," Robin said immediately, walking over to Starfire and standing between her and the window, as if blocking her view of the failsafe room would change her mind. "I won't let you go in there. No one can go in there."

"It must be done, Robin."

"She'll hurt you again."

"I will be more ready this time."

"You're not going to make me stand here and let you walk into a trap!"

"Then do you wish to accompany me?"

"No one is accompanying anyone! We are doing this safely from the outside and nothing more!" He grabbed her hand in a vice-like grip. She didn't waiver in the slightest. "I am not going to let her take you again."

Starfire let out a breath and covered Robin's hand with her free one. Across the room Cyborg had dropped into a chair, his elbows on his knees and his hands over his head. And in the safe room below, unheard through the thick glass and commotion of the viewing room, the Raven that was not Raven chuckled quietly to herself even as she tried to steady her still shuddering muscles.

"This," she whispered to herself, letting out a shuddering breath, "is a lot harder than I had anticipated."

.

.

.

Raven sat up abruptly, her tired eyes snapping open and frantically searching around the blackness of her surroundings. Next to her Happy mumbled and burrowed her head deeper beneath her cloak.

"Did you say something?" Raven asked, tugging at her cardigan and hugging her arms to her body. It had gotten so cold.

Her emotion just groaned next to her, huddling herself into a small ball. "No," came her croaky reply.

"Are you sure?"

"What do you think?" she huffed sarcastically, then turned on her side to face away. Raven frowned at her surroundings, slowly and cautiously rising to her feet. "What did you hear?" Happy asked lowly, too polite to let a rude response go unattended. Raven shook her head, walking to the edge of the floating rock and peering over into the depths below.

"My own voice, I think."

"Did we say something?"

"Yes."

Happy glanced over her shoulder and peeked out from beneath her hood. "What did we say?" she asked curiously. She watched as Raven pulled back from the brink, touching her temple and looking up.

"We were calling out," she replied. "For Garfield."

.

.

.

It took the fourth time of hearing his name before Beast Boy finally looked up from his notepad and stared around the room. He had moved to Raven's bed and had been staring at the 'nunc lento' verse that he had translated when he first heard the whispers of his name. He had blamed it on the deafening silence and figured it was just a figment of his imagination. By the second time it was clear that the voice was purely Raven's, and that just added to convincing him that it was all in his head. His eyes had already begun to close by the third time, but it was the fourth time when his lids snapped opened and he sat up slowly, staring at the foot of the bed with a deep frown creasing his face.

His imagination was always vivid, but not enough for there to be a _fourth _time of hearing his name in such clarity. He set the notepad aside and slid off the bed, bowing his head and concentrating.

"_Garfield._"

He stopped moving and stared at the floor…at the hand mirror glowing feebly on the carpet.

"_Gar._"

He rubbed languidly at his temple, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

"Are you freaking kidding me?" he breathed.

.

.

.

"Keep your hand on the button," Robin said, his nose practically pressed into the glass as he stared into the safe room. "If we get even the smallest inkling that things are going south then you knock her out in a second."

"Yeah," Cyborg said cynically, sitting down in front of the control panel once more. "Because that's totally keeping a level head about this situation."

"I'm not going to let anything happen to Kory again."

"There's more to it then just protection," Cyborg started. "Both you and Star were attacked, but she's not treating Rae the same way you are. She's upset, yeah, and she's hurt, of course. But she's not angry at Raven. She doesn't hate her for what happened because she knows there's more to it. But you hate Rae right now."

"I don't hate her."

"Bull. I've never known you to willing place any of us in physical pain unless it was yourself. Yet here you are, unabashedly gassing the girl and then giving orders to nuke her if she so much as bats an eyelash wrong."

Robin breathed heavily and leaned his arm onto the window. "So you're telling me you're okay with everything she's done up until this point?"

"That's not what I'm saying at all."

"Then what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you're treating her like a criminal about to be processed into Arkham* rather than our friend of the last ten years!"

"In the last ten years Raven has never pulled anything as dangerous as this-,"

"Did you forget about the end of the world?!"

"She never kept secrets from me," Robin barked, cutting the air with his emphatic hands. "Raven never did anything—not even end the world—without telling me what was going on! She doesn't keep secrets from me! We don't keep secrets from each other! She betrayed my trust when she closed off her mind!" He turned away from Cyborg abruptly and started pacing the room again, his chest heaving with his heavy breathing. At the control panel his bionic friend narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms.

"Wow. So that's it, huh? That's what's got you so upset?"

"If she had just said something I could have helped her fix it before-,"

"No, you couldn't. We all know that Raven has always told you everything, but she can change too. And she has. You're not the only one she goes to, Rob."

"Clearly."

"Yeah, clearly. She comes to me because she knows I'll always listen. Sure, sometimes I'll be like you and judge her horribly, or sometimes I'll be like Star and just cater to her and give her whatever the hell she wants, but I've been straight with her from day one and it's why she comes to me."

"I'm not disputing that she comes to you-,"

"She's come to me more than you about this whole thing, and that's what's got you so upset."

"Cyborg-,"

"Oh no, but it's not just who her confidante is that's got you angry. It's who her problem solver is. Because if there's one person in this entire tower that is her number one right now, it's the grass stain, and you hate that."

"You're twisting the perspective to rile me, but it's not going to work," he said, but then turned around anyway. "And going to Beast Boy has proven what, by the way? That it's the worst mistake either of them could have made," Robin said, jumping on the subject matter. "Look at the end results, Cyborg. This isn't exactly how a harmonious household should be. My girlfriend is preparing to forcibly take down one of our closest friends and we're standing here making sure no one gets maimed in the process. This is not how I'd like the Teen Titans to be run, let alone how I expect my friends to live!"

"So you're going to take this out on Rae and Gar? I'm not overlooking the circumstances, but you know that this is more complicated than what's on the surface."

"More complicated than the fact that they were engaging in a toxic relationship that's hurt both of them?"

"They fell in love, Rob. You can blame them for their handling of that, but you can't blame them for-,"

"They did not fall in love!" Robin's cry was rare and impassioned and intense enough to shock Cyborg into momentary silence. The room rang with it, and he pushed against the wall to steady himself, both hands flat against the metal as he leaned his body into the sturdiness of the room. Cyborg sat with his mouth slightly agape, surprised with where the conversation and gotten to.

"Do you…not want them to be together?" he asked cautiously but callously, making it no secret that he was disgusted with that sort of intention. But Robin shook his head vigorously before pushing off the wall.

"You've got it wrong," he said, his tone returning back to its usual solid cadence. "Because _they_ didn't fall in love. Raven doesn't fall in love. Beast Boy does. And that…that is what makes this wrong." He ran a hand through his hair, practically clawing at the black strands. "I'm not blind," he said. "I've noticed how Beast Boy looks at Raven, and I knew how Raven went out of her way to tolerate Beast Boy. I think we all figured it out before either of them did. But I always knew..."

"Knew what?"

"That they'd do this wrong…that if they ever came together they would be a clash of all the wrong choices and the results would be disastrous, and it would leave one person feeling trapped and the other feeling broken." His head bowed with heavy, self-inflicted guilt. "Because it's Beast Boy, Cyborg. No matter how many years pass by I can't stop thinking about the way he looked when I first met him. He was so damn _young_ and idealistic and naïve, and I've always felt like I had to…to protect him. And Raven…." He hit the wall again, grumbled angrily, and went back to pacing. "Raven was never any of those things. She never got to be young or idealistic. She was always burdened, always carrying the weight of her own existence…and if the wrong person is given a share of the load then…"

And that was when Cyborg realized that the majority of Robin's anger stemmed from the well-known fact that he held his friends to a certain high standard. And if someone didn't live up to the expectations he had for them, well…the results were always a little more than mere disappointment.

"He's not the same kid who used to have your action figure on a shelf in his room," Cyborg said sternly. "I'm not saying this to be cruel Rob, but I'm saying it because you need to hear it. Gar's grown up. When he was younger you were his idol. Now you're his friend and he is your equal. You can't hate him because he grew up and started to make decisions on his own."

"I don't hate him-,"

"But you're disappointed in him."

"Well, aren't you?"

"No. Pissed off that I was kept in the dark, yes. But not disappointed."

Robin shook his head. "You don't understand, Cyborg. You don't know the whole story."

"I don't have to know the whole story to know that this isn't 100% bad all around. This entire ordeal is probably worse case scenario for anyone, but did you ever consider that maybe this is the only way it could have happened? Maybe the only way someone like Raven _could_ learn to love?"

"That's ludi-,"

"It's not. You said it yourself that Raven can't fall in love, and we all know why. She has deep-seeded issues that reach beyond the spectrum of normal people, not to mention that she has problems showing and controlling emotion. Like you just said, she's always been burdened. She can't open up, even when she wants to. But she found a way to get past all that and have an actual relationship with Gar. Not something plutonic and safe like she has with you or me, but something _real_ and _passionate_. Yeah, it was toxic and yeah, it was totally a crap road for both of them…but in the end all I can see is that Garfield did for Raven what no one—not even Raven herself—thought was possible. And it happened with love present, Rob. The guy is totally in love with her, and I'm sure he knew better than anyone that going that route was going to be a hell all its own."

"I can't believe you're trying to justify what they've been doing all this time."

"I'm justifying it, man. Quit making it black and white. I'm just saying that I understand."

"Understand that love isn't all white curtains and rose petals?"

Cyborg let out a cynical 'hah' and shook his head. "Wow, BB was right. Um, no Rob. It's not all white curtains and rose petals. It's a whole lot of shit hitting the fan, and that doesn't make it right. But you can't call what's between those two anything else but love."

Robin pursed his lips. "And what has that 'love' done to them?"

Cyborg shrugged wearily. "Broken them both, apparently."

"Exactly," the Boy Wonder pointed out. Cyborg just nodded defiantly as well.

"Yeah. Exactly."

"And you're okay with that?"

Cyborg let how a low breath, his jaw tightening with frustration. "Understanding, not condoning. Remember?"

"I can't believe you-,"

"I am ready," Starfire's voice interrupted, coming off steady and calm on the panel's communication system. Cyborg dropped his eyes down to his keyboard and Robin immediately turned back to the window, both of them swiftly putting aside their argument for the safety of their comrade and the procedure ahead of them.

"You've got the injection gun?" Cyborg asked, punching the talk button in front of him.

"I have it," she confirmed. "It is prepped and ready to go."

"We're not taking risks with this one," Robin called out, making his voice heard from across the room. "I'm shutting this down at the slightest indication of danger."

"I know," was all Starfire replied with. Rob's fingers tapped rapidly on the glass.

"Kory, you can still-,"

"No," came the calm reply. "I will not quit this thing before I have even tried to do it. I want…no…I need to do what I must to stop this girl that is not friend Raven."

"Powering down the sonic barrier on the doors," Cyborg announced, his red eye glowing as his cybernetics collaborated with the computer. "And closing off the ventilation system," he added, glaring at Robin. Starfire breathed into the comm a few times.

"How long until the doors will be clear to open?"

"Three minutes."

"Okay."

.

.

.

"Maybe it's her," Happy whimpered, sitting upright, fully awake and attentive. She was carefully eyeing Raven who was still teetering on the edge of the rock. "Maybe she's luring you into a trap."

"It's not her," Raven said, closing her eyes and letting the constant whisper that surrounded them fill her ears. "I can't feel her, but I can feel this. This voice is mine, but I'm not speaking."

"Who else could it be? We are all under her control now. We're all a part of her thoughts and whims."

Raven shook her head, opened her eyes, and looked down. "Not all," she said under her breath. She pushed the hair from her eyes and lifted one foot. "Protect yourself," she called back to her doppelganger. "Stay safe until this is over."

"Raven, no! Don't leave me!"

But it was too late. Raven had stepped out into the darkness and was plunging down into the black.

.

.

.

"So it's either a trap or a trap," Beast Boy muttered to himself, leaning against the wall as he stared at the glowing mirror on the floor. It was pulsating now, with the ghost of Raven's voice calling out his name in a continuous whisper.

"_Garfield_."

But it didn't sound haunting, or taunting, or eerie in the sense of delivery. It was simply her voice quietly calling out his name.

"_Garfield._"

Like the countless times she had said his name before: as a greeting in the morning, or in response to some silly comment he made, or when she wished to speak to him and him alone.

"_Garfield_."

He walked over to the mirror and picked it up quickly. He stared at the glass surface where no image reflected back at him save for the white light still emanating from its depths. He glanced back his notepad and tried whispering the Latin incantation to the mirror. Beast Boy tapped his finger on the glass, hoping that maybe he could push through to the portal…but he was met with only a solid surface.

"What's the point of calling me if I can't get through?" he growled, his grip tightening on the handle. The voice continued to speak his name, and it only heightened his frustration.

Partially because hearing the voice made him feel anxious, as if he should have been doing something but couldn't figure out what, and partially because just hearing Raven's voice—the real Raven's voice—made him realize just how long it had been since they had spoken. The last time he had seen the real Raven it had been on the roof of the Tower, in the dead of night, when he had wanted nothing but to run and hold her after such a long absence…and he hadn't because he had had no right…

"All right, sorry Rob, but this plan bites," he mumbled to himself, striding out of the room and yanking the door open. "You call? I'll come." And he raced down the hallway towards the failsafe room.

.

.

.

"Activating the force field," Cyborg recited, pulling out his projection screen again. "Once you pass through the threshold the electrical current is going to rise up behind you," he said into the communicator.

"I understand," came Starfire's reply.

"The runes embedded into the walls should contain most of Raven's magic, but that's just preventing it from expanding beyond the room. Remember, you'll be more vulnerable to her once you step inside, and we are all aware that this Raven doesn't practice the magical restraint that the real one does."

"Prep the gas ducts as well," Robin instructed, leaning into the window. Below him the Raven that wasn't Raven stood in the middle of the room, her eyes trained up at Robin. "And double the dosage from before. Incapacitation needs to be instantaneous."

"Right," Cyborg replied disparagingly, but he carried out the command anyway. "Okay Star, the field should be fully charged in about a minute. Once it's ready I'm going to throw the lock on the doors and they're going to clear out for you."

"Get in there fast," Robin called out. "Don't give her time to react."

"We are of the same mindset," Starfire replied. "I will attack promptly."

"Be careful."

"I will keep aware of her. I do not wish to hurt this Raven at all."

"I was talking about you."

"And I was talking about Raven."

"Forty-three seconds," Cyborg warned, shooting a subtle look over at Robin. "Almost there."

.

.

.

Gar bounded up the staircases, too riled up to use the elevator and just stand. The glowing of the mirror was brightening slowly, and the increasing light made him more and more anxious.

"I get it, I get it," he heaved, pulling on the rails to help him climb. "You're calling out to me. But how do I get to you, Rae? How do I slide past Depravity's barrier?"

.

.

.

Cyborg grasped the lever that would pull back the locks on the doors. "Thirty seconds," he announced. Down in the room the Raven that wasn't Raven at all suddenly dropped her gaze, her eyes going wide as she stepped backwards a few paces. Robin immediately perked at her change of demeanor, and he threw up his hand in a halting motion.

"Wait, wait…something's happening to her," he said, but Starfire's voice protested over the communication.

"We are not stopping this, Robin. How many more seconds?"

"Twenty-three," Cyborg replied. Robin shook his head.

"No, I'm serious. Something's happening to her." Below them Raven was staring at the floor in unmistakable surprise, shaking her head every now and then as if she were trying to rid herself of an irritating fly. She touched a finger to her temple and grimaced, her lips moving as she spoke. "Cyborg, turn on the intercom!"

.

.

.

She had thought it was a nuisance only, just one of the whinier emotions complaining at the back of her mind and annoying her with the ghost of a plea for help. But now the voice and the intent were growing stronger by the second, and it made Depravity realize that it wasn't just any of the emotions…it was Raven herself.

It felt like her, sounded like her, even had the same aura as her. But that was impossible. Depravity had severed her hold, had pushed her away just as she had been push away for nearly two decades.

"_Garfield. Garfield._"

"You call for him but he won't come for you," she said evilly, her feet staggering beneath her against her will. "Unfortunately our favorite little pet hasn't come to us in quite some time, and he's not going to start now. You're helpless. You're trapped, and he's mine."

"_Garfield._"

"Stop it!" she suddenly shrieked, angry with how calmly the voice said his name. She was so distracted by the voice that she didn't hear the lock on the double doors pull back, releasing their hold on the metal. "He is not here! He won't come for _you_, anymore! From now on he'll only come for me!"

"Now!" Cyborg's voice cried out, crackling through the intercom. Raven flinched in surprise, and then the double doors flew open to her left. She whirled around and saw Starfire careening towards her, zipping through the air and colliding with her. The breath was knocked out of her as she was slammed into the wall, her wrists pressed into the giant runes etched there, their magic making it impossible to blast Starfire away.

"I do not wish to hurt you," Starfire breathed. She lifted one leg and pressed her knee into Raven's arm as she reached for an injector gun hanging off her belt. Raven saw the clear liquid swishing around in the vial, and she squirmed helplessly against the alien's strength.

"You cannot win with that," she hissed, her desperation making her usual drawl sound ugly. "It will only buy you seconds, maybe minutes at best."

"Maybe that is all we need," Star replied, and shoved the barrel against the back of Raven's neck. It forced her head to the side, and when her eyes peered over Starfire's shoulder her expression changed from agitation to genuine surprise to pure malice.

Standing in the hallway, holding the glowing portal mirror in his hands, was Garfield.

.

.

.

Raven was in a space she couldn't even begin to think was her mind. The ground was smooth and the air around her was warm and extremely comforting. Darkness still surrounded her, but it was soft and felt safe rather than exposed. Gentle light seemed to illuminate her immediate surroundings, and a calming breeze grazed across her skin. It was quiet, quieter than it had been on her hovering rock, and instead of her Happy emotion to share her company there was another in her place.

She sat cross-legged on the ground wearing the exact same clothes Raven was wearing now. That in itself was odd, for Raven had always projected an image of her costume onto her emoticlones, yet here she was, a mirror-image of what Raven looked like at the moment. They stared at each other, with the doppelganger staring up avidly into Raven's face.

"Who are you?" Raven asked quietly. The emoticlone didn't part her lips to speak and did not make any movement to stand up. She just sat there, staring, as a voice that was Raven's whispered into her own ear.

"_I am patient, I am kind._"

Raven brow furrowed the slightest bit. "Impossible…"

"_I do not envy, I do not boast. I am not proud."_

She swallowed hard against her throat. "You will always protect, you will always trust." Her emotion smiled the slightest bit and nodded demurely.

"_I will never fail."_ *

Raven breathed deeply, her body shaking as the air left her lungs. "I know who you are," she said softly. "I just never knew you truly existed."

.

.

.

"Garfield! Get out of there!" Robin cried, punching his fist onto the talk button and yelling into the intercom. "Cyborg, close the doors!"

"I thought you didn't want—," Cyborg started to protest, but Robin whirled to look at him.

"You have to close the entry before Raven gets out!" He was already leaping over the control panel and heading for the door even as Cyborg rushed to implement the right coding sequence.

"Then Star will be trapped inside."

"I know."

"But I thought you-!"

"The plan has changed!" Robin screamed, kicking the door open. "Starfire's safety is still a top priority, but Gar takes precedence. She can't reach him!"

Cyborg was working as fast as he could, but it wasn't fast enough. "The sonic barrier needs time to react and the electrical-,"

"Turn on the vents!"

"But Starfire!"

"Victor! NOW!"

.

.

.

Gar remembered experiencing key moments in battles with an unnatural awareness, as if the world was working at half-speed so that he could soak up every miniscule detail around him. All the Titans had talked about that adrenaline rush that came when the stakes were high and their senses seemed to multiply to balance out the odds. They would talk about the events as if they passed around them at a sauntering pace, allowing them to absorb the world outside of the usual stream of time.

But this wasn't one of those moments.

As Beast Boy's eyes locked with Depravity's, everything that followed after happened fast.

So fast.

Too fast.

Rage seemed to emulate from her like a vicious, hungry beast, and she struggled against Starfire's hold like a caged monster. Somewhere in the booth Gar heard Robin's muffled screams, and the crackling sound of the safe room's electrical barrier coupled with the blaring, white light that had awakened in the hand mirror. Gar dropped the thing in surprise and backed up against the corridor wall. From within the room he heard Starfire cry out and pull aggressively at the trigger in her hand just when the gas valves above them opened up and doused the area in a thick haze.

Depravity shrieked.

Beast Boy saw Starfire's knee slipped.

The gun fell to the floor.

Robin came flying out from the stairwell, screaming Gar's name.

There was a loud metal cracking sound, and something in the room sparked violently.

Garfield blinked against the blazing light of the mirror.

Then, through the haze, he saw Depravity struggle and fall to the floor, her hand reaching out towards him and her fingers glowing with black, flickering power. Her eyes started to roll back, the light from the mirror flared even brighter, and the voice that had been calling out so fervently before seemed to whisper itself right into Beast Boy's mind.

"_Garfield. Now._"

He said the words without thinking, at the exact moment when he felt Robin's hands clamp down on his arm.

"_NUNC LENTO SONITU DICUNT NOVO."_

And then all the noise…

…all the wailing…

…all the screaming…

…all the crackling…

…all the booming…

…all the hissing…

…all the howling…

…stopped.

And Garfield felt himself simply disappear.

.

.

.

He didn't feel himself re-manifest at all.

It was just as if one moment he was nothing and nowhere, and then the next he was standing on smooth ground with a wondrous quiet surrounding him and darkness that somehow still seemed warm.

He didn't move at first. He was too wary, too unsure of where he had ended up.

Had he passed through the mirror?

Had he made it through Depravity's barrier and infiltrated the depths of Raven's true mind?

Was he even still alive?

He started to take half a step back but realized that he was stepping into nothingness. "Whoa," he breathed quietly, catching himself and turning around. He had been seconds away from tipping into a pitch-black chasm that waited at the edge of the ground he was standing on. He looked up a little and saw that a few feet away was another edge, just close enough for him to reach an arm across. He started to crouch down towards it, to see if maybe he really could reach across, but then a prickle crawled up his spine and he looked up fully, his defenses on alert.

Standing a few yards away, staring at him with violet eyes and her arms wrapped around herself, was Raven.

The real Raven.

His Raven.

Finally.

.

.

.

.

*1 Corinthians 13:4-8 = "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."

A/N: Yes, it has been a long time. Please, do not hate me. XD Read and review. Cheers!


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

.

.

.

"Garfield?" she called, and it was almost embarrassing how much he enjoyed hearing her speak his name. He stared at her as she walked towards him, caught between rushing over and staying cautious. "I don't believe it."

Was she smiling?

She had to be.

Her subtle, almost non-existent Raven smile.

He wanted to leap across and catch her in his arms, to finally feel her hair through his fingers, to kiss her because he was selfish and it wasn't fair how long he had gone without doing so.

He wanted to…

She was walking up to the edge now and he could see the colorless pallor of her face, the hollowness of her cheeks, the prominence of her collarbone. She had gone days without sustenance, without sunlight, existing as mental projection of herself and not the real thing. She looked so tired and worn, and he wanted to help her, to care for her, to cross the trench that separated them and just be there for her because he hadn't been for so long.

He wanted to…

"How did you…?" She was standing at the very threshold of the chasm, and all he had to do was cross it.

"Raven," he said, standing straight and forcing himself to keep his hands at his sides. A shiver of adrenaline travelled up his spine, but he breathed deeply and remained still.

"How is this possible?" she asked, amazed but subtly so. "How are you here?"

"Where's here?" he questioned, hoping he didn't look like he was battling with himself even though he was. "This doesn't look like your normal mindscape." He glanced around them before his eyes fell onto Raven's quietly perplexed expression.

"Gar." She sounded unsure of herself. "Is this real?" she asked, even quieter this time. Beast Boy tried to smile.

Tried.

"It's real," he said.

"It can't be."

"I promise you, I'm real."

"That's hard to believe." She reached out a hand. "Let me touch you."

He wanted her to touch him, to hold his hand, to run her fingers over his face.

He took a step back.

"I…I can't."

"Why not?"

He was hesitant to tell her. Considering the circumstances, the truth could have sounded frightening and overwhelming. "I don't know what this place is," he said instead, reaching for any excuse he could find. "I don't know what this chasm separating us is. Maybe I was put on this side for a reason." He watched her look down into the stretch of blackness that divided their rocks. She breathed and shook her head.

"There is no reason," she said dully, looking back up at him. "No reason for any of it, especially for you being here." He could see that she was starting to second-guess herself, to doubt what her eyes and ears were seeing and hearing as logic and context began to snake their way into her perception. "There is no way you can be here."

He felt his whole demeanor sag with her disbelief. "I'm here, Rae."

"You might not be real. I could I know otherwise?"

He almost wanted to laugh at her deadpan absurdity. "I'm real," he repeated.

"You could be a trick."

"It's me, Raven. Garfield Logan, the guy who used to switch out your tea leaves with dried pine needles and bark chips." The token Raven scowl crossed her pale face then, and he couldn't help but grin just a little bit and the long forgotten memory. Why was that the first thing he thought of? He wasn't sure. Maybe because it had been such a childish prank from years before, and the ridiculousness of the action was a protest to the bleakness of their meeting.

"I could have killed you over that, you know," she said darkly. He shrugged.

"If I remember, you almost did."

Her expression softened. "I can't believe you're actually here," she consented, and there was so much relief in her tone.

"Neither can I, to be honest."

"How?" She took a step closer to the edge. "Tell me how you did it."

"I don't even know where to begin," he said distractedly, still caught up in just looking at her. "So many things happened." He rubbed at his temple in an attempt to concentrate. "We've been trying to break into your mind for days now-,"

"What?"

"Ah, sorry. Maybe I should backtrack-,"

"No," she said sharply, staring at him. "You said 'we'. Who's 'we'?"

"The team." He watched her reaction. Her face was unmoving stone.

"The whole team?"

"Yes. Robin included," he said, knowing the answer she was looking for. The smallest hitch in her breathing was his only indication of her terror and fear. "I had to tell him the truth, Raven. I had to tell him as much as I could."

She laid her hands over her stomach and closed her eyes. "I think I'm going to be sick," she whispered. Gar sighed.

"I know it sounds bad, but he wants you back just like the rest of us. Above all else, you know that Robin wouldn't let you go without a fight. It was his plan to force our way into your psyche." She opened her eyes and there was a startling moment where Beast Boy noticed the dark circles around her lashes. She looked so emaciated. Like a corpse.

"What plan?" she asked hoarsely.

"A mixture of far-fetched ideas," he admitted, crossing his arms. Looking at her weak state made him want to punch a crater into the ground. "Cyborg showed him the serum you two had been working on, and I knew the spell you used to switch personalities, so Robin tried pairing them. If it hadn't been for your guidance we wouldn't have been able to come together at the right moment, when everything just-,"

Raven frowned. "Wait, guidance? What do you mean by guidance?"

"You called to me. I heard your voice coming through the mirror. If I didn't come looking for you then I wouldn't have been there when Starfire was administering the serum, and when your mind would be the most susceptible to the spell." He watched her frown deepen with confusion.

"That wasn't my voice," Raven corrected, turning over her shoulder to look behind her. Beast Boy started, for he hadn't noticed that they weren't alone. There was another Raven, and emoticlone dressed in her exact same clothes, sitting quietly in the distance and watching the pair with a graceful stare. Beast Boy tilted his head to the side, unnerved. "There's no way my voice could have reached out to you."

"Who is that?" he asked tentatively. She shifted her gaze to look directly into his and Gar felt the hairs on his neck stand on end.

"She's safe," Raven said right away, still looking at her. "I think she's the reason I'm still okay. And the reason why you're here." Gar pressed a hand to his chest. The emotion's stare somehow made his heart feel heavy and weighted.

"It was her voice?" he asked. "Are you sure?"

"Maybe." Rae paused, thoughtful. "Yes, it was. It had to be. I think she's still connected to my conscious body, or maybe she's something completely separate that the normal rules just don't apply." She blinked and looked down at her hands. "She is patient, she is kind," she whispered under her breath. "That would explain how she knew that if she waited, then the right time would present itself. " She sounded wistful. "She knew exactly how to bring you here." When she turned back around her hand reached out languidly for him again. "Would you like to meet her?" she asked softly.

It seemed important. The way Raven was looking at him made it seem like the most important thing in the world. But when he looked at her open palm he took another step back. He couldn't take her hand and close the distance between them. He had to stay away.

She saw his falter, and without a word or a change of expression she lowered her arm and crossed it back over her chest, unfazed by the rejection.

"I don't think we have a lot of time. We need to get you out of here," he said, talking through the awkwardness. "How do we-…um, do that exactly?"

"We don't. I've tried. I've failed."

"But it's your mind," he insisted. "Not Depravity's."

"Doesn't mean I know everything about it." She looked directly up into the blackness above her. "All I know is that we're somewhere deep in my subconscious. It's detached from the rest of me; a completely independent sanctuary." She looked down at the chasm between them yet again. "A safe haven, I think."

"So what does that mean?" he pressed. "Being buried here, hidden away…do you have any tie to your body? Has…has Depravity let you see anything she's done?" She shook her head.

"The exact opposite. I've been so isolated from everything that I'm losing sense of time and awareness. I have no idea what's been happening." She took in a deep breath. "I can only imagine what sort of rampage she's been on."

"Absolutely no idea?" Beast Boy tried to confirm. She nodded, swift and curt.

"I'm disconnected." She flexed her fingers and looked at him. "Severed. No tangible hold on my mind whatsoever. It's her form of punishment, I suppose. Do unto others."

"I'm glad then."

"That makes one of us."

He dropped his gaze. "Not for the detachment, but for your separation from her actions. It means everything she's done in the last couple of days hasn't been in any way your doing."

"That bad?" She held her breath.

"Worse."

"Oh god…" She bowed her head and covered her face with her hands, horrified. Beast Boy started to reach for her, but then pulled back almost instantaneously. He inexplicably looked to the emoticlone who simply titled her head to the side and continued to stare. "What happened?"

He didn't want to tell her because he knew it would only add to her guilt. But he also knew that Rae wouldn't appreciate being spared the news.

"She…um. She attacked us. Starfire first and then Robin. And then me." He explained, as vaguely as he could, what had transpired in the last seventy-two hours and watched as Raven's hands gripped her cardigan and the muscles in her jaw twitched from being clenched so hard. She closed her eyes when he finished and turned away, her shoulders shaking with either undiluted anger or overwhelming shame.

"You should have put her down," she said bleakly. "You should have put her down when you had the chance."

"I did a good job in shattering the left side of your body," he said humorlessly, remembering how it had felt to have Depravity crumbled beneath his fist. Raven shook her head.

"That wasn't permanent."

"You're an idiot if you think any of us, especially me, would have done more than that," he told her bluntly. "There's no more use in blaming yourself. Seriously Rae." He hesitated and then added, "I'm just glad you're okay." He looked her in the eye and she stared back. He knew that asking her to shed her guilt was fruitless, but he didn't want her to associate herself with the monster that had taken over her body. He wanted to say so much more, to tell her that seeing the real her had replenished his fire to find a solution to their problem. He wanted to tell her that he never once saw Depravity as Raven, and that he missed her eyes and how they could seem so guarded and yet so revealing at the same time. He wanted to go to her, to hold her hand, to apologize for everything.

He wanted to…

"Will you come to this side, Gar?" she asked again, her brow furrowing the tiniest bit. "I don't like talking with you when you're so far away." He took in a sharp breath and shook his head, cursing himself. He was such an open book when it came to his intentions, and it must have been obvious to Raven that he wanted nothing more than to be near her.

"No," he said right away, and took a step back. "I don't know what will happen if I cross."

"Nothing will happen," she said wearily. "You'll just be on this side instead of that side."

He sighed, feeling bad for ignoring her request for the third time. "If we can't get you out of here then we have to find a way to stop her," he went back to saying, diverging in such an obvious way.

"I already did," she automatically replied. If she felt any irritation to his constant declining then she didn't show it. "It was part of the research I was working on with Cyborg."

"The lobotomy?" Gar asked, his tone saying the word with apparent dislike. Rae frowned.

"I guess that means you've already seen our work."

"A lobotomy isn't the answer, Raven."

"It's not a lobotomy," she said.

"Yes, it is," he protested, and he felt the same anger he had felt when Cyborg had first shown him the files. "It might as well be, and it's too extreme, even for you."

"After everything she's put you through, you can still say all that?"

"Because it's your _memory_," he insisted, amazed that she was defending her position with such stoicism. "Amnesia is a big deal, and most people don't volunteer for it."

"It's not exactly voluntary at this juncture. I don't have a choice, Gar."

"There's always a choice," he mumbled, and that sparked a glimpse of impatience in her eyes.

"Is there really?" she demanded, and he could see an old argument preparing to resurface if he continued to press her on the legitimacy of having a choice. He just exhaled deeply and tired to calm his own rising impatience.

"You know what I mean. I'm only saying that we can't be at the last resort already."

"Then what's your alternative?" she asked deliberately. Almost challengingly. He looked away, shaking his head.

"It's just that this whole thing is…"

"I know exactly what it is."

"I know that you know," he almost snapped, but there was no bite to the retort. He started to inch closer towards her, teetering over the gap separating them again, but then he pulled back like he did before. "How much then?" he asked instead. He looked her in the eye again. "How much of your memory are you going to take?" She didn't answer right away. "That was the one thing you left out of your notes. I skimmed through your scrapbooks and saw that you had recorded memories from over a year ago. You're planning on using those books to help fill in the blanks afterwards, right?"

"Yes," she answered obediently. "I don't want the memories we've made as a family to suffer for the mistakes I've made as…I don't know. A person."

"Memories from over a year ago," he repeated, trying to catch her eyes again. She kept refusing to look at him. "I didn't see the other books. I don't know how far back you went. How much of your memory are you planning to erase, Raven?"

She tightened her jaw and then relaxed it. She started to say the words and then stopped. She looked behind her and then at the ground before wrapping her cardigan tighter around her body and folding her arms.

"I didn't want to tell you this way," she started to say. "I had it planned out, talking with the team and letting them know the extent of what I intended. And then I wanted to talk to you later on, just the two of us, with nothing getting in the way." She rubbed her forehead. "I just wanted _time_."

But time was no longer a luxury any of them could afford.

"I would have liked that," Gar said quietly, but he wasn't sure if Raven even heard him.

"My past has fashioned Depravity into what she is now," she went on, speaking with complete, unguarded fatigue. "Every memory ingrained in me and in my fractured emotions has culminated in her manic state. The only way to fix it is to start over. Not completely over, but enough so that I can rebuild her into something less…evil. Understand her more and learn that accepting her isn't the same as acting on her impulses." She glanced back at her still quiet emotion. "I've done enough research to find the spell and ritual that I need, and Cyborg helped me create that serum as a scientific counterpart to target the right areas of my brain." She tried looking at him. And failed. "But something that drastic can't be contained to only a few months, let alone a few weeks. It's too involved, too powerful to be restricted by so little time." Beast Boy stepped closer to the edge again, his fingers unconsciously flexing at his sides.

"Raven. How much of your memory?"

"Like I said, it's not a choice, Gar. It's not a number I had the freedom to pick." She closed her eyes and Gar nearly pitched himself right over the edge.

"How much?" he asked again. She hugged her arms closer to her body.

"Seven years."

.

.

.

"Raven!"

"I know-,"

"Are you _fucking_ kidding me?!" His arms were going wild and Raven reached out and tried to catch his wrist, hoping to stop him from flailing into the darkness.

"Gar, be careful-,"

"No!" He pulled back and paced away from her, upset and outraged. "Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me! That's practically a decade, Rae! That's too much!"

"It's an estimated figure. It might not even be seven years."

"Really? So what, it could be longer?" he snapped, glaring at her. Her face went grim.

"Yes."

"I don't believe this!" He clawed at his hair again, too frustrated with the seemingly endless wave of one bad thing after another.

"It's the best option I have," she tried to explain calmly. "The figure isn't set because the spell is too powerful to contain. Seven years is the best case scenario."

"And you're willing to do that?" he asked, glaring at her over his shoulder. "Wipe out the last seven years of your life? Completely forget almost everything you've gone through with the Titans? With me-!"

"Willing is not the same as wanting," she said forcibly, her own grip tightening. "And you know, better than anyone, that wanting has never been easy for me. Wanting has never been enough."

Beast Boy growled and turned away again, tugging so forcibly at his clothes that he threatened to shred the fabric between his fingers. He started to wander away from her, far away, but then he suddenly turned on his heel and rushed right back to the edge, leaning towards her. "What are our other options?" he demanded for the umpteenth time. She closed her eyes.

"We're going around in circles again."

"Did you ever think that maybe it's not in your books? Maybe it's something else. Something more scientific. We could ask KF, or even Virgil*. I could ask the Patrol. Hell, we could even go as high as the JL*-,"

"For what?" she demanded, and she cursed the inkling of desperation that had crept into her voice. "What other alternative would they give other than to permanentlyeradicate me? Because that's what would happen, Garfield. The easiest way to fix this is to get rid of the problem, and they would do what the Titans aren't able to."

"You don't know that," he tried to say, but there was no confidence in his words. Raven just let out a tired breath, shaking her head. How could she explain to him that she had already gone through every possibility for hours on end, hoping that there was someone—anyone—who could fix the mess he had created? How could she portray to him the desperation she had already had to feel when she was sitting at her worktable, staring at her papers, and knowing that no one was going to come and make things better?

"We both know that," she insisted. "If they had even the slightest idea how dangerous I could be then we wouldn't be having this conversation right now."

"But Raven…it's seven years. You're throwing away seven whole years." He was desperate and she knew it. He wasn't trying to hide how utterly horrified he was at the entire ordeal, but then again he wasn't very good at ever hiding anything about his feelings. "I can't go back to the way it was before," he said out loud. Raven stared stoically into his eyes even though she had been surprised by his words. "I don't want to. And yeah, that's really greedy of me, but whatever. I'm allowed to be selfish once in a while."

"What can't you go back to?" she asked slowly, and her question was sincere. "You can't go back to when things were normal and I wasn't attacking everyone I've allowed myself to care about? You can't go back to when I could sit in a room with you and not try to rip you apart in so many different ways?" She was getting upset even as she spoke, and he could tell.

"No, I'm not talking about any of that-,"

"Then what are you talking about?" she demanded, although her tone never rose above it's normal cadence. She knew it was pointless to feel irritated with him, that he never meant to cause an argument, but she was tired and her fuse was short.

"It's just….you don't know what it was like all those years ago. You were so different and I couldn't-,"

"Oh." She couldn't hide the offense in her words. "Was I that horrible?"

"I didn't say that."

"Then what are you saying?"

"I'm trying to tell you that it was difficult."

"More difficult than it is now?" she pressed, truly astonished that he was trying to defend their current state of being. "So difficult that you'd rather continue this toxic way of living?" He dropped his gaze.

"Think about it Raven," he said, rubbing at his face in frustration. "We were so distant back then. No intimacy. No connection. Back then you wouldn't give me the time of day, let alone drag me into your room-." He cut his sentence off short and dropped his hand. "I didn't mean it like that. That's not what I wanted to say."

"Then what are you trying to say?" she insisted, her temper running out. "Whatever it was that we had back then cannot be worse then right now. How can you even try and ask me to live with how things are?"

"I'm not asking you to live with this, I'm just being selfish..." he trailed off, unable to put into words what he wanted to portray. He scratched at his head forcibly and squeezed his eyes shut, unable to deal with the stress of it all. It made Raven antsy, watching him crumble under the weight of their problems. "I mean, do you know why I won't come over there?" he suddenly asked.

Her brow furrowed.

He dropped to a squat, too tired to hold himself up anymore.

She shrugged, wondering why they had been talking for so long and he hadn't once tried to touch her. And why she hadn't been insistent to touch him.

"Think about it Rae," he said, waving his hands around lazily. "If I went over to you, do you think I'd want to do anything else? Do you really think I'd be disciplined enough to fulfill any sort of responsibility?" He smiled a very disappointed looking smile. "Because the answer is no. I'm not that disciplined. I know it and you know it." He gestured lazily to the stretch of darkness separating them. "If I cross this thing then I'd never want to go back, because then I'd be with you and I wouldn't really care about anything else." He rolled his eyes, as if the whole idea of him abandoning his duties was just so bloody annoying. "But even though I know that staying away from you is the right thing to do…I absolutely hate it.

"I'm doing what I know is right, but it burns. I'm looking at you and I want to be near you, but I'm staying away and I feel like I want to break something in half." He sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. "And this is what it will be like if you erase your memory. I'm going to have to just stand there next you without being able to hold you, and that just sounds so terrible. After everything we've been through together, after Terra and Malchior, after the Beast and the coming of Trigon, after all our rooftops talks and our afternoons playing chess by the window, we'd suddenly go back to being strangers again." He grumbled like an old man and Raven unconsciously took a half step forward. "Why would I want that?"

"No one would," she agreed softly. "I don't want to lose those memories any more than you do, but if that's my payment to end Depravity's rage then I'd give them up." She paused a moment and then added, "I'd gladly give them up." He stared at her, his head resting in his hand. Miserable wasn't a suitable description for the look on his face.

"Gladly?"

"Yes."

"You didn't have to add that part."

She exhaled deeply. "It's the truth."

"Then tell me that you want me," he said suddenly, closing his eyes. Her brow creased in confusion.

"What? Why?"

"Because I want to hear it. I don't want to hear that you'd gladly trade our memories for anything. I want to hear that you want me, because all I've been saying is how much I want you."

"I want you," she said without hesitation, but the monotonous way she said it made the remark seem unfeeling and insincere. "But I won't have you if it'll break you, and that's exactly what's happening." He opened his eyes.

"So you're leaving."

"I'm not going anywhere, Garfield."

"You are. You're going back to the past while I have to stay in this present." He stood back up and turned away, shoulders slumped. "That's a lifetime away."

"Not a lifetime."

"It won't be the same," he said. She shrugged, tired of their conversation.

"That's what I'm counting on, remember?"

"You hated me seven years ago."

She rubbed at the space between her eyes, grimacing. "I never hated you."

"Maybe it wasn't hate-,"

"It wasn't, Garfield."

"But it was different from now."

"It wasn't hate."

"But it wasn't love either."

Then they went silent.

Gar's entire body turned to rock. Raven's eyes went wide.

They froze.

Neither seemed to be breathing.

She hadn't expected him to actually say it, and judging by the rigid way he was standing he hadn't expected to say it either. Behind her she heard her silent emoticlone shift her position, but she remained silent.

It was one thing to have his emotions burn themselves silently into her heart. It was quite another thing to hear the word 'love' leave his lips.

"I never said this was love," Raven spoke carefully, her words measured. She felt scared, more scared than she had in a long time. And angry. But her voice was calm and her body still.

"But I did," he answered, his back still turned to her. "You just never knew."

If the world seemed bleak before then now it was doused in a sickly grey. Raven felt like wilting to the ground and going to sleep in the hopes that everything was just a very long, drawn out dream. She stared at the back of Beast Boy's head and thought about the day they had spent alone in the Tower, watching old movies and trying to experience some semblance of normality in one another's presence. She remembered staring at the back of his head then too, wondering if she could be a leading lady in a Cary Grant film and be as beautiful and romantic and delicate and strong and feminine. She had tried it, tried to touch him in one of those movie moment ways where a simple caress of the fingers was enough to portray all the passion and devotion one person could have for someone else. But when she had reached for his shoulder all she had thought about doing was ripping the clothes off his back, and then ripping the flesh from his bones, and then breaking him from the inside out until he screamed for her to stop.

And nothing, not even him loving her, could erase that kind of evil.

"I knew," she said to him, and he turned around to face her. She tugged her sleeves over her hands. "I knew."

The length of their silence pulled itself taut before Garfield broke the tension.

"And?" he asked, somewhat hopeful, somewhat cynical. She stared at him.

"And I'm not going to say it back to you," she said evenly. "You know I'm not going to say it." He was so still that it was frightening.

"Because you can't."

"No." She shook her head. "Because I don't want to."

"Ouch," he whispered, and instead of the word sounding like an ill-conceived joke, it just came out as a very sad and pathetic response. "Have I ever told you you're cruel, Rae? Like, sadistically so."

She already knew that.

"I already know that," she said. She walked to the very edge of the chasm carefully and stared into the darkness. "Gar."

"What?" He spat the word out to hide the embarrassment radiating off of him. She rolled her shoulder, trying to take away the ache in her neck from carrying so much stress and anxiety.

"The reason I won't say it is because…." She faltered, trying to find the right words to explain herself. "Because I don't want this to be our love story."

.

.

.

He was confused. His valiant failure of a love confession had just been flung back in his face, but then her words had blind-sided him completely. He didn't know if the words had been a figment of his imagination or not.

"What?" he asked again, knowing that he sounded more than a little dumb. She continued to stare into the space separating them, reaching a hand out as if she could feel the darkness rising up to meet her.

"I don't want this to be our love story," she repeated, more certain this time. They were words that could have been said in breathy whispers, with lovers in each other's arms and silence surrounding them. Instead they were words said with purpose and resilience; words that came out as a declaration of defiance. "If I said it," she went on, speaking so calmly and clearly, using the same voice she would use during a debriefing, "if I told you that I loved you, then it would make everything we've gone through—every twisted turn—the events that would make up our love story, and that's not what I want. I don't want to justify anything we've put ourselves through." She frowned. "If there's a 'happily ever after' then that makes this a fairy tale. And this is not a fairy tale. This isn't something that deserves to be tied up with a pretty bow and called a gift." She sighed. "Can't we be entitled to more than this?" she whispered, her question directed to the chasm before her.

Garfield huffed a breath and ran a hand through his hair again. He felt like he'd just been running and his lungs were about to burst open. He wanted to pitch himself over the edge and feel the wind in his face.

She loved him.

And she had said it in the only way Raven could: with contempt and distrust and a forlorn sense of hopelessness.

But she had said it.

And she was right.

He didn't want their journey to finding true love to be littered with agony. He didn't want their story to have brutal moments of self-inflicted pain in a safe room, or a battle in a forest with a fist crushing bone. He didn't want their reason for loving each other to be born from desperate nights of physical release, or lies hidden in the shadows of their bedrooms.

There had never been white curtains and rose petals, but that didn't mean they didn't want them. Or didn't deserve them.

"I don't want this to be our love story either," he agreed, and then he looked over to the emoticlone sitting in the distance. She nodded to him and then turned her head to look into the black. "So then what happens if I agree to help you?" he asked slowly, carefully. "If I agree to help with…erasing your memory…what would I need to do?" He grimaced at the words. In front of him Raven looked back up.

"You being here is how we'll be able to do this," she answered, suddenly and instantaneously business-like. "You were able to pass through my portal mirror because everything happened at the right moment, and you knew it was the right moment because of her," she said, gesturing languidly behind her. "Which means she has a connection to the outside world. And if she has a connection then that means the ritual can still be done." She breathed. "We just need to split it between two different planes."

"Cy does his part out there while you do your part in here?" he finished. She nodded. "Are you strong enough for that? To perform that much magic?"

"Not on my own. But there are still some of my clones that are untouched, like her. Maybe together we can do it." She dragged her sleeve across her cheek and it made her look very childlike. "We just need to time it right."

"How?"

"Luck."

Gar shook his head. "We don't have luck."

"That's never stopped us before." She looked around and then back at him. "You know," she started to say, and her tone had softened considerably. "I could…take you back with me."

He knew exactly what she meant without asking her to elaborate.

Take him back.

Erase his memory too.

Make it so they could both start over.

And if he did that then he wouldn't have to suffer on his own. He wouldn't have to stand there, loving her, while she stared at him without a clue to who he was or what they had been through together. They would start fresh, maybe find their way back to each other again or else follow different paths. Maybe they'd be happier with other people, or perhaps they'd find a way to come together without all the secrets and lies and manipulative toxins. Maybe it would be better.

So much better.

"No," he said simply, and said nothing more. She understood and nodded once.

"I didn't think so."

.

.

.

There was so much more that needed to be said, so many more circles they both wanted to run around over and over again just to kill time. But they were both fully aware that the world stopped for no one, and time had finally caught up to their safe little haven.

It started with a sound, like a hiss of air coming from a far off distance. The darkness around them started to change and they both looked up at the dome of black that surrounded their rocks.

"What's happening?" Gar asked, the ground beneath his feet growing unsteady even though nothing was moving.

"What else? We've run out of time," Raven said, her calm exterior marred by the death grip she had on her cardigan. "Maybe she's found us. Maybe we've reached our limit." They both looked at each other at the same time, their expressions torn between fear and regret. "Maybe I'm dying?"

"You're not dying," he snapped, angry if she was joking and furious if she was sincere.

"Maybe." The world shuddered violently around them and they braced themselves at the shock. "I don't know what's going to happen," she said, and it was one of the rare times when Raven sounded truly at a loss of options. "I don't know if you'll go back after this. You might be stuck here forever."

"So could you," he said, and he didn't do a very good job at hiding the terror in his voice. "I could try using the spell again-,"

"You could try." She breathed deeply. "But I doubt it would work." Gar staggered a bit and threw out his arms for balance, his eyes darting around for some sort of support.

"But I could go back," he said. She nodded.

"You could."

"And if I do…"

"Tell the others. Perform the ritual."

"What if it's not timed right? We won't know."

And then she smiled at him, laughing silently at a joke that had no humor. "No. We won't know."

So much uncertainty. Everything had so much uncertainty.

He gazed at her as the blackness around them swirled with power and the ground beneath their feet began to quake. He wanted to soak up her image, to remember that everything that would happen from this point on would be because he never wanted to see her look so downtrodden. He wanted to remember not because the sight was sentimental, but because it made him angry. And if he were angry then he'd never return to this moment ever again.

Before he could say anything Raven was leaping over the chasm that still separated them, landing nimbly on her feet right in front of him. He didn't even have time to be surprised before her arms were linking around his neck and she was embracing him so tightly that it almost hurt. It threw his mind back to a time before, when she had come striding out of her room and had hugged him then, all of her trust seeping into him from such an unexpected action.

"I am sorry," she said in his ear and she squeezed him tighter. Despite his abstinence in their distance Garfield felt himself wrap his arms around her as well, holding her close and relishing in the touch.

They fit so perfectly together.

"So am I," he said, burying his face into her shoulder. "Damnit Rae, I told you I wouldn't want to leave if I got near you," he groaned. "Why do you never listen?"

"I'm sorry for that too."

He pulled back and kissed her gently on the cheek, the feel of her skin on his lips so miserably blissful that he felt like crying. It wasn't exactly a proud feeling, but he couldn't stop the wave of emotional baggage.

If they succeeded in their plan, when would he be able to do something like this again?

She cupped his face with her hands and kissed him fully on the mouth, rising on her toes like she had done so many times before. He let out a surprised sound and the air around them seemed to tighten like a vacuum.

They did not ravish each other and they did not consume each other in heat. There was no spark of sexual ferocity or painful stab of needs gone unmet, because there was no room for such trivial things. All that was there were two people in love saying goodbye, and something of such profundity wasn't filled with cheap, wonton desires. As Garfield held her close and relished in the slow taste of her mouth, all that went through his mind was how he was going to get her back.

No matter what, he was going to get his Rae back.

They broke apart slowly, reluctant to separate. He held her fast and she didn't fight out of his arms.

"You won't remember anything at all?" he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers. She dropped her hands to his shirt and lightly laid them over his chest, too scared to put more pressure, too hesitant to not touch him at all.

"I won't," she said. "But maybe she will. She's different. Stronger than the others." She didn't need to say whom she was talking about.

"So she might remember me."

"Perhaps."

Their surroundings continued to wane.

"How much?"

"Not much," she said. "Maybe a game of chess. Or a book borrowed in the middle of the night." He touched her hair and she closed her eyes sleepily. "A fight in the hallway. A ball falling into the pool."

Gar kissed her once, and then twice, and then slowly again even though time wanted them to rush. "That's not anything," he moaned. She shook her head.

"It's not."

The ground beneath them cracked and they jerked downward. She rose up and met his lips one last time, trying to pull from him as much as she could as her mindscape fell apart. It was truly astonishing how potent her kisses were, how they made Gar tremble and his head feel light and dizzy. He splayed his hands along her back, trying to imprint her slender frame into his touch.

In the distance the emoticlone vanished.

"Don't wait for me," she suddenly said, pulling back and making him look her in the eye. "I know you, I know how you are, and you're stubborn and you won't listen to me."

"You never do, so why should I?"

"Putting me back together will take a long time," she said. "And it has to be done the way Cyborg and I planned it, or else everything will just fall back on the same path." The ground sank another foot and they gripped each other harder. "You can't wait that long."

"Not your choice." He kissed her neck and then buried his face in her shoulder. He leaned his weight into her and she held him fast. "What's your best memory of us?" he asked, speaking fast against the adrenaline in his chest. "Your favorite. Tell me."

"I don't know."

"Just pick one. Hurry."

A harsh wind blew and whipped at their entangled bodies.

"The first time we met," she said, her breath against his collarbone. "You made me laugh when I didn't mean to." She felt him smile against her shoulder.

"Huh. That's my favorite too." Something far away cracked and the sound hit them with the blast of a sonic boom. "We'll fix this," he said because he needed to speak against the panic he was feeling. "We'll fix this. Say it with me."

"Say what?"

"What we always say when we rush into the impossible."

The ground gave away and they went tumbling into the oblivion of Raven's mind, not knowing if they were headed for salvation or for an uncertain and unprecedented end.

"Titans together," Raven whispered, and then they plunged into the frigid cold of nothingness.

.

.

.

*Virgil = Static Shock

*JL = Justice League (I refrained from calling them the 'League' so as not to confuse them with the League of Shadows).


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

.

.

.

He didn't perish.

Instead of disappearing into an icy slumber in the hollows of Raven's mind, Beast Boy was flung back into reality. Literally. He felt his body rise out of the portal mirror and fly through the air, his momentum stopping only when his back smacked into metal. He slid down the wall and crumpled on the floor, his every limb feeling like it weighed eighty thousand pounds. He felt like passing out, but then the ringing in his ears started to subside and the reality that he'd just reentered finally began to register.

He was in the middle of a battle.

There were screams and the sizzling of blast fire, and something hot and extremely dangerous suddenly exploded to Gar's right. He tried to spring away, but his tired frame couldn't support the adrenaline pumping through his veins.

"Beast Boy!"

In an instant Cyborg was next to him, looping an arm around his waist and helping Gar hobble down the hallway and into the nearest supply closet. He settled the changeling on the floor against the shelves, his blaster arm humming as it prepared itself for another shot. Out in the hall there was screeching mixed with the grunts of hand-to-hand combat, with a gentle underscore of the whizzing of Robin's discs.

"What-," Gar tried to say, but his throat was dry. He swallowed hard and Cyborg just shook his head.

"It's utter mayhem," he explained, wiping sweat from his brow before adjusting his cannon. "The minute you disappeared through that mirror this Raven went completely ballistic. It was like setting off an atomic bomb." He squeezed his eye shut as he pulled back on his arm, the sound of something locking into place making him wince. Beast Boy knew that sound; it happened when Cy was reconverting his power supply to take from a personal reserve. He was using his life support to fuel his blaster.

"Stop," Gar croaked. "You can't do that…"

"Have to," his friend groaned, gritting his teeth against the pain. "I'm running on empty and I can't plug into anything to recharge. We've been fighting for awhile."

"Has she hurt anyone?" he asked, his eyes going wide with dreaded anticipation. He let out a sigh of relief when Cyborg shook his head.

"I can tell that she wants to, but at the same time she keeps getting in her own way." He gripped the bicep of his blaster arm and hoisted the thing upward, forcing himself to hold it steady. "Within two seconds of you getting sucked into the portal she screamed like a freaking banshee and the safe room tore apart. Like paper. Like it was nothing. The paneling was peeling down like string cheese, for Pete's sake. She's practicing no restraint whatsoever, even if it hurts her." He just kept shaking his head, as if he couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. "Right now the only one who can hold her off is Starfire," he said, and his expression darkened further. "I forgot how vicious that girl could be in battle."

As if to emphasize his point the entire Tower rattled and creaked as something large was thrown around within its walls. The lights flickered out and it took a few seconds before the emergency generators kicked in, flooding the Tower with an ugly red glow.

"We need to move," Gar said, even though his body was still reeling from vertigo. He used the shelves as leverage to regain his footing, but it still took a moment for the room to stop spinning.

"Wait for my signal," Cyborg commanded, and cautiously peered around the doorjamb before sidling out into the hall.

Gar waited quietly. He could still hear the telltale sounds of battle, but they were growing distant. Even then Cyborg let off a few powered down shots before he called for the all clear.

"She's been sending shadows after us," he explained when Beast Boy came out to meet him. "Just sending out minions like some final boss in a video game." His furrowed brow was so much more prominent in the sickly lighting, and Gar couldn't remember a time when Cyborg looked so enraged. "That's not Raven," he murmured.

"Not ours, anyway," Beast Boy said, heaving a breath. His friend looked at him.

"Please tell me you were able to reach her," he said. "Or else all of this senseless violence would have been for nothing."

"It wasn't, and I did." Garfield took another deep breath, forcing his tentative nerves to solidify. "She wants to perform the ritual. The lobotomy ritual, or whatever it's called."

"How? I can only do so much. Majority of the procedure…ritual…came from her end."

"She thinks she can do it while still in her mindscape," Gar explained hurriedly, but even he was starting to doubt the idea now. "Her plan is to gather her untainted emoticlones and together they would perform their half of the ritual at the same time you did your half out here." Cyborg's already dumbfounded expression increased.

"At the same time?" he repeated. "How are we supposed to coordinate that?" He groaned when all Gar could do was shake his head.

"Luck," he said morbidly, remembering Raven's sad declaration. "I honestly don't know, but it's the only shot we have left."

"It's not going to work," Cyborg said right away, too unsettled to keep still. He started pacing around the dimly lit hallway. "It doesn't work in theory, so how is it going to work in reality?"

"We have to try-,"

"Try what?" Cyborg practically yelled. "Did she even tell you what my part of the procedure would entail?"

"No-,"

"Of course she didn't, because if she did then you'd know this is impossible!"

Gar squeezed his eyes shut, trying to hold his patience past the dizziness that still lingered. "What do you have to do?" he asked calmly. Cyborg's response fell from his tongue in sharp, clipped sentences.

"Well for starters, we have to inject her with the serum again, but only after she's entered the transmutation ritual circle thing that she redesigned. Then the ritual needs to be done immediately after. You saw how difficult getting close to her was when she was contained, imagine how much worse it is now that she's loose?"

"Is that all?"

"Wouldn't it be wonderful if it was?" he hissed sarcastically, but Beast Boy didn't react to his tone. "The spell or whatever it is she's using is so powerful that it could wipe out the memories of anyone standing within a mile radius. We were going to use the safe room to help contain the red zone, but now that the place is destroyed I don't know where else to go." He hit his fist against a wall, the lazy blow still leaving a visible dent in the steel. "I had built that place with enough runes and symbolic-y crap to house a magical nuke. Without it Rae could risk the minds of innocent civilians."

"Then we have to rebuild the safe haven," Gar insisted. "Or else find a new place for the ritual."

"We can't."

"We have to. Didn't you build something similar in all the other Towers just in case?"

Cyborg stared at his friend in rigid astonishment, his mouth agape. "Well yeah, but none nearly as sophisticated as this one! And even if it were as up to date or thorough, there's no way we'd be able to catch this Raven and bring her over in time for the real Rae to perform the ritual!"

Garfield growled audibly, the roar tearing from his throat a mixture of human and animal. "There has to be a place," he grumbled, colliding with the wall and sliding down. Cyborg started to protest again when he was cut off.

"There is a place."

Both boys turned to see Robin staggering out of the red tinted shadows, one hand pressing into his side as he used the wall for balance. His cape was singed and his mask was threatening to fall off, but aside from a few nasty scrapes he looked better than he could have.

"Robin!"

"Where's Raven?" Cyborg demanded, running forward and converting his canon back into an arm. He helped him gently onto the floor.

"Still fighting. The girls went flying out of the Tower a few minutes ago. Star was trying to lead her away from the city the last I could see of them."

"She might have fractured a few of your ribs-," Cyborg started to say, checking along Robin's side, but the Boy Wonder shook his head.

"No, it wasn't her. I fell a couple of stories down when the floors collapsed under me, but Raven hasn't even come near me." He gasped when Cyborg hit a tender spot, and he grabbed his friend's arm to stop him. "Just give me a patch job and then be done with it. We have to get moving as quickly as possible if we're going to help Raven."

"You still want to help us save her?" Beast Boy asked, dropping down next to Robin. "Even after she's done all this?"

"I thought she was lost," he admitted as Cyborg pulled linen wrappings out of a hidden compartment and began working. "I thought she had fed into the darkness and we were battling an empty shell. But just now… she could have ended this the minute it started," he said, wincing when the wrappings were tied around his ribs. "But she keeps pulling herself back; stopping before anything fatal happens. Depravity is fighting us, but Raven is fighting Depravity."

"We can save her," Gar said, helping Cyborg unclasp Robin's cape so he could breathe.

"Yes, we can save her."

"We can try," Cyborg corrected, sitting back on his heels and shaking his head. "I want Rae back as much as the next person, but this plan is still shaky at best. We can't get our hopes up."

"You said there's a place," Beast Boy recalled, staring at his leader. "Where?"

"The underground temple of Trigon. The place Slade took Raven when she was used as the portal," he said, breathing heavily. "The runes and statues there were made to encompass the portal that would bring Trigon to this world. I'm thinking it's more than enough of a containment cell for Raven's ritual."

Cyborg sat up the tiniest bit, his head tilting to the side with thoughtful inquisitiveness. "That could actually work," he said through a furrowed brow. "It's got enough ancient residues to cushion the spell, and it's a perfect magical match."

"The problem is getting her to that temple," Robin hissed. "It's hidden near the industrial park, and the girls were heading south."

"Well, we can't exactly drag her there," Cy grumbled.

"And even if we could, we have no way of communicating what we need to Starfire. If she lets up on Raven for even a second she could lose her."

"Then we use bait," Garfield decided. His teammates stared at him. "Something she wants." Robin's expression darkened.

"No way-,"

"She can sense me from miles away. If I start maneuvering away from the Tower it'll spike her radar, and she'll come looking for me…especially if I start heading for a temple of Trigon."

"Normally I'd call you out on being a cocky bastard, but Raven was screaming your name every two seconds after you disappeared through the mirror," Cyborg said in a low, un-approving voice. "You'd really put yourself out there just to get her to the temple?"

"We don't know what she'd do to you," Robin pointed out. "And we don't have enough time to set up counter-measures just in case." Gar just shrugged.

"Neither of you are saying no, though."

"That goes without saying."

"We have to do it," he said, staring his best friend in the face. "If I'm enough to get her there-,"

"What does she want with you?" Robin asked, wincing as he tried to sit up straighter. "Why is she so desperate to get to you?"

"I think she—Depravity—wants to kill me," Garfield replied, speaking as honestly as he could. "There…used to be desire there. A gross, perverted attraction. But now I think she would rather see how interesting it'd be if I bled…"

"Dude." Cyborg gripped Robin's arm and hoisted him up. "Stop talking like that. You're freaking me out. Can you stand on your own?"

"Yeah. Just give me something to dull the pain so I can get through the next couple of hours." Robin stepped away and steadied himself on his feet. "But why? Why does she want to kill you now when before it was always about…"

"Because… it would destroy the real Raven," Gar said, picking up Robin's trailing words. "Killing any one of us would do the job, but I think I've royally pissed her off on more than one occasion."

"All that aside," Cyborg cut in, clearly not liking a conversation about imminent death, "this plan is still shaky at best. So many things could go wrong, and we're not all on the same page."

"And we're still running out of time," Gar emphasized. He locked eyes with Robin and his leader stared back. "I might have a plan."

"Are you sure?"

"No."

"All right," Robin said. "Let's do it."

.

.

.

The boys only allowed ten minutes to gather themselves before they set off for their seemingly impossible mission. Cyborg hung back to prepare a new injection of the serum, and Robin went ahead and took Beast Boy on his bike to Trigon's temple. They took the Titans' underwater tunnels into the city and covered Robin's bike in cloaking symbols from one of Raven's spellbooks, vying for discretion until the time was right for Gar to reveal his whereabouts.

They sped through the concrete passageways as fast as Robin could take them, with Beast Boy gripping his belt for leverage while he frantically tried to hone in on Starfire with his comm.

"I know this is your plan," Robin said, talking through the radios in their helmets. "But if things go south you have to let me jump in."

"Figuratively or literally?" Gar asked, frowning at his communicator. "Because in my head you just did it literally and it was really funny."

"If she gets within an inch of hurting you I'm stopping her," he said, glazing over Beast Boy's deadpan joke. "I can't exactly inflict any damage at this point, but I'll intervene."

"What if getting that close is the only way to ensure this crap plan works?"

"Beast Boy." The tunnel curved and both boys leaned together as one, theirs knees barely scraping the asphalt. "I left Starfire alone because I know she can take Raven's beating, but you're still only human." They hit the ramp that would bring them out from under the bay and Robin gunned the engine. "If we can't save her…well, losing two Titans in one day isn't going to be an option."

Gar didn't respond, but both boys seemingly came to an unspoken agreement. Within a few minutes they were out on the streets of the city and carving their way through the industrial district, where the hidden entrance to the temple was located.

"Did you find them?" Robin asked as they pulled up to their destination. Gar tugged off his helmet and nodded.

"Six miles from the city limit, still on the coastline. I think."

"Okay." They walked up to the cave's entrance and peered into its darkness. Robin pulled out a few flares from his belt and threw them in, illuminating the descent into the cold ground of the earth. "Then I'd say we have about eleven minutes, maybe less. Is that enough time to setup?"

"Let's hope," Gar mumbled before leading the way down into the house of a demon king.

.

.

.

_Her mind was a torrent of color and sound, memories and feelings that were being eaten away from something foreign and black._

_Depravity had underestimated the burden of what it meant to take control, to be in full power of a half human soul and half demon darkness. She was cracking, shattering, breaking under her own means, and Raven could feel her mind being cleaved apart. She was incorporeal and yet fully aware of her body being caught in the turmoil of power and emotion. She tried to concentrate, but there was no sane mind for her to focus on._

"_**Homo sum humani a me nihil alienum puto**__."_

"_**I am a human being; nothing human is strange to me**__."_

_The incantation echoed around her as she focused on the words, willing them to be spoken through lips she couldn't even feel. She started to find herself again, to piece back together a puzzle that was nonexistent. She repeated the incantation and her conviction solidified, and when she said it a third time she felt herself reach out for Depravity and find a connection._

_And when the connection was made all she could feel was the emotion's painful, agonized screams._

.

.

.

Starfire screamed as she plummeted through the air, red hair whipping around her face. She tried her best to grasp onto her power, to make herself feel the weightlessness of flight so she could cease her fall, but it was no use. She was too tired and too distracted to feel any semblance of hope or joy.

In a last ditch effort to remain airborne she brought her hands together and shot a starbolt into the ocean below, using the ricochet of the blast to stop her fall. She hovered for a moment before an arm snaked from behind and hooked her neck. Her own weight made the choke hold worse, and Star reached for her assailant's wrist, her fingernails digging through Kevlar into flesh.

"You're getting tired, Kory," Raven whispered, pulling on the alien's hair with her free hand. Starfire tugged on her arm.

"As are you," she said through a tight throat. "Perhaps we should stop this."

"I don't know, this is kind of fun."

With a grunt of effort Starfire swung her leg around, using the momentum to spin the pair and loosen Raven's chokehold. The alien girl reached around and hooked Raven around the waist, forcing both of them into a somersaulting free fall towards the ocean. They grappled for a few seconds, shoving elbows into ribs and smashing fists against joints. And right before they crashed into the water Raven gained the upper hand and was able to place her palm over Star's chest.

They were engulfed into the ocean, the water devouring the pair in a suffocating embrace. Starfire grabbed at Raven's arm, but the sorceress was already gathering black power at her fingertips. The space between their skins started to grow hot, and Star braced herself for the pain that would surely follow, but just when the heat started to reach a breaking point the girl's hand jerked away violently and Raven screamed a scream that was lost in the sea. Instead of ending the Tamaranean, Raven gathered them both in a bubble of her shadows and pulled them from the water, carrying them towards land and tossing the alien girl onto the sandy shoreline.

"No," Raven growled, hovering above her and yanking at her own hair. "Stop! Stop interfering!" She shrieked and boulders rose up around them, reacting to her endless output of unrestrained magic. Starfire coughed out salt water and sand before she forced herself to her feet.

"Raven! Raven, listen to me! You must fight her!"

"No-,"

Wind started to blow and waves lashed against the beach. The floating boulders trembled and the Raven that was not Raven looked wild-eyed and truly insane. Purple and violet and lavender smoke swirled in her irises, and Starfire backed away, afraid that she would actually implode. She hoped, (as only Starfire could hope), that somehow this nightmare would end and her friend would be safe.

And so, as if to answer her unspoken prayer, a beeping sound emanated from her belt and Starfire looked down to see her homing device blinking on her buckle.

.

.

.

_She sought them out amongst the raging apocalypse of her mind. She called them to her: Happiness, Knowledge, Wrath and Love. The last pieces of her that were still willing to fight. _

_Finding them was hard. And painful._

_Holding them was even more so._

_Happiness was grey, Knowledge was deteriorating, and Wrath was torn between her similarities with Depravity and their vast differences. It was only Love that felt whole and solid and strong. Only Love that felt like it could survive the ordeal and come out of the storm made anew. Only Love felt powerful._

_But even so…_

_Love conquers all; it was a time old saying, but Raven wasn't fool enough to believe it. _

_Love was powerful, potent, all consuming and all encompassing; and people so often considered Love to stand alone. _

_But Love is never alone._

_It is held aloft by Trust and Compassion and Empathy and Honesty and Kindness and Passion and Wonder and Hope. Love is a beacon, and beacons are so much more effective when raised high. But how could she raise it if all of her building blocks were made from ash, crumbling even as she tried to stack them?_

_How could she love when there was nowhere for love to stand?_

.

.

.

The wind died down, the boulders crashed back to earth, and Raven's eyes turned a deep plum wine. She looked down at Starfire and Starfire looked up at her, the beeping of her belt never once ceasing. The sorceress tilted her head to the side just the slightest bit.

"What is…" she started to say, and then the wine in her eyes changed to black ink and an ugly frown contorted her face. "Garfield," she breathed, turning her head to the right, back towards the city. "What do you think you are doing?"

.

.

.

_She forced herself to sever any sort of attachment to her memories._

_If there was even the smallest inkling of doubt then the spell would be incomplete and she'd risk killing herself instead._

_She had to forget the look on Gar's face from that night on the rooftop, of the longing in his eyes. She had to convince herself that it was easy to let go, that he wasn't something she wanted to cling to._

_She had to tell herself that he was replaceable; because it was the only way she'd ever see him again._

.

.

.

"Do you know what you're doing?" Robin asked. He was standing on the dank floor of the temple and watching as Gar darted around on the giant hand that protruded through its center. He had set up candles in a circle, and was drawing a strange design with a piece of chalk.

"I hope so," he answered breathlessly, staring at the page he had torn out of Raven's notebook. "I'm not sure how precise this has to be. There's a lot of symbols and medical terminology."

"The odds are stacking against us," Robin said, the foreboding clear in his tone. He shook his head and went back to setting up a second ring of candles along the base of the hand. "What's our time now?"

"Less than five."

"Could be closer to two."

"_But really it's none_."

The ominous shadow of a black bird filled the cavernous room, and Beast Boy and Robin were thrown back by the impact. Raven appeared like a hunched caricature of herself, her hair windblown and her face twisted in a snarl. She looked up at the circle set up on the hand and smirked.

"So that's what you two were planning," she hummed, taking wobbling steps forward. "Clever clever boys and girls, trying to take down the big bad." She flinched involuntarily and pressed her hand to her head. "But I'm stronger than you, Garfield Logan. I've always been stronger than you."

A steel-toed boot slammed into her back and the Raven that wasn't Raven went sliding across the floor.

"That's a manner of perspective," Robin murmured, solidifying his stance and gripping his bo staff. Before the sorceress could regain her composure he attacked again, bringing his weapon down on her head. She rolled and dodged, jumping to her feet and pointing a finger at Robin's chest.

"We've been here before," she hissed mockingly, gathering magic to her fingertip. But then Garfield was joining the fight, swooping down with a pterodactyl screech and lifting the girl by her shoulders. He carried her struggling figure high into the vaults of the ceiling before letting go and ducking the black orb she had conjured to trap him. Explosive discs flew from below, and Raven held up her arms to shield herself from the onslaught. Beast Boy transformed back into himself and landed next to Robin.

"Is Cy on his way?"

"Should be. Maybe four minutes?"

Raven shrieked above them and the boys braced themselves as the temple shuddered. "We're not going to last four minutes," Gar grumbled. Without another word he hunched down into a fox and darted for the shadows just as Robin silently disappeared amongst the pillars. Raven's pained yet maniacal laugh echoed through the cavern, and she screamed out Beast Boy's name with impassioned anguish.

.

.

.

_Her heart was calming down, its beat turning steady._

_Her mind was clearing, and she could feel her emotions in and around her._

_There was still so much fear, but it was harnessed now._

_No longer possessing her._

_But driving her._

_She opened her eyes._

.

.

.

It was two minutes of utter chaos confined to fit in an illogical spectrum. The moments of silence between each grunting strike or screaming blast was deafening, making even the gravel beneath their feet screeching to the ears. Robin was a focused blur of determined green and red, every second depleting the arsenal in his belt. Beast Boy was an ever-shifting mass of green, taking to the skies, the ground, and the shadows in his attempts to keep the sorceress distracted. But Raven was nothing short of a lightening bolt, the temple practically filling with the after images of her movements.

She was power manifest, and the boys were losing to her.

.

.

.

_._

_She started to chant._

"_Nunc Lento Sonitu Dicunt, __**Now, this bell tolling softly for another says to me,**_

_Moreiris __**Thou must die. **_

_Hoc est enim corpus meum. __**This is my Body**_

_Homo sum humani a me __**I am a human being;**_

_Nihil alienum puto __**Nothing human is strange to me."**_

_**.**_

.

.

"I have to hand it to you boys," Raven cooed, panting as she leaned against one of the stone effigies. "I've got miles of power at my disposal, and yet you're both still somewhat standing. Impressive."

"Thanks, but not really," Robin grumbled, holding his staff in position even as he backed away towards the nearest wall. His leg was drenched in blood and he was limping, but he was showing no sign of backing down. He chanced a glance to his left and saw Beast Boy hiding behind a pillar, his arm wrapped around his waist as he bit back a grimace. "You're not exactly hitting us with your best shot."

"I'm not? Well, shame on me." She dropped to her knees as a snarl marred her features. "I can do better." She bowed her head as if she were dry heaving, and oozing smoky shadows curled out from beneath her cloak and splayed hands. They crept along the dank floor, twisting and curving in chaotic circles towards Robin. The Boy Wonder hobbled to where Beast Boy was hiding, his eyes keeping track of the darkness that was inching closer.

"Has he beeped you?"

"His comm is in range. He should be here."

"He's not."

"Yeah well, then there's that." Gar grunted as he tore off his belt and continued to press a hand into his side. "She's breaking down, isn't she?"

"Yes," Robin said, still standing guard against the shadows. "If she was all there then we wouldn't have lasted this long. And there are too many lapses in her actions. I think the real Raven is fighting back."

"Which means she's started her half of the ritual, and we're out of time."

"We need to get her to the circle."

"But its not finished! And Cyborg-,"

"Let's hope luck is on our side and he shows up in the nick of time." Robin pulled out a few of his smaller explosives, the only weapons left in his belt. "I can cover you, but I'm not dodging anything with this leg." He breathed heavily, his face paling from the loss of blood. Beyond their hiding spot Raven's shadows were circling them.

"I did volunteer as bait." Gar huffed a few breaths. "Okay," he said, grunting as he started to change. "Okay."

"On my count?"

"Yeah."

"One…two…"

With a small cry Garfield morphed into feathers and wings and an emerald green hawk swooped out from behind the pillar as Robin set off a barrage of strategically placed flash bombs.

Across the room Raven's laugh turned into a confused whimper.

.

.

.

_There had been a moment—long before any of this—when she had considered the idea of loving him._

_It was a year or two back, after Gar had gotten his growth spurt and she had to crane her neck to look at him. Things hadn't been exactly quiet in Jump City, but nothing the original five couldn't handle. Most days only one or two would go out to patrol the streets, allowing for the others to find some much needed rest within the peace of the Tower._

_There had been a morning during that time; a morning when Raven had been reading on the rooftop, her legs dangling over the edge of the metal structure while behind her Beast Boy slumped against her back playing on his game console._

_It had been an unexpected and random meeting: Raven usually sat in her room to read and Gar wasn't usually up so early in the day. But by chance the two had found themselves seeking the same spot, and neither found it particularly annoying to have another person around._

_They had been like that all morning, with Gar engaging her in small talk every now and then. Sometimes he would laugh and it would rumble against her back, and sometimes he would twist around and glance over her shoulder at the page she was reading. _

_And then noon had come, and his stomach had growled so loudly that it made her jump the slightest bit, and he had suggested she teleport them to her favorite sandwich place downtown. _

_And she had agreed._

_They had gone in civilian clothes, had sat discreetly in a booth in the corner, and she had brought her book and he had brought Robin's old CD player. And they had spent the next couple of hours exactly as they had spent the first few: sitting peacefully without being alone._

_And when Raven had finished her tea, Gar hadn't hesitated to stand up and refill it, only to come back and slide into the seat next to her bearing a gluten-free, all soy vegan cheesecake slice for them to share. She had declined at first, but he had insisted, and when he offered to feed her she had grabbed the fork and taken a bite herself._

_And then they were talking and he was laughing and she was rolling her eyes and before they could finish the cheesecake their communicators were beeping and Gar was answering it. And it wasn't until that moment did she realize how close they were sitting, that she had habitually crossed her legs and her knee was resting on his thigh, or that his arm was draped along the booth behind her, just barely grazing her shoulder. And all that time she hadn't minded how intimate their setting had been._

_It was then, in those brief moments when he had been talking to Cyborg, that Raven wondered if they could ever be something._

_Vaguely wondered._

_Fleetingly wondered._

_Because how they were had been unknowingly easy and comfortable. He hadn't pressed her and she hadn't fought back. And everything seemed normal for their friendship, with just a touch more familiarity than before. _

_Maybe, she thought, sometime and in some distant future they would revisit this scene with a little more attention._

_But she had slid away from him, and he had closed his comm, and within seconds they were standing up and preparing to leave, and any affectionate thoughts she had had about the whole ordeal fell from her mind._

_She'd never revisited the memory._

_Until now, when it was about to be ripped away forever._

_._

_._

_._

She had a little more coordination left in her than they had thought, and it resulted in an airborne grapple. Gar was forced to change back, and he threw up a block just in time to save himself from a blast of darkness from her hands. He pummeled down right into the center of the stone hand, his back cracking the stone and sinking a few inches. The wind was knocked out of him, but before he could regain any sort of composure Raven was straddling his waist, her fingers wrapping around his neck. He gripped her wrists and held her at bay, but she was still strong, even if her face was a confused mess of emotions.

From below he could hear Robin screaming, and after a second his bo staff came tearing through the air in a spear throw. Raven averted her attention just in time for her to catch the thing mid-flight, and she wailed obscenities at Robin before disintegrating the staff in her hands. Gar continued to tug at her hold.

"Rae-,"

"Don't talk!" She lashed her hand towards his throat, choking his voice in the blink of an eye. Gar sputtered and writhed beneath her, gagging and clawing at his neck. She started to laugh, but tears were forming in her eyes. "Stop chanting," she shrieked. "Stop chanting!"

.

.

.

"_Fortis et liber __**Strong and free**_

_Fortis et liber __**Strong and free**_

_Sine metu __**Without fear**_

_Hoc fundamenta inconcussa __**This unshakable foundation**_

_Dictum meum pactum __**My word is my bond**_

_Dictum meum pactum __**My word is my bond**_

_Hic et nunc __**Here and now**_

_Et sic de ceteris __**And so to of the rest**_

_Inquam __**I say**_

_Oblitus. __**Forget**__."_

_._

_._

_._

An explosion went off, the temple shuddered, and in a blaze of blue light Raven was thrown off of Gar. Strong hands hoisted him upward, and Starfire raised him to his feet while Cyborg struggled with the sorceress, pinning her onto her back as he drew out a syringe from his arm. She screamed and the stone debris that littered the room flew up around the temple and froze; a fragmented collage of broken things. An invisible power caught Cyborg's arm, and he screamed before all his limbs were forced apart, the robotic pieces splaying across the room. He fell from the hand in silent shock, and Starfire dove over the edge to catch him.

Raven turned back towards Gar, but before she could do anything her body seized up and she was dropping to her knees. Without hesitation he pulled out another piece of chalk from his pocket and hastily went to finish the ritual circle, ignoring the violent spasm of the Raven that wasn't Raven at all.

.

.

.

"_Hic et nunc __**Here and now**_

_Et sic de ceteris __**And so to of the rest**_

_Inquam __**I say**_

_Oblitus. __**Forget**__."_

_._

_._

_._

Raven shrieked and fell on her back, her bird's shadow exploding from her chest and rising up into the vaults of the ceiling. Beast Boy ignored the madness surrounding him, his brain concentrating on drawing and writing. When he finished he threw the chalk aside and jumped right over the edge, his eyes on the syringe lying on the ground. Above him one of the candles imploded, scattering around the room at velocities so powerful it left fissures in stone and flesh. He ignored, ignored all the sounds and tremors and focused only on what he had to do.

He used wings to cushion his fall, rolled on impact, and closed his hand around the serum.

.

.

.

_Raven could feel herself clawing at a wall, her memories on the other side and begging for the end. She just needed that last push…that small little boost to help weaken Depravity and save them all from the hell she had so foolishly created._

_She kept chanting, holding to the spell and hoping that her friends could hear her from the other side._

"_Et sic de ceteris __**And so to of the rest**_

_Inquam __**I say**_

_Oblitus. __**Forget**__."_

_._

_._

_._

He forced himself to change and climb his way back towards the top of the arm, the syringe held in the jaws of his ape's teeth. He found his footing along the wrist and collapsed back into himself. In front of him Raven's eyes were blazing black fires, and shadow smoke was billowing from her fingers and hair. Her voice echoed around them speaking words of Latin, but it wasn't coming from her lips.

Raven, the real Raven, was breaking through.

"Beast Boy! Do it! Do it now!"

.

.

.

_She was almost there, almost beyond the psychic wall leading to everything._

_Around her the emoticlones had dissolved into her being, fueling her power and offering their support with energy and unison. She could feel Depravity crumbling from the weight of her will, and where there had once been fear in the thought of forgetting there was only hope._

"_Inquam," she muttered, power welling inside of her. "Oblitus."_

.

.

.

Cyborg's cry urged him forward, and Gar stumbled towards Raven with the needle poised. He wished the moment had been more intimate, had given him a chance to look into her eyes—her real eyes—and say good-bye. But moments like that were hopeless wishes, and the world didn't pause for simple affection. Instead all that happened was the Raven that wasn't Raven at all gripped his outstretched arm and yanked hard, saying through a mouth full of white fire: "_**Faciam ut mei memineris. I'll make you remember me."**_

Her touch burned like blistering ice, but he didn't waste any time worrying over her weak threat. He dug the syringe into her flesh all too quickly, and when he pressed down on the plunger she writhed beneath him, her muscles seizing and a feeble whimper escaping her lips. She reached for him blindly and went limp with the effort. Her voice choked in her throat, the shadows died away from her hands, and the fires burned out in her eyes. She tried to speak again, but instead slumped backward and crumpled to the stone with a wide-eyed, unseeing stare. Gar stood in shock for just a moment before he realized her chest wasn't rising.

.

.

.

"_And so to of the rest, I say Forget."_

_If spells were easy then her mind would have been wiped clean of all its horror, no blood lost, no pain endured. But spells were never easy, and Raven knew that no magic came without a price._

_As her incantation turned into action Raven felt energy of torturous agony cleft her lips apart. The bodily sensations she had been cut off from suddenly rushed back to her, and every ache and bruise and sting bombarded her senses. She felt as if a blade were cutting into her skull, ready to dissect her mind and pick out the pieces she needed to forget._

_Pain. There was always pain no matter where she turned._

_._

_._

_._

"BB, get out of there!"

He didn't register Cy's words at first, but then he realized he was standing in close proximity to a memory nuke that was about to go off, and panic flooded him. Adrenaline shot through his spine, and he nearly went headfirst off the hand. Thankfully Star was reliable as always, and she swooped in for the umpteenth time. She carried him to the tunnel that led out of the vaulted room, where Cyborg was already dragging Robin through the stone archway, his limbs haphazardly reattached. Once all four were on the other side Starfire slammed the marble door closed and Cyborg used his laser to carve a rune into the stone.

The next few minutes were no relief from the chaos that had just ended. There was probably a moment or two with only silence coming from the room, but then there was the biting sound of air being sucked in before a shudder ran through the earth and a hard, sound shattering wind slammed into the stone door, illuminating the symbol that Cyborg had drawn.

But then…

The Titans all clutched at their heads in unison, squeezing their eyes shut and doubling over. Beast Boy felt like his mind was being shredded apart, and he was suddenly thinking of the most obscure things and then forgetting them the next instant.

He forgot what his favorite color was.

What year it was.

His favorite pizza parlor.

His favorite television show.

The code to his locker in the shower room.

Tidbits of information were slipping away, and the more he tried to think of each thing the harder it became to remember. A loud ringing echoed around them, and he helplessly pressed his hands to his ears.

He forced one eye open and saw his friends cowering just like him, and he wondered what memories were being forcibly ripped from their minds.

"What is happening?" Starfire muttered, green light glowing behind her closed lids. "Who…who am I?"

"You're Starfire, you're Kory," Gar said, reaching for her. "Don't forget that. Don't give that up."

"Why?" she asked, attempting to open her eyes and then closing them quickly. "Why are we forgetting?"

Another blast hit the door, the symbol illuminated again.

"One of the candles," Beast Boy groaned. "It was destroyed. The circle wasn't closed. I think the spell is leaking out." The two Titans held each other, and Gar chanced a glance at their friends. Cyborg's one good eye was squeezed shut and he was muttering the same numbers over and over, as if trying to be sure he never lost the pattern. Next to him Robin was huddled over and still as stone, his head bowed as his fingers gripped his hair in a painful hold. Gar couldn't even begin to imagine what valuable secrets he was trying so desperately to hold on to.

"It hurts," Star said, her fingers on her temple. "It aches."

"I know."

"I cannot imagine what Raven is experiencing right now."

.

.

.

_She wished she could pass out from the sheer gravity of the sensations, but how can a person black out if they're already unconscious?_

_Memories of entire days and weeks were being pulled from her mind, each one a long tendril of information that was being yanked by the root. She was screaming, Depravity was screaming, they were all screaming, but Raven knew it was for the best._

_._

_._

_._

He couldn't remember the coordinates for the North Tower, or the entry code for the Doom Patrol's headquarters. He forgot how to ride a bike and how to say 'hello' in Swahili. He couldn't remember Raven's favorite song.

A third air blast hit the door, the symbol flared with light, and then a scream tore through the stone and echoed in their ears. It was a scream so different from before: no longer agonized or pained, but terrified in the worst of ways. In unprecedented unanimity the Titans flinched, their pain paling in comparison to that haunting, bone-chilling sound.

"Don't," Cyborg choked out. "We can't open that door until her spell is complete."

Another scream. Just as disturbed as the first.

"How long do we have to wait?" Star whimpered. "I am afraid for her. Something could have gone wrong."

"When the symbol burns white then we can go back in," he said, pointedly ignoring the last part of her words. "We have to wait."

.

.

.

_In the midst of her bedlam, audible even beneath the cries clawing up her throat, Raven could hear and feel and taste Depravity. She could feel her fractured being, practically see how her malevolent spirit had broken. She could taste the blood and the bile that Depravity had fed upon, and even the confusion and fear that lined all of it._

_And for the first time in a long time Raven felt sorry for that part of herself. That twisted, dark version of her mind had been created over years of misinterpreted and manipulated feelings. What should have been a subtle demon of the soul had evolved into a god of hell by Raven's own hands._

"_Faciam ut mei memineris."_

_The words—Depravity's words—echoed in Raven's mind._

_It could have been a threat._

_Or simply just a promise._

_But Raven knew that, either way, that was a memory she was undoubtedly going to keep._

"_Faciam ut mei memineris."_

_Yes, Raven thought. I will remember you._

.

.

.

Silence filled the entire temple like an anvil, dropping onto the mayhem with clean absolution.

Just.

Nothing.

An utter nothing that shocked them all with its suddenness.

And then the light in the symbol went abruptly out.

.

.

.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

.

.

.

Garfield fought back a yawn as he sat at the kitchen counter, his left arm resting in a sling and a bowl of oatmeal waiting in front of him. He had a file folder laid out, and every now and then he'd set down his spoon to write a note. Around him loud, mechanical noises polluted the air, and he did his best to ignore the enormous construction crane moving outside the Tower windows.

It had already been five days since Raven's apocalyptic breakdown, and Gar couldn't really tell if time was moving too fast or too slow. So much had already happened in such little time, and yet it seemed like things weren't changing fast enough. For the last forty-eight hours a team from S.T.A.R. labs had been reconstructing the Titan's home base, and the unusual amount of commotion made the island seem crowded. Machines had been ferried over since the day before, and their abnormality on the island warped reality even more.

Garfield tossed his pen aside and closed his eyes, trying his hardest to ignore the noise. He was irritable from the racket, but the dull ache in his head wasn't just because of the construction. It had been days since Raven's spell had hit the team, but every now and then his head would still throb from the after effects. He felt weak for not bearing through the pain, but in his defense there had been little time to recuperate. From the ritual in the temple to him sitting at the kitchen counter, Gar couldn't think of a moment when any of the Titans had been able to properly relax and rejuvenate.

The moment the symbol had gone dormant Starfire had shattered the marble door into dust and flown into the room. They had found Raven in yet another catatonic state, and even though they had gotten her into the T-car and driven like madmen through the city, nothing they did seemed to be fast enough. But getting her to the infirmary wasn't the end, because the Tower had been a battle of a different sort; power needed to be brought back online so Cyborg could get the medical equipment working, but the team was still too injured to tend to the generators fast enough. They worked into the next morning, hobbling into electrical rooms, nursing a barely living Raven, and trying to patch one another up when there was a chance. It wasn't until Gar was staggering through the hallways did he finally pass out from the stress.

He woke up a few hours later on the couch in the main room, an IV in one arm and an icepack strapped to his dislocated shoulder. Starfire was fast asleep on the opposite end of the sofa, and Robin had been limping around the kitchen making coffee with a travel bag slung on his back. Gar had blinked at him before squinting towards the broken windows. The sun had been setting, betraying an entire day devoted to exhausted slumber.

"What are you doing?" Gar had groggily asked. His leader sighed, dragging a tired hand through his hair.

"Damage control," had been his raspy reply.

Garfield didn't give the response much thought, (since he had abruptly passed out again a second later), until the next morning had come and it was Cyborg bustling around the kitchen. This time Beast Boy had woken Starfire and the two had approached their bionic friend for news; and Cyborg had delivered, although sparingly.

He said that Raven was alive, but comatose. She was stable, for the most part, but she wasn't waking up.

He said the Tower was running on the back up generators, but it would need a couple weeks and a lot of grunt work before everything was in working order again.

And he said Robin had preemptively gone to the Justice League to inform the 'big guns' of the situation, all in hopes to bypass any rumors about Raven that could reach their ears.

Both Starfire and Gar had started to passionately, (and loudly), voice their concerns on everything, but Cyborg had wearily raised his hand and asked his friends to please shut the hell up.

"I'm tired, I'm hungry, and I don't know anything more about anything, especially Robin," he had explained. "All I know is that I need to keep an eye on Rae until the girl opens her eyes. That's all."

And that was how the next three days had passed.

With their leader playing ambassador and Cyborg busy being the family doctor, Beast Boy and Starfire had taken it upon themselves to piece all their livelihoods back together. Their days were filled with video conferences with the other Titans, cleaning out the worst parts of their massacred home, and sustaining their duties of patrolling Jump City; because even emotionally spent and physically exhausted heroes didn't get days off.

The crane outside made a particularly loud sound and Garfield threw his spoon down, too aggravated to finish his food. He got up and strode over to the open window, leaning out and waving his good arm at the team below.

"Just one hour," he yelled, giving them a less-than-thrilled face. "Shut down for one hour and I will give you anything you want! Money, food, hell even pony rides for the whole crew!" Only silence met his request, (probably because no one could hear him from that distance), and Beast Boy just growled in defeat and walked away, already too tired to argue his needs further. His comm let out a singular beep from the kitchen counter and he snatched it up, flicking it open with a furrowed brow. It was a message from Starfire, letting him know that she was back from the city. Since Robin and Cyborg had been so negligent with their communication, Star and Beast Boy had made it a point to keep the other well informed of their goings on. It was a minute sense of stability, but it helped, and Gar appreciated it greatly at the moment.

"Star? You there?" he asked, wanting to call her up to drown out the sound of the crane. "How was patrol?" Her voice sounded tired despite her attempt at levity.

"Easier. The East Tower has contacted me, and Aqualad and Speedy shall be arriving here soon to play as the back-up."

"Hallelujah," Gar grumbled. "When do they get here?"

"Three hours."

"Good. I'm in the main room. Are you heading up?"

"I will be there soon. Have you heard from Robin or Cyborg?"

Gar was about to reply, but the construction outside was too noisy. Instead he just yelled out a, "We'll talk when you get up here", and then clicked his comm closed and chucked it across the room, right out the open window. There was yelling that followed the action, along with a lot of words about the inconsiderate nature of superheroes. Gar just rolled his eyes and decided to feel bad about the action later.

He sat and stewed in his own bitter silence for a few minutes, vaguely wondering what he was going to do now that he didn't have a communicator. Everything seemed to irritate him, and he hated the negative nausea that it left in his gut. He knew where the bile was coming from, knew that it was his frustration of 'not knowing' that was making his nerves on edge, but it didn't take the bite away. If anything, knowing that he didn't know anything just made him hate the uselessness of logic.

He was so absorbed in his own roundabout thoughts that he didn't hear the main doors sliding open, or register that it was Robin's steel-toed boots that were making such a significant thumping on the carpet as he entered.

"Did we give clearance to all those people outside?" he asked, tossing his bag onto the floor. Garfield twisted in his seat, thrown off by his voice. "I know the Tower needs repair, but we shouldn't just invite every employee of S.T.A.R. onto the island."

"Rob," was all Gar could say. "You're back." It was a horrible case of 'stating the obvious', but seeing the guy stroll nonchalantly in was the last thing Beast Boy had been anticipating, especially after a three day absence.

"I'm back," he confirmed, although the response came with a heaviness that sounded foreboding. "And there's news, but I just need some food-." He was cut off by Garfield's hug, too surprised to do anything at first.

"Sorry," he apologized, letting Robin go. "It was either that or a punch to the face." When his leader just stared at him Gar shrugged. "You left, you didn't call, and it's kind of a hellish time right now."

"Then no need to apologize," Robin said. "I'm just glad it wasn't a punch." The two boys simultaneously started walking for the kitchen, with Robin making a beeline for the fridge. He cast a wry glance at the crane outside the window. "I don't like this. That thing is loud," he grumbled. Gar felt himself grin for the first time in days.

"You're not limping," Beast Boy pointed out, settling back at the kitchen counter. He frowned. "Actually—and don't take this the wrong way—you look great…what's up with that?"

"All healed," Robin shrugged. "Took a shot from Wonder Woman's Purple Ray*."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"That thing still works?"

"Apparently."

"Cool."

"It smelled weird, to be honest." He went about setting up his coffee and fell into a sudden quiet. Garfield watched him, his forehead creasing the longer Robin went without saying a word. He started to feel nervous.

"Rob."

"Yeah?"

"You know I'm going to give you the third degree sooner or later."

"I know."

"Because you can't just up and tattle on us to the JL without getting heat for it."

"You know that's not why I went," he sighed, his tone more tired than argumentative. "They would have learned about Raven sooner or later. Rather the truth than some fabricated story where she doesn't come out so heroic." He flipped the switch on the coffeemaker and leaned back against the counter, his arms folded across his chest and his head slightly bowed. Usually he was a master at pulling a good poker face, but now he looked like an open book whose pages had just been ripped out and shredded into confetti.

"Still," Gar said, his bitterness unwilling to let the subject go. "You could have included us in your plans. It's not like your mission was a secret." He knew there was something wrong before he had even finished his sentence. Robin's eyes flicked up and then down at the kitchen tile, blatantly nervous. Robin rarely looked nervous. "Oh crap," Gar sighed, rubbing his forehead. "You said there was news, didn't you?"

"I did," he confirmed. He opened his mouth to say more, paused, and then stopped. He turned to stare out the open window. Beast Boy cringed.

"That bad?"

Robin rubbed at the scar on his neck and didn't answer.

The main doors opened again and Starfire came striding in, already calling for Beast Boy and asking why he wasn't answering her calls. When her eyes fell on Robin she froze, her face plainly yet calmly surprised.

"You have returned," she said quietly, which made Beast Boy feel better. Maybe genuine shock brought out the Captain Obvious in everyone. "When did you arrive?"

"Just now."

They didn't run for one another, as Gar had thought they would. Instead Starfire drifted over calmly and pulled him into an embrace, her head pressing gently against his. He cradled her there, an endearing gesture that Robin almost didn't seem capable of performing. Beast Boy looked away, allowing them a few moments of silent comfort. When he heard Star sigh he turned back again.

"So you have spoken to the Justice League," Starfire said, stepping back. "And you have told them what has happened here?" Robin nodded once. "What did they say?"

"They said…a lot." The sadness was back in his tone, and an underlying sense of resentment. "Too much to be told in pieces. We need to have a meeting. An all Titans meeting." Starfire and Beast Boy exchanged glances. "We need to send out a call to the other Towers for a video conference tonight."

"That sounds-,"

"Bad," Gar said plainly. His friends didn't disagree.

"We're not out of the woods yet," Robin said, rubbing his eyes. He let out the most exhausted breath. "I need sleep."

"Perhaps you should rest," Starfire said, touching his cheek. "Even if it is just for an hour."

"I will, after I visit the infirmary."

"I am sure Cyborg will understand if you wait," she insisted. "He has promised to let us all know when Raven will arise." Robin looked up, frowning at her.

"Yeah, I know," he said, confused. "Why do you think I came back just now? I got a message from him last night. Raven's awake."

.

.

.

If Robin hadn't warned Cyborg via communicator, the cybernetic genius would have been blind-sided by an infuriated Tamaranean and one pissed off gorilla bombarding him in the infirmary. Thankfully he had been able to head the pair off in the hallway before they got anywhere near the doors, and the weariness of his posture was the only thing that stopped the two from mauling him.

"I know what you're going to say," he said, throwing up his hands as the Titans ran up, with Robin trudging silently behind. "But I can explain."

"She has been awake since last night?" Starfire demanded, her eyes still glowing from anger. "And you did not think to tell either of us at all? We have been so worried, you are aware that we have been so worried, and yet you do not speak to us for so many hours!" She went to hit him in the arm, hesitated, pulled her punch, and yet still succeeded in denting his metal shoulder. Cyborg shot her a fairly unhappy expression.

"Thanks a lot, Rob," he grumbled. The Boy Wonder just shook his head, his exhaustion getting the better of him.

"I honestly didn't know. I figured you told them."

"Why?" Garfield demanded, and the team could hear the hurt that he hid behind his gruff growl. "Why didn't you tell us the second she opened her eyes?" He looked at Cyborg with unwavering expectancy, and his best friend had the decency to look meek.

"Promise to listen before you beat me up?" The team waited with bated patience. "I called Robin because she asked for him. Her idea, not mine. I don't know why she wants to talk to him, but that's who she called for."

Garfield felt a hand on his shoulder, and instead of being angry with Robin he chose to accept the small apologetic gesture. It wasn't like he had asked to be the one Raven looked for when she reawakened. It wasn't his fault.

It wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault.

"That still does not explain why you have kept this a secret from us," Starfire said, still clearly upset. "You were there to see her open her eyes. Are we not still her friends who wish to be at her side at such a moment?"

"I'm just trying to give her what she needs," Cyborg insisted, but then his breath hitched, and his shoulders slumped just the slightest bit. "I just…I'm not working off of a handbook here. There wasn't any preparation, and none of us were planning on...any of this…." He was so clearly struggling with his words, and that was when they all realized that Cyborg didn't look tired because he hadn't been sleeping, but because he had been crying. His good eye was bloodshot, there was a roughness to his voice, and the way he was standing seemed emotionally drained. Beast Boy felt his entire body turn into lead, and next to him Starfire's anger seemed to physically dissipate. She took a half step forward.

"Cyborg?"

"It's not what I expected," he said quietly. Garfield had never seen his friend look so helplessly defeated. "It's almost like…. She just stares at me, like I'm nobody. Like I'm nothing to her. Do you know what that feels like? After all these years?" His words were so quiet, as if he was speaking only to himself and the others just happened to hear. Starfire bowed her head, and Garfield felt like throwing up. Robin quietly stepped forward between them.

"Can I go in?" he asked. Cy nodded.

"Just…I don't know. Be prepared," he warned. "It's jarring. More than you'd think." His leader nodded solemnly and then strode towards the infirmary doors.

"She is physically well though?" Starfire asked, her head still bowed. "She is no longer harmed in any visible way?"

"None. She's recovered enough to heal whatever I couldn't. Medically, she's perfectly fine."

Starfire nodded and drifted towards the infirmary doors, hovering just outside the entrance. Cyborg took the moment to turn his attention to Beast Boy, watching as the changeling stared blankly at the floor. "I couldn't tell Starfire without you knowing, and I didn't want you to know. Not yet, not right away. I get that you hate me right now, but damnit BB, I could barely handle it. It's the look in her eyes-,"

"How much?" Beast Boy interrupted, finally tearing his eyes from the floor. "How much was lost?" He locked eyes with his best friend and he hated the fear that he saw there.

Without another word Garfield lowered his gaze and walk away. Cyborg called after him, said that this wasn't the end, that she would get better, that they could see her once she had finished speaking with Robin and they could fix this as a team.

He didn't turn around.

.

.

.

He spent the next few hours patrolling the city.

After making it back into the main room he had taken one look at the open window and ran for it, throwing his sling aside as he tore through across the carpet. The construction crew freaked when he went sailing through the sky, and when he was flying away on albatross wings he let the rushing wind drown out the sound of that godforsaken crane.

He flew through the skyscrapers and rooftops of Jump City, ignoring his sore shoulder and looking for wrongs to be made right so he didn't have to think about anything else.

A mugging on 7th Street.

A kitchen fire downtown.

An actual cat stuck in an actual tree in the park. Go figure.

The pickings were scarce, but Beast Boy stopped whenever he could, even offering to help a pair of teenage boys move their broken down car from the middle of the highway. And although there was always something rewarding after helping, he couldn't seem to find the brutal fight that he had unknowingly been scouting for.

All his pent up energy eventually led him back to the industrial district, and before he knew it he was standing in front of Trigon's temple and staring at its harrowing entrance. He was walking through the black tunnels before he even realized he'd considered it, and when he was in the vaulted room with the stone hand he felt like vomiting all over again. Around him the remnants of what had happened were left behind, and when he stood in the stone palm he frowned at the melted mounds of wax that still made a somewhat recognizable circle.

He stared at the fading drawing he had scrawled into the rock, vaguely amazed that he had made something so intricate in such a short amount of time. He noticed the edge where the candle circle had been broken, and the word he had drawn there was '_Oblitus'_. He didn't even know what that meant, and yet he had written it.

For some reason that thought alone, the idea that he had written something that he couldn't even understand, drove him crazy. He saw nothing but red, and in his mind he couldn't stop thinking how stupid he was and why he had never tried to be better. It wasn't until he was dry heaving on all fours did he realize he had gone on a pointless alpha male rampage, and now the stone hand that had been a ritualistic relic for years had become a massacred piece of rubble. His ape's fists were bleeding, he was drenched in sweat and covered in dust, but he still felt like destroying something.

Instead he waited until he caught his breath, swiped the grim from his eyes, and made his way back to the surface.

.

.

.

As he flew the wind stung his fresh wounds, and his bad shoulder was getting stiff from the constant beating. He wanted to take a break, to drop out of the sky and rest, but instead he forced himself to fly higher, faster.

Dusk was settling over the bay, and the dropping sun threw warping shadows over everything. It distorted the roof of the Tower, making it a twisting mosaic of orange light and black shapes so that when Beast Boy landed he thought he was alone.

But, of course, he wasn't.

Because Garfield lived a fairly interesting life, and how interesting would that life be if the roof had been empty?

He transformed back into himself and hesitated when he looked up. He didn't breath for a second, and then he hid his hands behind his back, hating that they looked so bloodied and menacing; so vastly inappropriate for a first meeting, even if it was for the second time.

He wished he didn't look so dirty and unkempt.

He wished his eyes weren't red from crying.

He wished this moment had come at a different time, when he could prepare himself, fix himself, make sure that if this became her first memory of him then he could make it a good one.

He swallowed hard before he spoke.

He tried to smile. It didn't work.

He took slow, calculated steps forward, towards the slender shadow that hadn't even bothered to look his way yet.

"Hey Raven," he said.

She stood along the railing, her back to him as she faced the open sea. Her hair was blowing in the salty wind, and he caught the scent of her shampoo on the breeze. She wore civilian clothes and sneakers on her feet, and the rigid posture of her shoulders didn't match the dreariness of her aura. She turned and stared at him, the look in her eyes so focused on remaining empty that she could have passed for a lifeless statue.

He felt like screaming.

.

.

.

"I know you," she said, her voice low and raspy. Garfield raised an eyebrow, pretended to play coy. Tried to distract from the fact that he looked like a wreck.

"Do you?" he asked, vying for nonchalance, failing in its delivery. She nodded once.

"You're Beast Boy," she said. He blinked.

"Yes."

"Robin told me."

She hadn't remembered. She had been reminded. It wasn't the same thing.

"You remember Robin?" Did he sound jealous? He hoped he didn't. He was afraid it would frighten her, a stranger sounding jealous.

He didn't know what he was doing, and he was scared.

"I remember Robin from the news," she said plainly. "He worked with the Batman. The Dark Knight of Gotham. I was told he knew me, so I asked for him." The information could have comforted him, but it didn't. It only begged the question of how much of her memory was lost, and it reminded him that the percentage was vast. "We talked. His voice sounded like it was familiar."

"How much did he tell you?" he asked, trying to sound calm. He moved to stand along the rail. He wanted to be closer to her, but he kept a large distance between them. She didn't move from her spot.

"Very little," she replied. "He asked me what I remembered."

"And how much is that?"

"Very little," she repeated, and he pretended to have expected that answer. When she didn't emphasize he pulled in a deep breath, leaning his body against the metal railing.

"Do you know what's going on?" he tried, even though he didn't really want to hear her reply. He just wanted to hear her voice. She took her time in finding the words she wanted to say. Gar let her.

"I know that I did this to myself," she said blandly. "I know that I have aged, that I have learned, and that what I have done could be for a good reason. I don't know what that reason is." She turned to look at him and Garfield couldn't help but flinch. She looked as if she were bored. With him. The way a person glances at a stranger on a subway. The way a clerk helps their hundredth customer at the register. There was no meaning, no feeling, no attachment. "I know that I know you." Lies. "I just don't remember." False hope.

"You do know me," he said quietly, but she had turned away and he wasn't sure that she heard him.

"Robin told me about the Teen Titans that live in this Tower. He said your name. It was familiar, too." She placed her hands gently into the pockets of her jeans. "He said that we're good friends." She stared straight ahead, the words hollow. "Are we?"

"Yeah," he sputtered, and he chuckled to hide the choking sensation in his throat. "Really good friends."

"Hm." She continued to stare at the ocean. "That is strange. Having friends," she said quietly. "It seems out of character for me." She closed her eyes. "And yet I am talking to you. To the Beast Boy."

"My name's Garfield," he heard himself say. He hadn't intended to say anything, but the words just spilled out. "You'd call me Gar for short." At first he thought she hadn't heard; she didn't acknowledge his words for almost a minute. But then she looked him in the eye and nodded.

"Garfield," she said, softly, emotionlessly. "Fits."

"Yeah," was all he could say in return.

"There is a meeting," she suddenly told him, turning to look at the door that led to the stairwell. "With everyone."

"When?" Gar asked, pacing away from the railing. Raven looked up at the sky.

"Now."

"Then why are you out here?"

"I needed time. Alone."

"Sorry. I guess I ruined it for you."

She shrugged. "This is your home."

"It's yours too."

"I don't remember it." She looked around the rooftop and then pulled her hands from her pockets, staring at her open palms. "Do you know me well?" She glanced at him and he stared back at her. He knew his eyes were brimming with tears, knew that he looked like a dirty, wild animal, but she didn't seem to acknowledge any of it. So he nodded.

"I like to think so."

She looked back at her hands. "Was this right?" she asked. "Were my memories so dangerous that I had to get rid of them?" She waited for his answer, and Garfield wished she hadn't asked him.

Because what could he say that would even sound remotely convincing? How could he say yes without making her out into the villain she had grown up thinking that she'd become? How could he make her realize how utterly selfless she had been in sacrificing her years without reminding her of all the turmoil that had prompted the act? Because he knew Depravity was still in there. She had been stripped of the experiences that had made her powerful, but she was a part of Raven, a part that could still grow, could still latch onto the wrong thing and build into a fire that could consume Raven all over again. Reminding her of everything that had led to the wiping of her memories could unknowingly provoke Depravity, and that would make the entire ordeal fruitless. Like Cyborg had said, there was a plan to rehabilitate Raven, and it didn't include all the baggage of the past.

"You did this to save people," he said instead. "And that's what heroes do. They save people."

"Heroes." When she said the word it sounded dead, and he wasn't even certain if that was intentional or just a result of her raspy demeanor.

"We're heroes," he said tiredly. "Us. And you."

She didn't look convinced and he didn't blame her. Despite her stoic mask he could see that she was worried, lost in wondering why she had done something so monumental and fearing that an evil inside of her was the catalyst.

And that was when he realized that his pain and his torment and his angst and his heartbreak and all the things that were tearing him up inside were nothing. The sadness he felt was an insignificant speck in the spectrum of Raven's problems, and his need for her to remember that she cared for him—_loved him_—paled in comparison to all the work she had to do to rebuild her entire self.

All the confidence, all the self-awareness, all the good she had discovered about herself during her time with Titans had to be refashioned from scratch, and that was infinitely more important than…

…him.

He dropped his gaze, frowning at the painfully obvious yet still shocking realization. He couldn't be sure if he felt like an idiot or if he was just mad at both himself and Raven for some inexplicable reason.

"We should go to the meeting," she said, crossing her arms and looking back at the doorway. Garfield pulled himself out of his thoughts and swiped at his eyes, taking a millisecond to regret being so weak in light of Raven's unintentional strength. He started to reach for her, stopped, and pulled back.

"I have to clean up first," he said. She offered a simple nod as her acknowledgement and then disappeared into shadows, not even bothering with the door she had been staring at. Garfield stared at the empty rooftop for a while, thinking too many things in too little time. At one point he finally closed his eyes, cradled his torn hands, and headed for the elevator that would take him down into the Tower.

.

.

.

He wanted to take his time getting ready, but he knew that his absence for a majority of the day was already more than enough time to wallow. So he showered, dressed down in civilian clothes, and hurried to the conference room despite a powerful need to watch 'An Affair to Remember' in the solitude of his room. But when he got to the right floor his steps grew less forced and more confused. He could see Raven standing just outside the conference room, her face inches from the closed door and her hands shoved into the pockets of her thin hoodie. She made no motion to enter the room, and when Gar came level with her she didn't look away.

"Rae," he started to say, frowning. He wondered if she was even lucid, and reached out to poke her. She glanced at him before he could touch her, and then reached back to draw her hood over her face. "What are you-,"

"You said we were friends," she told him. He dropped his hand and his expression softened instantaneously.

"We are," he said, and he hoped she could hear the sincerity in his tone. She blinked at him.

"I need a favor."

"Anything."

"Don't go inside." She took a step back from the doorway. "Come with me."

"Where?"

"I don't know."

If Beast Boy hadn't spent so many years watching Raven then he wouldn't have been able to see the thin layer of unease that barely tinted her eyes. But he had, and he did, and he knew that its presence wasn't something to ignore.

"Okay," he said. "Let's go."

She held his gaze and her shadows crept up from below. Gar involuntarily flinched, still so unused to the chill that the darkness brought, but he held no fear in the black tendrils that stretched from beneath Raven's feet and swathed him in nothingness.

.

.

.

When the dizziness settled Gar found them standing on a sidewalk in the middle of the city. He looked around at the tall buildings of the downtown area, where neon signs and glowing windows illuminated the streets. A few people were strolling around the block, entering shops and restaurants and hotel lobbies. Raven stood next to him and watched a father and his daughter cross the street to their left.

"What's here?" he asked, looking down at her. She had ended up standing closer than in the Tower, and Beast Boy fought the habit to hook her shoulders with his arm or rest his chin on the top of her head. They weren't the romantic actions of a boy who loved a girl, but affectionate nuances that Garfield had always done with Raven; yet he knew they were dangerous no matter the connotation. The way her mind was now made touch into something elusive and extraordinary, which meant that it wasn't something he could easily fall back into.

"A place," she said. "That I know."

He looked down the sidewalk and sighed. There had been countless times when the team had taken a stroll downtown, hoping to unwind on a supervillian-less night. They knew almost every shop on every block, so pinpointing one that Raven had no memory of would be difficult.

And although he normally would have relished an evening with just the two of them, her current mental state and his current emotional state were not ideal for a carefree date.

He was about to say something when she started walking, and he had no choice but to follow. A few people recognized them on the street, and Gar had to politely yet quickly ward them off. Every glance of recognition made Raven go rigid, and Gar had to slip between her and a group of girls who were too excited to meet her. There were few interactions, but he could see the immediate fear on her face at each one. He wondered what she was thinking, how confused she must have been, thinking she was a faceless nobody and yet be noticed by strangers.

Maybe not confused.

Maybe terrified.

She moved in determined silence, and her hood hid more and more of her face as they walked. He caught himself staring, at her messy hair spilling from beneath her hood and her sallow cheeks. Days without a proper meal showed in the way her skin clung to her collarbone, and her clothes hung awkwardly on her frail body. He wondered why stupid cliché movies always had the man loving the woman no matter how she looked, because Garfield found no love in the way Raven looked now. She was decrepit and broken, and he prayed for a time when she'd look healthy and alive again.

They had been walking for almost half an hour when Raven suddenly and abruptly stopped. It took him a few steps before he realized she wasn't going to catch up with him, and he turned back to see her standing at a shop window. He looked up and saw the familiar sign of a bistro that Raven had frequented for years; just a hole in the wall sandwich place that she preferred because of their Cream of Earl Grey tea. He frowned and went back to stand next to her, watching as she stared at an empty booth on the other side of the glass. He waited, and it took a while before she spoke.

"Here," was all she said, and then brushed past him and walked through the front door. Gar watched her through the glass, watched her ignore the head nods from the workers that she should have been familiar with just to settle down at the booth. She sat deliberately, as if her one task in the city was to be at that particular table and stare blankly at its wooden finish. Gar didn't move, wondering why coming to this place was worth blowing off an important meeting. She skimmed an open palm over the table, her hood obscuring whatever expression she was wearing on her face. She seemed mesmerized by the grains in the wood for eons before she looked up and met his eyes. He raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to do or say anything that gave an explanation. But she just stared at him until he finally gave in and entered the bistro himself.

"Were you just jonsing for a classic Rueben or something?" he tried to joke, sliding into the seat across from her. Raven ignored his words, her eyes still trained out the window. "Because if Robin or Cyborg find out I helped you sneak to a sandwich shop, then I will be in so much-,"

"This is wrong," she said, scooting further down the bench until she was right against the window. "You're on the wrong side."

"What?"

"Here." She laid a hand on the empty space beside her. Her eyes never left the street. "This side."

Garfield started to say something but no words came out. He didn't move right away. He waited for her to say it again, to look at him and insist that he come sit beside her. Minutes passed, she said nothing, and Gar quietly abided her deadpan command.

He rested his elbows on the table and clasped his hands together, wondering if she could feel the heat boiling in his chest. There was very little space between them, and sitting next to her was like sitting next to a grade school crush in study hall.

"What are we doing?" he sputtered, staring at his hands. Raven touched a finger to the glass.

"Is this a memory?" she asked quietly. She finally turned and looked at him, and he swallowed the nerves in his throat. "Has this happened?"

"I don't know," he said, caught between wracking his brain and suppressing his awkwardness. "It could be. You used to come here a lot with Starfire-,"

"With you."

"Uh, yeah. With me too," he added. He had no idea what she was trying to get at, or what she was trying to puzzle out, but he still felt guilty for his lack of useful information. A waitress came by and set two ceramic cups on the table. She smiled at the pair and Raven stared at her.

"I didn't order anything," she said, but Gar just held up a hand and thanked the woman. When she left he slid the cup to Raven, along with the cream and sugar that had been left as well.

"She knows you," he said. "You don't exactly change your preferences." He took a sip of his own tea as it was, letting the smooth taste wake his senses. Next to him Raven stared at the dark liquid, her thoughts as opaque as they'd ever been.

"I overheard Robin in the conference room," she said, and Beast Boy set down his cup quietly. "Talking to the others. Telling them important things." She picked up the cream and let it swirl into her tea. "Your Justice League is afraid of me."

"No," he automatically said, even if it wasn't the truth. "They're cautious about things they don't know. It's their job-,"

"They should be," she interrupted. "Afraid. It keeps people alert." She took a sip. "The spell that I cast to wipe out my memories backfired, didn't it?"

"You're proof that it didn't. It worked." Too well, in his opinion. But Raven shook her head.

"Something went wrong. The spell was only supposed to work on me. But it worked on you. And the others." She gripped her cup. "I erased your memories."

"You erased my locker combination," Gar said, leaning closer to emphasize his point. "And the password to my email account. Small things. Insignificant things. That doesn't mean it backfired."

"Not all of them were small things." She bowed her head and breathed. In and out. In, then out. "Robin lost things that were important, and it was my fault. Things that put lives in danger." Beast Boy's eyes went wide.

"What things-?"

"It was my fault, and the League knows that. I'm dangerous. What I did was dangerous. What I could do…." She folded her hands in her lap. "They are allowing the Teen Titans six months to prove their capability of my situation. I'll follow the program I supposedly designed with Cyborg, and my rehabilitation will be tested after the six months are over." She looked up, her eyes grazing over the people around them. "If the Justice League is satisfied with the results then I will be allowed to stay with the Titans. If they are not, I will be put under the care of their Doctor Fate**. I will leave the Tower."

Gar couldn't help the look of horrified surprise on his face. "They can't do that. They can't force you into anything."

"It is my understanding that they can," she replied. "And that they will, no matter the obstacles."

If there had ever been a more hateful series of unfortunate events, then Garfield would have traded Raven's for anyone else's. He was struck with the unfairness of the situation, for the League to demand more after she had already given so much.

"But you're not a threat anymore," he exclaimed, hoping that his enthusiasm would hide the bitter taste of his white lie. "You proved that when you erased your memories." She looked at him and he wondered if she could tell, if her powers could see into his mind, at the scenes of carnage and violence that he couldn't seem to suppress.

"Proof," she repeated. "That's what they are looking for. Proof. That I am not something evil-,"

"You're not."

"Then these next six months should be easy." She drained her cup and held it tightly in her fingers. If anyone looked hard enough they would have seen her shaking.

"It actually will be," he said. He wasn't saying it to comfort her, or in any lame attempt at voicing a complicated philosophy about her as a person. It was just a simple truth that he simply believed, and because it was so simple it slipped from him easily. "I've known you for a long time now, and you have one defining trait that will convince the League no matter who's judging." She waited and he gestured to her entire being. "You're boring."

The unhappy wrinkle of her nose was so abrupt that he burst out laughing, gaudy enough that it drew a lot of attention from the other patrons and made Raven blush beneath her hood. She waited patiently for him to stop, and when his mirth finally dispelled she fixed him with an icy glare. "That was loud," she said. Garfield wiped tears from the corners of his eyes and gulped down his tea.

"And you were priceless," he cooed, breathing heavily. "I haven't laughed like that in ages."

"You just called me boring. It was unexpected."

"You were waiting for me to say something a little more flattering, weren't you?"

"No."

"Liar." He grinned and she huffed at her teacup.

"I am being very serious right now, and I had thought you were too."

"Who says I'm not?" he countered. "Rae, you order the same thing every time you go out. You read books like they're going out of style, and you spend more time meditating than eating or sleeping. I've known you for the last decade, and you are the most boring person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting in my entire life." He moved so that he was fully facing her, hoping his words were making it passed her perplexed stare. "All the weird stuff that you've ever had to tote around were anomalies, and you've proven that you're willing to do whatever it takes to fix them. Everything else is just dull filler, and when the Justice League sees that they'll keel over from the mundane way you drink your tea, and leave you to relax and fight crime with your vastly more interesting friends. So, you know…just be the lame you that you've always been and the next six months should be a breeze." He shrugged. She frowned.

"You are being funny," she said. It wasn't exactly a statement. It wasn't quite a question.

"Well, yeah."

She blinked and turned away, looking out the window. Any other onlooker might have thought she was ignoring him, but he knew better. He could see how the tension had left her chest, how the shaking had left her fingers. He knew her mind was still weighed down, but she had never been empty of concern. He had just done his best to take the pressure of the unknown from her shoulders. She didn't know who she was anymore, so he felt it was his responsibility to remind her.

"I wonder," she said.

"About what?"

"What you say about me."

"That you're boring?"

"Not that. Not just that." She met his green gaze. "I used to watch people from afar. When I watched I would learn things. I started to know a lot about people." She blinked. "You know a lot about me."

"I do," he said. Her head tilted to the side.

"Were we more than friends?" she asked bluntly. Her eyes narrowed, her frown deepened. Garfield felt suffocated and anxious, and all he wanted to do was scream yes.

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.

"Yes," he said, the muscles in his neck tightening.

So much more than friends.

Lovers.

Enemies.

Heartbreakers.

Confidantes.

Advisors.

Chess players.

Shoulders for crying.

Ears for listening.

Offering sympathetic smiles.

And silences that understood.

Or just a body to fill the empty space that surrounded them.

She was a girl, and he was a boy.

She was a half-demon, and he was a Beast.

She was a storm, and he was only a raft on the sea.

They were a maze-work of stories, colliding and crashing and binding and twisting.

One into the other.

Consuming.

And breaking.

"We were Titans," he said plainly. "Together. Nothing can change that, not even magic." He wanted her to see his strain, see his struggle, acknowledge his effort and pat him on the back for all his heroism.

She didn't.

"Titans together." She breathed the words, and they seemed to bring her some sort of resolve. "We should go back," she said, looking around the bistro. She started to slide down the bench and Gar rose to his feet, letting her slip past him and stand at his side. "I can get through this." Her words were firm, but the smallest inflection made it sound like a question. Beast Boy nodded.

"You can get through this."

"Because I am boring."

"In the best way possible." He waited and she smiled. The same, non-existent Raven smile that he loved so much.

"Thank you," she told him. He shrugged, looking around the bistro.

"Can I ask you something now?" he tried, even as her shadows started to creep up their legs and spiral around their knees.

"Yes."

"Why did you want to come here? With me?"

She turned her head, her eyes falling on the booth by the window and the teacups sitting on napkins. "I had thought this place was important. A memory she—I—didn't want to let go." They both stared at the window, their eyes meeting in the glass. Shadows swaddled their shoulders, and the familiar chill ran down Gar's spine. "I guess I was wrong," she said, and then her darkness encased them, wrapped them in black, held them entirely, and carried them away.

And even after everything, after the words and the actions and the twists and the turns, after the endless nights and acres of dark woods, Garfield knew that they had miles to go before they could sleep.

Miles to go before they could sleep.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

_To be continued in the sequel: __**Novo.**_

_First chapter to be posted on September 8, 2013._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

A/N:

*Wonder Woman's Purple Ray: Healing ray

**Doctor Fate: a succession of sorcerers who gain their powers by wearing the Helmet of Fate, which possesses them with the spirit of the Egyptian wizard Nabu.

"_Miles to go before they could sleep." – _quoted from the poem "Stopping By The Woods On A Snowy Evening" by Robert Frost


End file.
